Courage In Love (13 page)

“What are you made of? Why can’t I stop needing to taste you?” Ross whispered urgently against Parker’s skin before his lips closed over the head of Parker’s erection. He began to suck and Parker’s eyes rolled back into his head as warmth pooled in his groin and pleasure swirled.

“Fuck, that’s so good.” Parker whimpered as his fingertips pressed against Ross’ scalp and he fought off the need to fist his hands in his hair and thrust into Ross’ mouth. “So good.” Parker breathed and Ross moaned in delight as he took Parker deep into his throat. Ross sucked and tight, wet pressure engulfed Parker and he panted Ross’ name. Ross’ lips released Parker and his eyes were a deep emerald as his tongue glided down Parker’s length. His head tilted and Parker hissed when Ross lapped at his sack. Ross sucked, pulling Parker’s balls into his mouth as his hand wrapped firmly around Parker’s shaft and stroked. Parker’s sack pulled tight and pressure pushed up his length. “I’m so close!” Parker gasped and Ross growled softly as he raised his head and teased the end of Parker’s cock with his tongue, tracing the slit and brushing his lips over the tight, delicate skin.

“Give it to me, Parker.” Ross commanded gently. “Come all over my tongue, I need to taste you.” His eyes held Parker’s as he let his mouth fall open. His hand tugged firmly as his tongue fluttered against the head, soft, warm and waiting. Everything in Parker’s body locked and he arched against the door.

“Rosssss…” Parker hissed as his head snapped back and his body came apart.

A current of bright, electric pleasure radiated from his groin and Parker’s knees almost buckled as Ross’ lips closed around the end of his cock and sucked greedily. Ross wrapped his arms around Parker’s waist, supporting him as pressure surged up Parker’s length and a stream of come burst from the head, deep into Ross’ throat. Parker twisted and shook as Ross drank until the pulling and pulsing ceased and Parker laughed drunkenly and slid down the door. He pulled Ross’ lips to his and kissed him lazily, groaning in delight as he tasted his come on Ross’ tongue. Their lips clung for several moments and Ross chuckled as he pulled Parker to his feet.

“You still have to help unload and cook.” He reminded and Parker laughed as he pulled his jeans and briefs up and quickly zipped and buttoned.

“Oh, I’m about to cook the shit out of some lasagna.” Parker announced as Ross opened the door.

Chapter 25

The sun had only been up for a few hours but it was already oppressive. The helicopter held Ross, suspended between the rising heat from an ocean of golden sand and the rolling, dry heat of the fiercely dominant sun carried by an endless, ancient breeze that did nothing to ease the violent blast. As he looked out on the vast, terrifying nothing that was the desert, Ross felt none of his usual awe or respect. He was tired and overly aware of his injuries and the almost physical stench that clung to his body.
What would Parker think of this?
Ross wondered as his eyes stretched toward the horizon. That was it. He didn’t marvel at the shifting shades of oranges and yellows and the way the landscape seemed to undulate as they flew over it, like waves on the sea. Ross was just tired and his body felt like one giant itch, he needed to feel Parker so badly.

Hector nudged Ross and he looked at Mark. He’d crouched behind the pilot instead of taking his seat and had fallen asleep with his head resting on his arm. The source had proven to be less than accurate. The distance to the compound ended up being twice what he’d projected and there were about a dozen more well armed insurgents than they were expecting. Things got a little dicier than they would have liked but the compound was rubble and they had their high value prisoner. He’d give up valuable intelligence during interrogation and if needed, he could be useful for a prisoner exchange. The four days Ross spent questioning prisoners in that filthy, lice infested dump months earlier had paid off.

Ross grinned at Hector and shook his head before he looked back out the side of the helicopter. His eyes caught sight of a convoy and he tensed.
Please let those be bedouins,
he prayed as he leaned out and squinted to get a better look. There was a flash as the sun reflected off the glass of a site or binoculars.

“Incoming!” Ross yelled as he held on and grabbed Mark.

The pilot didn’t hesitate and the helicopter swayed to the left as he pulled an evasive maneuver. A second later, a high pitched whine screamed over the beat of the rotors as an RPG skimmed past them. Mark’s hand locked around Ross’ arm as he called in the convoy’s location for air support and the pilot took them out of range quickly. Ross watched the other helicopter go wide, staying clear.

“Light those fuckers up.” Mark ordered before he released the headset and jumped into his seat and strapped in. He sighed as he let his head fall back but Ross knew he wasn’t as relaxed as he pretended. Mark was just as rattled as Ross. A moment later, there were four large explosions in the distance and Hector saluted in the direction of the convoy.

