Cop a Feel (Handcuffs and Happily Ever Afters) (13 page)

“Open the door, Candy,” Luke instructed in a clipped tone. I moved to the door and let my brother in. I went to give him a quick hug, but he was focused on one thing only . . . Luke.

“Nice to see you, Mitch. Long time no see,” Luke said mildly in a voice that made the hair stand up on the back of my neck.

“Right back at ya, Luke. I see that distance doesn’t make the heart grow fonder,” my brother replied with a smile that came nowhere close to reaching his eyes.

Fuck.

“Candy,” Mitch snapped. “Kitchen.”

“She stays here,” Luke said as he holstered his gun.

Mitch and Luke did the macho stare down thing while Shoshanna and I watched. Shoshanna grabbed her notebook and started scribbling. I snatched it away and refocused on the testosterone contest. Were they serious? Yep. This was ridiculous.

“Luke, stay here with Shoshanna,” I instructed firmly. “I’m going with my brother to the kitchen to have a little chat.”

“Your brother?” Luke’s eyebrows raised in surprise.

“That’s right, motherfucker. Her brother.” Mitch’s smile reached his eyes this time, but it wasn’t exactly pretty.

“Kitchen,” I ground out through clenched teeth to Mitch.

“After you,” he said, never taking his eyes off my pissed-off potential boyfriend.

Fucking awesome.

M
itch paced the kitchen like a caged tiger that had lost its mind. I sat on the counter and watched him. It was clear he and Luke knew each other and even clearer that there was no love lost between them. Had they worked together? Had they dated the same woman? Ewwww, I pushed that one right out of my head. If that was the case, I didn’t want to know. Why in the hell would they hate each other so much and how did Luke not know that Mitch was my brother? Hell, the family resemblance was almost impossible to miss.

“How often was Sanderson your last name when you were undercover?” I asked him.

“I’ve had over a hundred last names,” he snapped, coming to an abrupt halt in front of me.

“And when Luke knew you, what was your last name?”

“Fuck if I know, but it wasn’t Sanderson.”

One question answered. Oh so many more to go . . .

“Why in the hell did you have to pick someone like him?” Mitch demanded.

“How do you even know that I picked him?” I shot back. Who the hell did he think he was? My father?

“The house is bugged, Candace.”

“Shit,” I muttered as the heat crawled quickly up my neck.

“Yeah and then some. Let’s just reel off all the things I never needed to know about my sister. Call me crazy, but when I was sure it was you getting jiggy with one of the world’s most dangerous assassins, I almost came in here and tore his head off.”

“That would have gone over well.” I laughed despite the fact my brother wasn’t even remotely kidding. “How do you know each other?”

“Classified,” Mitch said with disgust. “Maybe he’ll tell you, but I won’t.”

“Yes, you will. You’re out of the business now and you clearly know things you think I should know, so spill it, bro.”

“Fine, little sis,” he yelled. “We’ve worked together—many times. He’s very good and fucking crazy. Without getting too specific, he’s wanted by most of the criminal world. Dead. He’s wanted dead by every cartel and organized gun-running, drug-smuggling crime group that exists. What he apparently just did down in Mexico is the stuff nightmares are made of. No one will ever forget that one,” he hissed.

My stomach dropped and I thought I was going to be sick. I gripped the edge of the counter so I didn’t fall off. “He did that for me,” I whispered. “He was cleaning up my fuck-up. I’m the reason he was in Mexico.”

“Jesus Christ, Candy. You killed the head of
that
cartel? Was that who almost took out your intestines?”

I didn’t answer him. I couldn’t. Had Luke put a death sentence on his already wanted head for me? This was not what I needed. My life was getting more complicated and screwed up than ever. The part about him being wanted meant nothing. Hell, I was wanted too. I simply hated the fact he’d led a raid with his emotions involved and that I was the cause.

“Was that who you took out?” Mitch repeated.

I looked up, startled. I’d forgotten Mitch was in the room. “Yes, that’s who I took out.”

If Mitch could have combusted, he would have. His strung-together run-on of swear words would have made me laugh in another situation, but I was fairly sure I would never laugh again.

“Why the hell couldn’t you have hooked up with someone who wasn’t a walking death trap?”

“I’m no prize myself,” I snapped.

“Yes, you are. You’re my sister. Any man would be luckier than hell to have you. It just can’t be him.”

“I don’t see how the choice is yours, Mitch,” I said quietly.

