Consolation (Consolation Duet #1) (4 page)

My façade shifts into place as I repeat the speech I’ve given so many times. “I’m living. It’s hard, but I’m handling it.”

Liam knows me. He’s also an interrogator for the SEALs. He’s one of the best, and for some reason I forgot who I was lying to. “Really?” he asks unbelieving.

His large frame moves forward as he assesses my reactions. I try to remember all the things Aaron practiced on me. How he would make me stand my ground, not shift or move my eyes, but Liam is a different ball game. “Yes,” I say confidently.

“You know who I am, right?” His calloused hand grazes my wrist and my heart rate accelerates. I’m not afraid of him, but he’s the first man to touch me intimately since Aaron’s death. Even though we’re just friends, my chest tightens. “You’re lying to me,” Liam says in his deep voice.

I suppress a shiver and try not to look into his eyes. I don’t want him to see what I’m hiding deep inside. He can read me, he’s trained to see through my layers of bullshit, and I need to keep myself shielded from him.

“Natalie.” He lifts my chin, but I keep my eyes closed. “You can tell me. I can’t imagine if it were
you
that
he
lost that he’d be fine. He’d be a fucking mess, a lunatic with broken furniture all over the house. So you don’t have to be okay. You can be angry or whatever else.”

His words seep through my soul and I open my eyes. “I don’t get to be whatever else. I have Aarabelle,” I say as I look at the baby in my arms. “I have to be fine.” The steel wall I hide behind is strong and solid. I’m safe there.

“That’s not true. You’re going to keep bottling this shit up and then explode.”

I grit my teeth and let out a deep breath through my nose. “What’s your deployment schedule look like? Will you be around?” There’s no doubt in my mind he knows I’m diverting. I want out of this conversation.

“You know I can’t tell you that, but I’m here for you. I’m going to do a few things and then we can figure out what else has to be done.”

“I really don’t need the help,” I say even though I don’t know what I need anymore. Aarabelle stirs and I rock her gently.

“Okay, well, I need to do something for the next month I’m on leave, so you’re helping me.”

“Now who’s the liar?” I ask.

Liam rolls his sleeves and winks. “I never lie.”

I laugh an honest laugh for the first time. He’s lying about lying. Aarabelle begins to fuss, and as much as I want to argue with him, she needs to eat.

“Which SEAL team are you with?”

Please don’t say four.

I don’t know why it matters. The way he lets out a hesitant sigh, I brace for it. “Four,” he steps closer and puts his hand on my shoulder. “He should be with me.”

“No, he should be with
me.
”

“Yeah, he should,” Liam says and the sadness is apparent in his eyes.

This hurts us both. Liam and Aaron were brothers. If one died, they both died. Aaron once spoke of the brotherhood they shared in comparison with that of Jackson and Mark. While they were all close, he and Liam were almost blood thick. They carried each other through BUDs training, and when Liam’s sister died, Aaron was by his side the entire time.

“I’m sorry, Demps,” I say as I shift Aarabelle in my arms.

“Why the fuck are you sorry?” he asks, sounding affronted.

“You two were close. I know this isn’t easy for you.”

Liam pinches the bridge of his nose. “Is this what you do?”

My jaw falls slack as I try to figure out what he’s asking me.

“You pretend.” Liam’s eyes soften as he studies me.

“I don’t know what you all want,” I say, exasperated. He smiles and I want to slap him. What the hell is he smiling about?

“Finally some emotion. I’ll see you soon. I’ve got work to do around here.”

“You’re an ass.”

“Yup. Go take care of Aarabelle. I’ve got the other shit.” Liam kisses my cheek and then the top of Aara’s head and leaves.

I stand here knowing I’m not going to get rid of him. He’s noble, honest, and when Liam made a vow to Aaron, he meant it. He will be here for me in whatever way I need.

Liam Dempsey is going to be my demise.

“Hello?” I hear my best friend, Reanell, call out from the kitchen.

“In here, Rea.”

“There you are. I brought over a few meals the wives made this week. I put them in the freezer.” Her generous heart causes a warm glow to flow through me. She’s been my rock these last few months. Stopping over, bringing food, watching Aarabelle so I can nap.

“Thanks, but I’m doing good. I promise.”

This used to be me. I was the one who headed the relief groups. Made sure that the wives of fallen SEALs had food, help, and friends. Funny how life works—now I’m the wife I used to pity.

“Never said you weren’t. Now gimme that baby,” she says with her hands extended as she takes Aara from me. “Hello, princess,” Reanell coos and snuggles Aarabelle. She’s impossible not to love. “So?” she questions me.

“So?”

“Who was the guy outside messing with Aaron’s car?”

My eyes widen and I rush over to the window. “What?” I ask, pulling back the blinds. “Who the hell would be messing with the car? There’s no one there. Why didn’t you call the cops?” I look down the driveway, but I don’t see anyone.

“He smiled and waved at me, so I didn’t think much of it. Plus, he had the telltale signs, so I assumed maybe you were finally accepting some help,” she remarks.

“What signs?”

She sighs and lifts Aara up and down, “G-shock watch, tribal tats, and the whole I’m-so-amazing-just-ask-me vibe. Typical SEAL.”

“I’m going to check it out. Can you watch her?”

“Stupid question.”

I open the door and stop short.

“Hey,” Liam is standing there covered in grease.

“Hey, yourself.” I clutch my chest and try to slow my racing heart.

He wipes his hand on the rag he’s holding. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. I knocked earlier but you didn’t answer.”

“I must’ve been with Aara. What are you doing?” I question.

