Common Sense Doesn't Become Me (29 page)

I sat there numb and confused. I was waiting
for a camera crew from ‘the jokes on you’ to pop out of the woods.
My eyes still could not focus entirely, and my head was beginning
to feel as a vice grip had just been tightened.

I watched Haus hand me my large purse, which
was as big as some of my luggage. I pressed it against my chest as
a shield against the way Sabrina was acting. I was thinking any
minute now she will say ‘just kidding', and we would laugh our
asses off. Then get back in the limo for a later flight. We had
played practical jokes on each other before but not to this
extreme.

Haus turned to Sabrina as if she was the one
he was serving. “Miss. I need to turn the limo around in that
driveway across the road. Then I will be ready to go when you are.
Are you ok here alone?” I watched his eyes glance towards me then
back. What did he mean by alone? She was with me. What was I going
to do? I could not focus on the house across the dirt road that the
limo was parked in front of. My body felt like it was rocking
itself in a chair back and forth. Nothing seemed real. I tried to
pinch myself to see if I was dreaming, but my fingers did not seem
to want to cooperate. I had to be dreaming.

I watched all six feet plus of Haus, his
golden curly hair, in his black suit and drivers cap, get back in
the limo. I heard the limo start up and then we both watched him
expertly turn the limo around on the single dirt lane road with
only a small dirt driveway allowing him this privilege.

It all felt surreal. I looked at Sabrina
pleading for an answer with my eyes and felt the tug of tears
building. Had my worst nightmare come true? A reoccurring one where
Sabrina sat poolside; drink in hand, dressed in lavish jewels, in a
gorgeous two-piece swimsuit while Mathew stood behind her and
rubbed her shoulders telling me I was old news. Sabrina was the one
for him now.

Sabrina couldn’t and wouldn’t. We shared so
much together. Mathew had a cold heart when it came to business,
but he always took care of me, as long as I took care of him, in
the sexual sense. Thinking quickly of how I took care of him nicely
yesterday in the shower. He seemed more than happy and satisfied.
There had been no indication things were going south for us. I was
stunned. I wasn't able to speak. I fulfilled my end of the
bargain.

“By the look on your face and the drugs I
doped you with; you're confused. So let me make this quick because
Mathew and I have a plane to catch to the Caribbean mind you, to
celebrate our success. See. You my dear are out. I saw Mathew first
that night that we all met. I even claimed him, but I guess
gentlemen prefer blondes. However, I have convinced Mathew that I
will be the better trophy wife to your sorry GED ass.” Her laughter
was wicked.

I felt a small amount of bravado. “I won’t
let you. I will take Mathew for half, and you can have him. I don’t
need you or him, and I can live just fine off half of his sorry
ass.” I crossed my arms in front of my chest with the straps of my
purse dangling over my shoulder. Then the straps dropped to the
crook of my elbow as I tried to stand up gracefully. I was like a
bull in a china shop.

“You are dumber than I realized. See behind
you and the land you stand on, is where your sorry ass is going to
live. The money in your purse is all you have to live on, and you
divorced your husband weeks ago claiming you wanted nothing in
return. See I was you and I filed for you. Starting to see the
picture? Me, pretending to be you and start to look like you has
been a three-year plan. Haven't you ever noticed how easily people
got us confused?” Her laughter filled the air. I remembered back to
when Sabrina was thirty pounds heavier than me along with a full
head of chestnut brown hair. I shuddered at the difference, now
that I was staring at her with the new information.

Haus got out of the limo and opened the back
door for her. His eyes were screaming I’m sorry. With Sabrina’s
back to him, I knew that would change as soon as she looked at him.
Christ she had even slept with Haus, claiming him as a victory.
Making me vow to never tell. Now I would. Damn why hadn’t I saved
any of her sleazy texts where she damned Mathew and would try to
get me to steal from him and leave him. As far as I was concerned,
as the picture was taking shape, I didn’t need to pinch myself.
This nightmare was my reality, but she could have him. As far as
being flat out on my ass, I was going to be just that.

