Cruiser (7 page)

Lex

I quickly close the door to the guidance counselor’s office behind me, like maybe the words said in that room will stay trapped and not follow me out. Then I head to my locker and lean against it, taking a deep breath and letting it out. Why couldn’t she just tell me what to do?

“Missed you at the caf.” Dani leans near me and crosses her arms over her chest.

“I was at Ms. Carter’s,” I mumble. Why did I think seeing her would be a good idea? Guidance counselors are supposed to “guide” you to the right decision, not give some useless BS and then let it fall on your shoulders. Apparently, it’s up to the teenager to make one of the most important decisions in her life all on her own.
“But speak to your parents, Lex. They’ll help you figure things out.”
Right, sure.

“Yeah, I saw you leave her office,” Dani says. “Everything cool?”

“I went to speak to her about next semester’s electives.”

“
What did she say?”

I
push off my locker and open it, searching for my poli-sci book.

“Lex?” Dani says.

I close my eyes. “She thinks I should stick with dance,” I say, then snap them open. Dani’s watching me, expression thoughtful. “I asked her if it was possible for me to switch out some of my art and dance electives for more, um, pre-medish type courses.”

She nods slowly, her expression still the same.

I continue, “She said that in her professional opinion, she believes it’s in my best interest to pursue dance because I have such a bright future. Then she started going on about the scholarship, how it’s between me and Holly Bedford, and I have such a good shot and do I really want to make such a drastic change before thinking things through and discussing it with my parents? But then she said it’s up to me to make that decision because only I know what’s best for me. Isn’t that ridiculous?”

“She’s right. Only you can make that decision.”

I rub my forehead. “Why can’t someone just tell me what to do? What the best decision is for me? I’m only sixteen!”

“We’re all going through this, Lex. And things will get even more intense nex
t year when we apply to college.”

I
know others are going through crap, too. But that doesn’t make this any easier. I can’t stand this stress. Maybe it’s time I look for a psychic, let her lay her cards on the table and tell me what’s in my future.

I just want someone on my side. Someone who would understand me and not tell me
to stick with dance because I have “so much talent” and “such a bright future.”

“You already know what I think, Lex, so I won’t repeat it, but I agree with Ms. Carter that only you can make that decision. Think long and hard, do your research, see if you really want to go to med school. Go to dance practice and meets and see i
f your heart’s into it.”

Which brings me back to square one yet again. “You know what she said?” I roll my eyes. “She asked me if I wanted to start seeing her again.”

Ms. Carter was really helpful last year when I went to see her once a week. Warm and caring, like she really wanted to help me. But to see her again? Like I’m still the same screwed up girl I once was?

“Maybe that’s not such a bad idea,” Dani says. “And I’m not talking about the accident and
Rosie and your parents. I’m talking about all that other stuff going on. Like your feelings for Rey and Cruiser.”

I gape at her. Is she serious? “Tell me
you’re kidding.”

She shrugs.

“You want me to tell the school guidance counselor something so personal? About students who
go
to our school?”

She tightens her arms over her chest. “Maybe you need to talk to someone about it.”

“Look, I don’t need to talk to some stranger about my love life. I have my best friend right here.” I wrap an arm around her shoulder and pull her close. “And she’s the best friend anyone can ask for.”

Dani mumbles, “Whatever” under her breath.

“Hey, ever heard of practice what you preach?” I say. “When was the last time you spoke to anyone about what you went through last summer with Jimmy the Jackass? I’m guessing never.”

Dani throws my arm off her shoulder, her eyes flashing with fury and pain, and she opens her mouth to say something. But her eyes dart down the hall. “Your boyfriend is headed this way.” And she marches to Spanish.

“Hey!” Rey closes his hands over my eyes. “Guess who?”

Things have been looking up for us these past few days, ever since Rey’s recital. I’m so relieved.

I laugh and pull his hands off my eyes. “Nice try. Dani gave me the heads up.”

He laughs too, then rests his right shoulder against the lockers, facing me. “Where were you during lunch break? I was looking all over for you.”

