Contradiction

Contradiction

A Novella

Sabrina Archer

Writing as

Salina Pain
e

Copyright Sabrina Archer 2015

This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual events, locales, or persons living or dead, are coincidental.

Copyright © 2015 Sabrina Archer All rights reserved. In accordance with the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, the scanning, uploading, and electronic sharing of any part of this book without the permission of the author or publisher constitute unlawful piracy and theft of the author’s intellectual property. If you would like to use the material from the book (other than for review purposes), prior written permission must be obtained by contacting the author at sarcher1279@ gmail.com . Thank you for your support of the author’s rights.

Editing and Cover design provided by Veronica Williams with Ronies Creations.

Table of Contents

1. True Intentions
   
2. Changes
   
3. Meeting by Chance
   
4. Home
   
5. End of Us
   
6. Broken
   
7. Finding Comfort
   
8. Her
   
9. If I Fall
   
10. New Hope
    
11. Until You
    
12. Heart of Mine
    
13. Forever
    

Prologue

"Jassy! Jassy!" Caleb calls, running through the knee high grass towards me excitedly.

"What is it?" I ask as he reaches me, opening his hands showing me the butterfly he caught.

"Jassy, it's for you," he says smiling brightly.

"Thank you so much, Caleb. It's so pretty, but we have to let it go. If we don't it will probably die."

His little face drops and tears fill his eyes.

"Oh, Caleb, don't cry," I reply, pulling him into me. His little arms wrap around me, looks up at me and smiles. He lets the butterfly go and it flies off into towards the sky.

"Jassy?"

"Yeah?" I answer back

"Am I going to die?"

I fight the lump in my throat.
"No, Bubba, you're not going to die."

I hold him tightly knowing I may have just told him a lie. Closing my eyes I draw in a deep breath and listen to him breath. When I open my eyes we are no longer at home. The sterile white walls and hum of the machines bring me to tears.  Looking to my left I see Caleb, lying there in the hospital bed. His little face is swollen and his eyelids are a pale hue of purple.  He opens his eyes and smiles, "Jassy." Walking over slowly trying to contain my emotions, I take his little hand and smile back.

"I love you, Caleb."

"Ditto," he says his voice weak.

Sitting down on the bed beside him I hold him and he rests his head on my shoulder. I close my eyes again, feeling the tears escaping.  I open my eyes again and this time I'm caught in a sea of black. My mother and father are in front of me looking down at the child size coffin. I look around recognizing family I haven't seen in years. Each person here has tears in their eyes and a somber look on their faces.  Suddenly the sky opens up and a cleansing rain begins to fall. Walking up, and standing beside my mother, I look down at the floral arrangement atop his tiny coffin. Taking a closer look I see a butterfly, the very one he let go. A sob rips through my chest reminding me of that day. "No, Bubba, you're not going to die," echoes through my mind.  In an instant my eyes slide open, wet from the tears. Glancing over at the clock I see it's a quarter after five. I wipe my eyes and slowly sit up in bed, all the memories flashing through my mind.  Saturdays always get me. My mother has me up by six o'clock to do chores and catch up on laundry.            

Stretching I get out of bed and head to the shower. Getting out I hear my dads' truck leaving and I shiver. He's headed to the bar, his typical weekend routine. Quickly I get dressed and blow-dry my hair. I'm standing in front of the mirror looking at the ensemble I have chosen, a pair of blue jeans, my favorite red top and my ballet flats.

"Jasmine!"

I hear my mother yell from the kitchen,   "That damn boy is here again."

My heart thumps in my chest as I put on my lip gloss and smile at my reflection in the mirror.  I grab my coat and purse as I rush out of my bedroom practically slamming the door behind me.

"I told you, girl, you need to stay away from him," she slurs as I pass her to go out the front door. Rolling my eyes as I make my way down the steps I'm anxious to get away from her and the sorrow she carries.

"What was that all about?" He asks, as I  practically jump into his arms.

"She's blitzed, as usual," I reply, looking back at my mess of a mother standing on the steps in front of our rundown mobile home, watching me. The hard look on her face tells me I'm in a world of trouble when I get home. Hopping in the passenger side of Jeff's truck I tear my eyes off her. I know what I have to do.  As Jeff's truck barrels down the dusty dirt road towards town, I look back once more and I swear I see tears sliding down her cheeks.

Ten o'clock comes all too soon. As we leave the parking lot of "The Moon" dread begins to fill me. I'm certain my father will be dragging in soon and all hell will break loose. That final left turn into the road I live on makes me shudder.

"Stop the truck," I say, my voice barely above a whisper.

