Crashing Souls (7 page)

“
I don’t know. I don’t think anyone knows. We started calling her that because you told me she was small and undetectable. And it stuck. Far as I know, that nickname is just between us.”

I felt marginally better. We stopped in front of my locker, and I checked the combination written down on a slip of paper again before turning the combination lock until it opened.

“I have an idea. That problem you asked for help with? I thought about it in class. Don’t worry, I’ve got it covered.”

“I can’t believe I asked you to help me. Whatever you’ve come up with probably involves sacrificing a virgin and severe bloodshed on my behalf.” I shoved my books in my locker and faced him.

“I knew you were into weird shit,” Ralph said with a laugh.

Chapter
8

T
he more days that went by, the more Ralph’s excitement over his secret project worried me. Finally, a few minutes before the bell was set to ring, Ralph sent me a text.

Meet me at the café down the street. We’re geting you laid.

Sure enough, when I parked my car, he was standing across the street wearing a huge grin. Trouble was brewing.

“I know you can hobble faster than that. Let’s go, man. You have to get settled before the others arrive.”

“The others?” I locked the car doors with a click of the key fob and headed to him. I didn’t use the crutch anymore, but I still had to take it slow.

“If you ask me any more questions, I will have Tracey let me in the house and cut your beloved man bun off while you’re asleep.”

“I’m not stepping in there unless you give me something.”

“You’re ruining this, Dex. You’re really ruining this. It’s the perfect setup. You look like the kind of guy who’d sit here in front of a laptop all day drinking an overpriced caffeinated beverage in a size no one knows or gives a crap about and pulling babes, unbeknownst to you. Stop being a little shit and let’s go.”

I stood looking at Ralph so he’d know I was serious.

“Fine. We’re holding auditions,” he said as he opened the door and headed inside the café. “Let’s go, asshat.”

I followed him, ready to tell him I wasn’t going to participate.

“
What? This is your idea of helping me? I feel like this is objectifying women in some sort of way. This
has
to be wrong.”

“You’ve seen the dating shows these chicks watch. What’s the difference between this and
The Bachelor
? It isn’t televised.” He shrugged, and I felt the need to point out the major difference.

“And I’m not a billionaire.”

“Pretty damn close,” he said as he led us to a booth that was set up with chairs across the table. We had a clear view of the front door and the shop glass that spanned the entire front of the café.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked when I sat down.

“Your folks were loaded. Nice car,” he said, gesturing toward it.

I looked out of the giant window and noticed a few girls heading toward the door. Another was using her car’s side mirror to apply lip gloss.

“Where did you even find these girls?”

“Your name carries weight.” He pulled out a stack of paper with three boxes for yes, no, and maybe.

“This is insane, Ralph,” I said, hanging my head. When the door opened, I looked over at Ralph. I couldn’t believe this. And he was enjoying it.

“Hi, there,” he greeted them, standing to shake the first victim’s hand. “Have a seat. What’s your name?”

I couldn’t look up, even when Ralph kicked me under the table. Her name was Kate. When Ralph slid a voting sheet in front of me, I wanted to laugh.
He actually thought this was helping me.

“What are some of your interests?” I glanced up at her to watch her answer Ralph’s question.

“Um,” she fidgeted when she saw that I was looking at her. “I like reading. I like cooking.” She giggled, still fidgeting. “I’m good at math.”

“
Thanks for coming,” I said, turning to Ralph. It was only when she frowned and jumped out of the chair that I realized how rude I must’ve sounded. When she was out of earshot, I started talking, the words rushing out of me.

“This is embarrassing, Ralph. And not what I had in mind.”

“Look, you gave me a problem, I gave you a solution. I don’t care if you don’t like any of these girls. At least I’m trying to help. So, sit there quietly and let me.”

I sat back and grabbed the stack of paper. Most, if not all, of these girls would get a ‘no’. I didn’t think she’d be here. It
couldn’t
be that easy. She wouldn’t fall into my lap.

