Curing the Uncommon Man-Cold (36 page)

Jason had good intentions, but his help was littered with four tiresome words: “Where does this go?”

Yawns finally overcame her nervous energy and Amanda fell asleep on the couch.

* * * *

Jason arose before Amanda and it took him a moment to realize he was in her bed.
Hmm
. He rewound those scenes from early, early morning.
Oh, yeah.
Bad dream and Amanda couldn’t sleep.
So where is she now?
He checked the guestroom.
No
. Then the living room. Yes, curled up on the couch and looking a bit chilly. He found a large beach towel in the hall closet and draped it over her trunk and upper legs.

After a brief visit to the bathroom, he dressed, sat at the only clear spot on the dining table, and opened the borrowed laptop. Jason logged on to his e-mail account and strained for the right words to transmit to the beautiful woman dozing a few feet away. It took him ten minutes to write three sentences.

Though Christine had pulled down
her
blog, the parallel sites were still up and running. Jason located the serial he wanted, and then scrolled down to a section he remembered from Wednesday. He carefully transcribed it on a piece of tablet paper from the cupboard behind the table. He folded that page and tucked it in his back pocket.

Once again seeing his names — real and fabricated — in cyberspace was a reminder that he still had no idea how several bloggers had learned the true identities represented by those pseudonyms
.
Then it dawned on him that the bogus maids, carpet cleaners, insect sprayers, and cable guy — plus whoever else Christine had involved in the bizarre caper — would have told
someone
about their participation in a secret scheme. Perhaps each had told several someones. Nothing makes tongues wag faster than a juicy secret. Even his own mother had seemingly been aware of the blog, though she hadn’t admitted it outright. Kevin had known all about it and he was about as discreet as a billboard. Even Kevin’s friend Bill had been in on it. By that point, Jason figured probably 20 per cent of Verdeville knew at least something of the bizarre drama of
Marty
and
Missy
.

Jason went out to the front stoop and let the rising sun shine on his face. It was already very bright and he had to close his eyes tightly.

He’d gotten up earlier than normal because a lot was on his mind, which was rather unusual — Jason’s mind was typically uncluttered territory. But his entire view of Amanda had changed dramatically in the past four days.

On Wednesday, their relationship had gone into the toilet when he’d seen Internet proof that Amanda had deliberately conspired to make him miserable over those previous nine days. But Friday, when he’d learned of her injuries, he’d almost forgotten all about his own deprivations and wanted only to be with Amanda to help her.

Then yesterday.
What was that all about?
All of her tantalizing and… whatever? Since they’d begun sleeping together after the Halloween party last year, they’d had sex reasonably often; in fact, whenever they got physical it almost always turned into sex. But last night he’d been physically all over her, yet it didn’t lead to anything… except his own pent-up frustration. Revving the engine so much without being able to pop his clutch was very unsatisfying. Yet, there was something about all their contact which gave him a warm feeling. Not just the warmth in his loins, but something deeper. Maybe warmth in his heart?

Jason couldn’t be certain, but he might have just felt tenderness for the first time since grade school, when he’d gotten his own tiny puppy. Boys weren’t taught a lot about tenderness; it was off the approved curriculum. But whatever they’d done last night had actually felt good. Of course it would have felt a whole lot better if sex had followed it.
Danged
Hypocritical Oath!
Being her temporary doctor was the pits.

Good thing Amanda was not inside his head right now, because she’d once said he had that oath confused with something else.
Nah.

He went back inside the apartment quietly in case Amanda was still asleep, but she was no longer on the couch so she’d probably gone to her bedroom.

Actually she’d washed her hair in the kitchen sink, where the shampoo bottle remained open on the counter. With hair still damp, she appeared in the hallway a short time later. The morning sun shone through the front window and backlit her shapely figure in the pinkish cotton gown.

My, my, my.
What a vision! And so early in the morning. Jason had to blink.

She hobbled over to the couch, where Jason sat with the remote in his hand and the television not yet on. She leaned way over and kissed his cheek. “Thanks again for all your help last night. I hope it wasn’t too hard on you.” In that position, her nightdress fell forward enough that Jason could see a considerable portion of her breasts. She obviously knew it and smiled slyly.

