Courageous: Afterlife Book Four (6 page)

When I became too sad about the missing parts of my life on Earth I remembered things from my time after my death. I thought about Abhik and all the fun we used to have surfing on clouds, I thought about Mick and how he had to be looking for me desperately now, I felt for him now that he had finally gotten me, now that I had finally agreed to marry him, then he had lost me again. Maybe forever. Then I thought about Jason. I remembered how we had met on my first year at the Academy when I went through that mirror in the basement of the castle and met him in his home. I remembered his eyes, his kiss, and the love we had shared. Even if it was only for a short period of time it still lingered with me in a big way and I couldn't escape it.

I sighed deeply thinking of all the wrong choices I had made in my life - and death.

Suddenly I thought I heard something piercing through the soundless air. It was very vague and I wasn't sure I hadn't imagined it. I kept quiet and listened carefully. But there was nothing not even a whooshing or the sound of a wind blowing. If there had been anything there, it was gone. 

I waited for what felt like hours before I heard something again. This time it was louder and clearer and I was certain it didn't come from my head. It was still no more than a small gentle whisper, but at least it was something. I began moving what I believed was towards it, but much to my regret it soon died out again. Frantically I searched to hear it again, but it was gone. The pain in my leg was still unbearable and moving it hurt more than anything, yet I was determined to not give up. I wanted to find this sound and move towards it. If there was something there, I thought, it would reflect my yelling, it would make an echo if I screamed.

So that's what I did. I screamed as loud as I could.

"HEEEELLLPP!!"

Still nothing. Not even an echo of my own scream. I kept moving. After a while I grew weary. The pain and the anxiety wore me out. The worst part was to get hope and then lose it again. The feeling of despair came over me once again, when suddenly I heard the sound of my own voice. It was my scream. It had echoed and travelled back to me! That meant that there had to be something out there to reflect it. Uplifted once again I screamed then flew in the direction of where I believed the first echo had come from. The next scream came back to me as an echo and made me laugh. This time I was certain of the direction. So I continued and soon the echoes came back earlier and earlier letting me know I was getting closer to whatever it was. I fought my way through the blackness and nothingness while screaming and listening and suddenly I heard something that wasn't my own voice. It was the sound of someone else. The sound of a singing voice that left me feeling calm and loved on the inside.

The voice of Rahmiel.

I yelled back, and then fought all I could to move towards the sound, but no matter how hard I tried to fly I couldn't move very fast. I began wondering if I was moving at all. I used my entire body and all that I knew about flying to go forward but since I couldn't see anything I couldn't see if I was getting anywhere either. All I had was the sound of Rahmiel's voice and the echo of my own voice that I believed was getting to me faster than before. That had to mean that I was moving, didn't it? But I could be wrong. It was impossible to know.

My leg hurt like crazy and the pain forced me to take many breaks. But still I continued. Slowly I felt Rahmiel's voice come closer and suddenly I spotted something. It was nothing more than a small dot that I wasn't even certain was really there, but it gave me hope. I fought my way towards the dot and soon I realized it was growing. It was getting bigger.

I laughed like a mad person fighting to get closer to it, still while yelling and screaming to Rahmiel that I was on my way that I was almost there. The dot grew bigger and after hours of moving towards it, it suddenly looked like an egg, then a ball, then it grew to the size of a hula hoop.

There was no doubt in my mind anymore; this had to be the way out. I moved forward but as I came closer I suddenly realized I had stopped moving, I was no longer getting closer, and the hole of light was no longer growing. When I stopped fighting I was pulled backwards and I realized that there was something in this black hole, it wasn't entirely empty. There was suction. A force pulling me back into the hole. It seemed to get stronger and stronger the closer I got to the light. The black hole was determined to keep me in there.

It was very well known that once a spirit was stuck inside of a black hole it was impossible to get out, you were just that, stuck. It was the same for Angels. In my History of Angels class I had heard numerous stories of Angels and spirits that ended up trapped in black holes unable to get out, so I knew the odds were against me.