Jeff looks over at me and hits the breaks. "What?" He asks.

"Did you mean what you said? Remember that night by the river a couple weeks ago?"

"I meant every word," he says tucking my hair behind my ear. "Jasmine, I love you, you know that. The last eight months have been amazing and you know I can, and will take care of you."

I nod and draw in a deep breath. "Well, I guess I better get home and pack my things," I say, pausing, waiting for him to react. He smiles, leans over and kisses my forehead lightly.

"What are you going to tell them?"

"I'm not saying anything, you need to come back in a few hours to pick me up," I reply.   

"Are you sure about this?" He asks.

"Yes... yes I am".  "I'm almost twenty and I can't live with this fear anymore."

The look of confusion on his face makes me sigh.

"I know I have told you about  Caleb, how his death impacted us all, but I haven't been completely forthcoming about all the details," I say, feeling the sting of tears filling my eyes. Jeff pulls me to him, "Look, everything is going to be ok."

I nod and he puts the truck in drive. As he turns into my driveway, I see my father sitting on the steps, beer in hand. Pausing as I get out of the truck, I look over at Jeff and he nods lightly.  The walk up to the house feels surreal. My father looks up at me, the outside lights illuminating his blood shot eyes.

"You little whore," he snarls as he stands up. Freezing where I stand I look back at the tail lights fading into the darkness.  I brace myself for what's coming as he undoes his belt.

********************************************************************

I stand in the bathroom looking in the mirror at the red streaks crisscrossing my back. My tear stained cheeks are burning from the slaps, at the hands of my mother. Turning on the shower the tears continue to fall. I step in and the warm water makes me wince under the pressure. Deep down, I know I'm making the right decision. After I finish my shower I stand there allowing the cool air to encompass me and soothe the pain. I dress quietly and creep down the hallway to my bedroom. Shutting the door softly I close my eyes. My heart is hammering in my chest as I begin to fill my suitcase. Grabbing everything I can, cramming my whole life into a suitcase and a backpack. I rummage through a shoebox in the bottom of my closet and find the pictures of Caleb, along with a family portrait of us, when times were good. Staring down at the perfect little boy, with a bright smile and bright blue eyes, I smile. He would be sixteen this year. Forcing myself to look away I quickly tuck these precious memories into my book bag.

I sit on my bed one last time and want to cry, but I have no more tears. The clock on my dresser says one fifteen. Forty five minutes and my life will change.  In those last minutes I crack open my window and toss the suitcase out into the yard. Opening my door slowly I listen carefully, there's an infomercial on the television and my father is probably passed out on the couch.  I sling my backpack over my shoulder and pull on my housecoat. As I creep down the hallway I pause every few steps. Making it to the front door I open it carefully and step out to my freedom. Quickly I tuck the letter between the frame and rush down the steps. I make my way around back, grab my suitcase and run down my driveway.  Turning onto the dirt road I hear the rumble of Jeff's truck. He stops when he sees me and loads my suitcase into the back. I sit there quietly staring forward as tears begin to trickle down my cheeks.

Jeff looks over at me and asks,"What happened after I left?"

I sigh and reply, "Pull over and I will show you."

He looks at me strangely but pulls the truck over. Turning my back to him I undo my seatbelt.  Lifting up the back of my shirt I cringe as the fabric rubs against my tender skin. I look over my shoulder at the shocked expression on his face.

"How long has this been going on?" He whispers.     

"Since Caleb died," I reply.

"For the last eight years?" He asks in a strangled voice.  I nod unable to speak. "Why the hell didn't you say anything?" He asks, his voice filled with a rage I've never heard before.

"I was afraid, I could see my mother slipping into depression and feel the rage my father had inside him growing". "I was trying to be a constant, something positive. As it turns out, I became the punching bag".

Jeff turns me to face him and wipes my tears with his fingertips.

"My father blamed my mother and she blamed him, in the end the hatred trickled down to me."

He pulls me into him carefully and holds me softly.

"It's over now, you will never have to deal with anything like that again," he says as he pulls away.

I put my seatbelt back on and he puts the truck into drive. Looking back towards my past one last time I smile, knowing I'll never have to endure that fate again.

Chapter 1

~~Jasmine~~

When I met Jeff he was perfect.  He was my knight in shining armor, whisking me away from the poverty I was accustomed to. He was successful, gorgeous, and treated me like a queen. My home was beautiful and I had everything I'd always dreamt of.   My past had been put behind me and I had overcome so much fear.  After about a year everything began to change. He became possessive and suspicious of everything.  He began drinking heavily and cheating on me. I keep saying I'm going to leave, but he always says he loves me and I believe him. He's my first love and I do love him. 