“If you don’t get some clothes on, it’s going to be hard on you!” Jason didn’t know how much more teasing he could stand.

“Hey, let’s skip all this meal preparation business here and just hit a drive-through.” Amanda hadn’t even sat down yet. “Sound okay?”

“Uh, sure. Any particular place?” Jason was always ready to eat, and any drive-through would have better coffee than he’d made yesterday.

“You pick one out while I shuck this nightgown and put on some street clothes.” She hobbled on her crutches down the hallway.

Jason heard lavatory water running and several drawers opening. Amanda soon emerged wearing basically the same items as the day before, but different colors: khaki shorts and light blue tee-shirt. On her left foot was a sneaker. “Ready?”

“Uh, I need my wallet and keys, and some shoes.”

———

Amanda touched his lips with her fingertip. “Go ahead and brush your teeth while you’re moving around. Makes the food taste better.”

Jason complied and emerged from the hall bathroom with a boyish grin. He’d even combed his hair.

Amanda threw her arms around his neck and kissed his mouth deeply. One of the crutches fell to the floor.
Who is this guy?
And how had he turned Amanda into a high school girl again? She realized she had a different appetite than could be satisfied at a drive-through window. Amanda was hungry for this new Jason. The one who tenderly looked after her, bashfully dried her naked body, and then went outside to cool down. The person who’d comforted her after the bad dream. The man who’d exhibited restraint for possibly the first time since she’d known him. Tenderness plus restraint.
Wow!

Jason broke the kiss. “What’s that for?” He was out of breath.

“That’s the kiss you stiffed me on last night. Bet you thought I’d forgotten.” She smiled. “So, let’s eat. I’m starving.”

On the way to his pickup, Jason listed half a dozen fast-food places with good breakfast menus. His well-known favorite would have been the Shuney’s buffet, but Amanda couldn’t handle that venue on crutches, so it would have to wait. For now, they settled on the drive-through of the nearest Golden Arches.

After receiving their order, Jason drove slightly over a mile southeast of old downtown, to Verdeville’s City Park. It was about 9:00 a.m. and relatively deserted. He parked near a large oak tree and they set up their fare at a concrete picnic table with a few leaves and acorns scattered about its stained and chipped surface.

Amanda was getting better at exiting and entering his truck with the crutches. She’d be an old hand at it by the time her toes healed.

The acorns probably reminded Jason of “allshitz” coffee, because he thumped them, one by one, with his middle finger. Each flew several feet away from their sturdy table.

With little conversation, they finished their breakfast sandwiches and fried potato cakes. Jason had purchased a third large coffee which he then divided between both empty cups. As they sipped their refilled coffee, a slightly dusty minivan drove up and parked about 60 feet away. First to exit were a girl and her younger brother; both raced to the nearby swing set. Then Dad from the driver’s side and Mom from the other front seat. Mom was obviously pregnant and even from that distance she seemed radiant.

Amanda looked on with longing. She wondered if she’d ever have a minivan and three kids. And she wondered what kind of father Jason might eventually be.

———

Jason also watched the family, but his attention focused on the mother with beautiful legs. He’d never really looked closely at pregnant women before. It was an instinct mechanism: pregnant women were off limits and out of season.
Ignore.
But he noticed this one, even from 60 feet away — she was lovely.

Then he turned to Amanda. That’s how she would look when pregnant — lovely with beautiful legs. Desirable even with a baby belly. Funny thing was, Jason had never before studied Amanda while his mind held any image associated with motherhood. Whenever he gazed at Amanda, Jason saw beauty and felt desire, but he’d never done much thinking beyond deciding what clothing article came off first.

The family of four and a half moved farther away, toward a fort built of weathered landscape timbers. Jason actually wanted to join them, but neither mentioned it nor moved in that direction. It looked like Amanda felt the same way.

“Jason, you know that Christine is my closest friend.”

He nodded.
Why’d she have to mention Christine?

