Craving a Hero: St. John Sibling Series, book 3 (18 page)

She snatched the magazine from the rack and flashed it at the clerk. "Add this to my bill."

"Never known you to buy those kinds of magazines," Shirley Sempe said as she made change.

"Thought I'd bring Mom a treat. She likes this stuff," she lied.

Kelly pulled out and turned onto a service road about a quarter of a mile from the store. If she'd opened that magazine while parked in the one-stop, Shirley Sempe would have fed the fact into the rumor mill before she'd even found the page that went with that headshot at the top of the trio on the front page. Everybody within twenty miles of Copper Falls had speculated about her and the handsome movie star who'd visited the area last summer. Only the fact that the town kept its gossip to itself saved her from becoming infamous. But, once they figured out she was pregnant… Then what?

She found a two-rutter off the service road and parked. She flipped the pages of the glossy until she found the one she was looking for.
Sexiest Action Star
.

There he was with that damn grin that made her melt. Dane St. John. Would he still smile at her if she threw a monkey-wrench of an unwanted pregnancy into his sky-rocketing career? What would the tabloid headlines read then? Would she be labeled a gold-digger, or a publicity-hound?

She stared at the picture of Dane all ripped and tan and smiling. Everything was going his way. Could—would he find a place for family in his life right now? This was something she needed to know before she subjected her child and herself to public exposure.

She took out her cell and tapped out a text to him, something cute, inviting…testing.

Hey there Mr. Sexiest Man! Congratulations. And 2 think I can say I
knew
him back when he was just the sexiest man in Michigan's U. P. Don't get 2 swelled a head.

His reply came late that evening.

Only Sexiest *
Action*
Star. Still room 4 more head-swelling. Write more when I can keep my eyes open. It's no exaggeration when they call it a whirlwind tour, this promotional stuff. Sweet dreams.

Whirlwind tour.

Meaning he's busy.

Write more when I can keep my eyes open.

Meaning he's dead tired busy.

Still room 4 more head-swelling.

But having the time of his life. Not the time to spring family responsibilities on a man.

#

Dane had intended to take Tess's advice and visit Kelly unannounced when he got back to the States. But the very reason he'd been shipped back to the U.S. proved to be the very reason he couldn't get away to see Kelly. The closest this publicity tour took him to her, or any of his state bound family had been Chicago, which had been little more than a touch-down stop for a major talk show.

Then there was the fact it was the busiest time of the year for her workwise. Even if he had showed up in Copper Falls, she might be off keeping the woods clear of poachers and gun-toting deer hunters safe from each other. But he saw a chance for a break in both their schedules after rifle season ended at the end of November. She'd said there was a week break before black powder season began in December.

Then that damn Sexiest Man list came out. He'd learned real fast that kind of exposure notched up one's demand tenfold. The producers must have had some inkling he would be on that list given how fast they'd increased his interview schedule with the east and west coast talk shows. Maybe it even had something to do with their rushing the movie through post-production for a coveted holiday release.

Great stuff for a new actor's career. Not great for a floundering relationship.

Still, Kelly's congratulations had been the best part of making that list. Her text had sounded like the old Kelly. She'd even signed off with a smiley face.

Then she emailed him only twice in the following weeks and her texts came pretty much only in responses to his. Even his were growing more sporadic.

Still, when his movie premiered Christmas Day he texted,
Wish it had been you on my arm for the premiere.

She texted back a short congratulations with a seasons greeting message.

Maybe he didn't have to face her to get his answer about where their relationship stood. Maybe he already had his answer.

#

Curled up on her bed, Kelly stared at the magazine picture of Dane attending his movie's premiere, the beautiful actress who'd played his love interest in the film on his arm. They made a striking couple, him with his boyishly, charming smile, shaggy hair slicked back befitting the tuxedo event and she with her blond curls, big, blue eyes, and perfect petite size two body.

He'd written that he'd wanted her on his arm for the premiere. Kelly stroked her swollen belly.

"Not like this you wouldn't, Mr. Sexiest Action Star."

