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“Hey Penny,” his soft tone fills the previously silent air, and I suddenly realise how fast today has gone. He makes his way hastily toward me and wraps his firm arms around me tightly. “Gosh how longs it been?”

He lets his arms fall to his sides and stands in front of me; leaning his elongated frame on the wall beside him. His tan cargo pants and black polo shirt sitting firm on his muscular physique and his sandy blonde hair resting below his ears at the collar.

“Umm, awhile I guess,” I smile awkwardly. Of course I knew when the last time I saw him was. It was the Sunday before Evan and I went on our vacation - the fateful trip that changed my world. The boys insisted on squeezing in a game of golf before we left so I had spent the day here with Maggie. When the boys arrived back late that afternoon, Ryan had farewelled me eagerly with a massive hug and well wishes for our little holiday. Obviously knowing that Evan had planned to propose, however the secret that I was eventually let in on, didn't end in a happily ever after.

“Well it’s great to see you,” he states. His words interrupting my thoughts consciously bringing me back into the room.

“How was your day?” I ask politely.

“Ah very busy, exhausting actually.”

His laboured yet subtle tone was the proof to match his words and his hazel eyes drooped wearily from his long day. Ryan was a builder’s assistant. His fit, defined and tall physique was a result of his job and his keen interest in sports - a shared interest he had with Evan.

“I will have to gain some energy if I am going to win golf this afternoon or I'll never hear the end of it,” he chuckles.

Golf?

Images of Evan and Ryan playing together at least every time we hung out or went away on holidays immediately springs to mind. I nervously swallow at the idea that Evan would be meeting him here. I felt a little anxious at the thought of seeing him again, especially after last night as I don’t really know where that leaves us now.

“I’m just going to take a shower.”

He grabs a can of coke out of the fridge and heads across the main floor towards the bathroom, before disappearing behind the door.

When Ryan left, I manage to send another resume for a job opening; a new clothing label starting to expand was looking for an accounts assistant and was based right in the city. I literally hit the send key on the keyboard when I hear the front door slam closed.

“Hey, how was your day?”

Maggie had arrived home from work and wrapped her arm around my shoulders from behind me. “You looking for work?” she queries as her eyes scan the internet sites I had open.

“Need to start somewhere,” I respond sarcastically and a little too convincing.

“That’s great. And I ah, see you managed to clean up."

I glance down over my outfit. The black maxi I grabbed off her clothesline after my shower earlier.

“Oh sorry, I hope you don’t mind, I...”

“Penny don’t be silly it's fine,” she cuts me off mid-sentence before letting go of my shoulders, making her way to the kitchen. I immediately close the laptop and follow her, taking up our morning position with me sitting on the bar stool across from her.

“That’s great, getting yourself back on your feet. I’m proud of you.” Her words are kind and sincere as she scurries around her kitchen. “Is Ryan home yet?” she questions curiously.

“Umm, yeah he went to have a shower a little while ago, said something about golf?” I bite my lip nervously. The anxiety that I felt previously is rearing its head again at the thought that I may see Evan again.

“Of course he is,” she chuckles. “I swear he gets prettied up more for golf than me! I honestly worry about those two.”

Maggie’s laughter filling the room was quite infectious that it immediately settled my rising apprehension and made my lips turn up in a grin.

“Did you say golf?”

Ryan’s deep voice is heard from behind me and before I can turn to meet him he has made his way toward Maggie in the middle of their country style kitchen.

“I swear you have a problem,” she answers as they wrap their arms firmly around one another. Just watching the two of them embrace and kiss each other so lovingly made me feel empty. I turn my gaze away from them so as not to stare, but it made me envious that I didn’t have that connection. I didn’t even feel close to having it.

Would I ever again?

“Well I have to go, I am meeting Evan for a hit at the course.”

My ears prick up sensitively to his name as I turn my focus back to the two of them in the kitchen. He bends his lofty frame down to kiss her passionately on the cheek and her sweet return smile was enough to make my heart sting.

“Don’t be late.”

As he exited the front door, Maggie still had her googly eyed expression sprawled across her face. She looked so in love and so happy. I missed that feeling.

“You feel like anything in particular for dinner? Ryan will be out for a few hours so maybe we can go down to the local tonight? Catch up?” Her eyes fill with anticipation and I couldn’t bear the thought of disappointing her.

