Cop a Feel (Handcuffs and Happily Ever Afters) (12 page)

I
t was Friday afternoon and I was already packed. It had taken two suitcases to fit all the rubber and leather in. I usually traveled with only an overnight bag—this was ridiculous. Rena had dropped off a kit of hooker makeup and listened to my dilemma about Luke.

“Wait, back up. You slept with him?” she asked, digging through my fridge. “You have really good stuff in here,” she commented, pulling out the stash of chocolate I kept hidden in the back.

“I did and then I told him to get lost.”

“Because he wanted you to quit your job?”

“Yeah.”

“He’s a total fucktard.” She shook her head in disgust.

“Can you believe he wanted me to give up everything?” Thank God someone could empathize.

“He’s a Neanderthal,” she agreed. “I mean, your job is great. You kill people and you can have dinner with your job and then screw it. Your job occasionally stabs you in the stomach. It brings you joy and kinship and children. You can grow old with it as long as you don’t get offed by a member of the Mafia or something silly like that. You are so right. I can totally see why your job is better than him. He’s a douchehole.”

“You’re a dick,” I snapped. “My job is all I have. It’s why I get up, why I can function.”

“First of all, I can’t be a dick. I’m a girl, so bitch or vagina will suffice. Second of all, if you repeat the second half of your sentence three times really fast, you will realize that you’re in trouble. Simply functioning is not living. If I thought you were living at the same time you were doing your job . . . that would be one thing, but you’re not. Or am I missing something here?”

Was everyone against me? Ever since I decided to have friends, my life started falling apart. Or had it been falling apart for a while and it took having friends to realize it?

“Anyway,” I said, ignoring all of Rena’s profoundness, “even if I wanted to sleep with him anymore, I couldn’t. We’re on a job together. That’s bad form and could fuck up the job.”

“Now that I actually understand,” she conceded. “But this shit is so far from over, and you know it.”

Ignoring her point again, I changed the subject. “He had to buy sex clothes.”

“Oh my God.” She laughed. “Did you go?”

“Absolutely not. I set him up with some experts.” I bit down on my bottom lip so I wouldn’t laugh.

“Experts?”

“Yep. I sent Mrs. C and Edith.”

Rena froze and her grin almost split her face in half. “Holy mother of God,” she gasped. “You are so worthy of my friendship. They will eat him alive.”

“That was my plan.” I grinned back, totally delighted with myself.

“You’re gonna pay for that, you know.”

“No, I won’t,” I told her, my glee quickly fading. Was I? What would he do? What could he do? Shit.

“Oh baby,” she cackled. “He is soooooo gonna make you pay.”

After Rena left, I paced my house and tried to come up with all the ways Luke could get me back. Nothing concrete came to mind. Maybe he would think it was funny and enjoy his time with the insane sisters . . . Who was I kidding? He was going to hand me my ass.

He wouldn’t do anything too awful. That wouldn’t be professional . . . like what I’d done was professional. Damn, damn, shit, damn. I was in for it. A light knock at my door was actually a relief. It meant I could focus on something else. I checked my watch. There were still two hours before I had to meet Luke at Shoshanna’s. I felt sure I’d be safe from revenge with Shoshanna around. Who was here? Had Rena left something?

I opened the door and tried to slam it shut immediately, but the angry guy on the other side stuck his foot in, making it impossible.

“Hi Candy,” Luke said in a voice dripping with sarcastic sweetness as he pushed his way inside. “I just spent the most amazing three hours with some really good friends of yours.”

“Um, if I say I’m sorry right now, will you leave?”

“Absolutely not, Mag,” he said with a grin, and made himself comfortable on my couch. Great, he’d been made aware of my reincarnation.

“So you had fun?” I whispered, perched on a chair all the way across the room.

“A blast. I’ve never been more thoroughly castrated in my life. My ass is sore from being slapped and I might have sprained my dick getting away from your buddies when they tried to measure it.”

“But they’re gay,” I stammered, appalled that they’d mauled him.

“Yes, they are. But when they correctly assumed that I was having sex with you, they felt it was their mission to make sure I measured up.”

“And did you?” I giggled.

“I’m happy you’re amused,” he snapped, and narrowed his gaze. “Because payback is a bitch. And to answer your question, yes. I measured up quite impressively.”

I sat silently on my chair and debated how to get out of this.

“There’s no way out, beautiful girl. You now owe me and I always collect.” He smiled menacingly. “Just so you know, I am the proud owner of some assless leather chaps and some leather pants that squeezed my nuts right back up into my body. There’s a lovely vest that goes with that little number. You’ll just love it. I have nipple clamps and chains and the girls insisted on a ball gag and a strap-on,” he huffed indignantly. “They called me a fuck toy and challenged me to a contest down at the shooting range.”

