Cop a Feel (Handcuffs and Happily Ever Afters) (11 page)

I heard Rena’s snort from across the store. I’d get her back later. “Um, not so sure about the stealing part, but I could ask Shoshanna if she has any extras.”

I may as well have said The Second Coming of Christ. At the mention of Shoshanna’s name, the old gals went positively giggly. WTF? Shoshanna was one hell of a lesbian magnet. First Professor Junsen and now the old sisters . . .

“Thanks, Mag,” Edith gushed.

“I’m Candy.”

“Yep, whatever you say.” Edith grinned.

“Since nobody’s working the counter, do you think we can just walk out with our stuff?” Mrs. C asked with two baskets full of sex-related things I’d never seen in my life.

“Absolutely not,” Rena huffed before I had a chance to say the same. “What the hell is wrong with you lessies? That’s stealing.”

“Fine,” Mrs. C pouted. “Someone get their ass out here and check me out or I’ll tell the crazy bitch to start using dildos for target practice,” she shouted at the top of her lungs.

Nine red-faced, puffy-eyed employees tentatively made their way out from the back room. Clearly, I’d made them cry. I felt bad.

“Where’s the other one?” Edith demanded, looking around.

“Tommy shat himself,” Rubber Joan whispered. “I sent him home.”

Now I really felt bad. “I’m, um . . . sorry about all this.”

“No problem.” She smiled weakly. “Just please don’t come in very often.”

“I won’t. I promise.”

Rena, armed with Shoshanna’s credit card, paid and we left. Edith and Mrs. C invited us to lunch, but Rena let them have it and told them to haul ass back to the store or she would call Kristy. They ran like the devil was on their heels.

“That was weird,” I muttered as I handed Rena hers and Kristy’s phones.

“Weird, but bizarrely fun,” she said as leaned in to give me a hug. “You doing okay?”

It wasn’t just a pleasantry. She really wanted to know . . .

“No, but I’ll get there.” I smiled and hugged her back.

“You will,” she promised. “I know you will.”

“S
o none of them did it?” Steve asked as he rifled through a file on his desk.

“Nope. My report should be in your e-mail,” I replied, sitting back in my chair and trying to relax. The utter lack of any suspect was making me antsy.

“I got it. You’re positive?”

“Absolutely. Did the lab comb over the hard drives from the university?”

“Yeah, nothing. They were returned this morning.” Steve sat down at his desk and ran his hands through his hair. I giggled because now it was sticking straight up on his head.

“What?” he asked, a small smile on his lips.

“You just created one hell of a hairdo.” I laughed.

“Good. I needed a change.”

“What’s next?” I asked, glancing over at the file he’d pulled.

“Couple of changes. Honestly, I thought all the suspects were long shots and the notes were somewhat innocuous, but all that’s different now.”

“How?” I sat up and got the chilly feeling I always got when something bad had happened. He opened the file and handed me three sheets of paper. “Are these new?” I glanced over the copies of the typed pages.

“Yeah, these are copies. I sent the originals to forensics. I don’t really expect them to find anything on them,” Steve said with disgust. “Whoever this is, the perp’s smart and has amped up the game.”

“No shit, Sherlock,” I muttered, reading the vitriolic content. “This is the first time a solid death threat has been made.”

“I know and . . .”

“Daddy, Daddy,” two little voices shrieked joyously, and two little bodies came barreling into the office.

“Hey, babies,” Steve said, scooping up his kids and showering them with kisses. “What are you two little turds doing here? You should be in school.”

“Mommy taked us here,” his daughter Bella said with a giggle. “She go way on a trip and we get to play at you and Kevin’s house for two years!”

“Weeks, Daddy,” his son Devon said, correcting his little sister. “Mommy has to go away and we get to stay with you. Is that okay?”

“It’s more than okay,” Steve assured his seven-year-old son, trapping him in a bear hug. “Nothing would make me happier.”

“Yay!” Bella shouted, crawling up Steve like he was a tree. “Kevin can be my horsey and I will ride him for five hours!”

“He’s gonna love that.” Steve laughed, putting her on his lap before she climbed up onto his head. “I think you guys missed somebody . . .”

“Candy,” Bella screamed, flying off her father’s lap and onto mine. Her sticky little hands held my face still for a sweet wet smooch.

“Hi, Candy,” Devon said, ambling over for a hug.

“Hi guys,” I laughed. “Long time no see.”

“Daddy, can Candy stay at your house too?” Bella asked. “You can’t do hair and I need her.”