“How long have you been seeing him?” he demanded. I knew how my brother’s brain worked. He was looking for a hole or an advantage. I wasn’t about to give him one. He was too good. No way would I tell him it had only been real for less than a week.

“A year.”

“What?” he exploded. “A year and you’re still alive?”

“Looks like it. And if I had died this year, it would have had nothing to do with Luke. I’m capable of that all by my lonesome.”

“God, Candy.” Mitch walked over and rested his forehead on mine. “I hate that you’re still in this. Haven’t you done enough? She wouldn’t have wanted you to end up like this.”

“Like what?” I pushed him away. Why did everyone feel the need to destroy me lately? Who had I fucked over in a former life that my karma had taken a nosedive into hell? “I’m good at this. It’s right and I do it well.”

“Do you love it?”

I paused. Did I? What a strange question . . . Did I love risking my life for people that would never know I’d saved them from anything? Was it enough anymore? Had I avenged my sister? Had I fixed my broken self? Would I ever take out enough of the bad guys? Did I really think somewhere deep inside that my family would be proud of what I was doing someday? Love wasn’t the word I’d use. I wasn’t even sure what it really meant.

“I . . .”

“Too long, Candy,” Mitch said victoriously. “You took too long to answer, so that’s your answer.”

“That makes no sense.”

“It makes perfect sense. If you loved it, you’d get up in my face and tell me to fuck off. You didn’t, so it’s time to get out and live. And you can’t live with someone still ass-deep in this fucked-up world.”

“That’s an excellent point,” Luke said from the doorway.

“I don’t recall inviting you into this conversation,” Mitch said tightly.

“You didn’t.” Luke grinned. “I invited myself. I agree with almost everything you just said to your sister. I want her out too and will do everything in my power to make sure that happens. However, I’m getting out also, so I’m no longer ass-deep in anything . . . Mitchy.”

“Bullshit.” Mitch crossed the room and stood toe to toe with Luke. Holy hell, were they going to fight?

“Enough,” I barked, and hopped off the counter, getting between them. “Neither of you has the right to make any decisions for me. I am a grown woman with a mind, so screw both of you. If I get out, it will be my decision, not yours or yours. Mine.”

“And him?” Mitch asked, referring to Luke.

I expelled a long breath and closed my eyes. Sink or swim . . . sink or swim. “He wants me, Mitch. He wants me just like I am—with my scars, the scars on the outside and even the uglier ones on the inside. He’s good with my Glock strapped to my thigh and my total fucking fear of commitment. He’s made me think about things and want things I’ve never considered a possibility for myself . . . I think I need that,” I whispered, trying to make him understand.

Mitch stepped back and took three deep breaths to calm himself. He stuck his hands in the back of his jeans and turned his eyes on Luke. “Do you love her?”

“Oh my God,” I shrieked. “Shut up! That is none of your business and I don’t want to know the answer to that question.” I heard Luke chuckle behind me and noticed my brother’s shoulders relax as some kind of asshole telepathy passed between them. I wanted to deck him . . . both of them.

“If you hurt her, you don’t have to worry about all the people who want you dead, because I will kill you . . . with my bare hands, and I’ll enjoy it.”

“Sounds fair.” Luke cautiously crossed the kitchen to my brother and held out his hand. Mitch slowly took his hand from his back pocket and placed it in Luke’s. With one last look of warning at both of us, Mitch left the kitchen.

“Hey, asshole,” he called to Luke over his shoulder as he made his way to the front door, “the house is bugged. If I have to hear you talk about making my sister see Jesus ever again, I will make sure it’s the last thing you ever say.”

“Got it,” Luke called back, winking at me.

The front door slammed and we stood in utter silence for a moment.

“That went pretty well,” he said.

“Are you on crack?” I stammered. “That was hideous.”

“No, hideous would have been if your brother or I was lying dead on the purple linoleum kitchen floor.
That
. . . was nothing.”

“Sweet baby Moses in a thong,” Shoshanna yelled, tearing into the kitchen. “That was tremendous. I got most of that down, but I missed a little bit of the . . .”

“Stop,” I cut her off. “If you write even one word of what you just heard, I will personally go to Professor Junsen and tell her you’re in love with her and I will give her the key to your house . . . and all of your bras.”

“You are one tuff-ass broad,” Shoshanna yelled gleefully. “We are gonna have one hell of a time at SCREW-Con.”

“Screw what?” Luke asked alarmed.

