Crashing Souls (17 page)

“You have something else you want to say. Go on.”

I cut another piece from my steak, placing it on her plate.

“How can I help you? What do you need in order to stay safe?” I held my hand up when she opened her mouth with her brows furrowed. “This is not charity and it is nonnegotiable. I care about you. If anything happened to you,
I’d
be devastated. I like you. I like you so much. And I would do anything for you. So, please, let me help you.”

She picked up her utensils and began eating again. I could tell she was thinking about it. Finally, she finished and took a sip from her glass.

“I know that I can find alcohol if I really wanted to. But how about we not go to parties where it’s so out in the open? It’s tempting. At least for the first few months. I really want to be sober.”

“Deal,” I said, only too eager to do whatever I could. “In return, you need to talk to me. Tell me when something is too much.
And
, if you’re upset about something, lean on me. Even if it’s about me. Tell me. I’d much rather face you angry than face you sick or worse.”

She nodded.

“Can we…I really want us to live in this bubble for a little while. I don’t mind Ralph. It’s everything else. The parties. The people.” She’d made a great point. Our time off had gone so well up until the party.

When the waitress came back, I handed her my debit card.

“I’d be happy to have you all to myself. Don’t get sick of me.”

“Impossible,” she said with a grin.

As I was handed back my card, I signed the receipt and then I took Noa’s hand, leading her to get our coats. We slipped them on and headed outside. The bite of winter air made her cheeks pink and I fought the urge to tuck her into me.

“I wish we could go for a walk. The stars are so bright tonight.”

“How about I drive us to my house and we walk around my neighborhood?” I asked, twirling her as she laughed.

“Sure.” I opened my car door for her and she didn’t scoff or roll her eyes. When I went to the driver’s side, I saw she was already plugging in her iPod. She turned on
a
lullaby of a song and I drove slowly, enjoying the quiet roads and the Christmas lights that wrapped around the town. When I parked in the driveway, I turned to see Noa sleeping. I stepped out of the car and pulled her into my arms. She mumbled and continued on sleeping, her face nestled in my jacket. I opened the door and Tracey was in the living room, watching a movie.

“Well, isn’t this becoming a habit,” she said with a chuckle. “Have a good night, Dex. Happy New Year.”

I carried Noa upstairs and, after setting her down, changed into pajamas. I wasn’t sure if I should change her clothes, so I removed her shoes and jacket as gently as I could. She blinked her eyes open and sat up.

“Sorry. Want to walk?” She rubbed her eyes.

“I’m okay. I have some clothes if you want.”

“Toss ’em over.”

I smiled as I went through my drawers. I threw a shirt and boxer shorts on the bed. I turned away so she could have privacy. She shucked her shirt, and in the window’s reflection, I saw Noa’s perfect skin. I couldn’t take my eyes from the window. She pulled off her pants while she was still sitting on the bed, and I could only thank her for it. I was a man, after all. But I tried to be decent.

She looked up, catching my eyes in the window with a smirk.

“Come on, you.”

I turned off the light and climbed into bed beside her, pulling her close. My eyes were wide open in the darkness. Her breaths were even and quiet as she fell asleep again, and I felt myself panic at the thought of losing her.

“I think I’ve fallen for you,” I whispered. “So silly and so quickly. But, nevertheless….” My lids began to feel heavy and I let them close.

A weight had been lifted between us, only to land on my heart.

Chapter
19

T
hroughout the harsh winter, I kept Noa warm in our bubble. She surprised me each day with ease and fit into my life like she was meant to be there. We got to know Dexter together. Noa made starting over fun.

Classes were moving along quickly, and I found myself in my last semester of high school. Whoever created the class schedules favored us because Noa happened to be in four of my six classes. As I predicted, people had gotten over us, talking to us frequently as if we had always been an item. Becca had even apologized to Noa. Noa still didn’t trust her, but I understood why.

Sometimes there were days where I could feel Noa slipping, or days she didn’t want to attend her therapy sessions, and the Angel of Death talked to me. He spoke of patience and love with an undercurrent of pride. It was strange. But I was content to take his words and attempt to apply them to my life.

