Craving Perfect (14 page)

But then he placed a warm finger underneath my chin and my breathing stopped.

He was going to kiss me and I wanted that kiss. I had waited for it.

“I hope you’re not ready to go home yet.” His forefinger brushed underneath my chin.

I still held that breath.

His face lowered closer to mine.

“Home?” My voice squeaked, mostly because I wasn’t breathing, watching Carlos’s lips, shiny and wet. It had been so long since I kissed anyone. “No, I’m not ready. To go home, I mean.”

“Good.” His hand moved from my chin to my shoulder and pressed down.

I reached up for the edges of his jacket with both hands.

Carlos’s eyes widened a fraction.

I pulled him closer, still focused on his lips. But then I froze.

“How do you feel about dancing?” he whispered, his nose brushing mine

I pulled back, completely forgetting his lips. “Dancing?” I swallowed, hard.

The last time I danced was in high school at one of those lame Girl’s Choice dances. It was memorable but not in a good way, especially for my date. I had tripped and tore the hem of my dress with my heel when I tried to look hip to “Kung Fu Fighting.”

Carlos must have seen the memory of that tragic night flash across my eyes because he tossed his head back and laughed.

I frowned up at him.

“Don’t worry, Grace. I’m not any good at dancing either.”

Somehow I doubted that.

It was a struggle to keep my hands off her.

My hands kept finding some part of Grace—her hands, the small of her back, her shoulders. It was like I craved a constant connection. Wherever I touched her, the nerves beneath my skin responded like a lit flare.

Still, I didn’t want her to think I was
That Guy
, the handsy
tonto
who only wanted one thing. I wanted more than Just One Thing and
mucho más
than a single date, so I had to force myself to calm down. It was harder than anything I ever had to do in the ring and made law school look easy.

Dancing seemed like the logical next step. At least I’d get to hold her.

I’d planned to take Grace to the street festival in downtown Scottsdale. It included the usual ethnic foods, art displays, music, and dancing near the Scottsdale Courthouse.

After parking the truck, we walked alongside the booth-lined sidewalks with the sun setting behind us in a cobalt-blue sky. The whole street burst alive, in lockstep with how I felt. Musicians with guitars, flutes, harmonicas and saxophones played on street corners while a jazz band played somewhere in the distance. Despite the crowds, it was as though we were the only two people on the whole street.

Grace pulled her jacket tighter as we walked down the sidewalk. Food smells wafted from everywhere, competing with each other. A petite woman in a kimono motioned for us to step inside her tent and sample a slice of something wrapped in green seaweed. Grace smiled but shook her head, wrapping her arms across her chest. I’d follow her anywhere. And I positively despised sushi.

“Cold?” I nudged her with my arm.

“I’ll be fine. Good thing I wore a jacket.”

Was that a hint?

My breathing paused. Carefully, I draped my arm across her shoulder and pulled her closer. “Better?” It was definitely better for me.

“Much.”

I bit back a smile as she leaned into my shoulder. “I know how we could warm up…” I let my voice trail off, testing her.

Grace peered up at me and smirked. “How?”

“Hear that?”

She titled her head. Then she sank deeper into my arm. “Hear what?” she moaned, just a little, but I knew she heard it. And there was still enough of a smile in her voice to give me hope.

“Come on,” I chuckled, squeezing her shoulder. “It’ll be fun.”

“Really?” Her tone was doubtful.

“And it’ll keep us warm.”

We walked closer to the jazz band and Grace stopped. “Maybe.” Under her breath, she muttered, “At least they’re not playing ‘Kung Fu Fighting.’”

“What’s that?”

“Only something that took me ten years to forget.”

A four-piece jazz band was perched on a raised square stage near the Scottsdale City Hall. Dozens of people stood around watching the musicians, most of them dangling a wine glass or a beer in one hand, while a handful of couples swayed on a grass dance floor to something resembling a Miles Davis song.

I peered down at Grace. Her eyes were fixed straight ahead of us. “Come on, Grace.” I pulled her forward. “We’ll just watch.”

I felt her shoulders tighten for an instant but then she allowed herself to be prodded forward. “Okay,” she exhaled. “Maybe one dance won’t be so bad.”