“SCREW-Con,” she repeated. “Society of Contemporary Romance Erotic Writers.”

“Didn’t you read your file?” I teased.

“I did and I’m very sure that was not in it. I do believe I would have remembered that one.”

“That Steve is a sneaky fucker,” Shoshanna cackled. “He left that tidbit out of Candy’s too.”

“We’re done here,” I said, exhausted from the drama. “We’ll see you in the morning, Shoshanna.” I grabbed my stuff, gave Shoshanna a quick hug, and waited for Luke.

As we walked down to our cars, Luke pulled me to a stop beneath the oversized Minnesota Vikings flag. “Do you want to make out by your car and send your brother into a fit? Or we could go back to your place.” He grinned and waggled his eyebrows.

“No.” I giggled. “We’ve done enough damage for the afternoon. And I think I need to be alone tonight.”

“But it’s our last nookie night before we have to be careful,” he moaned.

He was right and I had considered that, but . . .

“If what you’re offering is true, we have the potential of, um . . . many you know, nookie nights in the years ahead.”
God, did I really just say that?

The look of sheer joy on Luke’s face made my breath catch in my throat. He picked me up, swung me around, and laid a huge one on my lips. “I will hold you to that, pretty girl. I will definitely hold you to that.”

Luke walked to his car with a spring in his step and it was impossible to hide my smile. He honked his horn as he pulled away and I scanned the street for my brother. I spotted him in his car scowling at me. I grinned and waved. He shot me the bird and I returned the favor. This had been one of the best days of my life so far and I never wanted it to end. A tiny voice inside my head reminded me to beware of what I wished for, but I ignored it and shoved it to the back to deal with another day.

S
hoshanna’s house was utter chaos Saturday morning—everyone was there and I already had a headache. I pinched the bridge of my nose and dove into the fray. Mitch and Luke gave each other a wide berth. It was clear Jack was siding with Mitch . . . However, Kristy and Rena were another story. They were on Luke like white on rice. He seemed to thoroughly enjoy the grilling they were giving him. He kept winking at me and I felt a little nauseous wondering what in the hell he was telling them.

Steve, Kevin, and the kids were helping Shoshanna bring her luggage out to the living room . . . all ten pieces.
WTF?

“What do you have in there?” I tried to pick one up and doubled over. It had to weigh well over a hundred and fifty pounds.

“That one is full of vibrators for giveaways! They have the name of my latest book and a really nice picture of me on them.”

Was she kidding? No one even stopped what they were doing. Thank God, the kids seemed to have no clue what she was talking about. Didn’t anyone think it was appalling that Shoshanna had put her likeness on a vibrator? I was scared to ask what was in the other bags—so I didn’t.

“He’s hot,” Rena announced as she crossed the room to me. “He’s hot and he’s so into you it makes me grind my teeth. I approve.”

“Me too,” Kristy agreed. “Now, your brother may take a little while, but I’ll withhold panty privileges unless he eases up.” She giggled and high-fived Rena.

“You would do that for me?” I asked, moved by her generosity and grossed out by the image of my brother having any kind of intimate relations.

“Of course,” she said with a grin, and gave me a hug. “You’re my friend and my future sister. I gather my ammo well and will expect a payback when I need it!”

“You got it.” I stared at the two crazy girls who liked me. My friends. The feeling was new and precious. I was terrified if I expressed it, I might cry.

“Enough with the sappy bullshit.” Rena rolled her eyes and slugged me in the arm. “You will be careful and you will solve the mystery. I’m sick and tired of this clusterfuck and I want it over.”

“Deal.” I hugged both of them and turned to find an adorable little rugrat demanding my attention.

“Candy, you was supposed to stay with us and do my hairs. Daddy and Kevin are terrible with my hairs. Just look at me!” She giggled and shook her head like a wet dog. I scooped her up and smooched her fat little cheeks. She snuggled into my chest and I buried my face in her sweet smelling “hairs.”

“I think you look beautiful. Daddy and Kevin didn’t do such a bad job.”

“I know. Kevin said I be beautiful even if I have no hairs at all,” she screeched with delight, and plastered wet kisses all over my face.

Glancing up, I felt eyes on me. Luke stood motionless on the other side of the room, watching me with Bella. The look on his face was one I’d never seen . . . a mix of longing and desire. I turned away. Way too much to handle at the moment. If he thought . . .

“Okay, everybody out. Give Shoshanna a hug and then haul ass out of here,” Steve yelled over the din.

