Damned and Desperate (23 page)

Goliath’s heavy brow sagged, nearly obscuring his eyes. “We leave underground.”

“Yah, Boar no like it here,” the giant said pitifully as he rubbed his ass. “Water make Boar do things.”

Goliath turned to Boar with a shut-the-hell-up scowl.

I looked over at Anak, who was laughing while Jack licked him. Uh, oh. I got the feeling Jack was getting a little too friendly. I didn’t want Jack using the giant as a humping post.

“Anak, do you know the way out?”

Anak stood, pushing Jack down with a hand on one of his brows. “Peace, doggie.”

Amazingly, Jack sat as still as a statue while looking lovingly up at Anak. Wow. I so wanted that giant’s power.

Anak frowned, shaking his head. “Anak find only caves. Only tunnel is through web.”

My hand flew to my gut as a lead ball settled in the pit of my stomach. “I was afraid you’d say that.”

“Where are friends?” Goliath grumbled, sounding put out they weren’t here.

I grimaced. “I think they are still sleeping.”

“Go wake friends,” Goliath said in a tone that left no room for refusal. “We see if we can pull down web.”

Jack whimpered as the giants retreated.

“Stay, doggie,” Anak said before disappearing through the cave entrance.

Aedan stumbled into the cavern looking groggy and pissed. Luckily, his bulge looked a lot less beefy. Hopefully, it stayed that way.

“Anak found Goliath and Boar,” I said. “They’ve gone to see if they can take down the web. We need to wake Mar and Boner.”

Aedan’s brow pinched. “Mar and Boner? Did they sleep together?”

I scratched the back of my head, scanning the room. “I guess so.” I didn’t know why he was all of a sudden concerned. He hadn’t seemed to mind when Boner was dry humping Mar yesterday or when they went off to a room together. Then again, he’d probably been too consumed by horny water to care.

He stomped back down the tunnel like a charging bull, only to come right back, dragging a very naked Boner by the ear.

“Hey, hey! That hurts!” Boner cried.

Jack’s two heads alternated between whimpering and barking at Aedan and Boner as he danced circles around them.

“Aedan!” I screamed. “What the hell are you doing?”

There must have been an echo in the cavern, because Mar fluttered out of the tunnel with her toga on backward and was yelling at Aedan, too.

“What the hell went on with you two?” Aedan demanded.

Mar stepped between them, pushing Aedan off Boner with surprising force. “None of your business.”

“It damn well is my business,” Aedan thundered as he flew above Mar, jabbing a finger in Boner’s bare chest. “Did you take advantage of her?”

Hang on. Why did it matter to Aedan if Boner and Mar had slept together? It’s not like Aedan and Mar were engaged anymore. “Why do you care what your ex-fiancée does?” I snapped.

He turned to me with a hand-caught-in-the-cookie-jar expression as he sank back to the ground. “I-I have an obligation to look after her,” he stammered.

Yeah, right. I planted my hands on my hips, attitude locked and loaded as I imagined shooting invisible lasers at him with my eyes. “Maybe you should have thought of that before you brought her to Hell.”

As if to emphasize my point, Jack chimed in with two barks, followed by a growl punctuated with a pitiful whimper.

Mar wagged a finger in Aedan’s face. “I can look after myself, thank you very much.”

Aedan threw up his hands in mock surrender. “Would both of you clam up? You’re like two nagging nettles!”

I jumped at a muffled scream, and then a banging sound coming from a stone bench behind me. Jack ran up to the bench, sniffing it and wagging his tail as the banging and screams grew louder. I squinted, and on closer inspection, the bench looked more like a coffin. What the hell?

“Katherine!” Mar screeched as she raced to the coffin. “We forgot her in there.” She turned to Boner with a pleading expression. “Help me.”

As they pushed the stone slab off the top, I was reminded of tomb raiders opening a sarcophagus, only to be horrified by the monster awaiting them. Sure enough, a bitch monster was flailing around inside the tomb.

“I’m so sorry, dearest,” Mar said as she snaked an arm behind Katherine’s shoulders and pulled her up. “We put you in there to keep you safe.”

Huh? I repressed the urge to laugh out loud. More like they put her in there so she didn’t wake up and catch them fucking like possessed rabbits. What did they need to keep her safe from, anyway? Then I remembered the giants. Yeah, she was definitely the biggest steaming pile of dung on their shit list. Goliath would probably turn her to stone if he had the chance, right before Boar bent over and ripped a nuclear fart in her face.