“Seriously?” This woman continued to surprise me. I would have been happy simply standing beside her. All night.

But Grace nodded, her eyes a little wider. I wondered if it was just the sangria talking.

“Okay.” My chest swelled. “But only if you want to.”

“Just don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

“I hope you don’t mind that I’m a terrible dancer.”

“Really?”

I smirked.

Grace laughed. “You’re a terrible liar.”

We walked toward the edges of the impromptu dance floor. The guy playing sax paused long enough to smile at us before licking his lips and returning them to his instrument.

Without another word, I turned to Grace, dropping my arm and reaching for her hand.

Her face blanched a little and I could tell she was anxious.

I squeezed her hand gently and then dropped my hands to her hips. Her eyes lifted and met mine. And then she smiled, as she placed her hands behind my neck, warming my skin even more.

I pulled her against me, so close that I could feel her chest moving against mine.

“Is this okay?” she said.

Speaking was difficult, especially with her pressed against me. “Yeah.” My voice cracked. “Great.” But
great
was an understatement. I could stay body-locked with Grace Mills for the rest of the day, the rest of the weekend. I rested my chin on the top of her head. Her hair was feathers against my skin and smelled sweet like flowers. “You warm now?” We swayed together in a small circle. I wrapped my arms around her.

She nodded underneath my chin.

“Good.” I took a chance and pulled her closer, the entire length of her body pressed against mine. My eyes closed.

But then the band started playing a faster song, one with a Latin beat. It was hard not to roll my eyes. Normally I would have loved it.

“Great timing.” Grace chuckled.

“You could say that again.” I wasn’t ready to let her go. “One more?”

Grace pulled away and looked sideways at the other dancers. A leggy woman twirled dangerously close to us. “I have no clue what to do.” Her eyes locked helplessly onto mine and it was hard not to lean over and kiss her.

“It’s easy.” I reached for her hands. “I’ll lead. You just follow me.”

Her lips pursed. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

I placed one hand on her hip and took her other hand in mine. “It’s kind of like country two-stepping but the beat is faster.”

“I don’t know that one either.”

“Doesn’t matter. Just watch.”

“Okay.” Grace concentrated on our feet as we began to shuffle across the dance floor.

After a minute of watching and gliding, Grace looked up at me. She had only stepped on my boot twice. “How am I doing?”

“Not bad, not bad.” I smiled down at her face.

Her expression softened.

With the sunset behind her, her eyes blended with the sky. “Ready to try a little twirl in that corner?” I motioned to the other side of the dance floor, purposely far away from the leggy woman and her partner.

Her nose wrinkled. “The last time I tried twirling, I tripped.”

“You won’t trip. I promise.”

Her chin lifted. “Okay, let’s twirl.”

We shuffled to the other side. When we reached the corner, I lifted Grace’s hand over her head, spinning her once without letting go. My chest tightened as I watched her spin underneath my arm. I was glad to be wearing my sunglasses so that I could take in all of her. “See?” I exhaled. “That’s not so bad.”

A smile brightened her face and I fought the urge not to draw her closer and kiss her nose. “Let’s try that again.”

We shuffled to the opposite side, and I spun her again when we reached the corner, before bringing her into my chest. “You’re a natural.” She tossed her head back and laughed away the compliment but I noticed that it was mostly to hide the flush in her pink cheeks, the same flush that could make my knees wobble when I least expected it.

“That’s not fair, though. You make it easy. I’ll never be able to do this again.” She paused. “Unless you’re my partner.”

I blinked. I wasn’t expecting that. My chest melted inside at the possibilities of her statement.

As the musicians ended their song, I pulled Grace closer, wrapping my arms around her back, my chin resting on her head. It was hard to let go and she didn’t pull away.

When I finally pulled back, Grace was looking up at me with questioning eyes. They dipped, slowly, to my lips.

That’s when I knew.

“Let’s get out of here.” My throat turned to sand. I knew that if I started kissing her, even in the middle of a grassy dance floor, I wouldn’t—couldn’t—stop.

“Okay,” she whispered.

It was like a switch went off in my head. My heart pounded, harder. I could barely make it to the truck.

The street in front of the Desert Java was deserted. Not a single car or person lined the sidewalk and all of the businesses were closed. Typical for a Sunday night.