“Daddy said
ass
. That means butt,” Bella squealed as Devon tried to control his fit of giggles at his father’s use of potty words.

“Whoops,” Steve said, turning pink. “Daddy owes the jar a quarter.”

I stared at the man who was my boss—the ex–Navy Seal who had seen as many horrifying things as I had, probably more. He was blushing because he’d said ass in front of his children. He was going to put a quarter in a jar. He was married to a person he loved and he had a normal life. Was he proof that it could be done? That it could work?

I snuck a peek at Luke, who was watching the scene unfold as closely as I was. I wasn’t sure if I could really ever get out . . . how could he be so sure? Or was he struggling too?

“Get your sorry hineys out of my house,” Shoshanna grunted, pulling one of her thousand-pound suitcases toward the door. “Son of a biscuit, these weigh a ton. Mitch and Jack, take these out to the car for me, will ya?”

The guys took her cases and the gals followed them out. Kevin and Steve had a quick word and the house was almost quiet. I was quite impressed by Shoshanna’s ability to curb her mouth in front of the kids. I wouldn’t have called that one. Devon and Bella had tackled her and tickled her while she tickled them back. Devon seemed like such a happy, normal little seven-year-old when his mother wasn’t present. Again, I hoped Steve and Kevin would somehow be able to get custody. As a gay couple, I knew they had an uphill battle. What was wrong with the world that a stable, loving, two-father family wasn’t good enough, but an insane religious zealot with a vendetta, who didn’t give a crap about her kids, was okay? I sighed and realized I couldn’t fix that one. Kevin peeled the kids off a very happy Shoshanna and made his good-byes.

“I’ll be home in an hour or so,” Steve told him. “Just have to recap and brief Luke and Candy.”

“Take your time. We’re going to the mall to buy hair bows for the princess and a video game for the master of the house.” The kids grinned, grabbed Kevin’s hands, and dragged him out the door.

We were all business now, except for Shoshanna, who still thought the whole thing was a game. After leading us to the purple kitchen, Steve got right to it.

“We got another letter,” he said, handing both Mitch and me copies.

“Shoshanna, have you seen this?” I asked.

“Oh yeah, they come here. I call Steve, he picks them up, and then you guys freak out.”

“What’s interesting is that they all say the same thing except for how they’re addressed,” Luke said, laying several out side by side.

“What the hell are you talking about?” Shoshanna asked, slapping a platter of cheese down on the table. I checked my watch, nine a.m.—entirely too early for cheese. “They all came to my house.”

“No, not the envelope, the way they greet you,” Luke said sarcastically in reference to the foul names that had been used.

“One hell of a greeting, huh?” Shoshanna laughed. “Cheese?” We all quickly and politely declined. “Fucking awesome. More for me.”

The gist of the notes was the same, except the last two, where death threats had been literally made instead of just implied. It was puzzling that the opening of each letter was different. I ran through the salutations . . .
Trollop, Vicious Whore, Insane Bitch,
and the list went on. Then the letters continued,
Your evil ways will destroy you. Atone before it’s too late.
The last two arrived with the real threat
. . . You succeeded, now you die.

“Have these been sent to the crypto guys at the FBI?” Luke inquired as he continued to stare at them. “We’re missing something here.”

“Sent them last week and faxed each new one as it came in,” Steve replied. “Problem is they’re backlogged and we’re not priority.”

“Jesus, I forgot to pack the Ben Wa balls,” Shoshanna gasped, and hightailed it out of the kitchen. We were all silent for a moment. I wondered if anyone was going to touch that . . . Nope. We went on as if nothing unusual had just happened.

“Do we have anyone else that can decode?” I asked, mentally running through the specialties of all the agents I had worked with.

“There are two, but I was a little hesitant to bring them in.” Steve dropped his head to his hands. “Because of the death threats, I had no choice. I called this morning. I should hear back from them within the hour.”

“You’ll have results?” Luke asked, impressed.

“No.” Steve laughed without humor. “I’ll have their answer as to whether or not they’ll take the job.”

“What the hell kind of agent has that kind of clout?” I was shocked. You can always debate with Steve, but what he says goes. Always. Luke seemed as surprised as I was.

“These agents are rather left of center. They don’t exactly work for me,” Steve continued. “They’re known for their brilliance and shooting skills as well as their talent for destruction of hotel rooms and the massive expense tabs they incur.”

WTF?

