Dark Heart Surrender (20 page)

‘Fine,’ she said quietly. ‘I obviously misread those signals.’ She rubbed at her eyes with her sleeve.

‘Look,’ he said, confused, still unable to move with the surrounding bodies. ‘I’ve got a girlfriend. And I love her. I should have gone home with her. I don’t know what I was doing just now, but it was wrong. And you know that.’

Polly nodded, dropping her head, sniffing loudly. Then she took a deep breath and looked up at him again.

‘Maybe you should ask her how much she loves you?’ she said seriously, staring hard at him. ‘How committed she is to you.’

She was talking rubbish. Luca would have rolled his eyes if he were that kind of person; instead he stared impassively back at her.

‘You don’t believe me?’ Polly went on. ‘Maybe you want to know the real reason Ashley was so off with Jane earlier …’

‘Ashley was drunk …’ Luca began.

‘Not that drunk.’ Polly spoke knowingly. ‘Funny how such a sweet harmless girl could get into such a snit over someone she dotes on. Someone she trusted so much. Don’t you think something happened to make her change?’

‘I have no idea what you’re talking about.’ Luca’s voice was cold. ‘And I don’t want to know.’

‘Not even if it’s about your girlfriend and my brother …’

‘What?’ Luca felt his jaw tighten. ‘Jane is not Ade’s biggest fan. I would have thought that was obvious.’

‘Oh, Luca.’ Polly smiled patronizingly. ‘You’re a little naive, aren’t you? The tension between those two …’ She hesitated. ‘It’s so intense. It’s like this rare chemistry between two people. Jane knows it’s there and she fights it with hostility. It’s like I said, us girls want a real man deep down. They want a few hard edges.’

Luca literally felt his lip curling. ‘Is that what you want? Because you were all over me just now. Despite the fact that I am so “unmanly”.’ His tone was acid. In that moment he felt such deep loathing for this manipulative creature.

‘Perhaps the chemistry is right between us,’ she said, unaffected by his hostility. All traces of hurt had disappeared. ‘I bring something out in you that Jane doesn’t. Have you thought of that?’

He blinked. Somewhere inside him he wondered if she was right. And he hated it. Hated to think he was anything like her selfish thug of a brother.

But the prospect of Jane being so aroused by Ade was even more hateful. More than that, it was devastating. Luca breathed deeply, intent on not rising to this bait. He had to get out of here, away from the two of them. Back to Jane.

The band had left the stage and the crowd were chanting for an encore, but some of it had dispersed and Luca saw a clearer path out of the hall. He untied his jacket, which he’d wrapped around his hips, and put it on.

‘I really am going,’ he told Polly. And before she could protest he pushed past her, tagging on to the back of a group leaving. He was aware of a terrible thirst and, glancing at the bar, saw only a few people buying last drinks. He just needed some water.

He headed over and leaned against the counter. The sole barman was in conversation with a tall figure and, looking sideways, Luca realized that it was Ade. He sighed and turned away. He couldn’t bear to look at him.

He was counting the change from his pocket when the barman spoke to him. Luca looked up to see a glass of clear liquid being pushed over to him.

‘Water?’ said the barman, grinning. ‘You look like you need it.’

‘Thanks,’ said Luca. He downed it in one. And putting it back down, looked again to his right. Ade was staring at him, a glass in his hand. He raised it, smiling in an oily way.

‘Cheers,’ he said. ‘You finally extricated yourself from my sister’s clutches, I see.’

Luca said nothing; he turned to go. But as he did so, he felt his vision blur and the sounds around him became muted, indistinct. He shook his head, but everything was hazy.

‘Are you all right, mate?’ he heard someone say behind him.

And then nothing. Everything stopped.

‘Luca?’ Another voice, female, and a hand on his shoulder. He looked up, realizing he was leaning against the top of the bar, holding on to it for dear life.

Polly’s face swam in front of him and then there was another taller figure behind her, his red hair swept back, and deep blue eyes looking into his own.

‘He’s out,’ one of them said. ‘Let’s get him out of here.’

