Dare to Trust (11 page)

“Not much to tell.” Mia took a sip of wine. “I went to med school and did my residency in Boston, finished and now I’m here.”

Tyler laughed. Mia thought she could get used to hearing his deep voice. “There has to be a lot more to such a gorgeous woman like you. How many hearts did you break back in Boston?”

A melancholy look crossed Mia’s face as she instantly thought of Jason and the wounded expression he had worn the last time she had seen him. She pushed the image from her mind. “I was involved…it ended.”

Tyler reached across the table and gently took Mia’s hand in his. “Well, he is a fool.”

She spoke to Kate after getting back home from dinner with Tyler. After just a few minutes of conversation, Mia wished she hadn’t called.

“I saw Jason the other day. He doesn’t look good,” Kate told her. “Have you talked to him?”

“Not really.” Her voice was emotionless. Mia felt guilt wash over her, thinking of the enjoyable evening she had just spent with another man.

“I don’t know why you feel the need to make him and yourself suffer, Mia. He’s good for you. You both belong together.”

“I wish people would stop telling me what I should and shouldn’t be doing,” Mia said angrily. “I gotta go,” she told Kate. And then she hung up on her best friend.

III.

Jason was miserable. Mia had been gone for two months. He wasn’t sleeping, wasn’t eating. He continually vacillated between hating Mia and wanting her back. His co-workers had taken notice to the dark circles around his bloodshot eyes and his lack of patience coupled with short, terse remarks.

“You’re not doing yourself or your career any favors,” Grimes had warned him as they sat at their desks in the precinct, doing paperwork. Jason had been swearing under his breath the whole time. “Everybody is sick of your mood. It’s time to forget Mia and move on, buddy.”

Even before Grimes had finished the sentence, Jason’s head snapped up, his blue eyes iced with anger. “Don’t
ever
fuckin’ tell me to forget her,” Jason replied, his voice low and menacing. “Stay out of it.”

“Whatever, Howard. It’s your career to tank. I am just trying to help out my partner before he self-destructs.” Grimes threw down a manila file folder onto his desk. He was very tired of Jason’s mood. Lately, it was hard to keep remembering that he actually liked his partner.

It was true; Jason was not handling the separation from Mia well at all. Most nights, he drank too damn much, trying to numb his mind. He constantly thought about her and questioned what had gone wrong. He had replayed their relationship since she had miscarried and still, after dozens of times, couldn’t pinpoint what he had done so wrong to drive her away.

The first few days, he had stopped himself from calling her dozens of times. Jason had been convinced that after a day or two away, Mia would walk back through the front door of the brownstone after realizing leaving had been a mistake. It didn’t happen. When she didn’t return, Jason was angry. Angry at the situations that had made her leave and angry at her for leaving. But he also missed her terribly. Jason knew he would do anything to get her back.

Today, the misery would be intensified. He was having Sunday brunch at the family home on the outskirts of Boston. He hated the house he had grown up in. It was huge, ornate, cold and stuffy. Just his mother’s style. The house had never felt like a home, but like a museum. As a child, Jason had been constantly told not to touch anything.

“You haven’t been by much,” his mother taunted him as she greeted him at the door. As usual, she was dressed to the nines, her hair perfectly styled, colored to remain the same shade of dark blonde it had been when Jason had been born. Her blue eyes were sharp and cold. Other than a few fine lines around her eyes and mouth, she looked as Jason remembered her as a child---dressed in her finest attire, unable to play because she might muss up her outfit. That was what the nannies were for. “Where is your friend?” She had no idea of the recent troubles in her son’s romantic life. Jason never shared details of his life with Mia with his mother, good or bad.

“Her name is Mia, mother. And we lived together.” Jason wasn’t in the mood to hear his mother outline all the reasons Jason shouldn’t have been with Mia, couldn’t stand to hear his mother tell him she had been right about Mia.