The baby kicked. For the briefest of moments, Kelly let herself imagine the hand on her stomach was Dane's. But it wasn't. He wasn't here. He'd moved on.

He had, hadn't he?

The baby kicked again, harder this time. Kelly smiled in spite of her indecision about Dane, and spoke to the daughter the sonogram had revealed she was carrying.

"Fight for all your worth, Little Girl. It doesn't get any easier out here."

#

Earliest box office receipts indicate number two is another blockbuster,
he emailed on the first day of the New Year.
So the powers-that-be are hotter than ever to get number three in the can. Shipped me off to the next shoot location day after the premiere. They think an African desert looks like the Tex-Mex border. Production costs are priority of course. So here I am, half a world away and wishing I'd gotten to see you before I left the states.

Kelly wanted to believe what he wrote about wishing he'd gotten to see her before he'd left again. She should believe what he wrote. He wasn't the liar. She was.

She texted back.

It's work. U gotta do what u gotta do.

Heading into the bush. Am told cell service is sketchy there. If u don't hear from me 4 a while, u know y,
he'd replied.

And that was the last she heard from him for the month of January.

Kelly sat at the desk in her bedroom and arranged the pillow at the small of her back. She hadn't gained a lot of weight and she was carrying high. Still, her back ached, and every time she went to the bathroom, she remembered what Tess had said about having a baby sitting on her bladder.

She'd connected with Tess even though they'd spent barely a day together. Wished she could talk to her. Tess who must have had her baby by now. She'd been due in January. But, to talk babies with Tess was tantamount to telling Dane he was about to become a father, and she couldn't have that. She knew firsthand
biology
could mean nothing to a man
.

But Dane was a man who found baby announcements something to celebrate, as evidenced by his October email about Dixie and Sam being pregnant. He was a man who valued family.

Kelly pulled up her emails, one jumping out at her making her stomach flutter, and it wasn't the baby this time, either.

She opened the email from Dane.

Long time no write. Too long. So much to tell you.
Tess and Roman had a girl born on January 10
th
. See attached pictures.

She opened the attached file. The first picture was of the newborn with closed eyes and a round, red face. In the next, her eyes were open with the third appearing about two weeks after the birth. The infant's coloring had softened to a healthy pink and a pink ribbon adorned her wispy, blond hair.

How'd that happen when Tess had dark hair like her? Didn't the dark gene dominate the lighter one? Until this moment, Kelly had envisioned her daughter with dark hair—looking just like her. What if her daughter looked like Dane?

Heaven help her, her daughter would be a daily reminder of the one and only man she would ever love. And every time she hugged her daughter it would be like holding a piece of him.

Blessing or curse? Only time would tell.

Little Madeline is a heartbreaker already. Mouthful for such a little girl. I've already decided to call her Maddie.

And his own child, what would he call her… if he knew about her?

They're flying me back to the states next week to present some award. Gotta keep the face in the public eye, they tell me.

And if the Sexiest Action Star of the Year should drop in for a visit, how would she explain her expansive waistline? Before she could debate whether or not she wanted him to see her in her present condition, she read on.

It'll be a one day hop in and out of New York.

Disappointment niggled at her in spite of her fears about what his reaction might be at seeing her.

Then it'll be back on-site for final exterior shots. I'll be glad when we move indoors for interior and green screen shots. Hot and dry here. But I'm working with some great stunt guys. Wait 'til you see the amazing stuff they have me doing.

He sounded happy—like he was enjoying what he was doing. She sighed, recalling what he'd told her that day at the pond, that he didn't have time for kids right now. He had been right.

#

Kelly's water broke a week earlier than expected. Nothing unusual for a first time baby, so her doctor, her nurse sister, and mother assured her. So there she was, in the birthing suite, her sister rubbing her back as she rode out a labor pain, her mother off getting ice chips for her. She was surrounded by family and caregivers. But the one person she wanted here wasn't. Dane.

She'd been wrong not to tell him about the baby. He did have a right to know—to choose. And, at this moment, she was certain his choice would be everything she needed it to be. As soon as her mother returned, she'd send her out with her cell to call Dane.