‘Y
ou’re all right.’ His voice was kind and she felt him lift her up. An angel had come for her.

She felt a hand lightly tapping her cheek, then harder, like a slap. She felt her eyelids flutter. She made a sound, like a whimper.

‘Ow,’ she moaned.

‘I’m sorry,’ he said, whoever he was. ‘You’ve got to stay awake, love. Try and stay awake.’

And then he lifted her up, carried her in his arms, and she heard him shouting to others. As she opened her eyes properly, she saw the hole above her, revealing the night sky … the stars glinting … the tops of the trees. There came the caw-caw sound of a bird. She tried to keep her eyelids open, but she had no strength. She just fleetingly saw the men standing around. One in a uniform, the other dressed in a fleece and jeans. There was an animal barking and sniffing around her.

‘We need to get her to hospital,’ said the man in uniform – a policeman. ‘God knows how long she’s been down there.’

‘What’s your name, sweetheart?’ said the man holding her. She summoned all her strength to look him in the face.

‘Are you my dad?’ she asked him, hoping. ‘Have you come to get me?’

Her rescuer hesitated. She watched him glance at the others and a slow, sad expression came over his face.

‘Just try and stay awake, sweetheart. You must stay awake.’

But she was already slipping back into the darkness; she couldn’t hold on any more.

It had finally come. The end had finally come.

I
 woke up fully clothed and with only a vague memory of the night before, with that feeling you have when your brain is adjusting to consciousness and dreams merge into reality. What seemed like a nightmare turns out to be only that.

I sat up, putting my hand to my face. An awful feeling rested in the pit of my stomach. My bedroom was deathly quiet, even the birds outside seemed to have stopped singing. It felt like an omen.

Thudding heart. I pushed back the duvet and got out of bed. I caught sight of myself in the mirror; my hair was like a dark haystack, the backcombing wasn’t a good look in the cold light of day. I grimaced and undid the zip on my dress. When it was off, I tossed it to the other side of the room, repelled by it.

Creeping down the corridor to the attic staircase, I hesitated at the foot of the stairs, not wanting to see him, but knowing I must.

An old feeling, one of loneliness and isolation, was settling back deep down inside me.

I pushed open the door to his bedroom, half expecting to find him lying there in his bed with Polly draped over him. I shut my eyes, preparing myself. And only as I heard the door creak wide open did I let myself open them.

He wasn’t there. The bed was made, typically immaculately. But Luca wasn’t in it. I swallowed, craning, trying irrationally to see the shape of his body under the covers.

He had stayed out all night with Ade and Polly. God only knew what they had done to him. I began to see how Luca’s mood – so unlike him – had started the night Polly had come round for my makeover. It was no coincidence. He was behaving like … like the two of them.

I felt my eyes blurring with tears. Perhaps Polly was right about one thing. I was losing it.

Downstairs in the kitchen the clock said it was not even half past six. I stared down at the tea I’d made myself. I should probably have showered, dressed and headed out to find him. But a new emotion was overtaking concern. I was angry. Angry with him for not coming home. Luca was so reliable and strong. I had come to see him as my rock. But right now he was exhibiting very unrock-like behaviour. I expected better of him. Someone was coming down the stairs. I hoped it was my mother, though I didn’t feel like explaining what I was doing, sitting alone at this time of the morning.

To my relief, she appeared in the doorway.

‘Jane?’ She wrapped her dressing-gown closer around her. ‘I thought I heard someone get up. But on a Sunday morning – I knew it wasn’t Luca going in to work.’ She sighed, went to the fridge and took out some juice. ‘What’s going on?’ she said, with her back to me. ‘What are you doing up?’

‘I couldn’t sleep,’ I said, then faked a yawn. ‘But maybe I will go back to bed.’

Mum shut the fridge door and turned, the carton of juice in her hand. ‘How was last night?’ she smiled. ‘You went out with that nice Polly and Ade, didn’t you?’

I couldn’t help the shadow that crossed my face. I fiddled with the handle of my mug, avoiding Mum’s gaze.

‘It was OK,’ I said, trying not to sound too dismal.