But I wasn't going to give in that easily. Statistics had never been my favorite thing and I certainly wasn't going to let it defeat me now. I was going out of this place.

"This black hole has yet to face a spirit as strong as me," I said to uplift myself.

I gathered all my strength and thought about the times I had gone back in time, what amazing strength I had shown that had dazzled everyone. I had done impossible things before, and I wasn't going to stop now.

I screamed my heart out and exploded forward towards the light with a huge scream.

"Meghan?" I heard Rahmiel's voice yell in the far distance. The sound of her voice renewed my strength and once again I accumulated all the energy and power left in my spirit-body and exploded through the blackness like I had done when I was about to fly back in time. I remembered Albert Einstein had told me it apparently was easier for me to fly fast than slow; it was like I used less energy, so I speeded up, then accelerated once again and finally saw that my efforts had paid off. I was getting closer now. The pulling in my legs became stronger the closer I got, but so did my will to make it out. I kept exploding, accelerating and soon the light grew bigger again. It became the size of a car, then a house and when I was almost there it was bigger than Earth. I kept hearing Rahmiel's voice and as I reached the end of the tunnel the suction from the blackness behind me was so strong that I stood still in the air even if I used the same strength I had used to circle the Earth to go back in time. I struggled and fought when suddenly I spotted Rahmiel on the other side. She was sitting on the back of a Pegasus looking in at me, encouraging me to keep fighting, to keep flying.

"I can't," I yelled. "It's too strong for me."

"Keep fighting!" she said. "You're almost there."

I managed to once again explode through the air and move forward a few inches. I was almost there, at the end of the hole and reached out my hand when suddenly I touched something, something that felt like glass, or plastic. It was like a thick material that was constantly moving only allowing things to get in and not out. I touched it and realized it was everywhere, covering the entire opening. I stared at Rahmiel on the other side in panic, while fumbling my way patting it to see if there was an opening somewhere. I tried to stick my hand through it but it was too thick.

"You need to push your way through it," Rahmiel said.

"But I can't," I screamed. "It's too thick and I'm still being pulled backwards."

"You can do it, Meghan. I know you can. If anyone can do it it's you."

I took in a deep breath. She was right. I had come this far now, there was no chance I was giving up now. I closed my eyes, and then pictured my unborn child, and me holding it in my arms. I felt something stirred up inside of me and with the biggest display of power I had yet pulled off I pressed the window with both my hands, pushing myself against it and suddenly exploded through it like a shot out of a cannon. I blasted out on the other side and almost hit Rahmiel. She grabbed me then pulled me into her arms and held me tight.

"That was a close one," she said.

I didn't say anything, merely looked at her, and then exhaled before everything went black again.

C
HAPTER 11

I
WOKE WITH
a scream, then tossed and turned and threw myself out of bed. Darkness surrounded me and I panicked until someone turned on the lights in the room. It was the nurse at the Academy. I sighed with relief and looked at the many lamps surrounding me and enjoyed being able to see again.

The nurse smiled. "Bad dream again, huh?"

"Yes," I said. "Nothing but a bad dream."

She came closer then helped me get back into bed. My leg was in a big bandage, I stared at it. I had forgotten I had been hurt.

"It'll grow back," the nurse said as she placed me on the bed. "Might take a few weeks, but it'll be fine, Doctor Raphael says."

"I'm glad to hear that. And the baby?"

"Nothing to worry about. Everything seems to be going as it should. Now you get some sleep. You need it."

The nurse walked towards the door then put her hand on the light switch.

"Could you leave it on, please?" I asked.

"Afraid of the dark, are we?"

"More than you could ever imagine."

"Very well then. Get some rest."

"I don't understand how it could have happened."

Mick sat next to my bed, holding my hand. He had been there by my side every day since Rahmiel had brought me to the hospital wing, they told me.

"You were pulled right out of my hand, I don't get it," he continued.

His face was strained. He'd probably been blaming himself ever since it happened, if I knew him right.

"It was an accident, Mick," I said. "I'm fine now."