“Adios, assholes.” He murmured and Ross nodded slowly as he stared back out at the desert.

Hours later, Ross’ head fell against the tiles as he let the hot water and steam smother him. The usual relief Ross felt when he finally stumbled into a five star hotel room in Kuwait City didn’t surface. He’d ignored the ocean view as he hastily peeled the clothes from his body and fell into the shower. Ross opened his eyes and held his hands up. They didn’t look like they were shaking but he felt like he was still vibrating with shock and anxiety.
Get over it. You’ve survived worse.
He insisted as he pressed his hands against the wall and stretched his neck and shoulders, trying to ease the tightness. The side of his face and right arm stung as the hot water pelted his skin. He’d been a touch too close when the outer wall of the compound exploded and he caught a blast of debris.
Parker’s not going to be pleased.
Ross’ jaw clenched as he saw Parker, Rosa and Michelle and recalled how close that RPG had come to the rotors of the helicopter. He squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head, trying to push it all away as his chest tightened painfully.

As much as Ross needed to hear Parker’s voice and to reassure himself and Parker that he was ok, Ross stayed in the shower until he felt lightheaded. He couldn’t remember being as tired or shaken up. When he slid his hand across the mirror, clearing some of the steam, he frowned at his reflection. Ross didn’t think that almost thirty-seven was old but he looked faded and weak, his eyes were sunken in from lack of sleep and almost a week without a decent meal or enough water.
How long can you keep this up?
He wondered as he stared at himself. When he finally turned away, he ignored the painful, empty clenching of his stomach and grabbed his phone as he went to the bed.

“Where are you?” Parker asked and Ross shut his eyes as they watered and soft warmth flooded his chest. He could practically smell Parker and tears spilled from the corners of his eyes. Ross pulled in a deep breath, silently.

“Kuwait City. My flight leaves tomorrow morning. I’ll be home in about three days, if I can avoid any long layovers and get to Europe with only a few hops.” He heard Parker sigh in relief and Ross saw the RPG skim the helicopter blades. He swallowed past the tightness in his throat.

“That’s great. You have no idea how much I miss you.” Parker said and Ross nodded.

“I know, I miss you too.” His voice broke and he cleared his throat.

“Is everything ok?” Parker asked quickly.

“Yeah. I’m just really tired and I’m pretty dehydrated.” It was true and Ross didn’t feel as guilty about lying.

“Then you need to get off the phone and drink lots of water and rest. You can call me when you get to Europe.” Parker insisted and Ross pushed his hand through his damp hair.

“I will but can we talk just a little longer? I’m so tired but I’m not ready to let you go. Tell me about tomorrow’s lecture.” He begged as he pulled a pillow under his head and Parker laughed.

“You want to hear about my lecture?” He asked in disbelief and Ross sighed softly.

“More than anything in the world. I just need to hear your voice.” He explained and Parker was silent for several moments.

“I’m discussing early urbanization of the Levant. I want to compare it’s economic and social development with that of the larger Mesopotamian cities and the formation of a centralized Egyptian state…”

Ross’ eyes went to the window and his gaze was unseeing as he absorbed the deep, rich smoothness of Parker’s voice. He followed along just enough to ask questions that would keep Parker talking until he exhaled loudly.

“I’ve been talking for over an hour, Ross. I’m really flattered that you’re willing to listen to me drone on about agriculture and ancient technologies but you need to eat, drink and rest.” He said firmly and Ross groaned as he sat up.

“I just want to be home.” He mumbled and his brows pulled together as he tried to figure out what that meant. His little house or Parker’s crappy, tiny duplex? Neither. Parker was home.

“How about I drive down and be there when you get back? I can go grocery shopping and stock the fridge for you and you won’t have to drive up.” Parker offered and Ross almost wept at the thought.

“Can you get away before Friday?” His voice was thin and strained again and he hoped Parker didn’t notice.

“Shouldn’t be a problem. I’ll take Wednesday and Thursday off and we’ll have a long weekend together.” He said and Ross bit his lip to keep from laughing.

“That would be so amazing.” It came out as a whisper and Ross’ lips pulled tight. He didn’t want Parker curious about why he was so much more emotional than usual. Parker chuckled softly and heavy warmth slid through Ross’ body.

“It’s not that big of a deal and I feel like we could use a few extra days in bed. Sans clothing.” He added and Ross wished he was relaxed enough to get aroused and really enjoy the prospect. “Hey. It’s time for you to get off the phone.” Parker insisted. “I love you and we’ll talk soon, right?” He asked and Ross sighed heavily as he nodded.