I watched Sabrina drop a single key, on a
smiley face key chain, right on my newly polished toes, in my
adorable flip-flops, that I picked out for the trip.

“So long sweetheart. Enjoy your humble
abode.” The snap of her fingers sparked in the air. Within ten
seconds, they were gone. I turned to look at the rundown cottage
and realized that my entire luggage, six pieces of it, was sitting
on the front porch with a missing step. My formals for the one
night of fine dining, I packed several since I can never make up my
mind. My gazillion swimsuits so I wouldn’t regret packing the
perfect one. My makeup and hair kits in the luggage and everything
in them, cost more than the fake boobs Sabrina was wearing.

I saw a note taped to the front door. I took
the porch steps carefully and ripped it off the holey screen door.
A neatly typed note that anyone could have written on a computer
was trembling in my hands.

Klarissa,

Darling, this may all be a shock to you, but
it is for the best. I have a small bank account set up for you in
the town down the hill from this house. See darling, Sabrina has
saved all those nasty little e-mails you sent her about stealing
from me and fake photos you produced to have me look as if I was
gay. We know I am anything but. Sabrina will be my wife now, and as
long as you keep your mouth shut and stay away from the tabloids; I
will deposit your living expense into the bank account. Stay out of
Denver, stay out of our circle of friends, stay out of sight, and
you will stay alive. Speak any of this to anyone and you will pay
dearly. It would do you good to go back to school and start a new
life far away from us. The pictures Sabrina showed me of you with
other men, was the final straw. I gave you a lavish life in
exchange that you be my obedient wife. You failed me as you had
failed your best friend. I wish you luck in your new life. Sabrina
will have your things packed and shipped to you when we get back
from the Caribbean.

Mathew

Well, if that did not beat all. The bitch’s
degree in psychology paid off after all. I had shown her how to use
that photo-editing program in the first place to make jokester
pictures of each other. God how could I have been so stupid.

I watched a tear fall from my face to the
type written letter and wanted to rip it to shreds. However, I
intended to keep it and fight. I intended to show it to the
tabloids. I… had nothing to show but the letter, and I was sure if
Sabrina was able to pull off the divorce as me, I could consider
myself screwed. She probably set up the account as me and bought
this house as me.

I stepped back down off the porch and picked
up the key on the smiley face chain. “Nice touch.” I said aloud to
no one. As that was how I felt at that very moment, a no one.

I opened the creaky screen door and slipped
the key into the front door lock of a wooden door that had seen
better days. It turned with ease, and I opened the door and felt
like I stepped back in time to more years than I could count. It
was a small-roomed cottage that looked like it was out of the early
1900s. The only indication that it was lived in the last two
hundred years was the plaid couch and the duck and geese
decorations on the wall, along with the peeling wallpaper.

I stepped back outside and let the screen
door slam shut. I saw a porch swing at the end of the porch, hidden
from the front of the road by tall unruly bushes that had several
leaves to hide behind. I sat on the swing and dropped my purse at
my feet. I began to cry loud wailing sobs uncontrollably.

As some time had passed, whatever drug
Sabrina had given me had worn off, but the pounding headache still
presided in my head. I had a feeling it was going to be there for
some time until something worked its way out.

Chapter Two

The sound of tires crunching on the dirt road
had me still myself on the swing. Could this all have been a very
nasty joke? Were they back? I peeked through the weedy bush while
hiding on the porch and saw a black Range Rover, on large tires,
turn into the driveway at the house across the road. You could
barely see the house as it was set back among trees and
professionally hidden by nice landscape. A far contrast to this
house or shack as it appeared sitting right on the road.

Thankful for the unruly bushes I was hiding
behind, I watched the Range Rover disappear down its driveway to
the back of the house. For minutes, I heard nothing. Not even the
sound like a car door slamming. I sat myself back down on the
swing. I began to move myself in a rocking motion and wondered if
my neighbors would be friend or foe. I wondered if the sight of my
expensive luggage on the porch was as much a shock to them as it
was to me.

I finally heard a faint car door slam among
the whispering leaves, then nothing. No person or persons came my
way. I was relieved, as I had no way to explain why I was here.