Spring flew by and I was accepted to MIT. We celebrated, and while I felt Noa’s trepidation, I knew she was happy for me. Almost as happy as I was for myself.

I spent more time with Noa. I knew it wasn’t realistic to think she’d gain emotional independence that way, but I couldn’t think of a better way to spend my time. She needed to heal, and I wanted her to heal with me. With summer coming like a freight train, I knew she was beginning to worry again. Did she honestly think I would leave her and never look back? It seemed so. But I had come up with a plan, unbeknownst to her.

“So,” I started as we walked from one class to another with my arm around her, “I heard someone’s birthday is coming up.”

“
And how did you hear that?” she asked, kicking at the ground.

“I checked your ID a few weeks back. June first, eh?”

She was quiet, and I got the air that something wasn’t right.

“What is it?” I asked.

“Can we not make it a big deal? It’s just another day.” She held her books to her chest, looking down the hall. When someone waved at her, she smiled. But she still didn’t look at me. I took her books from her, something I was now prone to do.

“Hell no. You’re turning eighteen.” We stopped in front of our classroom. “Let me do something special for you.”

I ran my hand through her hair and tilted her chin until she looked up at me.

“I never had a birthday party before,” she whispered. “Well, it’s my job to change that, I guess.”

“Please, not a big party, Dexter. I’m not ready yet.” We walked into the classroom and took our seats next to one another.

“Whatever you want. I’ll let Tracey know.” I was already brimming with excitement. I wanted it to be her birthday already so I could share my plans with her. She had no reason to worry anymore.

•••

It turned out Tracey was something of an expert party-giver. As soon as I informed her of Noa’s birthday, she ran with it.

“The lake house is perfect, Dexter!” She was chatting my ear off as I finished a bowl of cereal. Of course, I had no idea my family even owned a house other than the one I lived in. “I had the housekeeper give it an extra cleaning, and we have rooms enough for everyone.”

I picked my head up. “Everyone?”

“
Well, yes,” she started. “Ralph is in charge of the guest list.”

I groaned into my bowl, pulling out my phone.

Hey, douche bag. Keep the guest list short.

It didn’t help that we were leaving to the lake house tomorrow for the birthday extravaganza the next day. Noa was going to have the worst time because I’d left all of the details of the party to Ralph and Tracey.

Kindly fuck off. I already spoke to Noa.

I shook my head with a chuckle.

“Crisis averted?” Tracey asked.

“Sometimes I forget that I’m not the only one who loves Noa,” I said as I placed my empty bowl in the sink.

“Are you kidding? I love her so much!” She hummed when I moved to walk upstairs. “Wash the dish, kid. It won’t kill you.”

I washed the bowl as well as the other dirty dishes, all the while mulling over how I was going to present Noa with my gift.

“Penny for your thoughts.” Tracey picked up a towel and started to dry off the clean dishes.

“Noa’s birthday is kind of important. I…I want to invite her to Massachusetts with me.” I turned off the water and grabbed another towel, drying my hands.

“Sounds big,” she said as she set the last dish in the cabinet.

“That’s all you have to say?”

“Give yourself credit, Dex. I’m sure you’ve thought this through. You’ve got it all planned out, I bet. Since the accident…you’ve grown into a wonderful young man. It makes me sad to think you’ll be leaving me soon. But I know you two will have each other, and I’m happy for you.” She pulled me down to hug her. “Remember. Delivery is everything,” she whispered in my ear.

I thought about that as she let me go and pulled my phone from my pocket.

Busy?

I sent the text to Noa and tapped my fingers against the screen as I waited for her to respond.

For you, I am free.

I smiled and grabbed my keys from the counter. The night was clear as I backed out of my driveway.

A half hour later, I was handing my keys to Noa and letting her drive. She grinned wickedly, and I saw a flash of the girl I first met. The girl Noa was always meant to be. Carefree and rebellious. Beautiful and barefoot. Sure enough, she slipped off her flip flops, her long golden legs stretching as she adjusted the seat and rolled the windows down. We flew down the road, and while the speed made me sweat a little, her joy was worth every moment.

That night we kissed like we always did. With the stars watching.