None of the lights were on inside the café either, so I figured Kathryn wasn’t home. For once, I was glad to have the place to myself.

Carlos pulled his truck alongside the Desert Java. When he turned off the engine, I realized how hard we’d both been breathing. My head had started to spin a little from desire and a little bit of fear. I knew where this was going and I hardly tried to stop it.

Carlos’s warm fingers were still threaded through mine, his thumb massaging a circle against my skin. If his knuckles and fingers still ached, he didn’t say.

I’d never had a guy over to our apartment before, and I quickly did a mental inventory:

Was I wearing my newer bra?

Were my bed sheets clean?

What about candles?

What would Kathryn think when she got home?

Why would I care? Eddie spent the night all the time!

“Grace?” Carlos said, startling me.

I turned to him in the darkness. His eyes and hair blended into the night. “Yeah?”

“Is everything still okay?”

“Fine.”

He paused. “You sure?” He didn’t sound convinced. “You seem…like you’re having second thoughts.”

I drew back a steadying breath. “I’m just a little nervous.”
Make that petrified.
“I don’t do this very often.”
Make that never.

“I don’t either,” Carlos said and I immediately lifted my hand to his face. How was it that he always knew the right thing—the
kind
thing—to say?

Carefully, my fingertips brushed the bruise around his eye. I leaned closer and kissed it lightly as his chest stopped moving. Like his hands, his cheek was warm. Then I pulled back. “Can we just go a little slow?” I really had no idea what that meant but it just came out, especially since my heart was thumping against my ribcage like a propeller. My body was going anything but slow.

Carlos turned into my hand and kissed it. He exhaled. “Your hand is trembling.” He turned to me, the whites of his eyes growing larger. Then he took my hand between both of his and squeezed it, once. “I’ll walk you to the door.”

My shoulders caved forward a little, disappointed. I nodded before opening the car door. I really didn’t want Carlos to leave, but maybe leaving was better. It had been a long date already.

The doorway was dark, like everything else. Only the streetlight from half a block away provided any glow to my building. Anxious, my keys crashed to the ground as I fumbled with the lock. “Damn,” I muttered.

“Here, let me.” Carlos bent over and retrieved my wad of keys—house keys, café keys, car keys, refrigerator keys, my bike lock key, even Dad’s old safe key that we never used. Why did I need so many dang keys?

“It’s this one.” I felt in the dark for the longest key when Carlos’s hands reached for mine. They were still warm.

“Grace…” His voice trailed off.

I swallowed.

Then he turned. On his first try, the lock opened.

Click.

But he didn’t push the handle. Beyond the windowed door, the café was dark. Not a single light anywhere, only a tiny white glow from the pastry case. “Grace.” Carlos turned to face me.

I smiled up at him in the dark. I loved the easy way my name rolled off his tongue.

His voice trailed off as his hand rested on my shoulder.

The heat began to build between us again, like it did when we danced. Instinctively, I moved closer, if it was possible to be any closer.

Carlos reached for the collar of my jacket with both hands, before his hands cupped my face. “Grace,” he whispered. I could listen to him say my name a hundred times.

I closed my eyes. It was too dark to see anything anyway. I didn’t reply. I simply reached for him.

And then very slowly he lowered his head, his lips finding mine. At first his kiss was slow, but then it grew more urgent.

I caved against him and together we pressed against the door. I lifted my hands to his neck and threaded my fingers through his hair as his tongue parted my lips. He tasted warm and sweet like sangria.

I wanted more of him.

Somehow he managed to turn the door handle while cradling me with his other arm. Our lips parted, but only so that his could press against my neck.

I moaned when his tongue found my earlobe. “Carlos,” I breathed.

His hands, his lips, his tongue—he was driving me crazy. It was like I had to have all of him at once.

Still clinging to each other, we turned once, twice, and then a third time until we landed on the couch underneath the front window. I didn’t remember walking through the door. It was as if we floated.

Carlos was on top of me and we were both reaching for buttons in the dark. I didn’t even wonder if we should go upstairs to my apartment. We couldn’t wait. Didn’t want to wait. Not another second.

Between kisses, Carlos said, “Grace?”

“Yeah?”

“I think I love you.”

My throat thickened. No one had ever said that before. I wanted to believe him.

