Complicated (10 page)

“You will. You’ll find someone worthy of you who will love you to pieces the right way.” Sean waved again. “Take care.” He watched the taxi drive away, taking Tyler out of his life once more.

“You’re a real piece of work.” The guard buzzed the gate, allowing Sean back onto the lot. “You know that, right?”

“How do you figure?” Sean folded his arms. He’d known the guard, Daren, for more than a year. He’d worked the last two films Sean had been involved in with Tony. Daren didn’t take shit from the actors and tended to go rather strict with the rules—except where Tyler was involved.

“Well, let’s think. First, Jonathan leaves. I assume because Tyler was here. Now, Tyler’s gone. Do you even know what you want?” Daren leaned forward on the counter. “By the way, I called a taxi for Jonathan, but he declined. He said he’d walk. Are you sure he’s okay? I didn’t want to let him go, but he’s an adult. I can’t keep him here.”

“No, I’m not sure if he’s okay or not.” He wasn’t sure of hardly anything. “But you’re right. I am a piece of work. A fucked up, shame-filled jerk.”

“You’re also being rather hard on yourself.” Daren twisted his watch around his wrist. “Which of them do you like?”

The question smacked Sean hard upside the head.
Like
wasn’t the word he’d have used to describe his feelings for either man. “Honestly? I like them both, but for different reasons.”

“You and Tyler were pretty tight. I remember when he came to the
Sky’s the Limit
set every day.”

“He was my sponsor. Tony wanted to be sure I wasn’t drinking or getting high.” Sean shrugged. “He was right to worry.” At any time, Sean could’ve fallen off the wagon and spiraled.

“Tyler seemed like an older brother to you, too.”

The guard was too smart for his own good. “He was.” God help him if Daren found out what else they’d done.

“What changed, then, if you don’t mind me asking?”

Sean shifted his weight from his right foot to his left. “Everything changed. I grew up. I decided to be my own man. I wanted to be more discriminating about my partners and my reputation. I don’t know…” He’d grown tired of being a caricature. He wanted to be his own man and live as normal a life as possible.

“You realized that the first thing to fall into your lap isn’t always the right thing.” Daren nodded.

“Yeah.” Sean stared at Daren. “How’d you know? Were you a psychiatrist in another life or on another show that got cancelled?”

“I’ve got two sons. One’s about your age and went into photography. He and his partner have me over for supper two nights every month. The other one’s nineteen and in college. He gets around.” He held up his hand. “The beauty of my boys is they still tell me everything. Being a single father for the last ten years helped bring us all closer together.”

“You never mentioned that before.” Huh. He would’ve liked to have met Daren’s kids. They could’ve been friends. He realized how much he didn’t know about the guy who was keeping his ass safe on the set.

“I wanted to keep them out of show business. Greg had the biggest crush on you. That’s when I knew he was gay. He came out when he was seventeen, but I knew earlier.” He pushed the button allowing another guard into the shack. “So, if Tyler’s out, then what’s Jonathan?”

“I like him.”

“Okay?”

“We go well together. He keeps me grounded. We laugh, talk… He’s an actual friend and not someone who’s using me to advance his career or to get famous by default.”

“Then why’d you run him off? Or was the idea of seeing the guy you’d like to date hanging out with his ex kind of a turn-off for him?”

“Duh.”

“What are you going to do?”

“I’m going to give him a chance to cool down. He’s justifiably really upset. While he’s chillin’, I’m going to grab a shower and talk to Tony.”

“Don’t let Jonathan get too far away. He’s a good guy.”

“Yeah?”

“He never treated the crew like dirt, he took the time to be polite and got to know them. He also didn’t buy into your bullshit. I’d say he sounds like a pretty centered soul.”

“You might be right.” He and Jonathan still had to get through the short film Tony and Kade had planned. If they could do that and remain friends, they’d be all right.

He waved at Daren then headed back to his trailer. He still had dried cum on his chest. He missed Jonathan already. Daren had been right. Jonathan was a good guy, and Sean had been lucky to meet him. Too bad Sean had no idea how to keep a non-toxic relationship going.

He rushed through his shower then dressed. The more time he wasted sorting out his life, the more time he’d lose with Jonathan.