"Jasmine, get your fine little ass in here this instant," he screams at me from the bedroom. I cringe at the thought. I glance down at the thin silver purity ring on my left hand. He's drunk again and I know what he wants, but he won't get it.

"Jasmine, you bitch, you had better listen to me," he snarls when I don't answer.

"I'll be there in a minute," I reply, preparing for what's coming. 

I walk through the door and the nausea almost consumes me. I walk over to the bed and sit down. He begins rubbing all over me and I let him.  I don't know fully what he's capable of so I don't push it.  The smell and taste of whiskey and cigarettes is sickening as forces his lips on mine. I lay there like a ragdoll allowing the touching until he tries to force himself upon me.

"No," I scream when he tries to remove my clothes.

He reaches up and slaps me across my face.  

"Bitch, you will give in to me one day," he says gripping my shirt, causing the buttons to pop off.

I lock my legs together as he fondles my breasts. Tears are streaming down my cheeks, increasing with each touch. He brings his face up to mine again roughly kissing me. 

"Why you crying, bitch?" He screams, seeing my saturated face.

I just shake my head and he jumps up off the bed and grabs his belt. A sudden wave of fear washes over me when I see him coming towards me. I slide off the bed quickly and cower in the corner, covering my eyes with my hands as he starts swinging it around knocking things off the wall. The metal buckle smacks my cheek leaving me sobbing and he stops immediately.  Throwing the belt across the room he kneels down to me, placing his hands on either side of my face.

"Oh, baby, I'm so sorry," he says kissing my cheek and pulling me into him. He scoops me up into his arms and lays me on the bed gently, as though I'm made of glass.

Laying there, wrapped up in his arms, makes me nauseous, the smell of booze is strong and sour.  My violent sobs fall upon deaf ears as I lay there afraid to move. Slowly I get the courage to move so I pick up his now limp arm and scoot away from him, carefully.  Looking back as I walk to the bathroom I wonder how my life came to this. My reflection in the mirror reveals a small circular bruise on my cheek. I can feel the tears beginning to fill my eyes as I wipe my face with a bath cloth.  The physical pain in minimal but the emotional pain and fear is overwhelming.

Shaking off this deep feeling of regret I jump in the shower, figuring out what to say when someone asks about the bruise on my cheek.  Stepping out of the shower brings me back to reality. I dress quickly and dry my hair. I grab my makeup bag and quietly make my way out of the bedroom door. Looking back at Jeff laying there passed, out brings on an uncontrollable wave of nausea.

I rush down the hallway to the kitchen trash can, emptying the contents of my stomach. I draw in a couple of deep breaths to steady myself and reach over turning on the kitchen sink. I splash some cool water on my face and rinse out my mouth. I hear stirring coming from down the hallway so I rush out the back door and jump in my car. I sit there for a moment with my eyes closed getting my story together. A sudden thud on the window startles me as I look up and to the left seeing Jeff standing there. He motions for me to roll down the window. 

"Leaving without saying bye?" He asks

"Y-y-you were still sleeping," I stutter as I see the look in his eyes soften.

"Jas, I'm so sorry, I promise, no more drinking. I can change, no I will change," he says as his eyes fill with tears. He reaches in the window and softly strokes my bruised cheek. "Baby, I will make this up to you," he says leaning in to kiss me. I flinch and can see the pain and guilt in his eyes.

"I love you," he whispers," and I will do right by you."

I smile a weak smile and take his hand. "I love you, too."

He walks away and my heart begins to slow its rhythm.  I put the car in reverse and back out of the driveway. I make it to work and pull down the visor staring at my reflection in the mirror. I pull out the concealer and begin to try to cover the blue splotch on my cheek. I finish and inspect my work in the mirror once more. I pull my hair back into a clip and head into work.

I hop on the elevator and hit the button for the fourth floor. As the doors open I'm greeted by the calming scent of cleaner and the soft cries of the neonates. I put my purse in my locker and head to the front desk. I sit there in front of my computer losing myself in my thoughts.

"Jasmine? Jasmine?" I look up to see my supervisor staring down at me. "Are you ok?" She asks.

"I'm fine." I reply plastering what I hope looks like a genuine smile on my face. She closes her eyes for a moment and draws in a deep breath.  She opens them and studies my face. I see her eyes when they reach my cheek. She lifts her eyebrows and looks as though she's going to say something, but doesn't. She nods slightly and turns to walk away. I sigh and focus back on the chart in front of me.

The day goes by far too quickly and I still have a lot to do. I gather up the charts and head to the record room. As I turn the corner the wind is practically knocked out of me. I look up to see the most stunning pair of green eyes looking at me, guiltily.