“We’ll see.” He grinned and grabbed Devon. Devon had a harder time with his dad being out of the house than Bella. I worried what that bitch Helen was trying to plant in his little seven-year-old brain. Speaking of . . .

“Hello, Steve,” Helen, dressed to the nines, said formally from the doorway of his office. “Can you tell the girl to leave? We have some family business to discuss.”

“The girl’s name is Candy. You’ve known her as long as I have and she’s the godmother of our children, Helen. She stays,” Steve replied as pleasantly as he could for the sake of his children.

I sat still and held Bella firmly on my lap. She leaned in and laid her curly little head on my chest. She didn’t seem too fond of her mother either. Devon tentatively crossed to his mother and stood unhappily beside her. She patted him on the head like a dog. I felt sick.

“A wonderful opportunity has just come up for me.” She smiled and flicked invisible lint off her designer skirt. “I’m going on a two-week religious retreat to spread the word. You’ll be taking the children, since you do so little in the first place, and I’ll pick them up when I return.”

“That’s fine with me,” Steve said tightly.

She was a piece of work. She didn’t used to be like this when she and Steve were married. I’d never adored her, but I’d always liked her. Not anymore.

“Have you put any thought into our last conversation?” she cooed looking him up and down suggestively.

“No, I haven’t and I won’t.”

“Suit yourself,” she snapped. “Just remember I gave you the chance.” She turned to leave, then as an afterthought, turned back to her kids. “Devon, what do you say?”

Devon looked lost; he had no clue what she wanted. “That, um . . . Daddy is going to burn in hell?” he whispered.

Helen laughed shrilly and hugged him tight. “That’s right, baby. Mommy loves you.” She left without a word to her daughter.

“Daddy?” Devon’s lower lip trembled and he stared at the floor. “Are you really going to burn in hell?”

Steve got down on his knees in front of his son. “No, Devon, I’m not. My God is a loving God and since I’m a good person who lives a good life, I will go to God. Do you believe me?” he asked softly.

“I want to,” Devon whispered. “Do you promise?”

“I promise.” Steve took his son in his arms and rocked him while I held his daughter and rocked her.

“I think Mommy will burn in hell with the red devil,” Bella announced. I silently agreed with her, but not being a parent, I wasn’t quite sure if it was okay to voice my opinion.

“I think we shouldn’t worry about any of that,” Steve said. “We just need to make sure that we’re good and kind and love each other, and God will take care of everything else. Okay?”

A relieved Devon relaxed in his father’s arms. “Okay.” He smiled. “I like that.”

“Me too,” Bella yelled. “Where is Hildy?”

“I’m right here, you rugrats!” Hildy grunted with delight from the doorway. Hildy was seventy if she was a day and had more energy than a twenty-year-old. She was short and round and had eyes that lit up with excitement at the smallest of things. She’d been Steve’s secretary for as long as I could remember and everyone adored her. Her shock of gray hair stood straight up on her head no matter what she did to it and she wore sweat suits. Only sweats. Ever.

Bella shrieked and hurled herself at Hildy. Devon was only seconds behind.

“Hildy, I . . .” Steve began.

“I’m on it.” She grinned. “Called my sister, Irma. She’ll cover for me here at work for the next two weeks while I get to play grandma to my favorite little pooper scoopers.”

“Hildy, I love you,” Steve said gratefully as she gathered up the kids, promising a trip to the zoo and ice cream.

“I love you too,” she said. “Just remember, Irma likes her rap music, so you gotta let her play her music or she’ll get real crabby and pout.”

“Got it.” Steve laughed and kissed his kids good-bye.

We sat in silence for a few minutes.

“What? You’re not going to fill up the quiet?” he asked me.

“No, I was waiting for you. That was intense.”

“I’m going to try to get full custody. Devon’s therapist has been worried for a while.”

“Will the therapist testify?”

“Yes, I’m just worried about the kids losing their mother. I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing.”

“After the daddy burning in hell thing, I think you are.” I wanted to hug him, but could tell he was about to blow. “I can come back in a little while if you want to call Kevin or just be alone.” I stood up and moved to the door.

Steve looked at his watch and sighed. “I’d love to be alone for a few, but there’s no time. Come sit back down. There’s been a change of plans.”

Seated again, I waited while Steve took a moment and texted Kevin. I really hoped he got custody of those kids. Helen was fucked up.