“Will they take this project?”

“If they don’t, I’ll sic Kristy on them. Apparently she scares the shit out of them.”

“I’m confused,” Luke said. “Kristy, the mild-mannered gal who was here? The one engaged to Mitch?”

“You got it.”

“No fucking way.” I started to laugh and I couldn’t stop. “Those old hags can decipher code?” I gurgled.

“Yes they can.” Steve shook his head and ran his hands through his hair.

“Um, still confused here,” Luke cut in.

“Your girlfriends,” I sputtered, completely freaked out that I was going to have to work with Mrs. C and Edith. “The ones who took you shopping.”

Luke blanched. “The dykes?” he whispered, and without conscious thought moved his hand over his crotch for protection.

“Jesus,” Steve groused, and gave Luke a glare that made many lose their shit. “What the hell is wrong with you? You don’t call a lesbian a fucking dyke.”

“Oh yes you do,” Luke shot back defensively. “They specifically told me to call them dykes, lesbos, or queers. If I inadvertently used the term rug-muncher or muff-diver, they promised to remove my manbits with a dull butter knife . . . and then feed them to me.”

Luke was sweating after that diatribe and Steve looked stricken.

“Sorry, man. I didn’t know,” Steve choked out.

“I’ve faced the unimaginable and they scare the shit out of me,” Luke murmured as he kept his hand planted firmly on top of his privates.

“They’ll take the job,” I guaranteed a pale and shaken Steve. A man could go to war, but threaten his jewels and he became a little girl . . .

“How do you know?”

“I know because they worship the ground that Shoshanna walks on. They will take an obscene amount of pleasure in permanently eliminating anything or anyone that is a threat to Shoshanna.”

“Okay great,” Steve said, slowly regaining his authority and his color.

“Jesus,” Luke groaned. “Will they be staying with us?”

Shit, I hadn’t even thought about that.

“No, not initially. I’ll need them here for a few days. I guess,” Steve lowered his voice in terror. “I’ll have them work out of my office until they find something.”

“Will you be coming up?” I asked Steve.

“Possibly, but I want to stay on top of the forensics guys and monitor the house and the university.”

I nodded and wondered what the coming week was going to hold. I’d be dressed like a rubber hooker and Luke would look like a male stripper from a gay biker bar. Shoshanna would be doling out vibrators with her likeness on them and the lesbians were going to get their wish to attend SCREW-Con. Unfortunately, they’d be locked and loaded and that was a scary picture. I didn’t doubt their expertise. I’d have their back and I knew they’d have mine . . . I just didn’t know if I could be around them for that long without trying to kill them myself.

“Candy—” Steve looked up from an incoming text. “You were right. They’re in one hundred percent. And who’s Mag the Hag?”

Luke laughed and I rolled my eyes. “Long, fucked-up story that only proves the old biddies are more insane that we thought.”

“Do I need to hear it? Does it pertain?”

“Nope, but I can tell you.”

“Or I can,” Luke chimed in happily.

“I’m putting myself on a need-to-know basis. If I don’t need to know, then I don’t want to hear. You got it?”

“Yes, sir.” I grinned and saluted him.

“I’m out of here. You have me on speed dial. I want you to check in periodically during the day and night till we get this solved.”

“Roger that,” Luke said, taking a piece of cheese and then deciding against it.

“I guess we should get going,” I said, getting up from the table to give Steve a quick hug.

“Not looking like that you’re not,” Shoshanna informed us as she bounced back into the kitchen with an armload of what I assumed to be multicolored Ben Wa balls. “Steve, grab a shopping bag from under the sink before I drop all the vag-balls and make a mess. You two”—she nodded at me and Luke—“need to get changed into your work clothes.”

“It’s a six-hour drive,” I griped. “There’s no way I can sit in a rubber skirt for six hours.”

“Then put on the leather shit,” she reasoned, shoving Steve out the back door with the Ben Wa balls. “Steve, put them in the front and then lock it. I’ll be damned if someone’s gonna steal my balls.” She turned back to us and raised her eyebrows. “Move it. We got a Con to get to!”

“Fine,” I groaned.

“I don’t know if I can do this,” Luke said as he followed me out of the room.

“What? The job?” I asked, shocked.

“No. The fucking clothes.” He laughed.

“At least we’ll look like idiots together,” I told him, taking his hand in mine and going to our suitcases.

“Fucking awesome,” he muttered.

I couldn’t have agreed more.