Chapter Nine

Sean sprinted across the lot to the director’s trailer. He doubted Tony would be there, but maybe he’d run into Kade. He knocked on the door then tried the handle. If anything, Kade would know what the hell to do about Jonathan. God knew the scrapes he’d gotten into when he and Tony had gotten together had just about derailed their careers.

“You could try waiting for someone to let you in.” Kade stepped up to the door. “I went to get coffee. The stuff Tony makes isn’t coffee. It’s sludge.”

“Don’t let him hear that. He’ll flip out,” Sean replied. Kade. Yes. Good. “He’s very particular about coffee.”

“He’ll survive.” Kade opened the door then ushered Sean into the trailer. “Sit. You’re here on your day off. What’s on your mind?”

“Actually, it’s the short film. Were you serious?”

“Hell yes, I was serious. I got half of the script done last night. We even secured a location. You’re going to love this apartment building.” Kade sat behind his desk and crossed his ankles on the desk top. “It’s a penthouse, but it looks like something a college kid would have.”

For being thirty-five, he wasn’t bad looking. Unlike most of the guys Sean had known who were over thirty, he’d kept himself in shape pretty well. His blond hair was cut short and always spiked. He wore the tightest T-shirts, guaranteed to accentuate his toned body. He loved his boots and jeans. If Sean had been a little older, he would’ve made a play for the writer.

“A penthouse? You went all-out.” Sean wondered if it was the same apartment building where Jonathan had wanted to live. Wouldn’t that be a sweet coincidence? He could see them actually living together beyond the filming and having a hot time. For the first time in his life, he saw a future with someone else.

“Jimmy’s working on permits.” Kade sipped his coffee. “I want to get going with it.”

“Being the executive producer-slash-writer-slash-boyfriend of the director does have it’s advantages, doesn’t it?” Jealousy reared it’s ugly head. He wanted to be in a stable relationship with someone who cared about him. He wanted what Kade and Tony had.

“Sure does. Tony’s got a hot ass, and it’s all mine.” Kade leaned back in his seat. He folded his arms. “Now, that you’ve pumped my ego, what’s your beef with Jonathan? I know it’s not the location or the script. You haven’t seen the script, and besides, you have to like Clayton. It’s in your contract to portray him until he gets old or we kill him off.”

“I don’t have a beef with him.” The exact opposite, actually. He dreamed about Jonathan at night and couldn’t wait to hold him in his arms. “I want him in the picture.” In his life and in his bed, too.

Kade groaned. He frowned and pounded his fist on the desk. “Shit. You two fucked, didn’t you? Christ. When will you learn? They want to use you to get what they want and get ahead. He probably doesn’t even like you.”

Sean knew the story all too well. He’d been taken advantage of many times. Being with Jonathan was different. Jonathan had resisted him. “It was me who initiated the relationship. We were working on realism for our roles. I pushed.”

“Obviously, he didn’t say no. You know better. When you blur the lines between reality and the movie, everyone gets screwed over.”

Shit. He really had messed up. Still, he’d gone in with his heart involved. He didn’t regret what he’d done, even if he was wrong. “I thought it would be different, and it was. We’re not just an on-screen item.”

Kade rolled his blue eyes. “Then why is he, as I assume, gone?”

“Tyler showed up.” Sean slumped onto the closest chair. The love he’d once felt for Tyler was truly gone. Now, he only felt regret and sadness. He wanted a chance with Jonathan, but his past wouldn’t allow him to have a future.

“You truly know how to fuck up your life.”

“Don’t remind me.” Sean massaged his temples. He hadn’t planned to hash out his issues with Kade, but the more they talked the more he spilled his guts. “Tyler showed up this morning. Jonathan left. You’ve gotta help me get Jonathan to do the movie.”

“Well, it so happens that he called right before I left to get coffee. He found a lawyer and I sent them the contracts. Should hear back from them in a day or so.” Kade finally smiled. “You might get a decent ending out of this.”

“He just left here, and he’s got a lawyer? Already? Christ, that was quick.” He didn’t even know that many lawyers to have one right at his fingertips. He shook his head and processed what Kade had said. A decent ending? If all went according to plan, he and Jonathan would get the chance they needed to see if their attraction was deeper than a quickie or a couple of nights. “Where is he?”

“I’m not allowing you to view my computer screen and see his address so you can track him down.” Kade turned around the laptop. “Not me.” He rolled his eyes again and flicked his hand. “Don’t look or anything.”