“Wow.” I looked up at the ceiling and bit down on my lip so I wouldn’t laugh. “How’d that go?”

“I kicked their Four-Tour-Vietnam-Special-Forces asses into the ground. By the end, they were on their knees begging my forgiveness and giving up every secret on you they had.”

Shit.

“So Mag the Hag, what should your punishment be?”

“You could ground me or give me the silent treatment,” I offered lamely.

“I was thinking more along the lines of a spanking.” He pulled his T-shirt over his head and leaned back on the couch.

“I don’t think so. Wait. What are you doing?” I demanded, trying to keep my eyes on his face.

“Getting comfortable.” He grinned and unbuttoned his jeans.

God, from my vantage point it was clear he was going commando . . . help me, Jesus.

“I’m not sleeping with you. We’re working together now and that’s against regulation,” I informed him haughtily, even though I couldn’t rip my eyes from his crotch.

“Work starts tomorrow. I’ve never followed rules in my life. And who says I want to sleep with you?” he shot back, removing his jeans.

My tongue got stuck to the roof of my mouth, and no words would come. He was buck-ass naked on my couch, and it took everything I had not to fly across the room and jump him. My heart was beating so loud in my chest, I was sure he could hear it.

“So, tell me a little about Shoshanna.”

“Well, I . . . um, she is . . .” I croaked.

“Cat got your tongue?” He smirked, got up off the couch, and moved toward me. “You don’t look very comfortable, Candy. Why don’t we remove that dress?”

“I thought you didn’t want to sleep with me,” I squeaked, running around to the back of the chair I was perched on. I was so turned on, my panties were soaked. It was like he read my fantasy diary. Shit.

“Sleep? No. Fuck? Yes.”

“Is that my punishment?”

“Would that suit you?” His eyes bored into mine and I felt faint. What in the hell was I supposed to do here? I wanted him so badly I was shaking. There was no denying that he wanted me as he stood there in all his glory with a raging erection. As far as punishments went . . . it was awesome.

“I guess that would work,” I said to the floor.

“You have to beg.”

“I’m sorry, what?” My eyes shot to his and I realized he was deadly serious.

“You heard me.” He grinned lazily, primed to chase me if I ran.
God, he had my number.
“Take off your clothes, pretty girl.”

I did have a choice. I knew with every fiber of my being he would stop the game and leave if I asked him, but I was enjoying playing as much as he was . . . maybe more. And he knew it. Could I beg? If he came any closer to me, the answer was yes. I would get down on my knees and beg.

“You have ten seconds to start removing your clothes or I will come around that chair and rip them off your body.”

With trembling hands and a face flushed with desire, I pulled my dress over my head. A surge of heat rushed through me as the fabric brushed over my aching nipples. Unsure if my legs would hold me up, I leaned on the chair as I slid my panties down.

“Come over here and get down on your knees,” he said gruffly, not moving an inch. He was dangerous and scary and sexier than any man had a right to be. He was turning my crank to a degree it had never been turned and I loved it.

I nodded and moved carefully around the chair. Getting down on my knees was a relief due to the fact that my legs had become noodles. I was now up close and personal with the biggest, most beautiful cock I’d ever seen.

“Is there something you’d like to do?” Luke casually asked.

“Yes.”

“And what would that be, Candy?” His husky voice would be my undoing.

“I want you in my mouth,” I whispered.

“You need to ask a little nicer and be a bit more specific.”

“Please let me suck your cock,” I begged as I felt heat creep up my neck and rush to my cheeks.

“Hmm, I don’t think you want it badly enough,” he tsked, and pulled me to my feet, pressing my body full into his. “Open your mouth,” he demanded as his lips descended.

I whimpered in confusion as his mouth crashed against mine. All thought was lost and I gave back as furiously as I was getting. He kissed me senseless until I couldn’t have told you my name or what day it was. All I knew was the taste and smell of the beautiful man who was devouring me.

As abruptly as it started, it stopped. He let go and my useless legs buckled. Thank God the chair was there to catch my fall. When he leaned in, his warm breath feathered against my cheek, sending shivers all over my body.

“Do you want to fuck?” he whispered in my ear.

“Yes,” I hissed, arching up to him.

“How bad?” he asked, nipping my earlobe.

“More than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life,” I moaned.

Standing up, he looked down at me. His eyes were dilated with lust and a thin sheen of sweat covered his gorgeous body. His lazy half smirk was firmly in place as he dropped his bomb.

“Good.”

He turned away and pulled his clothes back on as I tried to process the fact that I wasn’t going to get laid.

