Dare to Trust (7 page)

“Pretty much,” she sighed. She had known he would call. Hell, Mia was surprised he hadn’t appeared on her new door step yet, but talking to him was harder than she imagined it would be.

“I’d like to come see you, Mia. This isn’t right, being apart like this.” Jason’s voice was filled with regret. His anger had completely dissipated. “Tell me you don’t miss me,” he demanded. “Tell me you don’t still love me.” He couldn’t believe this was really what she wanted.

With a deep breath, Mia answered quickly. “I don’t.” It was a lie. But Mia knew if she had told the truth, Jason would have driven the few hours to her door step and they would be back in the no-win situation she had just left in Boston. Her eyes started to fill with tears. She missed Jason and his touch more than he could ever know.

The words stung, but he didn’t believe her. It still had felt like a blow to his chest.
What could he say to her denial?
“Good night, Mia.” There was nothing left to say. He quickly hung up. With two words, she had devastated him.

Mia should have retired to bed. She was due to report to the hospital for orientation early the next morning. She couldn’t sleep. She sat for hours curled up on the couch in the living room, staring at the unlit fireplace. She had been drinking a cup of tea when Jason had called. She still held it in her hands, the mug and its contents had grown cold. She couldn’t stop thinking about Jason.

***

Orientation was far less formal than Mia was used to after her experience in Boston. She seemed to be the only new employee. Upon her arrival to the small, rural hospital, she had been briefly introduced to some of the emergency room personnel on duty, and then escorted into a small office. She sat there for a few hours as she watched required OSHA videos on fire safety, blood borne pathogens, personnel protective equipment. Mia had seen them before, both in school and during her orientation at the Boston Medical Center. Her mind drifted as the videos played, she found herself thinking a lot about Jason.

As the last video finished, Dr. Tyler Daniels casually strolled into the office---it happened to be his. He was in charge of the emergency department and had given the final okay to hire Mia. At first, Mia was wondering who this tall, scrub-clad man was. He looked younger than he actually was blonde hair and a cocky grin that lit up his face. They hadn’t yet met, as he had been out of town when she had interviewed; they had spoken by phone. The medical staff had been anxious to offer Mia the position, so after speaking with her, Daniels had agreed to offer her the job.

She was a bit younger than he had expected. And more attractive. Tyler found himself examining her curves, full mouth and dark eyes. “Nice to finally meet you, Dr. Hitchcock.” He extended his hand out to her. She stood, walking from behind his desk where she had been told to sit, and accepted it.

“Please call me Mia.” She smiled. “It’s nice to meet you as well---“

“Call me Tyler. No need for formalities,” he smiled. “I see that you have been entertained by riveting cinema,” he said, referring to the mandatory videos. “I hope I can make the rest of your day a bit more exciting.”

The remainder of the day, Tyler spent giving Mia an extensive tour of the small, 11 bed emergency department; triage, main ED and the trauma room. He explained that during the months that the town lacked tourists, the ED usually closed off some of the beds. He also emphasized that unlike in Boston, if there was a trauma patient; stabilization for transfer was the goal.

“I’ve got you set-up with our IT person tomorrow,” Tyler told her as she grabbed her bag to head home. “You’ll get a personalized class on our new computerized documentation system.”

“Sounds good,” Mia smiled. She had never used anything but a computerized system since starting her medical career. “Thanks for all of your attention today. I’m sure you’re busy and showing me around was a distraction from what you needed to get done.”

“You are a welcome distraction, trust me.” Tyler smiled at her. “Interested in grabbing a bite to eat?”

Mia hadn’t expected the invitation. The thought of being in the company of another man other than Jason was foreign to her, even if it was for a friendly quick dinner. “No. Thanks though.” She hoped she hadn’t offended her boss. “I still have a lot of unpacking to do,” she lied.

“Well, another time then. Have a lovely evening, Mia, and I will see you in the morning.” He gave her a final side smile and disappeared into his office. For a brief second, Mia thought she could get used to that smile.

