Dance (33 page)

“That’s
ridiculous! How could they ask that from you?”

Fenix
shrugged.

“I’d
have given them anything they wanted to come back here.”

Jared
pulled him into a hug again and they kept silent for a few moments.

“I’m
sorry,” Jared whispered.

“I
showed them a few things, played a few songs for them, and it’s like they knew
these were the ones I loved the most. The ones
that were
special. So they took them away.”

“They
can never take them away from you. You wrote them for
me
. You can sing them to me when we cook dinner or when we shower
together,” Jared suggested with a smile. Fenix laughed, some of the sadness
evaporating from him. “Or, on our fortieth anniversary...”

Fenix
looked at him sharply, hope and joy shinning in his eyes.

“You
mean that?”

“Yeah.
I do.”

The next day,
Jared and Fenix were relaxing in their dressing room after Jared’s show and
before
Poison
was about to start when
Jared’s phone rang.

“Hello?”
he said, not recognising the number.

“Um... hello.
Is that Mr
Jared Hartley?” a woman asked uncertainly.

“Yes,
that’s me.”

“My
name is Judie Mallory. I’m sorry Mr Hartley, but I’m calling with some bad
news.”

Jared’s
heart started hammering in his chest as he leaned forward in his seat.

“Bad
news?” he echoed, trying mentally to account for everyone he knew. Was someone
hurt?

“Unfortunately,
yes. Your mother... She passed away.”

The
room started spinning around Jared and he managed to keep his balance only
because he was sitting down.

“When?” he asked dryly.

“Five
days ago. The funeral was today.”

“Five
days? Why didn't you call me sooner?” Jared asked sharply, barely keeping his
control.

“Because she specifically instructed me not to.”

Jared
felt like someone had stabbed him in the chest. His own mother hadn’t wanted
him to come to her funeral. Even in death, she didn’t want him.

“Why
are you calling now?” he managed to ask through the lump in his throat. Fenix
moved to sit next to him, silently offering support even though he didn't know
exactly what was happening.

“Because
they’ll be reading the will tomorrow, and as her sole living relative, you
should be there.”

“Where?”
Jared asked shortly.

Judie
told him the address and the time, and they said their goodbyes.

“I
can’t believe this,” Jared said to himself. Fenix draped his arm over his
shoulders and pulled him close.

“What’s
going on?”

“My
mother is dead,” Jared said flatly.

“Oh my god!
I’m so sorry,
baby. When’s the funeral?”

“It
was today,” Jared said, turning to face Fenix. “She’d requested that they
didn’t call me before that. She didn't want me there.”

Fenix
didn’t say anything, but Jared could feel the disapproval radiating from him.
There was nothing either of them could do. Pauline Hartley was gone, and she
hadn’t managed to find it in herself to love him.

“I
have to go for the reading of the will tomorrow.”

“I’ll
come with you.”

“It’s
probably going to be an overnight trip, Fenix. Colchester is two hours away and
the reading won’t start till 4:00 pm. I don’t know how long it’s going to take,
but I’ll probably stay there instead of catching some late train back. You
won’t be back in time for your show...”

“I
don't care about the fucking show,” Fenix said angrily. “Your mother is dead. Even
if she was a heartless bitch, I know you’re hurting. I’m coming with you. End
of discussion.”

Jared
stared at Fenix, trying to convey the gratitude and love he felt for him with a
single look. He needed Fenix there with him because he knew he was going to
fall apart. He was lucky and thankful Fenix knew that without Jared spelling it
out.

“I’m
going to find Oliver Lowe, the director, and let him know they’ll be using my
stand-in tomorrow,” Fenix said, and then gave Jared a quick kiss. “I’m sorry,”
he said against Jared’s lips, and he knew what that meant: I’m sorry she couldn't
love you; I’m sorry you lost your hope she’ll ever love you; I’m sorry I can’t
fix it for you.

Jared
nodded as he waved Fenix away to go sort it out, while he lay back on the sofa,
refusing to dwell on the question he’d been pondering ever since he’d last
spoken to his mother: why?

The next day,
Jared and Fenix sat side by side at
Shaw,
Reed and Webster
’s office as Earl Shaw himself read the will. Pauline
Hartley had left everything to her church. No surprise there. Jared’s mother
had always been a devoted Catholic, but her dedication to the church had turned
to almost an obsession after his father’s death. Ultimately, she had chosen her
faith over her only child, even in death.

Not
that she had much. She had the house that had been paid off before his father
had
died,
a few thousand pounds savings, and some
personal possessions. Jared didn't care about any of that. What he cared about
was that his mother hadn't even mentioned his name in the will. It was like she
didn't even have a child.

As
if reading Jared’s thoughts, Fenix took his hand in his and squeezed. They
hadn’t talked a lot during the two hour trip, but Fenix had been there, and
that meant the world to Jared. He needed him there, needed to feel that Fenix
would drop everything and support him when Jared needed it the most. It
reassured him that Fenix had really meant that he was here to stay, that his
career was not above his relationship with Jared anymore.

After
the reading, Jared stood up and, followed closely by Fenix, went to Earl Shaw’s
desk, ignoring everyone he passed by.

“Excuse
me?” Jared said politely and Shaw raised his eyes to meet his. “I’m Jared
Hartley, Pauline Hartley’s son.” Jared extended his hand and Earl Shaw shook
it.

“Of course.
How can I help
you, Mr Hartley?”

“Is
there something my mother might have left for me? Not in her will, but like a
letter or a note?” The hope in his voice made Jared disgusted with himself, but
he clenched his teeth and ignored it.
For now.

“Unfortunately, no, Mr Hartley.
Everything Pauline wanted to say she said in her will.”