“Sure sounds nice,” I force a smile to help convince her.

“Great!” She continues fussing about before grabbing random items from the bench top and living area, tidying up before we head off.

“Are you fine to go like that or do you want to freshen up?” she asks as she moves Ryan’s workbag from the dining chair to the front door.

“Umm, if it’s alright to wear your dress I am pretty much ready to go.”

“Penny of course it’s okay, let’s go!”

She reaches for her handbag as she exits the front door and I follow not-so eagerly behind.

As we make our way into the local pub we find a private table near the far window of the restaurant. This place on the south coast is what you would expect from a beach side town. A little bit of country mixed with a little bit of surf. Lots of old rustic timber furniture with beach style accessories including ropes, surfboards and the odd Kombi ornament, or painting.

“What were you having to drink Penny?” she asks as soon as we take our seats.

“Umm, oh, maybe just a glass of red please?” I ask softly before adding, “Are you having one?”

“Sure, two glasses of red." She strolls off to the bar which gives me a moment to look over the menu.

Sitting in a local pub, just having a meal with my friend seems like such a normal everyday thing people do. After the week or so I've had, this is probably the most normal thing I have done. I can’t help but wander my thoughts to my trip to Los Angeles only a few days ago now, which honestly seems like a forever ago. Leaving him there on the street of the hip LA club, that slutty model all over him and the events that transpired on the day of my return. My life has completely been turned upside down and has taken some incredibly abrupt turns. I begin to wonder whether I should tell Maggs about my week with him.

Should I?

My week with Jay?

No. I don’t think I even need to bring it up. That book has been closed and won’t reopen.

“Here.”

Maggie returns and places a glass of red wine in front of me and before she evens takes her seat I immediately take a large sip. Trying to keep it together in front of her is going to be hard so some liquid confidence will be exactly what I need right now.

“Have you had a chance to go over the menu?” she asks.

“I will probably just have a salad. I’m really not that hungry.”

I take another guzzle of my wine until the glass is almost empty. I hope that Maggie doesn’t notice too much.

“Well, how about I order some entrees as well and we can share?” she suggests eagerly. She always had a way of trying to mother me when I needed her, but she never made it too obvious like Rosie did.

Rosie.

I blink my eyes and shake my head a little trying to forget that I even made a reference to her.

“Sure thanks,” I smile in response.

“Okay, be back in a sec!”

She scurries away to the bar, presumably putting in an order for too much food that we have no way of finishing. I can’t help but feel remorse over how I haven’t even made an effort with her these past few months. The way she has been with me since last night has been nothing short of amazing. She has really been there for me especially when I needed her. How I couldn’t even remain a true friend to her just because of the boys friendship is really immature of me.

How could I have been so selfish?

“Done!”

She sits back in her chair and hands me another glass of red wine.

“What’s this?” I ask as I slide the glass over in front of me.

“Thought you might want another,” she responds shooting me a not-so subtle wink, and without hesitation I raise it to my lips.

“So....”

Yes?

I glance up toward her as I place my wine glass back on the table with innocent, uncomprehending eyes.

“Are you going to talk to me about last night?” she probes.

I immediately look down at the table so as to not give away my churning emotions through my eyes. There was no way I could remain strong given the flashes of the night’s events starting to reappear in my already clouded head.

"What about it exactly?" I mumble.

"Pen, I don’t want to force you, you know that." Her tone is soothing, but sounds hurt.

"I just think it helps to talk about these things. It can help you to continue moving forward."

Maggie, the psychiatrist.

I remember her seeing one during the middle of last year when she lost her mother. Hearing her words cascade in the air, you could tell that her visits had an astounding effect on her. I was kind of proud of how she had really turned herself around given her difficult situation and could only hope that I would turn out the same.

"What do you want to know?" I ask as I twine my fingers around in my lap under the table.

"Anything you want to tell me."

I take a deep breath and before contemplating what I am going to start with words just start escaping from my mouth.

"I guess talking it out with Evan wasn’t as bad as I had thought it would be. It was kind of a relief to hear him finally tell me everything as it happened. Like the truth had been finally revealed, no more pieces to try and solve." The words sounded confirmed despite me feeling less than confident. I couldn’t even look her in the eye.