Boner and Aedan hoisted Katherine out of the coffin and sat her on the floor while Mar removed her gag. Oh, so not a good idea. I was expecting Katherine to start hurling insults at all of us. Imagine my surprise when she broke into uncontrollable, maniacal laughter

Oh, yay. Sleeping Beauty has awakened from her nap refreshed and ready to plague us with her presence.

Mar leaned down, smoothing a hand across Katherine’s brow before tucking a stray lock of blonde hair behind the bitch’s ear in a sweet display of affection. Katherine didn’t deserve such a nice sister.

“What do you find so amusing?” Mar asked her.

Katherine returned Mar’s smile with a Bride-of-Chucky scowl. “You all drank the water.”

Aedan frowned. “Of course we did. We fell right in it. So did you.”

Jack barked at Katherine before retreating to a corner. Weird, because it seemed like he knew what she was saying, and embarrassment was forcing him to go hide.

An unnatural spark of mischief lit behind Katherine’s green gaze. “There’s something you need to learn about the fourth level of Hell. In life unchained, in death unsated.”

Well, duh. I’d already figured out that little riddle after a torturous night of orgasm-less sex with Aedan. How nice of her to rub salt, or in her case, hydrochloric acid, into our wounds.

“You were a lady of the night, weren’t you?” I asked her, and by lady of the night, I meant demon whore psycho bitch. “What’s the purpose of brothels if nobody can get satisfaction?”

She flashed a wicked grin before rolling up the sleeves on her dress, revealing several angry red welts. “My master used me for other forms of pleasure.”

Ewww. Gross. I knew that dentist Marshal was a sick fuck but, damn! And why did I get the feeling Katherine had enjoyed it?

“Oh, dear Katherine.” Mar let out a strangled cry before pulling Katherine into her arms. “I’m so sorry.” I jerked back at the snap of Katherine’s bond. In the next instant, her snake was writhing around on the top of her head.

“Look out!” Aedan cried.

Boner jumped to the rescue with amazing speed, pulling Mar back before Katherine’s snake came within an inch of digging its fangs into Mar’s shoulder.

“I don’t understand.” Mar fell into Boner’s embrace, looking at Katherine as if she had just drowned her puppy. “Why would you try to hurt me?”

“Why would you let them kidnap me and tie me up?” Katherine punched the air with bound wrists. “We’ll all be sacrificed when Master finds us.”

“No, dearest.” Mar shook her head as a big fat tear slipped down her cheek. “We’re going to escape.”

Katherine laughed bitterly. “You fool. There is no escaping Hell.”

Mar sniffled against Boner’s chest while Katherine scowled at her back. Good. Maybe now Mar would finally see the ungrateful bitch was not worth saving.

Aedan loudly cleared his throat. “Speaking of escaping.” He pointed at Boner. “Go put some clothes on.”

Boner looked down at his naked flesh sock and frowned.

Mar cocked a hand on her hip, her gaze brewing with storm clouds. “He was trying to get dressed before you dragged him out here.”

Oh, boy. Here we go. Another angry water argument.

“What the hell happened to you, Ash? You look like a rotten banana!”

I spun around at the familiar nasal whine of my ex-boyfriend, Travis. Holy shit. Where had he come from? Damn sneaky nettle. When he pointed a finger at me, preparing to launch into another tirade, I didn’t even bat an eye as I zapped him on the spot, leaving behind nothing but the acrid smell of burnt flesh and two black marks on the floor where his feet used to be.

“Who was that?” Aedan asked with a not-so-subtle accusatory tone.

I turned up my chin. “My ex-boyfriend.”

I didn’t like the dark look he gave me in return. What? Was he the only one allowed to have really annoying exes?

Mar squeaked as her hands flew to her mouth. “What did you do to him?”

“Don’t worry,” I said with an aggravated sigh. “He was just my nettle.”

Her jaw dropped. “A nettle?”

“Like a valet, only really annoying.” I rolled my eyes for emphasis, letting my gaze fall on Katherine, who’d gone suspiciously silent.

Yeah, bitch. How I’d so love to blast your ass all the way to the thirteenth dimension. But knowing my stupid boyfriend, he’d probably try to save you after Mar threw a hissy fit.

“Whoa,” Boner said with his signature stoner note of awe, sounding as if he’d just taken a hit off a big bong and then had a deep epiphany about the meaning of life. “He was created by your imagination?”

