Cool School (20 page)

ou're the last one to get to PE and they're about to start. Everyone's changed, and they're ready to play basketball. The teacher's irritated with you for being late. ‘No time now to get changed,' he says. ‘Here, take this whistle. You can be the referee.'

You put the whistle in your mouth, go to the centre of the court and blow to start the game. Then you toss the ball up. It's tapped down to a player from the red team, who charges down the court with it. But as she gets to the top of the key she hesitates, looking for someone to pass to. You notice a slight movement of her back foot. It's a travel. You blow the whistle hard and race straight off to the Principal's office. You charge in there without knocking. There's some sort of meeting going on—the room's full of adults—but you don't care. You know what you have to do.

‘What is it?' the Principal says, looking alarmed.

‘One of the players travelled in our basketball game,' you say. You don't wait to see her reaction but instead rush back to the game. In the next ten minutes you race in and out of her office four times to report a foul, a cross-court violation, a time-clock violation and another travel.

You don't understand why she takes you into a separate room, re-hypnotises you, and tells you never to come near her again.

‘Gee,' you say to her back, as she walks angrily away, ‘did I do something wrong?'

ell,' says the Principal. ‘You sure made a mess of yourself.'

You still don't say anything.

‘You did a lot of things wrong for your first day,' says the Principal. ‘Trespassing in the staff room, impersonating a teacher, giving unauthorised detentions, ordering students out of class, jumping out of windows . . .'

You close your eyes with the pain of the memories.

‘But,' says the Principal. The tone of his voice seems different now, so you open your eyes again. ‘The class really liked you—apart from that one boy you threw out, and he doesn't like anyone much. It's made me think. Maybe we don't make enough use of students. I guess students could take some lessons better than teachers could.'

‘Mmm,' you say. You try to nod, but you're scared your head will fall off if you do.

‘So when you come back,' the Principal says, ‘I want you to join the SRC. I want you to work with them on a programme for greater student participation in the classroom. I want you in charge of that programme, OK?'

‘Sure, sure.'

It hurts you to say it, but only on the outside. On the inside you've never felt better in your life!

uddenly she explodes with rage. ‘You blockhead!' she screams. ‘Did you really think you could fool me? I have powers greater than you can begin to imagine. I can hold an assembly of Year Nines in complete silence for twenty minutes! I can get money out of the Education Department to fix leaking roofs! I can put books with rude words in them in the school library and not have parents complain!'

You are flabbergasted. Obviously there's nothing this woman can't do. She really does have remarkable powers. Maybe you've underestimated her.

‘I know you resisted me,' she says. ‘I know you were making that stuff up. I'll teach you to meddle with my powers!'

She picks up a long cane stick and waves it at you, making funny patterns in the air.

‘See that aquarium over there?' she asks.

You nod ‘yes'. It's a nice aquarium with weeds and pebbles and three or four fish.

‘Oodle, boodle, spruddle and sprat,'

Liver of poodle and tongue of rat,

By the keating, give me a wish,

You will now become . . . a fish!'

It's nice in the aquarium. The water's a pleasant temperature, there's always plenty to look at through the glass, and the other fish are friendly.

Two used to be students; the other was an art teacher. It's lucky you all get on so well, because you're obviously going to be there a long time.

he Science lesson is just starting as you arrive. The teacher is a tall thin bearded man with glasses. He's calling the roll. You're just in time to answer your name as you hurry to your seat.

‘Now,' he says, when the roll is finished. ‘I want to make a few very important points about the Science course this year. Firstly, safety in the laboratories. Let's start with the Bunsen burners. The gas emitted by these burners is both toxic and inflammable. This means that . . .'

Suddenly he's interrupted by the crackle of static from the loudspeakers.

‘Teachers, please excuse this interruption,' a voice says. ‘Could the following students please be sure to pick up their photographs from the office: Vanessa Hong, Steven Cooper, Martin . . .'

‘Bloody hell!' the teacher says. ‘What a waste of time, having to listen to this.'

You're shocked. The teacher swore! Here's a person who's done something wrong. You feel a powerful desire to report him to the nearest teacher, straight away. You rush out of the lab, ignoring the startled looks of the Science teacher, and of the students. Next door there's an elderly man wearing a tweed sports coat, teaching a group of senior students.

You run straight in to his class.

‘Excuse me! Excuse me!' you yell. ‘Our teacher just swore.'

The man stares at you with his mouth open. For a long time he doesn't speak. The students stare at you, too, with their mouths open. Finally the teacher says something.

‘I think you'd better come with me.' He takes you into a small office.

‘Now,' he says. ‘Is this right? You want to report a teacher for swearing?'

‘Yes!' you insist. ‘Yes! I have to report him.'

‘Why do you have to?' he asks.

You think long and hard. You have a vague feeling that the Principal's got something to do with it. But should you tell this man?

'm obeying orders,' you say. ‘The Principal said I should.'

‘Well,' says the teacher, ‘I'm not surprised. She's obviously up to her old tricks. It's time something was done about this. Come with me.'

He walks off with a grim expression on his face and you follow anxiously, still not too sure what's happening. He takes you into the staff room and sits you down. He explains to you that you've been hypnotised, and that this Principal has already been in trouble at other schools for doing stuff like this. Then he rings the Education Department and makes an official complaint.

Nothing happens for quite a while, then the same teacher comes to see you to tell you that the Principal has been kicked out of the school.

‘She won't be able to do any more harm to any students anywhere,' he says.

‘Has she been sacked?' you ask.

‘Oh no.' He looks shocked. ‘No one gets sacked. No, she's been promoted.'

‘Promoted?'

‘Yes, she's going to Head Office. She's now the Regional Director of Education.'