Darcy's Temptation (47 page)

“Apologize?” Elizabeth queried.“For kissing your wife on a private road you own while seated in a curricle, which you also own?” she teased.

Darcy's lips turned up in the beginnings of a smile.“I noted you kindly delineated the fact I do not own you, my Wife.”

“You possess me, Fitzwilliam, because I freely give myself to you.” Elizabeth shifted a bit; she wondered whether Darcy wanted to control her—whether he thought of her more in the terms of his property.

Reluctantly, Darcy released her and picked up the reins once more. “I have a special place to show you.” He maneuvered the curricle along a narrow pathway until they emerged upon an overhang, which looked down on the house. He lifted Elizabeth from the carriage and held her close to him as he pointed out places easily seen from this vantage point.

Darcy allowed Elizabeth to lean back against him as he encircled her with his arms. “Fitzwilliam, it is beyond words,” she gasped.“I love Pemberley as I love you.”

“Do you love me, Elizabeth, or do you love another man, a person I do not know?”

Elizabeth turned to face him head on. “Fitzwilliam, I love both men. Of course, I love the man who won my heart by never giving up on us, but I also love the man I see before me now because it explains the journey you took to get to where we began. How could I not love what you were if I love you?”

Darcy knew not how to answer her. For the second time that day, Elizabeth surprised him with her depth of emotions
and her insights. “Do you mean what you say, Elizabeth?” He searched her face for the truth of his wife's words.

“You know my heart, Fitzwilliam,” she replied. “You know it rests in you.You
will be happy
at Pemberley, my Husband.”

Darcy crushed her to him, pulling Elizabeth's head to his chest. He held her there, wondering how they could make it together but feeling the dream could live in his wife. She, obviously, knew how to manipulate the image his tenants saw of Pemberley; she held a vision for the land, very much like the one he had. The woman befuddled him and fascinated him. The prejudices he felt earlier regarding Elizabeth Bennet now appeared wholly undeserved. When he thought about it, she improved upon acquaintance—neither her mind nor her manners were in a state of improvement, but that from knowing her better her disposition was better understood.

 

Upon the return to Pemberley, Elizabeth moved closer to Darcy in the curricle, resting her hand on his arm.“Do you still leave for London on Monday?” she asked softly.

“It is my intention.” Darcy stiffened and spoke formally.

“Could we not postpone Georgiana's presentation until I may go to London with you?” Elizabeth knew his answer, but she felt compelled to ask.

Darcy hated this moment; part of him wanted to agree—to stay here at Pemberley and learn more about Elizabeth. Then a more dominant need to prove himself resurfaced. “I fear, Mrs. Darcy, I must complete my responsibilities to my sister as planned.”

Dreading his response, Elizabeth added, “Georgiana would prefer to wait also.”

“If I know my sister, Georgiana would prefer to never be presented, but she must. She is a Darcy, and meeting her responsibility to her family name must take precedence over her discomfort in public.” Darcy stole a glance at Elizabeth.

For Elizabeth, this was a moment of truth. “Then could I still not go with you?”

“In your condition, I fear the demands of London's Season would be too daunting.” Darcy guarded his words, but the damage was done.

Elizabeth released her hold on his arm and shifted her weight away from Darcy.“I see,” she hesitated but did not stifle her thoughts. “I am an embarrassment to you.”Tears began to stream down her cheeks, but she swallowed her sobs.

Darcy's honor would not let him deny he had these thoughts before. He refused to turn and look at Elizabeth, and each second he delayed his assurance reopened the gulf between them. “Elizabeth, I do not wish to hurt you.” The words seemed to stick in his mouth.

“Fitzwilliam, I would turn myself inside out for you, but no matter what I do I will never be good enough.” Elizabeth's lip began to quiver.“Please take me home,” she urged him.

Darcy sucked in his breath; all the progress they made evaporated in a few seconds. “What may I say or do to alleviate your worries?” he asked sincerely.