A nurse bustled into the room with a handful of magazines. "Thought you guys could use some reading material. This labor business can take a while."

The nurse dropped the magazines on the tray table beside the bed, the top one featuring a photo of Dane arm in arm with a blond starlet, a blow up of her ring finger sporting a hefty rock, and the headline
The Hawke engaged?

At the same moment what she was seeing in front of her sunk in, another labor pain hit Kelly. She cried out louder, deeper, longer than that pain created.

Carrie clutched her hand and whispered in her ear, "Don't look at it."

"That's a big one," declared the nurse.

"Heard that one all the way out in the hall," her mother said, entering the suite, cup of ice chips in hand.

"Move those magazines out of the way," Carrie said, "and set the ice chips there."

"Certainly there's room for both—" Her mother's words stopped abruptly as she reached the tray. She flipped the magazines over, set down the cup, and cradled Kelly's head, murmuring, "Ride the pain, Sweetie. Ride it out. You can do this."

Tears streamed down her cheeks. She could only hope the nurses thought it was the labor pains.

Baby girl Jackson entered the world with the soft cry of a lamb. When they put her in Kelly's arms, Kelly's tears streamed for an entirely different reason than those she'd shed an hour earlier upon seeing Dane's engagement picture. These were the tears of a mother's love.

"You have a name for her yet?" Carrie asked.

"What a little angel," her mother sniffed out.

Her mother's comment reminded Kelly how Dane's parents had named their children after the places where they were conceived. And she thought about where she and Dane had conceived this child, the place where she'd fallen in love with the only man she'd ever want—Angel Point.

"She is an angel," Kelly said. "My angel. My Angela."

CHAPTER ELEVEN

Sitting on the living room floor at the foot of the Christmas tree, Kelly pasted another picture of her daughter's first Christmas into the scrapbook she was creating for her daughter. In his recliner beside her, her father played peek-a-boo with the eight and a half month old Angela, making her giggle.

Kelly smiled at the pair. After all the months of his avoiding her advancing pregnancy, the moment Angela had been placed in Frank's lap, he'd wept, she'd wept, and they'd talked.

In his broken speech, he'd told her she'd never been a disappointment to him, said that he was sorry he'd been so hard on her. She understood deep down. She probably always had. But hearing it from him had lifted the burden of doubt from her soul.

The next day, Frank had worked his rehab with a renewed vigor so he could hold his granddaughter on his own. Angela, whom everyone called Angel, seemed to have brought harmony into their home.

The house phone lying on the floor at her hip chirped. Kelly picked up the handheld, out of habit checking the caller ID. A blocked number. Probably a sales or survey call. But, it could be work-related even if it didn't come in over the hardwired work phone or her cell. In a small community where everybody knew everybody, sometimes tipsters didn't bother with the usual channels.

She answered the phone. The hesitation on the other end was almost enough for her to hang up. Then…

"Kelly?"

She knew that voice. Stunned, she turned away from the chair where her father and daughter played.

"It's Dane," the voice on the other end of the line said. "Dane St. John."

"I know," she said, working her best to sound normal. "What's up?"

"Nothing good," he said through a weak chuckle. "But anybody who reads the rags would know that."

How well she knew. Her mother had religiously pointed out every headline, every picture, every story that showed up in the rags and movie magazines in the months since Angel had been born, since she'd stopped answering Dane's texts.

"Sorry about the breakup of your engagement," she said, her voice sharp even in her own ears.

"Kel, I wrote you about that being a fabrication of the rags," he said, frustration rolling through his words. "I told you I was never engaged."

"So you did," she said, her tone softening with the memory of that long ago email. At the time, she'd wanted to believe he was lying to her. But he wasn't the liar. She was. Which had been the reason she'd stopped responding to his emails and texts. She couldn't keep lying to him.

"Sorry," he said. "Didn't mean to snap at you, Kel. It's just… You sound like that crap is still bothering you when it shouldn't. How are you doing?"

Fine until you called.

"If you wanted to chitchat about how I've been, you'd have called my cell," she said, all business sounding, "not my parents' number. Why're you calling, and from a phone with a blocked number?"

"Ever the CO, huh?"