“Yeah. I’ll call you soon. I love you too.”

Ross didn’t move for hours after he hung up. He stared at the ceiling as his mind tumbled through numerous scenarios and the very big decision he had to make soon. Could he do what Bryan had done and leave the team and the missions to settle down with Parker? Was that really even an option as far as Parker was concerned?

Chapter 26

As soon as he pushed the door open, Parker rushed from the kitchen and Ross dropped his duffle bag as he reached for Parker. He locked his arms around Parker’s chest and buried his face in the corner of Parker’s neck and breathed deep. Parker’s hands were everywhere, pressing against Ross’ back, sliding into his hair, curving around his ass. Parker moaned Ross’ name before his lips covered Ross’. It felt surreal and precious, finally having Parker in his arms. Parker’s tongue slid around Ross’ and probed hungrily and the damn broke. Ross pulled his lips free and a strangled sob burst from Ross as his hand splayed against Parker’s back and the other cradled his head and Ross held him as tight as he could.

“What happened?” Parker asked as he leaned back in Ross’ arms and searched his eyes. “Are you ok?” His hands wrapped around Ross’ face and Ross nodded as he waited for his voice to work.

“I’m fine. I just missed you so much.” He whispered against Parker’s palm before he kissed it. Parker moaned as he pulled Ross’ lips to his.

“I missed you too.” He promised as he stepped back, taking Ross with him. “We need to get you out of these clothes and in bed so I can show you how much I missed you.” Parker towed Ross with him toward the stairs. Ross groaned as lust and joy rolled through him. Just before he’d walked through the door, Ross’ body felt drained and heavy and it had taken everything within him to make it up the steps. Now, he felt light and full of energy as Parker’s fingers worked at his belt buckle. A second later, his belt hit the floor and Parker had his jeans open. Ross chuckled as he grabbed Parker’s hands and twined their fingers.

“Shower first.” He demanded. “I’ve been in these clothes for two days and I know I’ve smelled better.” Ross said and Parker shook his head.

“I don’t care.” Parker insisted before he backed Ross against the wall. He pulled Ross’ shirt over his head and rubbed his nose against Ross’ shoulder and neck as he inhaled deeply. “I think you smell amazing.” He said as he pushed Ross’ pants down his hips. Ross ducked his head and dove for Parker’s lips as he pushed back and threw Parker against the opposite wall.

“I want you naked and in the shower with me.” Ross demanded as he flicked the button at Parker’s waist free with one hand.

Ross kissed Parker hard as he unzipped then pushed his khakis down his legs. Parker moaned as he clawed at Ross’ shoulders and stepped out of his pants. Ross pulled his lips free so he could push Parker’s shirt up his chest and over his head. Ross held Parker tight against his chest, reveling in the feel of his hard, warm body pressed to his as he danced him down the hall and into the bathroom. He stepped back and quickly unlaced and kicked off his boots and slipped out of his jeans and boxers while Parker turned on the water. Another wave of emotion crashed into Ross as his eyes swept over Parker’s naked body. He swallowed a sob of relief and need as he pulled Parker into his arms and backed him into the shower. Ross’ body shook as his lips cruised over Parker’s face, kissing his eyes, forehead, cheeks, nose, lips as he whispered Parker’s name over and over. Parker’s hands fisted in Ross’ hair.

“What’s going on?” He asked as his eyes flicked rapidly over Ross’ face. Ross shook his head as he wrapped his hands around Parker’s face.

“I just missed you so much. I love you, Parker. Being away from you is hell.” Ross murmured against Parker’s lips. He frowned as he stared into Ross’ eyes.

“That’s it?” He asked and Ross laughed.

“Isn’t that enough?” He teased as he pecked at Parker’s lips. Parker sighed as he wound his arms around Ross’ neck.

“That’s everything. I love you too.” He whispered.

Ross’ hands swept down Parker’s back and closed around the firm globes of his ass and Ross growled softly as his cock throbbed between them. He felt the hard heat of Parker’s cock against his thigh and he was done talking. Ross covered Parker’s body with shower gel, taking his time when he got to Parker’s erection and sack. Ross moaned in delight and all the tension left his body when Parker lathered and massaged Ross from head to toe.

“I need this in me.” Parker purred as his slick hand stroked Ross’ pulsing erection. Ross nodded as he reached to turn off the water before they got out. Parker grabbed his hand and shook his head.

“No. Here. Now.” Parker demanded and Ross pushed him back against the wall.