“Oh my God, you’ve got to be kidding me,” I yelled as I grabbed for my dress and pulled it over my head. “I hope you get blue balls so bad they fall off.”

“Payback is a bitch,” he said, grinning.

“Yeah, well you just got your last chance with me in this lifetime,” I huffed, searching for my panties. “Where the hell are my . . .”

“Got ’em,” he purred as he tucked my panties into the pocket of his jeans.

“Give those back. They’re my favorites,” I snapped, holding out my hand.

“You’ll have to earn them.”

“I’ll do no such thing. We’re definitely even now. You won. Hope you’re happy.” I walked over to my front door and held it open. “Leave.”

“You got it wrong,” he said, backing me up against my door and invading my personal space. “I didn’t win the battle—you’ve won every battle so far—but I will win the war.”

“What in the hell is that supposed to mean?” I shoved him out of my face.

“It means you’re mine.” He laughed and walked out the door.

“When hell freezes over,” I called after him.

He turned around and grinned. I wanted to slap him unconscious. “According to your dyke friends, and they instructed me to call them that, hell froze over last Tuesday, baby. See ya in an hour.”

He got in his car and left.

Game was on and he was so going to lose.

“D
o you see my problem?” Shoshanna lamented as she plied Luke with cheese and crackers and a beer.

“Actually I do.” Luke nodded his head seriously and sipped his beer. “I think it’s a damn shame no one has been forthcoming with the information. I do believe I can help you out.”

“Well, that’s just fucking great!” she shouted, and slapped him on the back, causing him to choke on his beer. “Heimlich!” she shrieked, knocking Luke’s beer from his hand and wrapping her tiny arms around him in an attempt to save his life.

“No, no, no,” Luke gasped, removing the raving lunatic from his mid-section. “I’m good. It just went down the wrong pipe.”

“Thank God,” she said. “That would have been a disaster if I killed you.”

“Not really,” I muttered, tired of watching Luke charm the Minnesota Vikings sweatpants off of Shoshanna. In the last thirty minutes, I’d gotten about two words in.

“Now that’s not nice, Candy.” Shoshanna gave me the eyeball. “What do you have against Luke here? He’s hotter than Satan’s fucking underpants and he’s been staring at your tits since you two arrived,” she crowed with delight. “If I didn’t know better, I’d say you two have played hide the salami.”

“We haven’t,” I snapped at the same time Luke informed her we had. “Okay, fine,” I admitted. “We used to, but that’s over and you don’t have anything to worry about. We are focused on your safety and getting to the bottom of this.”

“Candy is correct,” Luke agreed, “mostly. We are focused and professional. We will find who is threatening you and end it, but I will be having sex with her on a regular basis.”

“No, you won’t,” I snapped, glaring.

“Yes, I will,” he shot back lazily. “Shoshanna, do you have a problem with this?”

“Sweet baby Moses in a thong,” she squealed with glee, “this is one of my books come to life! No problems here, but you seem to have a few,” she told Luke.

“I’ll work them out, trust me,” he replied to Shoshanna while undressing me with his eyes.

I had never met or worked with someone so unprofessional in my life. What in the hell was he thinking telling Shoshanna all that crap? I knew he didn’t play by the rules, but this was insane.

“A word?” I hissed to the loose cannon and nodded toward the purple kitchen.

“Shoshanna, will you excuse us for a moment?” Luke asked politely.

“Go for it, big boy! I’m just gonna grab some research material so you can help me out.” She winked at us and ran back to what I assumed was a blindingly purple office. “Just yell when you two lovebirds are finished.”

“Oh my God,” I burst out. “We’re just going to talk.”

“Right,” Shoshanna called over her shoulder, laughing like a loony.

“You are out of line,” I snapped at Luke. “There are real threats on her life and if you expend one ounce of energy trying to get into my pants, which by the way is a lost cause, Shoshanna could die.”

He watched my fit in silence and waited for more.

“Are you going to say something?” I demanded, crossing my arms over my chest, which he’d been ogling for the better part of an hour.

He walked right up to me and planted himself inches from me. Putting his hands on the purple stripes flanking my head, he loosely trapped me. “I have spent every day for the last several years expecting not to see tomorrow. I am so good at my job, the government decided to erase me from their rosters,” he said in a tone that sent chills of unease through me. “I’ve done things that would give even people like you nightmares. God knows, they give me nightmares. I will guarantee you that I will find and arrest or destroy whoever is threatening Shoshanna and I will do it quickly. Life is short for people like you and me, so I will be pursuing you while I do what I’m paid to do. If you have a problem with that, take yourself off the case.”