“Thanks.” Sean memorized Jonathan’s address. The apartment building was only a block or two from the set. “I want to apologize for being a dick in the past. I’m going to sort my life out and find an actual direction. The universe conspires against me most of the time, but I’m not letting it win.” He chuckled. “Because of Jonathan, I stopped being a self-centered jerk. Last night was magical. I was myself, and he accepted me. I loved it.”

Kade sighed. He folded his hands and rested his feet on his desk again. “I hope it works out, I do, but honestly, I’m more worried about the artistic integrity of the film. Your love life is not my problem.”

“Spoken like a true asshole.” He sounded like a douche, but he meant no ill will to his writer. He loved the character of Clayton and wanted to portray the sniper for as long as the character existed.

“Takes a prick to know one.” Kade grinned. “Just promise me you’ll work on him to do the short film. It’ll be worth the hassle. He’s good as Owen, and you two are dynamite together.”

“I will. See you.” Sean bounded out of the office. He ran to the guard’s office and called for a cab. He could’ve walked to Jonathan’s apartment, but he didn’t want to cause a scene. When the taxi arrived, he climbed into the backseat.
I’m coming, babe. Please don’t shut me out before we get a chance to get this started
.

Moments later, the taxi pulled up in front of Jonathan’s building. Like most of the other buildings around here, it didn’t have much character other than the odd establishments on the first floor. One half featured a florist and the other half belonged to a psychic. Only Jonathan would pick a place at such odds.

Sean left the taxi then strolled into the florist. He needed something for Jonathan. He wondered if the flower shop sold many blossoms to folks who’d left the psychic with bad news.

After much consideration, he purchased a bouquet of red roses and baby’s breath. Romantic and classic. He tucked the flowers under his arm then made the trek up the five flights of stairs. The lack of an elevator surely had to aid in Jonathan in looking so good. Making the journey up the steps would be good cardio for anyone. Once Sean reached the fifth floor, he crept down the hallway. Kade’s information had Jonathan living in apartment 5C.

Sean gathered his courage and knocked on the door. He’d done nearly nude scenes and died on camera three times, but none of those scenes had prepared him for meeting the man he cared about.

“Go away,” came Jonathan’s voice from the other side of the door.

Had Jonathan seen him? Sean knocked again. He wasn’t giving up just yet.

“I’m tired of your bullshit. Go the fuck away.”

Now Sean was just pissed. No one pushed him away without a fight or an explanation. He knocked a third time. If Jonathan didn’t open the door, he’d break the damn thing down.

“That’s it. I’m calling the landlord.” The door whipped open, and Jonathan, clad in nothing but a towel, stood in the doorway. “Seriously, Ian. Go— Sean?”

Everything rode on this moment. Sean wanted to look cool and collected. He offered up the flowers and willed his heart rate to stay in the normal range. “May I come in?”

Jonathan gripped the towel and the doorframe. He hadn’t expected to see Sean—well, ever—and surely not when the actor had a boyfriend in town. Part of Jonathan wanted to be pissed. The rest of him couldn’t contain his joy. Sean was at his apartment.

“Please, do come in.” At least, he’d remembered his manners. Jonathan stepped out of the way. “I’m sorry my apartment is a mess. Normally, I clean on Thursday nights.”

“Mess?” Sean smoothed his hand down Jonathan’s bare chest. “This place is cleaner than most operating rooms.” He closed the door. “Besides, the freshly showered look is really hot.”

“Thanks.” Jonathan blushed, and his nipples hardened. He’d hoped he could still turn Sean on, and the compliment bolstered his confidence.

“You should sport that look more often.” He handed Jonathan the flowers. “For you. It’s a quirk of mine. I like to treat my boyfriend right.”

Sean probably knew he had the power to make Jonathan feel ten feet tall, but Jonathan didn’t care. He pressed his face into the flowers and breathed in the sweet scent. “I could say I’m going into the other room to get dressed, but there aren’t too many places to hide in here.”

“Studio apartments tend to skimp on the privacy.” Sean perched on the arm of the worn couch. “I’ll close my eyes if you’d like, but I can’t promise I won’t peek.”

“You’ve seen me naked already.” Just thinking about their naked time sent warmth through Jonathan’s body. He fumbled towards the counter to put down the flowers.