We reached for each other on the couch. Somehow I found myself straddling him. I pressed against his chest.

Carlos moaned.

“Sorry!” Then I remembered his bruises.

He chuckled. “It feels good.”

“Really?” I wanted to believe him as my hands brushed across his chest. His chest was smooth and sculpted in all the right places. “Does it hurt?” In the dark, I couldn’t see the bruises but I knew that they had to be there.

“Nothing you do could hurt me, Grace.”

I smiled. But then I pulled back. He reached for my wrists. “So who was the other guy?”

“What guy?” Carlos’s voice cracked as he pulled my wrists forward.

“Last night? The guy who lost?”

He chuckled.

“What’s so funny?” I leaned lower, finding the whites of his eyes, till our noses touched.

“It was that idiot from the gym.”

My eyes widened. I pulled back. “What idiot?”

Carlos snorted. “The one who’s always admiring himself in the weight room.” He kissed my neck.

I pulled back. “Max?”

Carlos sat up, releasing my wrist. “Yes.”

Total mood killer.

I swallowed. “Did you hurt him? Bad?” In my head I could see Max’s perfect face, his green eyes, the little bit of stubble that sometimes grew on his chin. I didn’t want to picture him covered in purple bruises, or worse.

“It was a fight. That’s kind of the point.”

I whimpered, slightly, picturing Max’s mangled face. It was like someone kicked me in the stomach. I didn’t know what to say.

Just as I was about to ask Carlos more about Max—like, was he still alive, a voice boomed from the rear of the café. It shouted my name.

“Grace?”

I screamed.

Carlos and I bolted upright as heavy footsteps approached us.

My heart pounded like a heart attack. My head spun with confusion and fear. I squinted toward the kitchen but it was pitch-black.

A shadow fell over us.

I squinted. “Eddie?” A light switch flicked in the kitchen. “What are you doing here?”

Before I could blink, Carlos lunged in front of me, his arms extended.

Eddie’s shadow jumped back in fear.

I tugged at Carlos’s elbow. “It’s okay.” I clutched at my open blouse with my other hand. “It’s only Eddie.”

Carlos’s arms relaxed, but barely.

I reached for the buttons of my shirt. “Eddie?” I swallowed again. “What are you doing here?”
And your timing sucks!

Standing, knees wobbling, I felt my way across the wall until I found a light switch near the front door. The overhead lights flooded the room, stinging my eyes.

“Where’ve you been?” he demanded, looking from me to Carlos.

My nose wrinkled. Eddie smelled like cigarettes and beer. I peered sideways for Carlos and he still stood, bare-chested, one fist clenched. I walked back to him. “It’s okay, Carlos.” I reached again for his arm as my voice stammered. “It’s only Eddie. Kathryn’s…” I struggled for the right word.
Boyfriend
didn’t seem right anymore. “Fiancé,” I finally managed.

But Eddie chuckled darkly. Too darkly.

Something was wrong with him. Carlos sensed it too. Just as tall, Carlos and he continued to scrutinize each other as if they were getting ready to go at it in a cage match or something.

“Look, Grace, I need to talk to you.” Eddie glared at Carlos. “Alone.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Carlos said calmly.

I stepped between them, raising my hands. “Settle down. Both of you. This is stupid.”

“We need to talk, Grace.
Now
,” Eddie insisted. “It’s about Kathryn.”

My eyes widened. I reached out and the first person I found was Carlos. He draped his arm across the back of my shoulders, steadying me. “Kathryn? What’s wrong?”

Eddie nodded his head at me, his lips pressed together, defiant. For some reason, he wouldn’t tell me in front of Carlos.

I spun around to Carlos, pleading. “I need to speak with Eddie. You’ll have to leave. I’m sorry.” I lowered my voice. “Can I call you later?” My thoughts rushed to Kathryn. Something happened, something bad. I felt it in the way my skin prickled. Eddie was frantic. And I wasn’t helping.

“I don’t want to leave you with him, Grace. He’s drunk.” He shook his head. “Doesn’t feel right.” We talked to each other like Eddie wasn’t there.

Eddie bristled in front of us as his body swayed. He kept blinking his eyes, as if trying to focus.

