Courageous: Afterlife Book Four (2 page)

He let go of me, then stared into my eyes. "Are you ready?" he asked.

I exhaled deeply. Then I nodded. A Phoenix squealed above my head and dove in the air very close to Salathiel.

"I'm ready," I said.

Salathiel turned and stood on my side. Then he nodded his head and three smaller Angels flew towards me. Three angelic children who were about my size carried a huge red pillow that they asked me to sit upon. Then they lifted me into the air until I became the height of Salathiel.

"Let's do this," he said and the pillow began to move and I with it.

There was low singing from the Angels following us as we slowly moved through the forest and deeper into the garden. My stomach spun wildly. It was so beautiful. I felt a tear escape the corner of my eye as we took a turn and came onto a small path leading towards an arch made of flowers and gold. Under it Mick was waiting, dressed nicely in black and white tie. His blond hair was combed back. He smiled nervously when he saw me. Our eyes locked while I was carried towards him, along the path with golden bricks. How I wished my parents could have been there.

I was finally put down in front of Mick who bowed to me then helped me off the pillow and soon I was in front of him, my eyes still locked in his. He smiled like he was relieved that I had shown up and not let him down once again.

"You look absolutely ..." he paused then gazed at my dress. "I'm lost for words," he whispered.

I smiled shyly and then looked down for a few seconds. When I looked up Mick was still gazing at me with a proud look in his eyes.

A bright light shone in front of us and a feeling of calmness and of being complete and loved merged inside us both as Rahmiel, the Angel of love and mercy, appeared. She was smiling widely as well.

I looked up at her face. She looked at me, then at Mick. Thousands of Angels and spirits oozed in behind us and found a place to stand and watch the ceremony. There were so many there that they had to float above each other, high up in the air, to be able to see properly.

"Let the ceremony begin!" Rahmiel exclaimed as hundreds of trumpets sounded at once and stringers followed creating a beautiful ambiance in the garden.

Rahmiel spoke for several minutes about marriage and its meaning for us who were supposed to be together for eternity. How wondrous the love between spirits and how it was important for us to cherish it and protect it with all we had and knew.

"Sometimes marriage means fighting for each other," she stated. "Even in hard times when you don't want to. Are you prepared to do that?"

We kept staring into each other's eyes while we both nodded. We had already been through so much; we had fought so long for our love. I was certain I could do that. So was Mick. I could tell in his eyes. He was determined. He had been that from the beginning. I couldn't recall one moment when he hadn't been certain of me, certain that he wanted me. I liked that he had seen me and went for me like that. While Rahmiel spoke I thought about the first time we met on the steamboat just after I had died. I felt so lost and confused and there he had been with his calmness and soothing voice. He talked to me and made me feel really comfortable. He had a way of doing that. I knew now that he had wanted me from that second on the boat. He had spotted me and after talking to me he had known. I liked that. He had never given up on me. Not even when I let him down again and again. Not even when I fell in love with someone else. It must have been so hard on him, I thought while getting lost in his deep blue eyes. To see the one you love running after some other guy, seeing her want him more than you. When Rahmiel spoke I decided to put it all behind me, behind us. The jealousy, the bitterness. It was all over now. Once this ceremony was over I belonged to him and I was going to be a devoted wife and mother. I was going to make him proud of me. I was determined. Once we were married there was no more reason for him to be jealous.

It would all be behind us.

I heard Mick say the famous words: "I do," then it was my turn.

"So now I ask you Meghan. Will you take Mick as your husband and promise to love and honor him for all eternity?"

I smiled widely staring into Mick's eyes. I had asked them to make the wedding as close to what I was used to, as close to the human wedding as possible and they were doing the best they could. I couldn't help laughing gently at the missing "till death do you part."

"I do," I said.

Rahmiel's light shone even brighter as she declared us "husband and wife." The entire garden broke into a huge cheer as all the spirits and Angels started clapping and singing. The music from the many Angels almost lifted us into air. It was amazing, overwhelming. Then Mick leaned over, carefully removed the veil and kissed me gently. I closed my eyes as the crowd broke into an even louder cheer. Mick's lips were soft and warm.