“The lube is in the bedroom and I need to get my tongue and fingers into your ass, first.” Ross said as he reached down and stroked Parker’s cock. “And I want to get my lips around this.” He murmured. Parker hissed and shook his head.

“Fuck me, now.” He ordered as he pulled Ross’ lips to his.

The kiss was urgent and hungry and Ross’ control snapped. His hands slid down Parker’s body and wrapped around his thighs. He picked Parker up and pinned him against the wall and swiftly positioned the head of his erection against the tight bud of Parker’s ass. His tongue surged into Parker’s mouth as he rocked his hips and pushed into Parker’s clenching heat. Parker moaned into Ross as his legs locked around Ross’ waist. Ross gave Parker a moment to adjust and as soon as the muscles around Ross’ rigid length relaxed he pulled Parker’s hips against his groin as he thrust deep. Parker’s lips pulled free as he gasped.

“Yes!” Parker screamed as he clung to Ross’ shoulders. “Oh, my God! Don’t stop!” He begged.

Ross wished he could do more than nod as he wrapped his hands around Parker’s ass and drove into his body but he was so tight and so hot and Ross was already so close. Parker kept begging for more and harder, pushing Ross closer to the edge. He buried his face in the corner of Parker’s neck and thrust blindly with everything he had as he pinned Parker to the wall. Parker’s heels dug into Ross’ ass and thigh as his fingers clawed at the muscles of Ross’ arms and shoulders and he bucked and pleaded for more. Ross could feel the pressure building in his groin and sack and the rocking of his hips became rough and uncoordinated as pleasure tickled and swirled.

“I’m close, Parker.” Ross growled as he ground his hips and Parker hissed as he arched against the wall. “I’m going to come so hard.” He panted as he pulled his hips back and thrust deep. Parker’s head lolled against the tile and he nodded drunkenly.

“I need it.” Parker moaned deliriously. “I need to feel you come inside of me.” He said as he squeezed around Ross.

Ross was done. Pleasure and lightning rolled down his legs and through his shaft and he slammed into Parker just before his body froze. His fingers dug into Parker’s flesh as his head fell back on a silent scream and his body began to convulse as heavy, liquid heat streamed from the end of his cock, deep in Parker’s clenching passage. Parker moaned happily and writhed on Ross rigid, pulsing length as Ross jerked and twisted in his arms. When Ross came to his senses, Parker was trying to ride Ross’ cock despite the heavy weight of Ross’ body, still pinning him to the wall. Ross pulled out and Parker whimpered as Ross set him on his feet. Ross dropped to his knees and grabbed Parker’s hips as his mouth closed around his cock and began to suck hard.

“Oh, fuck! Yes!” Parker cried as his fingers slid into Ross’ hair.

Ross took Parker deep into his throat as he hummed and sucked and Parker’s fingers spasmed against Ross’ head as his body started to shake. Ross kept a firm grip on Parker’s hips as his head bobbed back and forth and his lips wrapped tight around Parker’s shaft. He heard Parker sob as he rose on his toes and arched and convulsed against the wall. Ross sucked harder and Parker shattered, filling Ross’ mouth as a hoarse yell ripped from his throat. Ross swallowed and licked greedily until Parker’s hands pushed at his shoulders and he pleaded with Ross to stop. Ross didn’t want to stop. He wanted Parker to keep coming so he could keep drinking him in. When he finally raised his head and grinned drunkenly up at Parker, he almost begged for more.

“You have no idea how much I needed that.” Ross said as he rose. A wave of dizziness nearly knocked him off his feet and he stumbled and braced himself on the wall as exhaustion sapped his muscles of whatever strength he had left.

“Are you ok?” Parker’s brows pulled together in concern as his hands closed around Ross’ arms. He laughed as he leaned against the tile.

“Yeah. It’s all catching up to me.” He explained as he scrubbed a hand over his face and shut his eyes as the hot water washed away the remnants of his energy. “I’m going down, fast.” Ross slurred.

“Time to get out.” Parker announced as he turned off the water. He stepped out first and watched Ross closely as he followed. Parker dried him off quickly then pushed him through the bathroom door, into the bedroom. “Get in bed.” He commanded and Ross nodded as he dropped onto the bed and crawled for the pillows.

“Parker.” It was muffled by a pillow.

“What?” He asked as he pulled the sheets and comforter over Ross.

“I love you so much.” He mumbled as he turned his head. His eyes were shut and his body relaxed as he started to slip away. Ross felt Parker’s fingers brush gently through his hair.

“I love you too and I’m so glad you’re home.” He whispered.