The next few weeks flew by as Mia became used to the pace and flow of the emergency room and the staff. She worked along-side Dr. Daniels at first, but he soon saw that Mia was an intelligent, skilled practitioner and that the emergency room was lucky to have her. He was also taken by her attractive personality and body. Tyler wanted to get to know her better outside of the hospital.

“Would you like to grab dinner after our shift tomorrow night? There’s a great little bistro in the next town.” Tyler flashed her wide grin.

“I hope you don’t mind, but I am going to pass.” Mia had been tempted but she just didn’t have the energy to even consider a relationship.

“Well, I have to say I am disappointed.” Tyler was not used to being refused by women. “Are you involved with someone?” He was bold.

Mia was taken aback by the question. “I don’t think that is your concern.” She headed towards the staff locker room to grab her coat and bag. Tyler followed her.

“I’m sorry, Mia.” He gently grabbed her arm and stopped her. “I didn’t mean to upset you. I am just attracted to you.” He searched her face for a reaction.

“Tyler, I…” She wasn’t sure what to say. “I can’t right now. “ She pulled her arm away and grabbed her belongings. Mia left Tyler standing alone in the locker room.

Walking back to her place, Mia was shaken. Her new boss was attractive but she hadn’t resolved her feelings for Jason. She kept telling herself that it was over with Jason, but she wasn’t sure that she could stay away from him.

The following day in the emergency room, Tyler kept his distance. Mia hadn’t minded. There had been a three alarm fire in the small town. Several fire victims had been rushed into the emergency room in various conditions. One occupant of the burning home had severe burns over his arms, face and chest. He was unconscious and barely breathing when he hit Mia's ED. The paramedics had already intubated and one was rhythmically bagging him to keep oxygen flowing through the intubation tube.

              “We've got one line started, can't get a second”, the paramedic had reported.

              Mia had known after a briefly glancing at the patient he needed immediate transport to Boston to survive, if he was going to survive. Arrangement to transport via emergency life flight helicopter were being made as Mia had a stat chest x-ray and ABG levels drawn on her patient. She was in the next exam room with burn victim number two; a firefighter with second degree burns on both arms and singed nasal hairs. Two more firefighters with the same injuries were coming in.

              “Start a second IV on them, titrate morphine to their pain. Titrate their oxygen sats to 92% or above.”

              “Okay, Dr. Hitchcock.” The nurse pushed more pain medicine into the man lying on the stretcher, charred black skin exposed, oxygen mask covering most of his face. His eyes searched hers and she could tell he was looking for re-assurance he would live. She quickly pushed the medicine into the IV port to relieve some of his suffering. She didn't know the answer.

              Mia went back to the sickest burn patient in the trauma room. “When is the ETA of the chopper?” She didn't like the slow bradycardia her patient was developing, nor the acidosis the ABG revealed.

              “On the way,” the paramedic responded. He was still bagging the patient. The ED was too busy to have a nurse relieve him.

              The chopper hadn't made it in time. The patient had brady'd down into a systole secondary to respiratory arrest. The ACLS protocol was followed; epinephrine, atropine, amp of bicarb to attempt to reverse the acidosis. Nothing brought him back. The fire had killed him.

              Mia had told the widow. She had been one of the 'lucky ones' from the fire with minor injuries. A few minor burns that were treated with ointment and dressings. Mia had wondered if the widow had considered herself lucky after losing her husband and house, all in one night.

              Again, she walked home. It was time to put that long shift behind her, grab a small meal, a relaxing shower and bed. The shift had felt a lot like the chaos and frantic pace she had left behind in Boston. First the shower, to wash away any reminisce of the blood, vomit or emotions of the patients she had cared for over the past twelve hours in the congested, hot emergency room, then something to eat.