"That’s interesting," I hear her say, sighing loudly; and I can’t help but turn my gaze upon her screwing up my face in immediate response.

"What’s that supposed to mean?"

"It’s just, you went through an incredible revelation last night. Finding out about Rosie, and the first thing you mention is Evan."

I stare a little dumbfounded at her for a moment. Trying to rationalise her comments and what she is trying to say to me; her underlying meaning to it all.

"So? It’s just the first thing that came to mind Maggs, I’m not really in the clearest of heads right now after everything this week."

I raise my hands from my lap to my temple and lean my elbows on the table, trying to force a little annoyance to avoid any tears from running down my face. I knew if they started I wouldn’t be able to stop them.

"This week? Has something else happened besides last night Penny?" she queries immediately.

"What? No!" I immediately refute.

Shit! Nothing gets past her!

I didn’t feel like it was important to fill her in on everything Jay, as I had reconciled before - that chapter has closed now.

"I just mean a week ago I was trying to deal with everything and move forward, and now it’s all a mess again. That’s all," I lie.

I felt sick to my stomach that I was being deceitful after all the lies and betrayals I had been victim of. How I justified sinking to their level was beyond insanity.

"Okay. But don’t you think it’s a little strange that you mentioned Evan before anything else?" she continues seemingly buying my untruth.

"I don’t know... I guess..." I trail, removing my hands from my head and placing them back in my lap.

Why was I thinking about Evan?

Being so close to him again last night was like I had never left him. As if he had never left me. The sincerity and love that radiated from him last night was exactly as I remembered it. It was like home. It was easy. It was familiar.

"It was a relief to finally talk to him about it all. Despite everything, it felt honest." I finish with as many words as I could reveal to my friend at this time. It was all I had.

"He misses you Penny," she whispers and I can tell she almost regrets pushing it so soon. I make a stern face toward her confirming that she is on the brink of my limitations today and she responds immediately - sheepishly nodding.

"Alright, I’m sorry," she states as she fiddles with the utensils on the table. A few seconds later after she composes herself a little, she takes serious focus on me once more.

"What about Rosie?"

Rosie.

That dreaded name that makes me feel physically ill. How or why she could have ever done this to me will never be fully understood, as there would never be any justifiable reason I could accept.

"What about her? If you think am I going to speak to her again then I am not even going to answer that Maggs!" I firmly reply folding my arms across my chest to enforce my words.

"I know. I’m not saying you need to. But you will need to face her
eventually
."

Unfortunately she was right. I needed to get my things from her place and start fresh. The thought of seeing her so soon wasn’t desirable, but I needed to try and be mature about it. I needed my things. I couldn’t live the rest of my life in Maggie’s wardrobe and besides, I couldn’t afford new clothes either.

"I know, I have to make arrangements."

"Well if you aren’t ready, you know Ryan and I could get them for you?" she offers, her green eyes all sympathetic and doe-like.

"Thanks, but I have to do it."

Besides, I am all I have now.

The mere thought makes me feel so alone and vulnerable but it was the truth. If I had any chance of building some kind of life for myself, I was the one that needed to do it.

"I should go tomorrow if I can a lift into the city? I am going to stay in a hotel for a little while, just until I sort out my next move."
"You can stay as long as you want to Penny, you know that?" she responds looking like I have offended her.

"It’s not that, I just... I need to do this on my own you know. I can’t rely on staying with my friend’s forever. I need to be sufficient on my own."

I knew I was right. In a way I was hoping that she would plead with me to stay with them a little longer so I felt like I was still cared for and loved in some way. But she didn’t. She nodded in affirmation which I should have been celebrating - but in actual fact made me sombre.

"Well I will sort out with Ryan who is taking the car tomorrow. It shouldn’t be a problem for one of us to take you, if that’s what you want?"

As I look straight into her eyes I can feel the resolve coming from me.

"It is."

After several more wines and less excruciating conversation, we arrived back to their place and I was a little intoxicated to say the least. The itty bitty salad I ate with the five or so wines made me more loaded than ever and I was feeling the effects in full. No sooner we pull up in her driveway and I notice the beaming white vehicle parked beside us; knowing straight away who it belonged to. In my drunken state I wasn’t actually that worried about seeing him. But maybe, just maybe, I was kind of looking forward to it.