"That's me."

He sighed. "The blocked number has nothing to do with you. It's a burner so no one can trace my calling you."

"Except you didn't call
me,"
she said. "You called our house."

"Semantics."

"Reality. I see the facts like any good CO," she said, not entirely sure she didn't mean what she said as a warning to him, a man whose personal life of excess was spiraling into the toilet…according to the gossip rags. "What do you want?"

She heard him swallow. "I have a favor to ask. A big favor."

She hugged her knees up against her chest. She could tell him he'd get no favors from her. End it all right now. But then she'd have to explain why she wouldn't grant him any favors.

"What is it?" she asked.

"I need a place to hideout, someplace where the paparazzi won't think to look for me."

Her heart thudded in her chest, afraid she knew just which
someplace
he was going to ask about before he even put it into words.

"I was thinking of your family camp," he said. "Any chance I could rent the place?"

She closed her eyes. The last thing she wanted was Dane St. John that close to Angel…or her.

"I know I'm asking a lot, Kel. But I'm desperate to find a place where I can hideout for a while. The paparazzi are turning my sister's restaurant business upside down with me here."

That he was within four hours of Copper Falls made her heart stutter-step.

"Roman and Tess will take me in. But the press will only follow me there and make their lives miserable. They know about Renn, too, so I can't go to him. There's Jake, but even I don't know where he is right now."

"What about your parents?" she asked.

"Action films are huge in Japan. The fans will tear me to pieces. I know. I've done promotions there."

Behind her, Angel giggled at some antic of her grandfather's. At her hip, Angel's bright blue eyes peered up at her from the photo album, Dane's eyes. One look and he was sure to figure out she was his.

"We just closed the place up for the winter," she said, hedging.

"I'll pay anything it'll take to reopen it, Kel. Please. I'm really desperate to find someplace where I can be alone—."

Desperate to be alone.

She understood desperate. She understood wanting to be left alone.

"Not that I'm agreeing to this, but," she found herself asking, "when?"

"As soon as possible."

"The big snows start in January," she said. "You could get snowed-in up there."

"Sounds like just what the doctor ordered."

Doctor? Did he mean that figuratively or literally?

She thought of the headlines and pictures in the latest papers her mother had left for her on the kitchen table.
Action Star Parties Hard
and
Dane St. John's Drinking Binge,
were two that read above pictures of a disheveled Dane
. Action Star Stumbles,
captioned a shot of him in a restaurant apparently falling over a table.

She'd dismissed most of them as fodder for the tabloids. Anyone could be caught on a bad day. But, given his comment and headlines like
Action Star Dane St. John Causes Set Shut-down
and
Dane St. John Headed for Rehab,
the possibility he was out of control didn't sound so far-fetched
.

"Kel? You still there?"

"Yeah."

"Can I stay at the cabin?"

Every nerve in her body screamed for her to keep him away. But he sounded so pitiful, so broken, so in need. Besides, he'd said he wanted to be alone. She could meet him away from the house, have him follow her up to the camp, and…leave him there. Heaven knows the family could use the rental money given the expenses of her father's extended rehab.

"I'll need a couple days to get someone to plow the place out and another to heat the place up."

"Thank you, Kel."

He sounded so relieved, it was almost enough to make up for her lingering doubts. "Make sure you rent yourself a four-wheel drive this time," she added. "Nothing less will get you in or out of that place."

"I remember."

She remembered, too, every detail of their ten magical days together. She drew a calming breath. "Especially this time of year, you'll need something heavy-duty to drive in there."

"I'll take care of it."

Like you did me by leaving me pregnant?

Wrong. She'd been as willing a participant that first night when they'd made love without protection.

She swallowed back any condemnation she might have let slip into her tone and asked, "You want me to stock the place or will you pick up your own supplies?"

There was a pause at the other end as though he were recalling, just as she was, the first time she'd bought him groceries.

"I'd appreciate you stocking the pantry and fridge," he said. "You know what I like."

Indeed she did. Her stomach pinched at the thought. He shouldn't still be able to have this effect on her.