              The chicken salad was enough to stave off hunger. It had been left over from yesterday’s dinner. Mia picked at it while in bed, leaned up against pillows, watching the local news. The top story told of the devastating three alarm fire that had killed the owner of the home and injuring several other firefighters. The cause was still under investigation, the news reported. Mia had already known the devastation the fire had caused.

Her cell phone buzzed and interrupted the news. It was Jason. “I heard about the fire,” he told her. He had figured she had been involved in the care of the burn victims, and he imagined the burns had been grisly. He had investigated arson related homicides and knew the smell of burnt flesh was sickening. “Are you doing okay?”

“I’m really tired.” Her voice lacked any hint of emotion. “I was about to go to bed.” Mia could picture his handsome face that she figured was currently lined with concern for her. At this moment, she wished she would feel his arms around her. She was emotionally drained and needed him, but would never admit that.

“I didn’t mean to bother you,” Jason’s voice was soft. God, he missed her. “Get some sleep. I love you,” he told her before he hung up. He had hesitated for a moment in hopes she would say it back. She didn’t.

Jason sat in his empty brownstone. He stared at his cell, wondering how he had ruined the relationship so badly. She had been the only good thing in his life. Why didn’t Mia understand how much he loved her, that he would do anything for her? Their life together had been idyllic. Jason couldn’t comprehend what he had done to make Mia run from him.

His mind drifted back to the beginning of the trouble. He had been called away to a crime scene shortly after he and Mia had made love and she had drifted off.

Mia saw the text from Jason on her phone as she dressed. When the alarm clock had gone off this morning, and she had found his side of the bed empty, she had figured he had been called during the night for work. She had been right.

Sighing, Mia skipped making coffee. She knew she needed to cut back on caffeine. She also knew she had to talk to Jason. She had found out almost a week ago that she was pregnant. And Mia was trying to accept the idea of a baby. Even though she didn’t feel ready. Even though she and Jason weren’t married---not even engaged. She loved Jason and knew that he loved her as well, but Mia was unsure if he intended to make a formal commitment to her anytime soon. And she didn’t want to force it. Once the shock passed, Mia knew she would love this baby. Would he?

She and Jason had never talked officially about having children. But Jason had made more than one comment about how his childhood had been rough and he didn’t want to chance subjecting a child to be doomed to a similar one. Mia hadn’t been sure if Jason meant he had made an absolute decision he didn’t want to be a father. Anxiety fluttered in her gut as she thought about his reaction to the pregnancy and find out.
What would happen to them?
She wouldn’t force a baby on him but she would never entertain the idea of an abortion, either. If it came down to it, Mia could and would raise this baby on her own.

As she donned her blue scrubs, Mia decided that she had to tell Jason about the pregnancy tonight, no matter what the result. It was only fair he knew. She had almost told him last night, but he had distracted her and they had ended up in bed. Before she grabbed her purse to leave, Mia made sure she swallowed one of the gigantic prenatal vitamins with a glass of orange juice.

She hadn’t been at work long when Mia started to feel something was off. As she stood at the foot of her patient’s stretcher examining the cardiac rhythm on the over-head monitor, Mia could feel her own pulse drumming rapidly in her ears and she realized she was working to take in breaths. Her head was swimming. She definitely needed to sit down. Had she not eaten enough for breakfast before her shift this morning? Mia had almost made it to the nursing station when she felt an explosion of pain in her lower abdomen and collapsed to her knees, clutching her belly. By the time her work mates reached her, she was crumpled in a ball on the laminate tiles.

As Dr. Scott knelt down at her side, Mia forced all of her energy into a few words. “…tell…Jason…about…baby…” He barely made out her words before Mia lost consciousness.  

***

 Jason yawned, feeling the exhaustion claim his muscles. He and Grimes had been up all night after being called to a triple homicide just before midnight. It was now almost noon---he had been without sleep well past twenty-four hours. He sipped on cold coffee as he squeezed his eyes shut in an attempt to clear away the fatigue. So far, it wasn’t working.