Then he let go and I opened my eyes and stared directly into his. He smiled and we both laughed. Then we turned to face the crowd. As we floated down the golden brick road it was raining flowers and butterflies were swarming us. Phoenixes squealed in the air while their golden wings glittered. Angels sang and trumpets sounded. Mick held my hand and led me towards the exit.

C
HAPTER 3

"
I
HAVE SOMETHING
for you," Mick said as soon as we were alone in our new chambers in the tower of the northeastern part of the white marble castle. The Angels had given us this room to live in the last three months of our time here. The view was spectacular. They had given us the best room in the entire castle, no doubt about it.

Mick carried me through the door and we floated towards the bed, laughing. Now we had a few hours to ourselves before the big dinner at Hornam Hall to celebrate our wedding. I enjoyed finally not having thousands of spirits and Angels staring at me. Finally being able to just be me. Me and him. Alone.

"And what is that?" I asked.

Mick pulled out something. It was a blue velvet box. He opened it.

"What is it?" I asked curiously.

Mick pulled out a stunning old mirror. I gasped. It was pure gold and on the frame were four enthralling emeralds. I had never been much into big stones or huge diamante rings or stuff like that, but this was truly breathtaking.

"It's for you," he said.

I was speechless. I fumbled with the words when I finally spoke. "You ... I ... I mean ... This ... Are you serious? It's beautiful, but what do I need a mirror for? Do I have a reflection in it?"

Mick stared at me and then smiled. "You have in this one. It is different. Look for yourself."

I grabbed the mirror by the golden handle and lifted it up in front of my face. I gasped. For the first time in many years I saw myself.

"I know how much you wanted to look at yourself in that wedding dress so I got it for you."

"How did you get this?" I asked.

Mick shrugged. "Does it matter? Only the best is good enough for you."

I stared at myself in the mirror tearing up. It was so strange to finally be able to see myself. I looked like I had suspected I would - for the most part. I laughed when I saw the dress for the first time with its puffy sleeves. I looked like I was dressed in whipped cream.

"Was I always this chubby?" I asked.

"You look exactly the way you did when you died, but you're not chubby," Mick said.

I turned my head and studied myself in the mirror. "Well I guess it's too late to do anything about it, huh?"

Mick leaned over and kissed me gently. "It doesn't matter." He leaned over and kissed me again. "You're perfect," he whispered.

He took the mirror out of my hand and placed it on the table next to the bed. Then he leaned over and pressed me down onto the bed. Carefully he lay on top of me. He kissed my neck, my ear and my cheeks. Then he moved down to my throat and my breasts. I moaned in pleasure and enjoyed his touches. We hadn't been close physically since the night we made the baby. We wanted to wait till after the wedding, now that it was over I was looking forward to finally let loose.

Mick was soon all over me. He pulled up my dress and disappeared inside of it. I felt him kiss my stomach and caress it gently.

"Do you think the baby will mind if I make love to its mother?" he asked.

I laughed. "I certainly don't think so."

Mick kissed the bump on my stomach again then kissed my legs. I moaned slightly. I wanted him, I thought. I had been looking forward to finally be with him the right way and not like it had been on that night when ... I decided I wasn't going to think about that. It was all in the past. Mick was all over me now and soon he pulled off my dress. He climbed me, and then kissed me passionately. Soon his kisses became demanding, insistent. I closed my eyes and felt his touches. He moaned and muttered under his breath.

"How I have longed for this," he said. "How I have wanted this for so long."