Jannifer Howard gave her son a quick hug, wondering what he had meant by using the past tense in reference to living in sin with Mia. “Where is she then if she is such as important part of your life?” Jannifer hadn’t seen much of Mia since she had reduced Mia to tears after their lunch date. She had come to the same conclusion that the attractive girl was not good enough for her son. She certainly had not been brought up in the right social circles.

Couldn’t she just drop it---for once? “We’re taking a break. Let’s leave it at that, shall we mother?” His tone was full of annoyance.

“Fine.” She sighed and started towards the dining room. “Let’s eat, then. Have you thought anymore about applying to law school?”

Jason smirked, thinking his mother gave any detective he knew a run for their money when it came to grilling someone. She zeroed in on everything he didn’t want to discuss. As usual. “I don’t want to go to law school,” Jason told her. “I keep giving you the same answer. That is your fantasy. I am perfectly happy with working homicide.”

A look of unpleasantness crossed Jannifer’s face. “That is such a…blue collar job, Jason. You were raised better than that. I would think you’d want to follow in your father’s footsteps.” It seemed Jannifer couldn’t resist, because she moved on to the other topic she constantly threw in his face. “You know, Jason, you’re not getting any younger. You are thirty-one. I had expected grandchildren already.” She stopped talking to eye him and gauge his reaction. Jason said nothing. Long ago, he had learned not to give her a reaction because that is what Jannifer craved. At the moment, it was taking a lot of effort for Jason not to react; he hadn’t told his mother about the miscarriage. “Anna is still single.”

Jason rolled his eyes. “I am not interested in Anna.” He and Anna had grown up in the same social circles. Jannifer had attempted many times to get them together. She was convinced they belonged together. Both families had money and Anna’s father was a Congressman. Jannifer was sure the Congressman could and would motivate Jason to find a profession that didn’t involve toting around a gun, if Jason and Anna became a couple. I’m in love with Mia, mother. Deal with it! He wanted to shout. Of course, he had been brought up too well to verbalize the words.

As he sat at the table, Jason silently chastised himself for showing up for the brunch. Apparently, he had wanted to feel anguish caused by something other than Mia leaving him. He ate the majority of the meal in silence, not attempting to engage in further conversation with his mother. She sipped her Bloody Mary, not noticing the lack of conversing. When it was over, Jannifer bid her son goodbye and disappeared up the sweeping staircase. As he left through the over-sized, ornate front doors, Jason mumbled how much he hated the place.

Back at home, in his own territory, Jason poured himself a scotch. It was his day off and had already been ruined. It always seemed any time spent with his mother trashed the day. He sat, alone, in the quiet study, sipping the strong amber liquid. His eyes caught a photo that had been taken over a year ago of Mia with his arms wrapped around her. They had been attending a party and the photographer had perfectly captured Mia’s bright smile and beauty. He felt an ache in his gut as he remembered how he had brought her home after the party and had made love to her in front of the fireplace. Why couldn’t that moment had lasted, Jason thought as he slowly downed his drink. “I miss you, Mia,” he said aloud, knowing there was no one there to hear the confession.

After a half of bottle of Scotch, self-pity flowing freely, Jason decided to call Mia. At the time, it had seemed like a good idea. She answered on the second ring with a sigh, recognizing Jason’s number. She couldn’t believe she felt a pang of guilt after the dinner with Tyler.

“Hi Jason.”

“Mia, don’t you think we’ve been separated long enough?” His words were slurred and Mia immediately recognized that he had been drinking.

“I’m not having this conversation, Jason. You’re drunk.” Her voice was laced with annoyance.

“So…maybe I am….but I still miss you.”

“Go to bed, Jason. Sleep it off.”

“Since when do you get to make all the decisions?” Jason demanded with a growl, his tone angry. “
You
decided you were leaving.
You
decided we were done. And now you’ve decided I need to go to bed…No! It’s time you listen to me for a change!”

Mia had wanted a clean break from him and from Boston. That had been the motivating factor in agreeing to the dinner with Tyler. But, no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t deny the feelings she still harbored for Jason. She certainly didn’t like the reminder of how she had hurt him, and that’s exactly what she got every time she spoke to him on the phone. He didn’t deserve to be hurt by her, but Mia couldn’t go back to Boston.