I tried to soak in my surroundings. The
colors of fall were just beginning to show on the outer edges of
all the aspen leaves surrounding the area. It seemed as if the
house was up towards the top of the dirt road.

Several minutes passed and nobody ever
showed. I couldn’t blame them. This house looked like it should
have been condemned years ago and torn down for something prettier
to be built.

The sun had moved further into the horizon,
and it seemed like it was at least three o’clock. The sounds of my
grumbling tummy echoed throughout the porch. I doubted that any
food possibly existed in the house. I was afraid to go in and look.
I reached down to the old faded gray porch and picked up my purse.
Inside laid my wallet with the thousand in cash I took out just for
the trip and shopping. Now it was going to have to last me until I
could figure out what to do next.

A small pink envelope was inside my purse. I
reached in and opened it. It was a generic card with a scene of
flowers and a puppy. The kind of card you would buy in a box of a
dozen of cheap cards. A small note in a man’s handwriting appeared
inside the card. “I’m very sorry. Haus” I was stunned. Perhaps Haus
knew all along. I doubted he kept these kinds of things handy in
the car. If he did, he was a sensitive man. From the stories
Sabrina told me and my experience, he was anything but.

A MasterCard gift card was nestled between
the card and envelope. That confirmed my suspicions that he knew
all along. It didn’t say how much was on it. I wasn't going to
expect much seeing as Haus was a paid employee of my husbands, and
he didn’t exactly pay the top pay rate. Then, on the other hand,
how much money did he make in this little stunt to keep his mouth
shut?

The small acknowledgement did warm my cold
heart. However, it did not stop my tummy from grumbling. As if in
robotic mode, I began to lift my luggage into the house and set
about exploring my new humble abode. A sudden movement of eight
long legs stopped me quick in my path. I squashed it within a flick
of a moment. The one thing I hated most was spiders. The second
thing was dust and cobwebs. The humble abode held more of those
then I could digest. I ran looking for the bathroom to puke. Only
to find a nonfunctioning toilet full of old pee.

Damn that Sabrina. She had bought a house
that squatters had lived in. That or she had peed in it herself.
Just at that thought, my stomach contracted. The puke ended up in
the sink. I quickly reached for the old-fashioned nozzle to turn
on, and I was thankful that the water worked.

Upon further inspection of the small house, I
discovered broken glass on the backdoor. It must have been how the
squatters or wild teens had gotten in and out of the house. It was
dirty. It was small, only one bedroom and one bathroom if you could
call it that. It had a small kitchen and laundry room off the back
of the house. The largest of living space was up front, and it was
smaller than my dressing room back home. It was a joke. It had to
be. They would come back tomorrow. No one could be this cruel.

I quickly texted both Mathew and Sabrina.
“Joke? Right?” I closed the lid to the toilet, and sat down and
waited. I stared at my phone with only two bars hoping the signal
stayed strong, and they would text me back that Haus was on his way
to get me. I waited minutes that felt like hours, and my phone
vibrated a text back and then again. With much trepidation, I read
the messages from both. “No joke good luck” Sabrina. “Good
riddance” Mathew. Seriously?

“GAH!” I screamed at the top of my lungs. I
took a deep breath and realized my worst fears had come true. Deep
down, there had been signs I had chosen to ignore. Little bits and
pieces were coming together like a difficult bazillion piece
puzzle.

I pushed myself off the toilet with my hands
to my knees and went in search of a breath mint in my purse. I
chewed feverishly then went in search of my toothbrush, toothpaste
and mouthwash. I hadn’t thrown up since I had the flu last winter.
Memories of Sabrina by my side, day in and out, came to mind then I
mentally took a red sharpie marker to her face and scribbled her
out.

All the happy memories I had of her, were now
jaded by the fact she had ulterior motives. I could fight this and
try to convince Mathew. She was always quicker and smarter than me.
Yet, a small part of me was glad. It wasn't the dreamiest or the
most romantic of marriages. However, it was better than my life
before. It wasn’t the money and lavish things so much as I was
going to miss the security that I wasn’t on my own anymore.