I let him touch me yet felt suddenly so trapped, like the weight of his body was holding me down, pressing me, suffocating me. I touched his blond hair gently. I was being silly, I thought. Probably because we hadn't been close for so long. I closed my eyes and leaned my head backwards, making an effort to try and relax my body, but it felt so incredibly tense. Was it the pregnancy? Was I afraid something would happen to the child? That was just crazy; I thought and became mad at myself for feeling like this. Not now, I thought. Not now that we were finally married and could be together the right way. But the more Mick touched me and kissed me the more tense my body became. Soon I was gasping for air. I felt a heat grow inside of me and I was suffocating, like I couldn't get air enough in my lungs. It was stupid, I told myself. It was insane.  I didn't even have lungs anymore, I didn't need the air, just like I didn't really need to eat or sleep, but did it anyway because it was nice and felt good. It was only a feeling taking control of me, a feeling telling me that I couldn't breathe. Just like when Mick had pulled me underwater back on my second year. I didn't know it back then that I didn't have to breathe to survive, but now I knew. Now more than ever it didn't matter. I inhaled deeply then exhaled to try and keep calm, but it didn't help. Mick moaned and kept kissing me. Suddenly I felt I was back at the cliffs by the ocean that night six months ago when Mick was mad at me. I gasped for air again and tossed and turned underneath Mick while pictures of Mick on top of me, holding me down and me - knowing I could fight him off yet letting him do it anyway because I felt he deserved it. I felt I owed it to him.

"Stop, Mick," I cried now. "Please get off me." I squirmed, avoiding his kisses then finally I kicked him off.

Mick blew back into the air. He floated above me with a confused look on his face.

"Just ... just ..." I moaned and sat up. I covered myself with my dress. "Please just give me a little space."

Mick still stared at me in confusion. "What's going on, Meghan?" He came closer. I lifted my hand to stop him.

"But ..." he stuttered. "But it's our wedding day ... ?"

I closed my eyes. "I know," I said. "It's just ...” I sighed deeply. "It's just a little much right now. There has been a little too much lately. I feel ... I don't feel good. I'm so sorry, Mick. It's just me. Maybe it's the pregnancy. I'm a mess."

Mick stared at me angrily. "Well that's just perfect," he said. "My own wife won't even make love to me on my wedding day!"

"I said I was sorry," I said. "What more do you want from me?"

"There is always something isn't there, Meghan? With you there is always something. Can we never just be with each other like ordinary married couples? It's always about you and your emotions. Can't we just for once do what I want?"

I bowed my head feeling a huge load of guilt. "I'm sorry, Mick. Can't we just try again later? Maybe it's just the stress from the wedding and having the baby and everything. "

"Stress from the wedding? I did everything; you haven't lifted a finger to prepare for this wedding. You didn't even bother to pick out your own dress. Who did that for you? Yes, that's right. I did. I did everything. All you did was moan and complain."

"Okay. I hear what you're saying, Mick.  It'll be better, I promise you. I'll be better, I'll make it alright. I know I can be a good wife to you. The kind of wife you always wanted. Just give me a little time."

Mick looked at me, and then smiled. He came closer and sat on the bed next to me. He grabbed my hand and held it tight. "Well okay then. I don't want us to fight on our wedding day," he said. His blue eyes looked kind and endearing again.

I leaned over and kissed him. "I'll make it up to you. I promise you," I said. "We just need to get past this dinner tonight and then everything will be better. It'll be just the two of us from now on."

C
HAPTER 4

T
HE DINNER AT
Hornam Hall was exquisite beyond anything I could ever have imagined. Everybody attending was so happy and joyful. Spirits and Angels held speeches and toasted our eternal love and all eyes in the room were on us while the band played beautiful music. It came to the point that I was getting tired of smiling and saying the same thing over and over again.

"Thank you. Yes we will be very happy together. It was certainly a beautiful ceremony today." It kept going on and on. Mick on the other hand was happier and prouder than ever. He enjoyed being the center of attention, where I felt it more like a pressure that slowly wore me out. It wasn't because I wasn't grateful, I was, overwhelmed even, but it was more that I from time to time had the feeling of being a visitor in someone else's life. I couldn't quite connect to all of this, it felt so surreal, as if it wasn't me, it wasn't my wedding.

After dessert I snuck out to get some air outside of the castle on to the big balcony beside the grand hall. It was a beautiful night and the full moon rose right above the ocean in the distance. The stars shone brighter than ever. I sighed and enjoyed the quietness for a few seconds when someone joined me.