But thinking of the loneliness that crept up on me when I least expected it, whether I was daydreaming, falling asleep, or even in class caused me to sit up straight. It seized me. The same way I panicked when faced with losing her in death, I panicked at the idea of losing her in life.

An hour or so later, we’d gone through about forty girls, all of them getting turned away within the first few minutes. Ralph was loving it, smiling and asking questions like he’d done this before. When he asked a girl what she saw for her and me long-term, I kicked him under the table.

I drank the last of my hot chocolate and stepped off to the bathroom, hoping there’d be no more victims. The last girl had been painful. Her laugh made me want to bang my head against the wall continuously. I washed my hands and headed back to our booth, keys in hand. I stopped when I saw a familiar head of red hair.
Mouse?

I sat down and watched her pale. It wasn’t hard. Her skin was already pale to begin with, a cluster of freckles dusting her nose and cheeks the only true pigment to graze her skin. I hadn’t gotten this close of a look before.

“
What are you doing here?” I asked. Ralph grinned, watching us.

“I’m, uh, sure it’s no secret, Dex.” Her voice held an innocent tone and I realized it was the first time I’d ever heard it, despite sitting next to her for the better part of two weeks.

“It isn’t,” Ralph said, leaning forward and patting her hand.

“Shut it.” I glared at him. I turned back to face her. “Trust me, I think you’re sweet and if I were actually into this, I probably would…pick you. But this isn’t right....”

She shoved away from the table, a watery smile on her face. I knew she was embarrassed.

“Sure. Fine.” As she ran off, I grimaced, shoving Ralph.

“Way to go, asshole,” I muttered, looking down at the last sheet in front of me. Ralph had written her name down. Rachel.
Sorry, Rachel
, I thought to myself.

•••

November ended and December came. I ran into a few girls Ralph had interviewed and all of them looked like they hated me. Even Rachel avoided me, regardless of my numerous attempts at talking to her and apologizing. I was feeling more and more like shit, despite becoming closer to Tracey than Dex had ever been. But even she couldn’t shake me out of my funk.

“What’s going on with you?” Tracey asked me over our morning cup of coffee. It was a personal tradition of hers that I’d begun to participate in.

“What do you mean?” I knew what she was asking. Why was I acting like a recluse? Why was every action tainted with disappointment? And most of all, why wasn’t I getting my memory back?

“Why do you walk around with the world on your shoulders?” She surprised me.

“
I don’t know.” She knew I was lying. But to have told her would mean to tell her everything. I’d have to tell her about dying, the Angel of Death, and how I wasn’t really her nephew. Instead, I set the cup down and left for school where I was currently ambling through the halls after my final class.

Another day down. No closer to the one I was dreaming about without actually knowing. It was both haunting and daunting. Both poignant and ridiculous. I was in love with a phantom, an idea.

Every day that passed was a lost opportunity. I was no closer to finding her, and the Angel of Death didn’t have anything to say about it.
Had he given up? Realized his mistake?
I was deep in thought, my eyes on the ground, when I bumped into someone. Textbooks hit the ground, and I bit back the urge to react angrily.

I looked up in defeat and met the most soulful eyes I had ever seen, which happened to belong to the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. She looked at me like she wanted to punch me for bumping into her, but all I could do was stare as she bent to pick her books up from the ground.
I should probably help her,
I thought belatedly. Her hair was blue. Pastel blue, the hair closer to her scalp giving way to her dark brown roots. But it blended. It was perfect.

She stood up with her books, and I noticed she wasn’t too much shorter than I was. She stood there, looking right at me. Like she knew she was who I’d been searching for, waiting for me to have her. Then she blinked and stepped aside.

“Excuse me,” she said as she walked past me. Even filled with irritation, her voice did something to me, kicking me in head and creating a flameless fire within me.

I can’t let her leave.
Every part of me screamed to follow her. So I did.

“
Wait. Hey, wait up.” I walked toward her, calling out.

She looked back in annoyance. “Are you going to apologize or….” Her denim-clad legs were long, and I couldn’t help but watch the sway of her hips as she continued to walk away, not waiting for my response.

This was it. This was
it.