•••

It’s easy to offer the world. It’s even easier to plan for the future. The hard parts are the detours—the unplanned bumps and flat tires.

My alarm went off moments after I heard the words.
What did he mean?
The Grim Reaper seemed more and more like a creepy big brother. He watched my every move, giving me vague advice.

I brushed my teeth and gathered my bag before calling Noa. She picked up on the second ring.

“Just making sure you aren’t sleeping still,” I said.

“I don’t think I’ve slept at all. Maybe five minutes. I’m too excited.” I could hear shuffling in the background. “Is Tracey up?”

I told her to hold on while I walked downstairs with my things. Sure enough, Tracey was on what looked like her second cup of coffee, dressed with a third cup in a travel mug and a bag at her feet.

“
Tell Noa I said good morning. And don’t forget her bathing suit.” She gathered her bag and mug. “I’ll take this to the car. Let her know we’ll be there soon,” she shouted into the phone as she walked past me.

I heard Noa’s laugh.

“I’ll see you soon, Dexter Andrews.” I grabbed my bag and walked outside, turning to lock the front door before heading to Tracey’s car. We’d pick up Noa first and then Ralph. Thank goodness her car was a lot bigger than mine.

“Why the soccer mom car?” I asked after stuffing our bags in the back and getting in the passenger side.

“Hey, once I found out I was getting you, I decided it was all or nothing. And maybe someday I’ll have a few kids. Who knows?” She tried to be nonchalant, but I saw past it.

“Are you lonely, Aunt Tracey?” She pulled out of the driveway, and we headed to Noa’s.

“Aren’t we all lonely? Don’t worry about me, Dex. I’m patient.” When she pulled up in front of Noa’s building, she turned to me. “I can’t settle. Not after seeing what my brother had. And certainly not after seeing you two lovebirds.”

I smiled and sent Noa a text, telling her we were downstairs. Just as I hit the send button, she flung the door open and jogged down the steps. When I opened the car door to help her with her bag, she jumped into my arms and kissed me. It was innocent at first and when I pulled away, fully aware of my aunt’s presence, I was a little breathless.

“I’m one lucky girl,” she said, grinning.

“I might be a luckier guy.” I set her down and placed her bag near mine. She climbed into the back and I followed her. “Next is Ralph, and then we’re on our way out.”

Ralph
lived only a few minutes from Noa, and when we picked him up, he hopped in the front seat with almost as much excitement as Noa.

“Let’s do this!” He grabbed the iPod Noa held out to him, plugged it in and turned it all the way up, singing along off-key. We rolled the windows down some, and Noa lay across my lap, singing along softly as I ran my fingers through her hair. The lake house was a few hours away, according to Tracey. Halfway through the ride, Noa and Ralph were sleeping and the music had been turned down. I watched the tree line as we drove along. When Noa stirred, I looked down, watching as she opened her eyes. That moment when she realized it was me she was looking at, it was the best. Like I was the only thing that mattered; the only thing that brought her happiness.

“How much longer?” she asked.

“I think another hour or so. Do you need to use the bathroom?”

Tracey heard and pulled off to a rest stop, despite Noa insisting she was fine. When Tracey got out to stretch, Noa grabbed her iPod and grinned mischievously. Ralph was still asleep in the front seat.

“What are you thinking?” I whispered, waving Tracey over.

“Oh, nothing. Just a little dance party.” She whispered instructions to us and turned to the radio, turning the volume all the way up and pressing play. Ralph shot up, his eyes bugging out while we danced around the car, laughing at him. Other people in the rest area started dancing too, their kids running up to the car. By the time Ralph got out, nearly everyone was dancing. Noa had her arms in the air, moving along with the music, singing the words. When the chorus came, she jumped up and down, arms still in the air. Ralph picked her up and swung her around.

“
You’re lucky I love you like a sister, you little shit,” he yelled as he hugged her. When Tracey smacked his arm for cursing, he hugged her too.

The song ended and we all got back in the car and hit the road, Ralph alert and playing DJ again.

Forty-five minutes later, we were pulling onto a winding driveway, and at the end stood an impressive home, bigger than the one I lived in.