I was speechless. I would not take myself off the case. I might not have seen what he had seen in the line of duty, but I was no slouch. I was qualified and committed and I liked Shoshanna. He was high if he thought he could scare me away.

“You’re fucking nuts,” I said, ducking under his arm and putting some space between us. “I might not be as
well rounded
as you are, but I’m damn good at what I do. It’s in me just as much as it’s in you. So I will not be taking myself off the job . . . asshole.”

“Tell me something, Candy,” he said, breaking eye contact and examining the cardboard cutout of Brett Favre that had made its way to the kitchen since the dinner party last week. “Tell me that you’re not attracted to me. Tell me that part of you doesn’t wonder what it would be like to be mine, and for me to be yours. To have something real.” He paused and ran his hands through his hair, and my stomach clenched in fear. This was too real for me—too messy . . . too gray. “Tell me all those things mean nothing to you and I will leave you alone, but think about your answer. Think hard.”

He waited with his back to me. My brain was imploding in my head and my heart raced. He was serious. This was more frightening than any violent, potentially deadly job I’d ever worked, and the stakes were higher. My hands trembled and the ringing in my ears made me grasp the counter for balance. My silence clearly unnerved him and he took that as my answer. He turned to walk away and I panicked.

“Wait.”

He froze with his hands clenched in fists.

“I have thought about all of that,” I stammered, and his body visibly relaxed. “I have, but it’s too fast and I can’t give up everything for something I have no idea would work . . . or last.”

Luke turned and caught me as my knees gave way and I slid down to the floor. I wanted to curl up and hide from all the truth I’d just released. “That’s all I need, beautiful girl,” he said with a smile, and pulled me to his strong, warm body. “I will make you believe. I promise.”

I laid my head on his chest and listened as his rapid heartbeat slowed. I had just done something scarier than facing the entire cartel that wanted to carve me up. I was fairly sure there was no way to shoot my way out of what I’d just admitted to . . . and as frightened as I was, I felt lighter than I had since before my sister had died.

I glanced up at my potentially terrifying future and exhaled a shaky breath. “We can’t be screwing around during SCREW-Con. You know that, don’t you?”

“I do”—he grinned and traced my lips with his finger—“but a tiny bit of nookie here and there should be okay. And once this fucker is done and put to bed, I’m taking you to an island, tying you up, and making you orgasm for three weeks straight.”

I rolled my eyes as everything south of my belly button tightened in anticipation of a sex-a-thon with the insane man who planned to kidnap me. His smile was so happy and I knew mine matched. God, what had I done? Who cared? I had never felt this way before and I didn’t want it to go away.

“That doesn’t sound very fair,” I purred, running my hands underneath his shirt.

“How’s that?” he asked huskily.

God, I loved that I affected him as much as he affected me.

“I think I should be able to tie you up too,” I reasoned logically, rubbing up against him.

“Fuuuuuck.” He chuckled as his head dropped back onto his shoulders. “I do believe that could be arranged.”

“Good.” I pushed him away and put my agent face back on even though I couldn’t hide my grin. “Enough of this. We have a job to do and we’re going to do it right. Deal?”

“Deal.”

As we made our way back to Shoshanna and the purple shag–carpeted living room, Luke copped a major feel of my ass. My instincts were to slap him, but my girlie parts disagreed. I could deal with a little grabby-grabby as long as we did our job. It might even make the job more fun . . . Wait. Who was I and what had I done with Candy? I glanced over at the very self-satisfied Luke and I realized I didn’t care.

“As you two can see,” Shoshanna said, holding up two sets of handcuffs, “I have metal and fuzzies. However, I think the fuzzies would be more comfortable. But it would make more sense for you guys to use the metal ones because that’s what you carry and I want realism. Ya know? So what did you guys use?”

“The metal,” I replied, and then screamed and slapped my hand over my mouth.

Luke, grinning like an imbecile, decided to expand on my faux pas. “We have used the metal.
Several times,
” he told a delighted Shoshanna. “But just the other day when I had Candy cuffed to her bed and I made her see Jesus a couple of times . . . six to be exact, the cuffs got uncomfortable and I wished I had something with some kind of soft fabric on it.”

“You will shut your cakehole now, or there will be no island or Jesus or anything,” I yelled at him. “Do. You. Understand?”

“Awwww, come on,” Shoshanna pleaded. “I won’t tell anyone. It’s kind of like being a newspaper source. I’ll protect your identity with my life.”

“How about we just protect your life and you find some other sources? We’re not available,” I said firmly.

Shoshanna pouted until I saw Luke give her a covert thumbs-up, indicating he would be willing to spill the dirty details of our sex life. I would have words with him later.

