Consequences (27 page)

On that last thought, Darcy exited the room, and Elizabeth bolted for the door, wanting nothing in her life so much as to be safely returned to the quiet sanctuary of her room.

Chapter 16

“You must learn to face the fact, always, that you
choose to do what you do, and that everything
you do affects not only you but others.”

—
Holly Lisle, American author

Thursday, April 9, 1812

It was rather late before Charlotte was able to complete her duties for the next day and seek out her friend. She had not seen Elizabeth since she and her husband returned from Rosings, but she spied Mr. Darcy from the carriage on their return. His path was such that he likely was returning from the Parsonage, and she was most anxious to talk to Elizabeth. She had been unable to determine his demeanour from the quick glance she had from the carriage, but she could only hope it meant what she had surmised.

As she approached Elizabeth’s room, she could see a faint gleam of light under the door, so she probably was not asleep. Her soft knock was quickly answered by Elizabeth’s invitation to enter.

Charlotte did not see Elizabeth at first since her sight was drawn to a lit candle on the nightstand, but Elizabeth was not in the bed. Rather, she was sitting by the open window, staring out into the night. She wore a robe, and she had taken one of the quilts from the bed for additional warmth against the cool night air. Elizabeth’s expression, as she turned away from the window toward Charlotte, was one of pensive reflection.

As Charlotte pulled the other chair in the room over to the window, Elizabeth turned back toward the night. “You were completely right, Charlotte,” she said, staring out into the dark. “Mr. Darcy called soon after you left for tea, and he wasted no time in proposing marriage.”

“Truly?” exclaimed Charlotte delightedly. “I saw him walking as we were returning in Lady Catherine’s carriage, and he looked to be coming from the direction of the Parsonage, but I had many tasks to complete before I could come to see you, so I hope you are not unhappy with me for delaying so.”

“No, Charlotte,” answered Elizabeth emotionlessly, “I am not unhappy since there seems to be precious little happiness in the event, even though your insight was so much clearer than my own.”

“No happiness? Elizabeth Bennet, it is the most brilliant match one could ever imagine! All of Hertfordshire will be mad with envy when your engagement is announced.”

“I did not give him an answer, Charlotte. His proposal was definitely not at all romantic or even amiable. He said he had long been attracted to me, to be sure, but then he continued by relating all of the obstacles that prevented him from declaring himself. He appears to have liked me against his will, against his reason, and even against his character. He could not have been more discourteous had he set out with the clear design of offending and insulting me.”

Elizabeth turned away from the window to face Charlotte. “Only my promise to you kept me from berating him. I longed to throw in his face that, even if he had been the most courteous and amiable suitor imaginable, nothing could have tempted me to accept a man who had ruined, perhaps forever, the happiness of my beloved sister! But I did not. I asked leave to think over his proposal and return an answer tomorrow.”

Charlotte did not know what to think. She had been gratified to hear confirmation that her suppositions had been accurate, but she could not believe the man could not even deliver a simple proposal without causing offense. She shook her head in melancholic irony at the continued inability of Mr. Darcy to be at least as amiable with her friend as he was with other people.

“At least where you are concerned, Eliza,” Charlotte said, shaking her head mournfully, “it appears Mr. Darcy never loses an opportunity to say the wrong thing.”

“Do you not think his proposal offensive then, Charlotte?”

“Oh yes, I think it highly offensive. But it appears to be typical for Mr. Darcy when he tries to speak to you. Since we now know how long he has admired you, so many things become clear: the way he listened to your conversations at my father’s gathering, his invitation to dance at the Netherfield ball, the way he came over to listen to you play at Rosings. But poor Mr. Darcy has always been at his worst when he tries to talk to you, Eliza. He has never been anything but polite and gracious to me, and he is far more tolerant with my husband than is warranted. In addition, Colonel Fitzwilliam mentioned he is regarded as being a most civil and amiable man in town.”

Charlotte thought for a moment while Elizabeth returned to contemplating the darkness. “Poor Mr. Darcy, indeed,” muttered Elizabeth.

“It seems he is very much in love with you, but until this point, he could not even admit that to himself. Our society puts a value on marriages that bring wealth and social stature to the union and pays little attention to the wishes of the individuals involved. But you have always said you were determined not to marry except for love, and it appears Mr. Darcy is of the same opinion. Certainly, he is one of the most eligible bachelors in the country, yet he has lived to eight and twenty without being ensnared. I will warrant he himself did not know for what he was searching until he met you, and then he found himself in conflict with the imperatives of family and society. Hopefully, he will now be able to express himself more clearly with this declaration openly avowed.”

Elizabeth said nothing in response, and Charlotte felt dejection settle around her. She had just commented that Elizabeth hoped to marry for love, and she obviously did not love this man. Elizabeth’s posture and her account of Mr. Darcy’s proposal made it clear that her opinion of her suitor was unchanged and she was still just as opposed to him as ever.

Sighing deeply, Charlotte at last said, “Eliza, I only asked you to take the time to think things through rather than act impulsively, and you have certainly done that. But from what you have said and from your present demeanour, it is obvious you will refuse Mr. Darcy, and I will not attempt further to change your mind. Your reasons are perfectly valid and in line with your character. I do want to thank you for listening to me, for I have certainly been impertinent at times and have intruded into your private affairs. I will say good night now and will see you in the morning.”

Elizabeth had said nothing as Charlotte sat beside her, but when Charlotte started to rise to her feet, Elizabeth broke her silence. “Actually, Charlotte, you have been successful beyond your expectations. When I finally escaped from your parlour and came up to my room, my thoughts were exactly what you have just said. I had done my duty to you and had not impulsively told Mr. Darcy what I most wanted to tell him.”