Elizabeth jerked her head around to look at him.“I am not in the habit of having to instruct my husband on how to show me his love and respect; he knew those things instinctively. You were right earlier, Sir, the Fitzwilliam Darcy I love no longer exists. I expect any day you will ask me to leave Pemberley.” By now, all her sense of reason abandoned her, and only Elizabeth's fear of being found wanting by Darcy remained. “That is it, is it not, Mr. Darcy? That is what gentlemen in fine society do—they send the wife they no longer want off to live in another of their properties while they reap the benefits of the attention of other women. Is that to be my fate? Shall you send me away, Fitzwilliam?”

“Elizabeth, I would never. . . .” he began, but her anger interrupted him.

“It is the worst kind of extravagance, Fitzwilliam,” her voice rose in volume,“the way you waste your chances for happiness. If you wish me gone, then say so.”Then another thought struck her, but this time Elizabeth forced her words away; she would not consider the possibility of his divorcing her.

They reached Pemberley, and Elizabeth allowed the footman to help her from the carriage; she did not look back at Darcy as she limped up the steps to the house. Kitty met her in the front hall, and she and Mr. Ashford helped Elizabeth back to her room.

Darcy watched her escape from him, remaining behind the reins of the carriage for several minutes. By the time he reached the main door, he saw Elizabeth turn toward her rooms. He regretted the fight and wanted to go to her to “fix” things, but he knew not what to say to his wife. Everything she just said was true except he never considered sending Elizabeth away. He had at one time thought of hiding her away at Pemberley, but Darcy abandoned that thought long ago.Why could he not simply love the woman who was his wife? He hated the obligations of the
ton,
but his father expected—actually demanded—Darcy give Georgiana a proper start in life. He could not in all conscience abandon his father's final wishes so instead he abandoned the woman he needed.

 

For the next two days, Darcy barely saw Elizabeth. She and Georgiana resumed their tenant visits, but Elizabeth feigned weariness when it came time to join the family for meals.The breach between them now loomed larger than ever, and Darcy spent hours in his study trying to figure a way to resolve the issues. He would wait until his return from London—when she began her lying in—and then prove to this woman, whom he could not forget, he was willing to resume their love and their life. Darcy would serve Georgiana's needs, and then he would return to Pemberley and to Elizabeth and to his child.
On Saturday, Colonel Fitzwilliam appeared unannounced on Darcy's doorstep. “Edward,” Darcy called, “what brings you this way?”

“On my way to Brighton by way of London—I have new orders.” Edward stripped off his hat and coat.“May I spend the evening, Fitz?”

“Of course,” Darcy said,“you need no invitation.”

Later, they sequestered themselves in Darcy's study. “How goes the marriage plans?” Darcy asked.

“Lady Catherine is most displeased, but Anne makes great progress; I escorted her to Bath to escape Rosings in my absence. Recently, I suggested our aunt might consider a European tour after the wedding.” Edward poured himself a glass of brandy.

Darcy laughed. “I am surprised you are so astute in your handling of our formidable aunt.”

“Actually, Fitz, it was your idea.” Edward saluted Darcy with his glass.

Darcy seemed confused.“My idea?”

“After Lady Catherine's invectives at my parents' anniversary celebration, you suggested I remove her from Rosings when Anne and I marry.”

“Who was the target for Lady Catherine's barbs that particular evening?”

“You, Elizabeth, and even I suffered from her Ladyship's censure that evening. She took no prisoners, and her disdain was caustic.”

“I wish I could remember such little details,” Darcy mused. “It might make my time with my wife easier.”

Edward asked tentatively,“Then the two of you still struggle?”

“We share exquisite moments, and then we fight over things I cannot control.”

Edward poured himself another drink.“Have you rediscovered Mrs. Darcy's charms?” he asked with a shrewd smile.

Darcy's mind drifted to hold Elizabeth close and to relive the effect she had on him. “It is not just my wife's beauty, it is also how quickly she charms whomever she meets, how astute she is at the running of Pemberley, and how she changed Georgiana for the better. I could add to that list with little effort.”