“About the logistics,” I said, and opened a file. “You’re fairly well booked with appearances, panels, and parties. We might need to pull back a bit on some of this if there’s even the slightest hint of trouble.”

“No prob,” Shoshanna said. “Anybody hungry? I’ve got some awesome Turkey Noodle DooDa Surprise from my buddy Nancy. I can throw some of that shit in the microwave and we can chow.”

“Um, I’m good.” Anything with cream of mushroom soup as one of the ingredients didn’t sit well with my gag reflex.

“Just ate,” Luke added quickly.

“It does look like puke,” Shoshanna admitted, “but it tastes great! Come on, I’ll make three plates.”

“No,” both Luke and I shouted at the same time. I glanced down at my hands and bit the inside of my cheek so I wouldn’t giggle. We could take down a small army, but we couldn’t face casseroles. Maybe we were a good match . . .

“Suit yourselves,” Shoshanna muttered absently, lost in thought. “I’d rather eat cheese anyway.”

She dug in and I glanced away, making a mental note to myself never to sit across from her at meals. “Okay then, Luke and I will go as your assistants. I’ll be with you at all times except when you’re in your room. I have a room adjacent to yours with a connecting door and Luke will flank you on the other side. We also reserved the two rooms across the hall from you and eight more on other floors. We’ll move you daily so you’ll be difficult to find.”

“Jesus Harvey Simpson-Christ, that seems like a whole lot of trouble for you guys. I really . . .”

“Shoshanna.” I stopped her and my voice went serious. “I am very aware that you think this is a game, but the tone of the notes has changed and a solid death threat has been made. Steve likes that we’re getting you out of town to the writing convention, since no reference has been made to your books. But we have no suspects whatsoever and we’re going to take all precautions we deem necessary.”

“Damn, you’re all hot and badass when you go tough-girl agent.” Shoshanna put her hand up to Luke for a high five. He slapped her little paw and grinned in agreement.

“Enough.” I shook my head and smiled. “None of the suspects we had panned out.”

“I didn’t think they would,” Shoshanna replied, cutting more cheese.

“Why?”

“Well,” she stated mushily with a huge mouthful of her favorite treat, “Evangeline, God love her over-botoxed ass, is too stupid and in the slammer. Junsen has a huge crush on me and wants a date with me. If I were dead, that would be a little difficult. And Steigmeister lives in the dark ages. He can’t use the computer and he’s too self-righteous to do anything illegal.” She finished her explanation and shoved an ungodly amount of cheese into her already full mouth.

“You could have saved me a bunch of time this week,” I muttered, remembering all the fun I’d had.

“I told Steve all this, but nobody listens.”

“Do you have any thoughts who it might be?” Luke asked the question that was on the tip of my tongue.

“Nope, but the notes are weird. It’s like whoever is writing them doesn’t know me. I wondered at first if the threats were even really aimed at me.”

“Do you have copies with you, Candy?” Luke asked, moving over to sit with me.

“I have a new file for you. It matches mine, and we meet with Steve tomorrow morning before we leave to be briefed on any updates.”

“Good.” He was all business now. He took his file and scanned it.

“Oh, guys, there is one problem.” Shoshanna slapped her little forehead as she remembered.

“What?” Our eyes shot up from our paperwork.

“I wouldn’t have a male assistant,” she informed us. “Highly unusual considering I’m a professor of Women’s Studies and I write all women as Doms, so I’ve worked out another scenario. Candy, you’ll be my assistant and, Luke, you’ll be my cover model.”

“Is that usual?” Luke asked, a little wary of the change in plans.

“Oh fuck yeah.” She laughed. “Besides, you’re hotter than hell on a stick and I’m sure you’ll win the pageant.”

“I’m sorry, what?” Luke swallowed hard and gave Shoshanna a look full of displeasure.

“Don’t worry about it,” she cackled. “Just bring your leathers and chains and prepare to have your mind blown.”

I stared at my paperwork, enjoying myself way too much. I would definitely film the pageant on my phone. I’d have blackmail material for the rest of my natural life if I caught him strutting his stuff in chaps and chains . . .

“Fine,” Luke said stiffly. “I’ll just block that one out until I have to deal with it. However, I do have something that’s bothering me. Who in the hell is watching you this week and where in the hell are they?”

A sharp rap on the door made me jump. Luke and I immediately pulled our guns and he quickly moved in front of Shoshanna.

“Who is it?” he yelled.

“Shoshanna’s protection,” shot back a very familiar voice from the other side of the door. It was Mitch. I holstered my gun and grinned with relief, but Luke’s eyes narrowed to slits. WTF?