I swallow. For just the shortest second, my discussion with Ms. Carter fled away with Dani. Now it’s back, and at full force. My shoulders sag a little. “I had to take care of something.”

“Everything okay?”

Why does everyone ask me that? “Yeah, sure.” I force a smile onto my face.

“Cool. Hey, guess what?”

The smile is still forced. “What?”

“I caught a fish for you.”

I softly punch his shoulder. “You know I don’t like fish.” I rake my hands through his hair—well, it’s more like a brush because he doesn’t have much hair. I wish I could kiss him right now to get rid of this doomed feeling, but we’re standing right in the middle of the hallway.

“I know.” He smiles and fingers my bottom lip. “But you’d love the fish if I cook it. I’ve been tackling the stove for a while now. It’s pretty cool. I know how to fillet a fish, sauté some veal, puree a butter squash
soup. I’d cook for you anytime.”

Just as I’m about to tell him how cute he is when he’s excited, Cruiser strolls down t
he hallway, stops by his locker a few feet away, and dumps his schoolbag and leather jacket inside. I bite my lower lip. This is the first time seeing him since our encounter two days ago. He looks…I don’t even know how to describe it. He’s actually alone right now, not flirting with a girl. It makes him look so…so…

Lonely.

Lonely and vulnerable. Why does it make my heart constrict, seeing him standing by his locker alone, staring at the space in front of him like he’s in deep thought? Like he’s sad. Sad that there is no girl flirting with him, or is it something else?

“It was still at first,” Rey is in middle of saying. “My grandfather said the fish must have partied the whole night and
were sleeping.” He laughs. “But then I caught a mackerel and...”

I don’t mean
to, but my attention keeps floating to Cruiser standing so alone at his locker. I’m so selfish and a horrible girlfriend, but I can’t help it.

Suddenly,
Cruiser turns around and stares at me. I jerk, but my gaze stays on him—I don’t know why. This is the first time we’re seeing each other face to face since our altercation at my house. I don’t know what to think, what to
feel
.

He turns back around, back to being lonely. It reminds me of when we were kids and Cruiser was lonely, when he felt left out at home, or when he cried to me that he had no friends at school because everyone loved Rey
more than him.

“Lex?”

I’m yanked back to the present, to the reality.

“Can I come over
tonight?” I ask Rey.

“I need to practice the violin for my next recital,” he says.

Another recital? I thought we’d have more time to spend together once his last recital was over. I want to support him, but he and I have been having better communication since his schedule emptied out. With another recital, I don’t know how much time we’ll have to spend together. Which means we might fall down that path again.

“
But maybe you can sit with me while I practice?” Rey says. “My parents won’t be home ‘til midnight and Cruiser will probably be out ‘til much later.”

I smile. “Okay
.” I take one more glance at Cruiser. A girl is now at his locker, giggling and squeezing his bicep, marveling at it.

“Cool,” Rey says. “See you in class.” He touches his fingers to his lips and presses them to mine. Then he disappears into political science, leaving me out here alone
. I watch the way Cruiser grins at the girl. No more vulnerability. No more loneliness.

I close my locker and head to class.

Cruiser

When
Rey walks into my room a few hours after school, I’m wetter than a dog that jumped into a lake. I must have hit the weights a little too hard. He tosses me a towel.

“Sup, man?” I wipe my face.

“Dude, we checked out a jail today. Was pretty neat.”

Rey’s part of the law club. They do shit like that.

“Next week we’re visiting a courthouse!”

Sometimes I wonder if we’re two unrelated people who happen to look alike.

“Glad you had fun.” I toss the towel somewhere, then get into the shower. Spread out my arms. Feel the cool water beat against my skin. One thing that sucks about taking a shower is that I’m alone. It’s when the thoughts I battle every day cloud around and taunt me.

I turn off the shower and wrap a towel around my waist. Rey’s lifting one of my dumbbells when I step out of the bathro
om. Cheeks puffed, eyes bulging like his brain’s about to fire out his nose.

I take it and place it on the floor. “Stay away from the weights, like I stay away from the books.”