“I’m sorry,” I blurted out, trying to get her to stop. I didn’t want to touch her. If my accidently bumping into her had her rolling her eyes, I could only guess what grabbing her hand would get me.

“It’s fine,” she said over her shoulder. She walked past people who didn’t spare her a second glance, as if they couldn’t see what I was seeing. It wasn’t until they realized that I was talking to her that they finally took notice. I didn’t understand it. She had a rare quality, a beauty that was quiet but bright enough to fill every dark corner of the room. Blue hair or not, she was a woman to be seen. And I was seeing her, loving every flicker of movement it took for me to take her in, focusing in and out like a camera lens.

“Can I make it up to you?” I was desperate. Her steps slowed to a stop and she turned.

“What?” Her eyes squinted and she didn’t bother fighting her grin as she cocked her head to the side, her hair sliding against her skin. I was a goner.

“Uh, I didn’t mean to bump into you. I had a pretty terrible day, wasn’t looking where I was going. And judging by your reaction, you weren’t having the best day either. It couldn’t hurt to stop somewhere, get something to eat, and maybe turn our luck around?” I shrugged, running my hand over the stubble on my chin.

The dimple on her right cheek deepened, and she held her books closer to her chest. Her teeth tugged on her lower lip as if trying to figure out if I was a serial killer. I held up my hands, trying to signify my innocence.

“
Yeah, sure. Make it up to me.” She started walking backwards. When she turned back around, I wondered if I should follow her again. So I did.

“Wait—I don’t know your name…or how to get hold of you.”

“The name’s Noa Cruz. N-O-A.” She tossed out a series of numbers and I fumbled with my pockets, pulling my phone out and entering them. By the time I looked up, she was gone.

Noa.
Not what I expected. But neither was she, with her blue hair and devil-may-care attitude.

Ralph walked up beside me, putting his arm around my neck. “It’s about time, dude. I was worried you were batting for the other team.” He let me go as we fell in step together.

“I don’t want to be like everyone else here. I mean, why should I waste my time with these relationships that’ll never last?” I squinted at Ralph, his head partially blocking out the bright winter sun.

“Even if they don’t, it’s just high school, man. No one’s trying to get married.”

I shook my head. “I get what you’re saying. But I’m not really into wasting my time.” I unlocked my car, tossed my backpack in the backseat, and settled into the driver’s seat. I tried to sound nonchalant, but my heart was beating overtime and my hands gripped the steering wheel for dear life. I needed something to hold on to. I was so elated that I would probably float away if I didn’t.

Did it always feel like this? Was it always this clear when you met your match? I pondered the thought as I started the car. Yes, I had someone else on my side. Had he taken pity and brought her to me? Or had he simply given me the buzz that told me she was it? Most people looked for giant signs telling you when you found “the one” but it had only taken a glimpse into her eyes. They saw me. The person I was, not Dexter. The person
I’d
been in each life. Her eyes told a story of loves and lives past.

And even if
she
didn’t know me, her eyes did.

Ralph squeezed himself into the passenger side, and I chuckled when he looked over at me before pushing the seat back in annoyance.

“Don’t get all lovey dovey on me, dude,” Ralph started. “You just met the girl. Don’t know anything about her. Hell, you don’t even know that she knows your name.” He rolled down the window and turned up the music, bobbing his head and mumbling along here and there.

He wouldn’t understand. It was likely no one would, not even Noa. Because I had no plans to tell her anything about the Angel of Death. It was for the best.

I’d finally found her. Scratch that. I couldn’t even say I found her. I’d crashed into her and when her eyes looked at mine, I felt a zap of familiarity, like we’d shared a million laughs together. Fuzzy memories of what she would be like flashed through my mind. Memories…of what she would be like. It didn’t make any sense.

Chapter
9

I
paced around my room, forgetting the stiffness in my knee. My cell phone was in my hand, and my finger hovered over Noa’s number. It had only been an hour or so since I’d first seen her.
Do I call her? Text her?

I opted for texting, thinking I could send a quick, nonchalant message asking her to dinner.