———

Amanda had wanted to broach the topic since the previous afternoon, but it had not yet come up in conversation. In fact, it probably never would, so she just blurted it out. “It’s important to me for you two to get along.” She inhaled and let it out slowly. “How do you feel about Christine now?”

“Like I said, melt her to the castle floor with a bucket of water.”

“Hmm. A little bit of grudge still simmering.”

“I’d at least like to pour some glue on her boobs.” Jason pointed to the shirt covering his hairless right pectoral.

“Oh, the poultice. Or maybe you just like Christine’s chest.”

Jason shrugged. “Well, they have a certain volume that appeals to me. But no, my gluing process would be purely revenge. She nearly ripped off my nipple. So, tit for tat.”

“Quite apropos. But I’m not convinced this is about glue and gauze. I think you want to check out her girls.”

“Her rack has impressive dimensions, to be sure. Other things being equal, I could admit a certain clinical curiosity as to their consistency.” On vary rare occasions Jason spoke like an alliterative instructor, yet didn’t seem to be aware of it.
Weird.

“Clinical? You want to feel up my girlfriend!”

“Solely in the interest of science.”

“I don’t think Christine is presently sponsoring that particular field research.” Amanda touched Jason’s knee. “But will you try to forgive her and get along? For my sake?”

Typically, Jason was not one for long pauses, but he seemed to let this one linger to give his noble sacrifice more impact. “If anybody else asked me for Christine’s clemency, I’d let that witch burn at the stake. But for you, I’ll make an effort to get along.”

“A sincere effort?”

“As much as I’m able to muster.”

Amanda wasn’t certain how to quantify that, but she let the matter drop. He’d try.
Good enough, for now.
So she hugged him.

Near their picnic table, a few birds lit on the lower oak limbs; the sun — very slowly — moved higher in the sky. In the distance, they heard parent voices and childish laughter.

Since Amanda had already mentioned Christine, it was not surprising that Jason turned to her with a follow-up. “You and Christine kept talking about that so-called
man-cold
like they’re all exactly alike. I don’t even recognize the
syndrome
she described on that blog.”

“You wouldn’t. You’re a man.” Amanda’s eyes still monitored the family in the distance.

“No, I mean I did have a little fever, my head was actually hurting, and I couldn’t breathe much. That’s sick. At least according to my doctor.”

“Who’s also a man.” She patted his hand.

———

Jason realized it was time. He reached into his back pocket and unfolded the notebook page. “Look, I wrote this down before you woke up this morning. Maybe it’ll give you some understanding of what I was going through. Here goes.” He read it out loud.

.

When you get that first fuzzy feeling in your head, it’s usually the beginning of the warning signs. And you begin checking your body’s systems for other anomalies. It’s like you had this really primo muscle car: powerful engine, sleek design, cool wheels, and great paint job. One day there’s a slight hesitation when you accelerate. Hmm. That’s unusual. Then you hear a ping here… a rattle there. Maybe a tiny grinding noise. Warning signs. Could be you’re nearly out of fuel, tires nearly deflated, low oil pressure. Or is it more serious? Maybe the compression’s off or timing’s not right. What it really needs is some time in the shop for a complete diagnostic by a qualified factory-trained technician. You hope it just involves a tune-up… but you never know if it’s going to require a valve job, new brake pads, piston rings, tie rods, universal joint, or front wheel alignment.

.

Amanda probably didn’t know much more about cars than ignition keys and steering wheels, but she didn’t interrupt.

“So that’s kind of my perspective.” He folded the paper and placed it on the picnic table. “I felt lousy and I wanted a chance to slowly check out all my systems.”

“Why didn’t you explain any of this before?”

“I didn’t even think about it at the time. I mean, I felt bad and just figured you knew that I needed to be in the shop for a while. I didn’t think I had to wrap words around it.”

“So you wrote this out to explain.” Amanda pointed to the paper.

He shrugged. It was true Jason had written those words on that page, but he hadn’t composed the essay. It was somewhere on one of the parallel blogs. Right now he banked on Amanda never discovering that original post.