“But something’s wrong with my sister. Let me talk to Eddie and figure this out.” I wasn’t about to share with Carlos that Kathryn and I hadn’t exactly been on speaking terms the last week. “It’s complicated. Stupid sister stuff. I’m sorry, Carlos, but this doesn’t concern you.”

Carlos’s expression crumpled from the sting of my words but it was too late to take them back. And we were wasting time.

“Please,” I begged. “Let me take care of this and I’ll call you later. Okay?”

Carlos dragged his hand across his chin. “When?” The bruises on his face looked scarier underneath the fluorescent light.

“As soon as I can.”

Carlos’s gaze darted from me to Eddie. “I still don’t like this.”

“I don’t either. But my sister needs me.” And then I whispered, “Eddie needs me. This is totally unlike him. You’ve got to trust me on this.”

Finally, Carlos exhaled. He nodded and then lowered his face closer to mine. “Promise you’ll call me later?”

“Yes. I will call you later. Just as soon as I can.”

In three steps, Carlos threaded his jacket through his arm, opened the door with the bell jingling overhead, and then he was gone.

I spun around and braced myself for Eddie. “Now, tell me what the hell is going on.”

Eddie’s body still wavered. He finally reached out for the back of a chair, just as soon as Carlos left. His words continued to slur. “Where’ve you been, anyway?” He dragged one hand through his hair. His hair, like his eyes, looked uncharacteristically wild.

I gaped at him. “Where’ve
I
been? Where’ve
you
been? Don’t you know that Kathryn has been moping around here for days waiting for you to call? And you pick tonight to come find her?” I looked over his shoulder into the kitchen, half expecting, half hoping to see Kathryn bouncing into the café. “How’d you get in here, anyway?”

But it was almost as if he wasn’t even listening to me. “I’m sorry, Grace.” His chest heaved. “It’s just…it’s just that I can’t find her.” His voice turned more anxious. “She hasn’t called. I don’t know where she is. It’s got me whacked.”

My shoulders caved forward. At least he was finally being honest, finally acting human. “Eddie.” I lowered my voice. I reached out my hand to him. “Kathryn will be back. You know she will. She’s probably just been at the mall. Or maybe to a movie.”

But Eddie lifted his hands and backed away, like I said something absurd. In a heartbeat, he became a stranger again. “Well, I’m glad to see you’re having fun.” The wild-eyed glint invaded his eyes again.

I pulled back. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You…” he sputtered. “And that guy.” His words slurred. “That janitor dude from the gym.” His head bobbed as he struggled to look back at me.

“He’s not a janitor dude. He happens to be in his third year of law school.”

Eddie didn’t answer, didn’t care. Instead, he continued to glare at me and, suddenly, I wished that Carlos hadn’t left. Eddie’s breath smelled like the bad end of a six-pack.

“What’s really going on? Why have you been drinking?” If Kathryn knew, she’d freak.

“You’re the reason Kathryn won’t marry me.” It came out like a snarl.

My voice got louder. “Me? You’re crazy.”

“You’re the reason she won’t move to California.”

My throat thickened.

“It’s
you
, Grace.” He jabbed his forefinger at my chest. “You’re the reason why she stays here. You’re the reason why she can’t leave. You…” He paused to sweep his arms around him. “And this freaking money-pit of a museum you think is so great.”

My heart began to pound, faster. It hurt to breathe.

“And why do you want to even hang on to this place? It’s not like you’ll ever make any real money. I bet you didn’t know that your parents were planning to sell it. Why do you think they were fighting all the time?”

“Shut up, Eddie.” My teeth clenched so hard that my jaw ached. “My parents never fought. You didn’t even know them.”

“That’s not how Kathryn remembers it. She said your folks were fighting all the time, especially right before—”

I lifted my palm to him. “I said,
shut up
.” I’ve never wanted to hit anyone in my whole life but at that moment I wanted to deck Eddie Cahill. My fists even balled. How dare he!

But he didn’t listen. “See, you can’t handle it. Kathryn’s tried to talk to you about leaving, about selling this place, but you can’t even talk about it.”

“I got news for you, Eddie. She’s not talking to me either! And Kathryn is free to leave! Anytime.” I blurted. My skin burned like it was on fire. “No one’s holding her prisoner here.”