“It sounds as if you are falling in love all over again, Cousin. Mrs. Darcy's charms are many. If I was not so besotted with Anne, I might have considered her myself, although her lack of fortune would be an issue for me. However, when I noted your interest and how easily she brought a smile to your face, I knew Elizabeth Bennet could love none but you.”

“Our contention of late lies in my taking Georgiana to London. Elizabeth assumes I leave her behind because I am embarrassed by her.”

Edward stared at his cousin for a long time before he spoke. “Is there any truth to Mrs. Darcy's assertions, Fitz?”

Darcy sat deep in thought. “Unfortunately, her perceptive insights do not just rest in the running of this estate. I began by abhorring her connections, and I even considered hiding Elizabeth away at Pemberley, away from the
ton
, but I long since discarded that idea. If my wife knew my real concern about taking her to London, she might even be flattered.”

Edward chuckled,“And that would be?”

“I find when Mrs. Darcy is around, I think of nothing but her, and I am afraid if a gentleman gave her too much attention I might demand justice at dawn. Is that not bizarre? She is nearly five months with my child, and it is all I can do not to continually take her passionately in my arms.” The alcohol allowed Darcy to relax, and he, naturally, shared his thoughts with his cousin; he and Edward were more like brothers.“I feel a duty to take Georgiana to London—a duty to my esteemed father. Once that deed is done, I will come home to Pemberley and to Elizabeth.”

“Why do you not declare your returned affections for Mrs. Darcy? From what I know of your wife, that is all she desires from you.”

“I thought as much, too, but before I went to London to arrange for Georgiana's presentation, I left a letter for my wife telling her of my dreams for our future together. I requested a response from her, but Elizabeth never replied whether she wishes the same future. I hate to say that part of me questions whether Elizabeth changed her mind about us. I do not go to her because I am unsure of my reception. Until I am positive Elizabeth still loves me, I cannot take my pleasure in her. I refuse her obligation—I want her love.”

“It sounds as if your turmoil continues, Fitz. I am sorry to hear it, but must our Georgiana go to London this season?”

“Elizabeth and my sister asked the same thing. Georgiana would, I fear, accept Mr. Harrison if I do not expose her to other young suitors.”

“Is Mr. Harrison a bad choice for our ward?”

“My wife sang Mr. Harrison's praises to the point I thought she might prefer his attentions to mine,” Darcy confided.

“Then why do you insist on Georgiana going to London? If she affects Mr. Harrison, and he returns her regard, how can you ignore her wishes?”

“My parents dreamed of presenting their daughter as they dreamed of my becoming the master of this estate. My mother purchased jewels for Georgiana to wear. Father, for the purpose of her presentation, purchased her carriage. My sister's education and training were designed for London to recognize her worth. It was one of my father's last charges to me before he died. I cannot ignore his desires for his daughter.”

“What are Georgiana's prospects?” Edward conceded to Darcy's need for familial responsibility. Both men were brought up to believe in duty to family first.

“Lord Dorchester took the Suterlands' house. Dorchester's
son Henry would make a fine prospect. Being at the Suterlands' house will make him accessible.”

Anxious to share the latest gossip, Edward laughed.“Did you hear why Suterland was not coming to London this season?”

“According to Lord Dorchester, Lady Suterland is ill,” Darcy assured him.

“Is that what he calls it?” Edward shook his head in disbelief.

Darcy seemed amused.“Would you care to explain?”

“Lady Suterland caught his Lordship with Lord Midland's wife. Lady Midland is with child, but to whom the child belongs is the question. Lady Suterland took young Mr.Worthing as a lover. Worthing's estate is in trouble, and he has been romancing several of the wealthier members of court to finance his gambling habit. Some say Lady Suterland may be with child also.Again, parenthood is in question.”

Darcy walked across the room to pour himself another brandy and to look out the window of his estate.“Few people know how tenuous relationships within a marriage can be,” he said.

Elizabeth, who just returned to the estate from her tenant visits, stood outside the study door. She intended to greet Colonel Fitzwilliam, but her husband's words required she tarry in the shadows of the hallway. Could he be speaking of their marriage?