He laughs, plopping down on my bed. “Speaking of school, I heard about Sandra.”

“Sandra?”

Oh. That freshie girl who was all over me at lunch today.

“Well, you gonna get with her? Dude, she’s hot. Real hot.”

“Real
young
. She’s a freshman.”

“Yeah?” He lifts his eyebrows.

“Nah. I don’t go for that. What is she? Fourteen? Man, I got morals. Maybe not loads. But I got some.” I open my drawer, rummage around for some jeans, and pull them on.

Rey laughs again. Yeah, I guess in a twisted way I’m not all that bad. I sit down in my swivel chair. “Game?”

“ELVIS!”

I freeze. Damn, Mom sounds as mad as the time I took a baseball bat and cracked all her expensive china. Accidentally, of course.

Stomping up the stairs. Heavy footsteps coming down the hall. We look at each other. Geez, what did I do this time? Rey’s eyes ask me the same thing.

She’s at the door. Mom in her full rage-possessed glory. She thrusts out her palm. A joint sits there.
She holds it like it’s poisoning her skin. Her gaze bites my face. “Can you explain this, Elvis?”

Shit.
Where the hell did that come from? I stopped smoking once I stepped foot in New York.

Rey.

I look at him. His face is whiter than my bed sheet, and he’s gripping the edge of my pillow so tight the feathers will burst out any second. Sweat shines on his forehead. He stares at the opposite wall like he’s waiting for an anvil to hit him on the head.

“
Yeah, it’s mine,” I say.

Rey’s eyes widen. He’s swallowing like a golf ball’s stuck in his throat. The pillow is seconds away from total destruction.

Mom marches into the room. Stands near me—over me like I’m a serial killer about to get interrogated by the cops. “Are you doing drugs again, Elvis?”

Damn. Did I flinch?

“Answer me, Elvis Dalton.
Are you doing drugs again?
”

“It’s just
pot,” I mumble.

Her eyes burst with fury. “Just
pot? We don’t do drugs in my house, Elvis Dalton. I will not see you down this road again. Did you change
anything
while you were away?”

I look out my window. Need to focus on something. Anything but Mom’s voice. It’s pounding on my skull. Gets louder as her voice raises an octave. She says she has no idea what to do to with me. Maybe she should listen to Grandma Dorothy and send me to
Cayton’s. Let someone else deal with me. She thought a change of scenery would be good for me. Thought being away from all the pain of the accident would fix me. But I’m back to my old ways. Not working hard in school. Hopping from one girl to the next. Now it’s pot again, and soon I’ll be a drug addict or a drug dealer. And then she’ll find herself bailing me out of jail.

Shut up. Just please shut the fuck up.

“He won’t do it again,” Rey whispers. I barely hear him.

Mom clamps her mouth shut and stares at him. Yeah, who would have ever thought someone would stick up for me?

“He was feeling down,” Rey continues lying. “He just needed it.”

She’s still staring at him. After a few seconds, she blinks and brings
her gaze to me. “If I find this or any other illegal object in my house again, I am going to throw you out. Do you understand me? I don’t know what to do with you anymore.” She marches to the door, stomps out of my room. Down the steps. I want to slam the door after her.

“Geez,” Rey breathes. Covers his face. Stays in that position for a few seconds. He lowers his hands. “My God, Cruise. I have no idea how that happened. I thought I got rid of all of them. One must have fallen out of my backpack.”

I think I see tears in his eyes. “Don’t sweat it, bro.”

“I’ll tell her. I won’t let you take the blame.”

“Nah, let me take the fall.” I reach for the tissue box from my nightstand and toss it at him. “If you tell them it was you, it’ll screw things up more. They’ll say I have a bad influence on you and ship me off to Cayton’s. I don’t mind taking the fall—it’s for the best. Yeah?”

He slowly nods. “Yeah. I’m just…I’m sorry, Cruise. I’ll make it up to you.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

He bites down on his lip. Punches a fist into his other hand and mutters under his breath. Apologizes once more and leaves my room.

Wish he’d understand that I don’t mind taking the fall for him.

He’s all I got.