But he did…

#

Kelly sat in her truck in front of the Buck Inn watching the entrance to the parking lot through frosty windows. She'd made her family and friends swear, should they happen to run into Dane, no one would tell him about Angel. Why she was still so adamant to hide her from him, she wasn't sure. And those she'd sworn to secrecy were quick to press her for a reason.

Especially her mother and sister, her mother insisting his coming back to Copper Falls was a sign she should tell him, her sister flat out urging her to take the opportunity to come clean about the baby. To what end, she'd argued back. So he could reject them both face-to-face? Their responses had been a unified, "You don't know that's how he'll respond."

And that was the truth. She didn't know what his reaction would be. She knew he was big on family, close with his, and wanted a family of his own…
someday
.

Yeah. There it was.
Someday…
whatever that meant for a guy who loved everything about his skyrocketing stardom
.

Okay, he didn't love the publicity or he wouldn't be looking to hide out.

But Dane was an adventurer. Always game to try something new. She'd be damned if she let her daughter become just another adventure for him.

So she'd countered her mother's and sister's arguments with, "And if he does welcome his daughter with open arms, if he wants custody of her? He's got the money now to buy whatever he wants."

That had shut them up. Not that either looked any more convinced Kelly shouldn't tell him. Then there was her father's reaction. He didn't like the deception at all. He was the wildcard among those who knew the whole truth of Angel's parentage. But he and Dane weren't likely to run into each other, unless Dane came to the house…which she wasn't giving him any reason to do. She'd even arranged to keep him out of Copper Falls by meeting him in the next town south, giving him the excuse that it didn't make sense for him to come all the way to Copper Falls when the camp was south of town.

A navy-blue SUV rental pulled into the lot and parked. Even with a dark knit cap pulled low over his ears covering his blond hair, there was no hiding the broad shoulders or the height of the man exiting the vehicle. No hiding the profile of Dane St. John backlit by the late afternoon sun. If she'd been standing, she'd have dropped to her knees.

No, no, no.
She couldn't react to him like this. Maybe if she just let him walk into the Inn, she could drive away and avoid ever seeing him in the flesh again. Except, if she didn't show-up for their meeting, he'd come looking for her at the Ranger Station or, worse, the house.

She gave her horn a tap, drawing his attention. Hands shoved in his pockets and shoulders hunched against the cold, he headed toward her truck. She powered down her window. He ducked his head, his "hi" a white cloud reaching for her. She wanted to open her door, step out, and follow that vapor cloud right back to his smiling lips, a smile, she reminded herself, that melted all women.

"Follow me," she said and rolled the window up between them instead.

#

He hadn't been wrong about the tone of their phone conversation. She was angry and that anger was definitely aimed at him.

He cursed, slapped his steering wheel, and pulled out of the parking lot after Kelly. Where did she get off being mad at him? He hadn't been the one to stop emailing and texting. She'd been the one who let his calls go to voice mail. She'd been the one to let
them
go.

And if that's the way she wanted it, then it was her problem if she was angry. He just needed a place to hideaway for a while and her family's camp was the perfect place.

But it did matter to him because he hated seeing her unhappy.

Because he'd never stopped thinking or caring about her.

Her directional light signaled the turn onto the highway. He followed, rehashing the one question he'd never quite been able to let go of. What had gone wrong between them?

Long-distance relationships are the pits.

The make-up girl from his second Hawke movie wasn't the only who'd warned him that maintaining a relationship long-distance was a long shot and building one under those circumstances was next to impossible. He'd made a mistake going for the taking-the-time-to-get-to-know-you-better route. He should have told her how he felt about her before he'd left Copper Falls. At least she'd have known how he felt and maybe then they might have had a chance for something lasting. Maybe she'd have thrown herself into his arms back at the Buck Inn parking lot instead of rolling up a window between them.

This is what he got for letting his head take the lead instead of his heart—for going against what came natural to him.

But, what was natural for Dane was to be impulsive. All his life, his siblings had teased him about his impetuous ways. How many times had his laidback parents shaken their heads, warning him someday he'd make a rash choice that didn't pan out? Is that what had happened here with Kelly?