She turned her head from the darkness and looked at Charlotte, a crooked smile of irony on her lips. “But when I started thinking of what I would tell Mr. Darcy tomorrow, several things intruded: the counsel from my good friend that a marriage to a rich man like Mr. Darcy could well save my mother and sisters from poverty and that a marriage to Mr. Darcy in particular might allow his good friend Mr. Bingley and my dear sister Jane to be in company again. And that does not even touch on the advantages my children would have with Mr. Darcy as their father. It is truly distressing to have such sensible arguments occur to me when I want to ignore them.”

She sighed as she turned back to the night. Her voice this time was so soft that Charlotte had to strain her ears. “In addition, there was a most disconcerting image that came to me when I was sitting here, half-dreaming of how I first wanted to respond to Mr. Darcy when he made his insulting proposal. I imagined I was telling him what I truly thought of him and how I would never marry him, when a sudden dread seized me, making me think I was making a horrible mistake. It startled me so much I came fully awake, for I must have been half-asleep, but then I could find no reason for this sudden fear. I wonder—whatever could it mean, Charlotte?”

Charlotte could make no response to this question, and Elizabeth continued in the same low voice, “In addition, I did not like the emotions I felt when I realized how Mr. Darcy had placed himself in my power. I wanted to hurt him the way he had hurt Jane and even Mr. Wickham, and I did not like the ugliness of that desire. I did not like it at all.”

Elizabeth remained silent again for several minutes before resuming. “Then I remembered the way Mr. Darcy looked at me when I told him my headache had returned. At first, I thought he wore a look of displeasure that I had not immediately agreed to his offer. It was only when I looked closer that I realized he was concerned that I felt ill, and I wondered whether I am as good a student of character as I imagined myself to be. The thought of giving him pain no longer held any attraction. In fact, it held the opposite emotion, and I could only do so for the best of reasons.”

She looked again at Charlotte. “And I could not find the best of reasons, Charlotte, even though I am fearful I might be dreadfully unhappy married to such an objectionable man. I am afraid that he would treat me abominably.”

Charlotte looked at Elizabeth in frank amazement. “How can you suggest such a thing, Eliza? You just told me that he was completely frank when he commented how much he would be affronting his friends, relatives, and society by choosing you . . .”

Elizabeth smiled. “Yes, in
that
we agree, Charlotte! He was frank, to be sure—frankly disgusting in his contempt!”

“Elizabeth, be reasonable. If Mr. Darcy was willing to offend all those personages, no matter how inelegantly he stated it, what could possibly make you believe that he would then treat you badly?”

“Well . . .” Elizabeth started but then she fell silent, for she could not refute Charlotte’s comment.

“Do you not see?” Charlotte smiled. “It is not sound, Eliza. You know it is not sound.”

Elizabeth winced as she remembered using those same words to Charlotte at Sir William Lucas’s gathering. “It is not pleasing, Charlotte,” she said, fixing her friend with an expression of mock sternness, “to find my own words coming back to haunt me!”

“To be sure,” was Charlotte’s quiet response, but inwardly she smiled, for she was certain her arguments had met with some measure of success.

***

Friday, April 10, 1812

Elizabeth awoke the next morning to the same thoughts and meditations that occupied her mind and her conversation with Charlotte. She had not yet recovered from the surprise of what happened the previous evening. Despite Charlotte’s suggestions, to think she should have received an offer of marriage from Mr. Darcy was still almost beyond belief. In addition, to find he had been in love with her for so many months—so much in love as to wish to marry her in spite of all those objections that made him separate Mr. Bingley and Jane and must have applied with equal force in his own case. It was all too incredible!

On the other hand, it was gratifying to inspire, even unconsciously, so strong an affection, but she still worried that his pride, his abominable pride, might make any association with him unbearable.

That thought made her throw back the covers and rapidly complete her toilette. It was at least an hour past dawn, and she intended to indulge herself in air and exercise before her appointment with Mr. Darcy at nine o’clock. Quickly she descended the stairs and informed Charlotte she was going out before breakfast, and then she lost little time in proceeding to her favourite walk. It was only when she caught a glimpse of a gentleman walking toward her that she remembered Mr. Darcy had several times come along the same path. As soon as that thought struck her, she recognized Mr. Darcy’s stride and knew it was him, even though she still could not see his face clearly because of the greenery.

They greeted each other rather self-consciously, and she could see Mr. Darcy had dark circles under his eyes. Obviously, he had slept badly or not at all, and she wondered at the reason.

At his request to join her, despite the fact that their appointment was more than an hour away, she could only agree, and they walked for some little time with no words passing between them. In contrast to their previous walks, which Elizabeth found most uncomfortable, she felt no similar emotion this time. She felt anxiety, to be sure, because she had two questions to ask that might cause considerable—and disagreeable—excitement, but she was no longer confused by what Mr. Darcy’s intentions could possibly be. She had complete clarity on that account.

After a quarter-hour in which both parties were content simply to walk, with occasional comments on some feature of the woodland or wildlife of the Park, Elizabeth saw the small clearing she had been expecting.

As they entered it, she gestured to the pair of stumps left from recently felled trees. “Perhaps, sir, we might make use of these informal seats and have our talk,” she offered.

Darcy was quick to assent, but there seemed to be an air of trepidation in the way he held himself as he sat down. Again, Elizabeth wondered at what might be producing it.

Elizabeth could see little to gain in further delay, so she began at once. “In such cases as this, Mr. Darcy, it is the established mode to express a sense of obligation for the sentiments avowed and gratitude for the offer made. And while I do feel gratified by your choice, I have to ask two questions so that there can be perfect clarity between us before I can make you an answer.”