I nodded. “Yep.”

Mar’s hands began to shake. “Do we all have nettles?”

Aedan grimaced. “Unfortunately.”

The color had drained from Mar’s face, making her look as if she’d encountered a ghost. Bad metaphor, I know, considering we were all sort of ghosts. I guess she wasn’t looking forward to seeing her nettle. I could only imagine it was an image of herself. If I’d lived my life as a whiny, spoiled, entitled snob, I’d be my own nettle, too.

I watched the entrance for the next nettle, as they always seemed to travel in groups. No surprise Aedan’s nettle was the image of his ex-wife, Katherine, only instead of a big ass snake sticking out of her skull, she was dressed in last century garb with her hair piled neatly on top of her head.

The real Katherine growled and stomped her foot. “I don’t look like that anymore!”

The nettle ignored us as she marched straight up to Aedan. “There you are. It’s no wonder you’re in this mess. Worthless in life and worthless in death.”

Aedan shot me a pleading look, and I took that as the cue to zap the bitch into the thirteenth dimension. I fired two powerful bolts at her, and it sure felt good, though I knew not as good as it would have been to dust the real Katherine.

Mar swooned into Boner’s arms. I figured she still hadn’t grasped the concept nettles weren’t real people. I’d reacted the same way when Callum had dusted Aedan’s nettle.

“I entrust you with the simple task of protecting my niece.”

I spun around as my Uncle Mikey emerged from the narrow entryway and crossed the room to Jack.

Jack huddled in the corner, his two heads hanging down, both whimpering. My uncle was his nettle? Did that mean my real uncle knew who my guardian was and had never told me? If so, what was so secret about Jack’s identity that he had to hide it from me?

Jack’s whimpers grew louder as he flattened his heads on the floor, shielding his eyes with his paws. Awww, poor doggie.

I reluctantly raised my hands, wincing as I hit Mikey with a bolt. “Sorry, Uncle Mikey.”

No sooner had I dusted him than another nettle emerged from the shadows. I didn’t recognize this girl. She looked ready for a punk rock funeral, dressed in solid black from her tall lace-up boots and fishnet stockings to the shortest black skirt in the history of history that barely covered her skinny little ass. She had straight black hair with pink-frosted tips and gobs of dark makeup. Growing up in the Pacific Northwest, I’d seen plenty of Goths like her. This girl looked much like them, only she had this crazed look in her eyes, as if she was either wired up on meth or else freaking nuts.

“Bobby!” she screeched as she stomped up to Boner. “I’ve left you over twenty messages on your answering machine. Didn’t you get them? Why won’t you call me back?”

“Awww, shit.” Boner ran a hand through his hair as he flushed all the way to his reddish-blond roots. “It’s my psycho ex-girlfriend.”

Mar was standing beside him, tapping her foot and looking ten shades of pissed off.

I felt bad for Boner as this girl backed him into a corner. I tried to aim at her, but as his long dong hung down between them, I was afraid I’d accidentally zap off a few inches.

“Push her back,” I called to him.

But he’d already covered his ears with his hands, whining, “Make it stop.”

Ugh.

Mar wasted no time in helping us out. She grabbed the nettle by the hair, jerking her back until she was standing a good ten feet from Boner. Ignoring Mar, the girl charged Boner again, but this time, I was able to hit her before she got too close. Another nettle down, and one more to go. Though my palms burned from having bolts of electricity shoot through them, I was curious to see who Mar’s nettle was.

In walked a guy who made my jaw drop, striding purposefully up to Mar. He was a freaking Adonis, who looked much like Cam and the Swede. Hubba hubba. He had to have been at least six feet tall, with slicked back blond hair and the slightest hint of stubble on his square jaw. Though he was dressed in last century garb of loose trousers and suspenders, that knit shirt of his hugged those tight chest muscles in all the right places.

“Oh God, no!” Mar fell to her knees, sobbing into her hands.

Wow. Her reaction was quite different than mine. I slowly inched closer to him, inhaling the scent of spicy musk and something else, maybe the smell of hay. Okay, I’d never been into farm boys before, but this corn shucker had my undivided attention, and I suddenly acquired a liking for hay.

Bad, bad Ash!

He knelt next to her, placing a hand on her shoulder. “There you are. Your mother and father have gone to town,” he said in a sinfully sexy deep voice punctuated with a slight German accent. “What shall we do with our time alone?”

She fell on her bottom, cringing as if he was infected with the plague.