‘Hungover?’ Mum put her cool palm on my forehead. I wanted to grab her hand and hold on to it for ever. I couldn’t answer her. There were no words to describe how I felt. None that were appropriate for this time in the morning anyway.

‘Where’s that boy of yours – still asleep?’ She shook her head, oblivious. ‘I’ll make some more tea. You can take one up to him.’

As she moved to fill up the kettle, the feelings I had been holding tightly back brimmed over. The lump in my throat was almost painful as I tried not to cry, but I couldn’t stop the tears coming. I
had
to stop, I couldn’t let Mum see this. I had to get a grip.

‘I always forget whether Luca has milk or not,’ Mum was murmuring. ‘Or is it green tea he has?’ I felt her turn to me to supply the answer, as I always did, because she could never remember.

‘Jane?’ Mum slammed down the kettle and came quickly, her arm slipping around my shoulders. With one hand she drew my face round to face her. ‘Darling, what on earth is the matter?’

‘Mum …’ I croaked. ‘It’s all such a mess.’

She pulled me up and put her arms tightly around me. Just smelling her familiar smell, made me cling to her like a life-raft.

‘Tell me what’s happened,’ Mum said softly into my hair. ‘Have you and Luca had an argument? It can’t be that bad.’

I shook my head, half buried in her dressing-gown. ‘Luca didn’t come home last night,’ I whispered, almost hoping she wouldn’t hear me, because I didn’t want to hear the words out loud.

Mum gently pulled me away from her and lifted my chin.

‘Did you get separated at the club?’ she asked. ‘Perhaps he got caught up with that Polly and her brother?’ She smiled. ‘He’ll be fine. They seem like such a nice family.’

‘Huh …’ I smiled weakly. ‘Yeah. They seem like a lot of things.’ Her forehead wrinkled in a frown. ‘What do you mean?’ she said, a little sharply.

‘Just that they’re not that nice. They’re weird and manipulative. Something about them seems to cast a spell over … well, over Luca anyway.’

Mum’s frown dissolved and her face took on a more knowing look.

‘I see,’ she said, sighing.

‘What do you see?’

‘Try not to be … possessive, sweetheart. It’s good that you and Luca are making friends. You shouldn’t feel threatened by it. Perhaps you need to learn to share. It’s normal.’ She sighed again. ‘It’s not healthy to spend all your time with each other. Having friends is healthy.’

‘I know that!’ I snapped. ‘Believe me, this isn’t adolescent jealousy, Mother.’

‘Ssh,’ she soothed, stroking my forehead. ‘You’re overtired.’ She turned and looked up at the clock on the wall. ‘Leave it another hour or two. If Luca hasn’t phoned, or come home by then, Dad will take you out to look for him.’

It was 6.45 a.m. Time seemed to be dragging this morning. I wasn’t sure I could wait another minute, let alone two hours.

I had to stay calm, though. If I got all riled up about Luca, then Polly and Ade would have won. It may have been a little superficial to think that way, but it was the only way I could hold it together.

‘I’m going outside,’ I told Mum, who was looking at me warily. ‘Take Bobby for a walk or something.’

‘Good idea.’ She smiled, patting me on the shoulder. ‘Everything will be OK, sweetheart, you’ll see.’

I wasn’t convinced of that, but I smiled back at her. No point in worrying my family. After all, there could be a totally innocent explanation for all this.

Outside, the crisp air lifted my spirits. Bobby was overjoyed to be taken for his first walk of the day so early. I guess he figured he’d fit in a few more than usual today. I bent and scratched him behind his ears, those doleful eyes blinking at me. ‘I can rely on you, can’t I, Bob?’ I pressed my head against his, hoping to gain some kind of strength from him. And good old Bobby stood patiently, waiting for me to finish whatever it was I was doing.

‘OK.’ I took a deep breath, stood and snapped the lead on to his collar. ‘Let’s go.’

Leaves crackled under my feet as I led Bobby through the woods, up the hill. I hadn’t done this in a while and, with a sharp pain, I remembered how I used to when I first met Luca. I shut my eyes and strode on, Bobby panting at my side.