“Me too.” Ross wasn’t sure if he said the words out loud as sleep pulled him under.

The impossible heaviness lifted and Ross’ eyes opened. He was awake, alert. He stretched and his eyes swung from the deep, vivid greens outside the window, across the room and over to Parker as Ross rolled to face him. He was reading a paper and had one arm folded behind his head.

“Welcome back.” Parker murmured as he flipped a page.

Ross sighed happily as he rested his head on Parker’s bare stomach. He felt Parker shift and his hand pushed into Ross’ hair.
This. This is all you need. Nothing else matters.
The decision Ross was on the verge of making, that seemed so complicated, was simple all of a sudden.

“I need to talk to you about something.” Ross rubbed his cheek against Parker’s skin as his hand slid around his waist. He rested his chin on Parker’s stomach and looked up. Ross’ heart swelled and he felt even more certain. Parker set the papers aside and pulled off his glasses.

“You know that every time you say that, it’s never good.” His voice was low as his body tensed. Ross hoped that this was good news but he wasn’t sure if it was what Parker wanted or if it would be enough.

“I’ve been talking to a man named Keen a lot lately. He trained me and he’s sort of a mentor. He retired and set up a contracting company that trains law enforcement and military. I told him I was thinking about getting out and he wants me to work for him. Actually, he’s being really persistent. Keen says I can come in whenever I’m ready.” Ross watched Parker but he remained still, his eyes blinked a few times but otherwise, Ross couldn’t get a read on his reaction.

“What would you be doing?” He asked cautiously. Ross shrugged.

“Training. He teaches mostly smaller police department bomb techs how to detect and disarm explosive devices and use new protective gear and technology. He’s done really well for himself and he’s stretched too thin. He wants to take more contracts but he can’t keep up. And he’s going in with a developer to create and design new gear and tools. Some robotics as well. He wants me to do some consulting too.” Ross waited but Parker remained passive.

“Is this something you’d want to do?” His voice stayed flat, nothing but his eyes moved. Ross’ brows pulled together as he nodded.

“Yeah. I’d feel like I was still making a difference and the pay is good. It’s really good. I’d be making more than three times what I’m getting now.” Ross held his breath while Parker blinked a few more times.

“So, what’s the catch?” He sounded wary and a little defensive. Ross exhaled loudly and rose onto his knees.

“I’d still have to travel. Keen says that most of his contracts are in the Virginia/D.C. area but he goes all over the states. He promises that I wouldn’t be gone more than three or four days a week and he’d try to keep me in the area as much as possible.” Ross stopped when Parker released a long breath.

“The states? Like, The United States?” He asked and Ross nodded as he sat on his heels and he cringed.

“He’s working on contracts in The Middle East, training Iraqi and Afghani military and police units but he says he’ll take as many of those as he can. I might have to go a few times a year but it would be completely different from what I do now. I’d be gone for no more than two weeks, I’d stay in a hotel in a totally safe zone and I’d be well protected. I’d get huge bonuses for the times I was overseas.” Ross saw Parker’s mouth open as he pulled in a deep breath and Ross held his hands up soothingly, before Parker could protest. “But I wouldn’t do it more than once or twice a year and I’d be able to talk to you a few times a day. I warned Keen that I can’t be gone all the time.” He explained quickly and Parker laughed as he sat up and reached for Ross. Stunned, Ross gasped as Parker’s arms wrapped around his chest and he was rolled onto his back.

“Ross, that’s incredible!” Parker exclaimed as he stared down at Ross. “Why didn't you say anything? Did you tell him yes?” He asked excitedly and Ross went almost boneless with relief. He chuckled as he slid his hands up Parker’s back.

“I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do or what you’d want. I don’t want to do any more missions. I didn’t know if I was really ready to stop. I would have if you wanted me to but until this last trip, I was worried that I would only be doing it to make you happy. I don’t want to be away from you like that anymore. And I’m scared in ways that I wasn’t before. I have too much to lose and I’m terrified that I’ll hurt you. It’s time for me hang it up and do something else.” Ross felt tears roll down his temples as he watched Parker’s eyes shimmer before they overflowed. One of his tears hit Ross’ chin and Parker laughed as he dropped his face into the corner of Ross’ neck.

“I love you so much!” His arms wrapped around Ross, pulling him tight. “I’m so happy!” He laughed again before his head snapped up and he searched Ross’ face. “You’re sure this is what you want? You’re not just doing this for me? I would have found some way to make it work though I probably would have started withholding sex until you retired for good.” He teased and Ross rolled his eyes.