"I am so sorry." he says helping me gather up the now scattered charts.

I'm cursing him under my breath but his smile is contagious.

"Its fine," I say trying not to sound rude.

As he reaches to grab the last sheet his hand bumps mine and he shudders.

"I'm sorry," he says again, walking away. I shake my head and open the door, feeling a smile crossing my lips.

When I finally get home Jeff greets me at the door. He is clean shaven and dressed nicely. The smell of his cologne wafts through the air and I smile. This. This is my Jeff, the one who swept me off my feet and saved me. He takes my hand and leads me to the dining room. Dinner smells divine and there's a beautifully wrapped box sitting in front of my plate.  I sit down anxious to know what is in the box. By the end of dinner I'm practically begging to open my gift.

"Fine," he says, "go ahead." With a huge smile on my face I carefully open the box. Inside is a thin gold chain with a small gold anchor pendant inlaid with rubies.

"It's beautiful," I whisper.

"Don't cry," he says, "you'll ruin your makeup and I still have another surprise for you."

He comes around the table and kisses me softly. Pulling the necklace from the box, I hand it to him and pull my hair to the side so he can clasp it. I look down at the anchor and smile watching the small stones shimmer under the candlelight.

Jeff leans down close to my ear and whispers, "I love you."

"I love you, too." I say, trying to keep my tears from falling. 

He reaches around and places an envelope on the table. "What is this" I ask, excitement evident in my voice.

"Just open it," he says with a chuckle.

My hands are shaking as I tear open the envelope, revealing two tickets to Searching Aces. "Oh. My. God! When did you...how did you get these?"

"I have my ways," he says with a wink. Jumping up out of the chair quickly I hug him tightly.

"Now, those tickets are for Friday night, but tonight I have something special.  Go freshen up, we need to get going," he says looking at his watch.

I rush to the bathroom, ripping the brush thru my hair and reapply my lip gloss. In that moment a familiar memory comes forward.  As I look at my reflection in the mirror I see myself, only a couple years younger. My heart hammers in my chest and I see the hatred in my mother's eyes. Drawing in a deep breath I close my eyes, forcing myself to dry my tears. When I open them up I'm looking at myself, the small bruise still lingering on my cheek and his words echoing in my mind. A knock on the door makes me jump.

"You ok in there," he asks.

"I'm fine," I reply trying to swallow the lump that has formed in my throat.

"Ok, I'm going to pull the truck around," he says.   

"Where are we going?" I ask, giddy like a school girl as I climb in the truck.

"You'll see," he says looking over at me with a huge grin.

We pull into the parking lot of DownSouth, a small local bar and my smile fades.  I clench my jaw as I look over at Jeff.

"I know, I know," he says, drawing in a deep breath.

I sit there staring at him, waiting for an explanation. "Look, Jas, this is part of the surprise, I promised I wouldn't drink, and I won't," he says reaching for my hand, bringing it to his face, lightly kissing my palm. 

The excitement in his eyes grows as we walk to the door. I'm worried, worried that he is going to slip up and drink.  The door swings open and I almost lose my mind. I catch a glimpse of Jared Wills, the lead singer of Searching Aces, sitting at a table near the front.

"Holy shit, Jeff! H-h-how did you do this?" He just smiles and motions me to the table.

"Jeff,"  Jared says when we reach the table.  "Jared," so good to see you.

They shake hands and I'm in complete awe. A night of singing and dancing ensues and I'm feeling pretty great. Jeff kept his word and didn't have even a sip of alcohol.

The night winds down and we say our goodbyes before heading home. We reach the front door to the house and Jeff stops me. He pulls me tightly to him and kisses me. The passion in the kiss is so intense I almost lose control of myself. I open my eyes for a moment and his dark eyes are boring into mine. I quickly pull away, breathless and breathe in deeply to slow the strumming of my heart.

"I'm sorry, Jeff, I know what you want but I just can't," I say as I continue to study his expression. 

"I know, Jas, and its ok," he whispers.   

"Thank you for understanding," I reply, wrapping my arms around him again. 

Laying my head on his chest I can hear the rapid humming of his heart. He pulls me in closer and I can feel his erection against my stomach.

"You know there are other things you can do, right?" He says as he runs his fingertips down my spine, causing me to shiver.

"What do you mean?" I ask, my inexperience flashing like a neon sign above my head.

"Let me show you,” he says as he takes my hand and places it on his crotch.  He groans as I lightly rub against the fabric and he fumbles with his keys.

He gets the door open, picks me up and kicks the door shut, kissing me deeply when we reach the bedroom.