“Okay, the tone of this has changed. I considered keeping Shoshanna in town, but I think having her away from her home is a good idea at this point. This person knows where she lives and is probably aware of her regular schedule.” I nodded in agreement. “The convention isn’t all that well publicized,” Steve continued, “and there’s been no mention of her writing erotica in any of the notes. I think she’ll be safer with some of us on her in Wisconsin than she would be here.”

“Some of us?”

“Yep,” he said, leaning back in his chair. “I’m giving you a partner. It’s smart and safe. I want a male. You can be with her in the ladies room, but I want someone who can troll the men’s rooms and other places that would be unusual for a woman to be.”

“Makes sense.”

“I’ll keep forensics on everything here. We’ve set up surveillance at her home and at the university. Her land line and her cell have been tapped and we’ve put cameras at as many of the mail drop boxes as we could manage around Saint Paul.”

“What the hell is going on?”

“No fucking clue,” Steve replied, tense with frustration. “It just makes no sense, which is why it bothers me so much.”

“Have you briefed Shoshanna?” Was she going to take this seriously? Somehow I doubted it.

“I have and she laughed.” Steve exhaled a loud sigh and shook his head. “She thinks it’s exciting.”

I grinned and dropped my head to my hands. This was going to be a hell of a week. “Are you sending Don?”

“No, Don’s on a stakeout. I have someone more qualified. Actually he’s overqualified.”

“Who in the hell would that be?” I asked, running through the roster of male agents in my brain.
Overqualified?

“That would be me,” came a very familiar voice from behind me.

Fuck.

I sat frozen and refused to turn around. If I pretended not to know him, would he go with that? Wait. Steve knew I knew him. What else did Steve know?

“This won’t work,” I said tersely, staring straight at Steve.

“Why not?” they asked in unison.

“Because,” I ground out between clenched teeth.

“That’s an extremely vague reason,” Luke said, walking into my sight line and then taking a seat right next to me. His leg touched mine, and a snap of electricity shot through me. I moved my leg and kept my eyes trained on Steve—whom I wanted to kill.

“Candy, explain yourself,” Steve said impatiently. “I have no time for petty bullshit. I need my best on this because I have no fucking clue what’s going on here. State your issue.”

“He doesn’t work for you anymore. He got out.”

“
He
decided he didn’t want to retire after all,” Luke informed me even though I refused to acknowledge him. “
He
thought it would be fun to work with a
girl
.”

“Do you hear him?” I snapped to Steve. “He’s an egotistical sexist asshole.”

“Yes, he is.” Steve gave Luke an admonishing glare. “But he knows what he’s doing and I’d feel more confident about Shoshanna’s safety if you two were working together. Is that going to be a problem?”

I stared down at my fidgety hands, tried to block out Luke’s clean sexy scent, and considered what Steve had said. My feelings were not the priority here. They actually counted for nothing. Shoshanna’s safety and well-being were the only objective. Period. Luke was good. I was sure of it. He was deep cover for God’s sake. He didn’t exist. He’d done things I probably couldn’t even imagine. I snuck a glance at him and he was watching me intently with those green eyes, but I couldn’t read him. I was unsure whether he was angry or amused. It didn’t matter. As long as he did his job and I did mine, what I felt was secondary. Meaningless. I wasn’t human and he didn’t even exist.

“No problem,” I muttered.

“No problem here either,” Luke added. “When do we leave?”

“Saturday.” Steve was all business now and pleased that he had gotten his way. “Luke’s been briefed; he needs to be outfitted and to meet Shoshanna.”

I gave Luke an evil grin at the realization that he was going to have to wear leather chaps and chains—then I blanched.
I was going to be wearing leather and corsets and fuck-me boots.

“What do you mean outfitted?” Luke asked suspiciously.

“We’re going as Shoshanna’s assistants. The day and evening wear is specific,” I innocently informed him.

“Will you be taking me shopping?” he queried, giving me a look that made my insides wiggle.

“Nope.” I grinned evilly. “I’ll be sending you with some experts.”

“Really,” he drawled, narrowing his eyes.

“Yep, you’ll have a great time.” I gave him a thumbs-up and dialed the lesbians.

“Luke,” Steve called out as we were leaving.

“Yeah?”

“What the hell happened to you? Where’s the brooding, angry, closed off fuck I’ve always known?”

Luke paused and stared at me so hard I felt the heat crawl up my neck. He took a deep breath and grinned. “He’s finally found something that makes him happy.”

Shit, shit, shit.