Jared
nodded and turned to leave because the pity in Earl Shaw’s eyes was making him
want to punch the wall.

Fenix
put an arm on his shoulder and they headed for the door, ignoring the stares
and whispers from the few other people in the room. Jared didn't know any of
them – they were probably his mother’s friends from church.

They
hadn’t made two steps into the hall outside the office when a woman’s voice
called after them.

“Mr
Hartley!” Both Jared and Fenix stopped and turned. A slim, blonde woman,
probably in her sixties, and a tall, equally slim man wearing a priest’s shirt,
were walking out of the office and heading in their direction. Jared had seen
them inside but otherwise didn't know them. “My name is Judie Mallory. We spoke
on the phone?” the woman said nervously. Jared nodded, but didn't extend a hand
or offer any pleasantries. He was past that. He just wanted to go home. Judie
cleared her throat, glanced at Fenix and continued: “And this is Father
Joseph.”

“Nice to meet you, Mr Hartley.
I’m so sorry for your loss,” Father Joseph said, offering his hand.

“Nice to meet you, too.
This is my
partner, Fenix Bergman,” Jared said, shaking the priest’s hand. Father Joseph
offered his hand to Fenix, although he didn't smile when Fenix took it. He
nodded curtly, while Judie pursed her lips disapprovingly.

“I
wanted to ask you something,” the priest said, his dark eye concerned. “Are you
planning on contesting the will?”

Jared
was so taken aback by the straightforward question that he must have looked
appalled. Father Joseph continued hastily, “I don't mean to pry in your
personal business. You’re free to take your time and do as you wish. But I’m
asking because I need to know what to prepare for. Our church doesn’t have a
lot of money for lawyers and legal fees, but if you decide to contest the
will
...”

“I
won't contest anything,” Jared said sharply, unwilling to listen to the
priest’s rambling anymore. “My mother hadn’t spoken to me in ten years. She
adopted you and your church as her family. If she wanted to leave all she had
to you, then so be it. I don't want something my mother wasn’t willing to give
me.”

Jared
was surprised at how emotional he suddenly felt. He didn't want to show these
people an ounce of his true self. He wanted to put on a perfectly blank face
and get this over with. Fenix stiffened beside
him,
touching his hand with his pinkie finger to show him he was there, as if
sensing the storm brewing inside Jared.

“Your
mother loved you, you know. In
her own
way,” Father
Joseph said kindly.

Jared
wanted to rip his head off. The priest had no idea what he was talking about.
He had no idea how much his mum’s rejection had hurt.

“Yeah?
And what’s ‘her way’,
exactly?” Fenix said, taking a small step in front of Jared as if to shield
him. “Was she proud of him? Did she see the amazing person her son had become?
Did she support
him,
was she there for him when he
needed her the most? Did she even call on his birthday?” Fenix paused,
unflinching, as they gaped at him. “No. She did none of that. She hid like a
coward behind her faith. So get off your high horse and don't try to tell Jared
his mother loved him because she sure as hell didn’t.”

Fenix
turned on his heel and grabbed Jared’s hand, tugging him along. They managed to
walk out of the building without any more interruptions. Jared couldn't wait to
get out of there. He felt suffocated.
Tired.
Sad.
Angry.
All he wanted was to go
home and forget this day had ever happened. His mother was dead, but she’d been
as good as dead to him for over ten years, so Jared had somewhat overcome that
sense of loss. Today he got closure.
Confirmation that his
mother had really stopped loving him, even in death.

Tomorrow
he could start healing.

“Let’s
get the train and get out of here. I can’t be here anymore...” Jared began, but
Fenix was already walking towards the station.

“I
know. I can’t be here either,” he said, frowning.

“Thank
you. For what you did back there. If you hadn't stepped in I’d have exploded
all over them. It wouldn’t have been pretty.”

“I
know, baby. I could feel you trembling next to me,” Fenix said, and suddenly
stopped, taking Jared’s face in his hands. “I love you, OK? And I will never
stop loving you.” He kissed him lightly and smiled, his pale blue eyes shining
with such adoration that, at this moment, Jared had no doubt Fenix meant it.

Chapter thirty four

Fenix

When Adam found
out about Jared’s mother, he pushed all his personal views aside and came
running to support his friend. Fenix couldn't help but respect the man for
that. Their friendship had been strained since Adam had punched Fenix, even
though he tried to make amends, apologised, and even managed to look
remorseful. Despite that, Jared never seemed to fully forgive him. Fenix’s
relationship with Adam had never been great, but after that night they both had
enough and stopped fighting. Adam had probably gotten it out of his system, and
as far as Fenix was concerned, there was nothing to fight about. He didn't care
if Adam liked him or not. He was Jared’s partner, and he was here to stay –
Fenix knew that, hopefully Jared knew that, and everyone else could go fuck
themselves.

 
Jared truly appreciated Adam's support as well
as the fact that he proved to be a real friend despite everything. Fenix was
certain Jared would have had a harder time coming to terms with his mother’s
death and her ultimate rejection if Adam hadn’t been there for him. All of
their friends had been great – quietly standing by Jared and showing him he was
indeed loved and accepted.

Soon,
Jared began to heal.

He
smiled again for no reason, started cooking almost every night while Fenix
relaxed on the sofa after his show, and stopped waking up in the middle of the
night, unaware of where he was.

December
came and went in a blur. It was the busiest period of the year for the West End,
and both Jared and Fenix had back to back shows all month, with the exception
of Christmas Eve. They’d declined their friends’ invitations for dinner and
drinks, choosing to stay at home instead. They were both exhausted and were looking
forward to a quiet night in.