He shook his head. "No you're not. I should have been there for you. I should have protected you. I ... I couldn't even hold on to you." He looked at his hands and turned them in front of his face. "You just slipped right through me."

"There was nothing you could have done," I continued. "It was too powerful. Whatever hit me was too strong."

He shook his head in disbelief. His eyes were empty, just staring at me. "I searched so many galaxies frantically but you were nowhere to be found. It was the toughest decision I ever had to make, but I realized there was no other way. I had to go back without you and get help. Rahmiel and Salathiel gathered a group of Angels and searched the entire universe, but they can't go into black holes. Just like us they would get stuck. Just ..." his eyes came alive again and looked into mine. They were filled with pain. "Just like you were."

"I had to fight my way out of the darkness," I said. "No one could help me but myself. And I did. It's all over now."

Mick shed a couple of tears then kissed my hand desperately. "I'm so, so sorry. I can't begin to explain how sorry I am."

"It wasn't you fault, Mick. It really wasn't."

I looked into Mick's eyes and sensed the pain growing inside of him. He loved me so much, maybe even too much at times. I could easily forgive him since I didn't think he had done anything wrong, but I knew he would never forgive himself. Something was broken in his eyes. The trust, the calmness was gone and somehow it frightened me. 

Mick stood up, then kissed my forehead.

"I'm never letting you out of my sight again," he said.

That was what I was afraid of.

My leg healed quicker than expected and about a week later I was released from the hospital wing. It still hurt when I flew so Raphael told me to stay in bed a couple of days longer, preferably a week. Mick came to get me and helped me float back to our chambers. He was extremely tentative. Opening doors for me, helping me float by putting my arm over his shoulder and supporting me while we moved through the hallways of the castle. I didn't really need him to do all that, since the pain wasn't that bad anymore, but I let him since I sensed it made him feel better. He helped me go through the door and then put me on the bed. Hundreds of vases with beautiful flowers filled the entire room and made it look more like a garden than a bedroom.

"They're beautiful," I said and smelled a turquoise rose.

"Only the best for you my dear," Mick said. He smiled with a sigh. "You have no idea how wonderful it is to have you back ... to have you home."

"You have no idea how good it feels to be back here. To be in the light again, to be able to see." I chuckled and reached out to touch his face gently. "To be able to see the ones you love, to look into their eyes, to see the colors of the flowers, to smell them, to ... well to not be in complete darkness. I tell you it was scary in there ..." I was about to say more, but realized that it was too painful for Mick to hear. His eyes were strained and torn with guilt.

"It must have been so awful for you," Mick said. He seemed perplexed like he didn't know how to react, or what to do. He brought me another pillow.

"I think I have enough now," I laughed and pointed at the ten giant pillows already on the bed.

"I'm sorry," Mick said. "I just want to make sure you're comfortable."

I smiled and looked into his blue eyes. "I know you do," I said. "You're always so good to me. You always have been."

Mick grabbed my hands in his and held them tight. Then he kissed them with his eyes closed. "I will never fail you again," he said while lowering his eyes to not look into mine.

"Mick. Look at me," I said.

He lifted his head and looked at me.

"You never failed me."

"Yes I did. A husband is supposed to protect his wife, and I failed at doing so."

I exhaled. "I know you think that, but where I come from a woman is perfectly capable of taking care of herself. There was nothing you could have done differently. I already said that earlier and I'll repeat it until you understand it."

Mick let go of my hand and turned away. He got up and floated to the window. "I was the one who put you in danger. I never should have brought you on such a dangerous trip. You trusted me, you put your life in my hands and I didn't live up to my responsibility. That is the cold fact. I'm determined to make up for it."

I stared at him. His back was still turned to me; his arms behind his back. I had no idea what to say to him. It was clear we came from very different worlds and there was no way I could change the way he saw things just like there was no way he could change mine. I hated that he blamed himself so much for what I thought of as merely an unfortunate accident. I was ready to put it all behind us and move on, but Mick seemed determined to remind himself of his failure and remind us both of what might have happened.