Looking down at his clothes then back up, he raises his brow. “I’ve got his car running again.”

“I see that. I mean, why are you working on his car?”

“I’m helping.”

Letting out a deep breath, I count backwards from ten. I can do this. I need to sell his things and start putting my life in order. “Okay, I thought maybe I’d have a few days, but . . .”

“My leave is up in four weeks, I figured I’d get started right away.”

Makes sense, but there’s no part of me that’s ready for this. In my head I know this is the right thing to do, get it over with. Start to move on, but it makes my new reality so final. But death is final, so why am I trying to fight it all?

“You’re right. It’s fine.”

Liam takes a step closer and the look in his eyes sends a shiver down my spine. “One day that word is going to leave your vocabulary and you’re going to realize lying to me is pointless.”

Now I know why he’s so damn good at his job.

“Yeah, okay.” Trying to brush him off, I smile and tuck my hair behind my ear. He turns without another word and heads back to the driveway.

“Well, that was intense.” I jump at the sound of Reanell behind me. I forgot she was here and always lurking.

I turn and see her with Aarabelle asleep in her arms. “He was Aaron’s friend. He’s stationed with SEAL Team Four and is helping around the house—apparently.”

“He can help me when he’s done here,” she says as she looks out the window.

“I doubt your husband would approve,” I chide and flop on the couch.

She laughs and sits in the rocking chair. “Mason isn’t the jealous type,” she jokes. Her husband is the commander of Team Four. Reanell might joke, but she would never do anything. However, she loves to irritate him and rile him up. “What team did you say he was with?”

I pull my legs up and giggle, “Four.”

“Fuck.”

“Dumbass,” I reply laughing. Huh. I laughed again.

“Well, well. It seems someone is helping in more ways than one,” Reanell marvels and then looks away.

“Why?”

“Because you’re laughing.”

“I laughed before,” I retort.

“No, you fake laughed. This is the first laugh that didn’t look like it physically hurt you. Sure, you’ve put on a great show. But I think this Liam guy is a miracle worker,” she murmurs and walks out the room.

Maybe he is. Or maybe he’s the first person to not put up with my shit.

“Do you have any questions, Mrs. Gilcher?” Mr. Popa asks. He’s the liaison sent by our insurance company who plans to guide me through the paperwork.

“I’m not sure,” I mumble. In all honesty, I haven’t heard a word that he’s said.

“If she has any questions is there a number where she can reach you?” Liam asks from beside me.

He’s been here almost every day, making sure I go through one more thing on my list. Hell, he even made the list. I don’t look at it though. I get up and make sure everyone is fed. I can’t worry about all this other crap because it doesn’t matter. Well, I guess this part does. I’m not working yet and have no income coming in. I need to take care of everything, but I keep worrying about functioning. Then Liam comes in and makes me handle it all.

“Sure, here’s my card. Mrs. Gilcher, once we get the forms signed, the sooner we can get the money moved over. It’s imperative we get this process started. A lot of time has already lapsed.” He hands me the card.

“Thank you, Mr. Popa. We’ll be in touch.” Liam shakes his hand and walks him to the door.

I feel him sit beside me and he pulls me against him. I take the comfort he offers and lean into him. “This will get easier, right?” I ask.

Of course no one knows. Even the wives who lost their husbands tell me it does and yet it doesn’t. Amy lost her husband last year in a firefight and she said every day she wonders how she gets up and breathes. Jillian said the only way she finally felt human again was when she got rid of almost anything Parker touched, but I can’t do that. Making it like he never existed wouldn’t make my pain go away. But handling all the death paperwork and dealing with putting him to rest . . . this is what hurts.

“I’m not sure,” Liam replies honestly. Thank God for that. He never lies to me or tells me what I want to hear. He gives it to me straight and yet is never hurtful. These last two weeks I’ve come to rely on him more than I ever thought possible. His friendship means the world to me.

“Yeah, me either.”

“Why don’t we get Aarabelle and go do something?” he suggests.

I gaze into his blue eyes and see the excitement. He’s been here every day for the last two weeks and has done nothing but care for me in some form or another. Here is this single, very good-looking man who has put his life on hold for his best friend’s widow.

“You don’t have to babysit me. I’ll be fine.”

His mouth falls slightly slack. “Am I bothering you?”

“No!” I exclaim. “You’re a single guy. You don’t need to be spending your time with me.”

“Shut up. You’re loads of fun. I mean, where else could I get to meet a woman who’s not trying to get in my pants?”

I burst out giggling. “Happens often, huh?”

Liam tilts in conspiratorially, “Well, I don’t mean to brag, but I’ve been known to break a few hearts . . . and beds.”

“Breaking beds because you’re a fat ass doesn’t count.”

His face falls and he looks genuinely affronted. Next thing I know, he tears his shirt off and every ridge and ripple in his skin is on display. I’ve known him for years, seen him in a bathing suit more times than I can count, but there’s something different in this moment, but I’ll never let him know.

“Fat? Show me!” he challenges me.

I stand and poke his side. “What, you don’t giggle like the doughboy when I poke you?”

Liam laughs, “I don’t think you should joke about poking, Lee.” He smiles and grabs his shirt.

“Why do you make everything dirty?”

“Because I’m a guy,” Liam says like it should be obvious. “I’m going to go for a run and a couple hundred push-ups since you think I’m fat.”

“Ohhh, don’t cry . . . it happens to everyone when they hit that age,” I joke and it feels foreign. I’ve forgotten this part of myself. I find myself laughing more and more, reminding me of the person I used to be.