“Let’s talk about this when you haven’t been drinking, okay, Jason? I know you’re angry with me---“

He interrupted her. “Just come home, Mia.” The anger had left his voice. He sounded wounded and vulnerable. “Come home,” he whispered. Mia couldn’t stand hearing that in his tone.

“I’ve gotta go, Jason. Good night.” She quickly hung up.

At the sound of the call being disconnected, Jason slumped down on the couch, sipping the scotch. He tossed his cell aside, closing his eyes. Even though he was drunk, he knew Mia wasn’t coming home. Everything in his life he had loved and cared about was gone.

***

              Tyler liked to work fast. He had taken Mia home the other night after being a perfect gentleman. He had given her a small peck on the cheek; he had given no indication of his desire and what he wanted to do with her. He planned to see her a few more times before he made his move.

              Mia had just left an exam room, scribbling something down on a medical chart. Tyler interrupted her thoughts. “Tonight. Dinner.” Mia’s head snapped up as the demand registered.

              “I don’t think---“

              “You’ve had a long shift,” Tyler told her, “you’re going to need to eat. And I want to make sure you have good company with your meal.” He grinned up at her. “Seven tonight.” Again, an order.

              He took her to small bistro on the out skirts of town. The meal was good, and Mia was again surprised at the good time she had. It had been months since she hadn’t felt weighted down by sadness. When Tyler brought her home, he deposited her at her door like a gentleman. This time, before he left, he slid a hand behind her neck and gently pulled her mouth towards his. He thoroughly tasted her, letting her know what he wanted. Tyler let her go and Mia unlocked her door. He followed her into the cottage and descended upon her once they were inside.

Tyler was kissing her again. He had shed his coat and was helping her get out of hers. Before Mia knew it, she was up against the wall with his hands wandering all over her; his hands skimmed her breasts, waist and ass. He began pulling at her blouse, untucking it from her skirt and Mia felt his cool hands starting to work on getting her bra unclasped. The sudden feel of his hands, cold from outside, on the sensitive skin of her breasts startled her. She pulled away with a gasp. “Tyler, I can’t do this.” Her lips felt swollen from being grazed by his stubble, her eyes filled with confusion.

He gave her a large, smug smile as Tyler moved away from her. Before Mia could do or say anything, Tyler broke away. “Sleep tight,” he murmured to her as he walked to his car.

              The time she had spent with Tyler, away from the emergency room, had left Mia disconcerted. As she walked through town in an attempt to clear her head, Mia attempted to sort out her feelings. She had enjoyed being in Tyler’s company. But Mia knew she was still in love with Jason. She couldn’t even understand why she had pushed him away; Jason had been nothing but loving and supportive through the ordeal. Mia knew he had been wounded from the miscarriage, too. Although she wanted to acknowledge his pain, Mia was bereft of the ability to emotionally support him. She had been barely able to get herself through the day.

The two dates with Tyler had been the first time in months she had felt anything other than grief and regret. Mia was unsure if she and Jason would revive their relationship. If she was in his shoes, Mia wasn’t sure she would be so forgiving. She felt definite regret at abandoning him as she had. Since leaving Boston, Mia was confident that she was lonely. Was Tyler simply filling a gap so Mia wouldn’t feel lonely? She had liked being in his arms but his kiss had not ignited her like Jason’s did.

As she walked down the ocean-front street lined with turn-of-the-century Victorians that used be the elite’s summer residences, Mia knew her personal relationship with Tyler couldn’t go any further. Tyler was not what she wanted or needed, and he couldn’t make Mia forget what been had been running from. She was still in love with Jason. She belonged with him. The cool wind coming up off the water whipped around Mia as she meandered farther. She found herself walking on a path winding along the water. The rhythmic sounds of the waves were soothing---helped her think straight, although the breeze was harsh and made her shiver. Mia knew what she had to do.