Dark Wrath (18 page)

Almost as soon as
she removed the slugs the blood began to slow and finally stopped oozing
altogether.

She discovered
when she looked at his face that his eyes were open and he was watching
her.  “You should see about the baby.”

She shook her
head, smiling wryly.  “Poor little fellow gave up on getting fed again and
fell asleep.”

Almost before the
words were out of her mouth, the baby made a liar out of her, letting out a cry
so filled with hurt Erin rushed to see if he’d somehow injured himself. 
He hadn’t, she saw, relieved, but it was obvious his feelings were hurt that
he’d been abandoned.  Lifting him from his makeshift crib, she looked
around the cabin and finally moved to sit on the edge of the bed, loosening the
towel and settling him to her breast.

Snuffling like a
baby puppy, he found her nipple and latched onto it, suckling hungrily, his
tiny hands balled into fists under his chin.

Jesse chuckled
and Erin glanced around to discover he had levered himself up on one elbow to
look over her shoulder.  Shaking her head at him, she shifted so that she
could lie down, holding the baby beside her.

From out of
nowhere the urge to cry settled over her as she watched him.  She’d missed
so much.  He hardly looked like the baby she remembered.  “He’s
changed so much since I saw him last,” she murmured unhappily, fighting the
fear that it wasn’t Joshua at all.

As if he sensed
the fear that had arisen in her mind, Jesse spoke.  “He’s mine,” he said
quietly, stroking one hand soothingly along her arm.

Erin glanced at
him, but she realized immediately that he was in touch with senses that had
long since failed humans.  He would know his young by his scent. 
That was how he’d found Joshua so easily.  She should have realized that
before.

Relief flooded
her.

It was short
lived.  It sank into her as she studied Jesse that he hadn’t said ‘ours’
and new fears immediately raised their ugly heads, but she didn’t want to think
about that now.  Joshua needed her.  Jesse must realize that or he
wouldn’t have brought her. “Thank you,” she said shakily.  “Thank you so
much for helping me find him.”

He stared at her
hard for several moments and finally sank back against the pillows, staring up
at the ceiling.  “My son needs his mother.”

A hard knot of
misery tightened in her throat and uneasiness formed a taut coil in the pit of
her stomach, but she pushed the thoughts away.  She didn’t want to think
about her tenuous situation now.  She would think about it later, when she
had to.

Nodding, she
transferred her attention to the baby, stroking his soft cheek.  He opened
his eyes at her touch, looking up at her.  A frown drew his brows together
and she smiled at his expression--so like his father’s--feeling relief that she
saw the resemblance that assured her he was hers.

The first weeks
of his life had been stolen from her.  They hadn’t really had a chance to
form more than a tenuous bond before they were separated.  Now, she
thought she had some chance of it.  For at least as long as Jesse felt his
son needed her, she had that much security to cling to.  He would guard
them from the others, and he would not harm her.

A sense of peace
settled inside of her despite the doubts that still teased at the fringes of
her consciousness.  She had Joshua safe from those demented
scientists.  That was all that really mattered at the moment.

As she had known
would almost inevitably be the case, the baby so consumed her time on the trip
back home that she had little opportunity to explore what had seemed to be a
promising beginning between her and Jesse.  As delighted as she was to have
Joshua again, and as much as she enjoyed the time she spent getting to know her
son, the adjustment wasn’t easy for either one of them and tending him was so
exhausting that she hardly knew where she was half the time.

Jesse seemed
distant.  It took her a while to notice it though, and even when she did
she wasn’t certain what, if anything, she could or should try to do about
it.  She wasn’t even certain why he seemed to have withdrawn.

Maybe motherhood
was a turn off to him?  Or maybe he was just having trouble coming to
grips with the new responsibility?

Struggling to
unravel the puzzle, it occurred to her after a while that he seemed to have
been very withdrawn after they’d returned from the island, more specifically
after she’d removed the bullets.

Had it bothered
him that he’d needed her help?  Was he embarrassed, maybe, because he
thought he’d seemed weak?

That sounded like
something a man would worry about, but somehow she didn’t think that was
it.  He’d actually seemed fine until she’d thanked him for rescuing the
baby.

Wondering how
that could’ve angered him, she turned it over and over in her mind until
abruptly it made sense.  He’d felt distanced by the way she’d said it, as
if she was thanking a stranger for a favor.

She hadn’t meant
it that way, but maybe, since she’d been so wrapped up in the baby that she’d
been reluctant to spare the time to patch him up, he wasn’t being overly
sensitive to have taken it that way.

The certainty
grew in her that she’d royally screwed up, and that that was exactly why Jesse
had grown so distant, but she couldn’t think of any way to retrieve her
mistake.  Trying to explain at this late date would only be awkward for
both of them and not at all convincing.

She put it from
her mind.  She couldn’t deal with more than Joshua at the moment. 
When she’d learned how to cope with tending an infant, she would find some way
to smooth things over between her and Jesse.

W
ithin
a week, Erin found herself ensconced in a penthouse apartment at the top of one
of the tallest buildings in the city.  It took several more weeks, though,
before Erin and Joshua had acclimated to each other and Erin was actually able
to think of life beyond diaper changes, feeding time, baths and bed.

Joshua, to her
delight, blossomed under her attention, rounding out very nicely in the ensuing
weeks until he merely looked thin, not emaciated, and his head ceased to look
abnormally large compared to the rest of him.  He was, in fact,
beautiful--just like his father.

She was certain every
parent lied to themselves and thought their baby was beautiful, but she was
certain she was being completely unbiased.

By the time he’d
settled into a routine that included a full night’s sleep for Erin, she had
come to the conclusion that a full frontal assault was the only way to deal
with the situation between her and Jesse.

Tavian had told
her Jesse loved her.  Carlos had said that the ‘marks’ Jesse had given her
meant that he had chosen her as his ‘mate.’  And Jesse had not denied any
of it.  He’d risked his life for her over and over again.  If he
didn’t love her, he was just a lunatic.

She didn’t think
he was a lunatic, except maybe in the sense that he’d fallen in love with her,
but if that was true, then she was a lunatic, too, because she loved him.

The plan was
easier conceived than implemented, she discovered.  Every time she thought
she might have the opportunity to speak with Jesse and began rehearsing how to
launch the assault, either the baby woke up and demanded attention, the phone
rang, or the doorbell … or she discovered that Jesse had locked himself into
the room he called his office and only snarled at her when she knocked.

She was just
going to have to be brazen, she decided one night after she’d finally settled
the baby in his crib. Jesse was hurt and he wasn’t going to let down his guard.

Slipping from the
baby’s room, she searched the apartment for Jesse.

He was locked in
his office again.

She knocked
anyway.

“What?” he barked
through the door.

Erin fumed. 
He hadn’t even bothered to get up and answer the door.  “I’m standing in
the hall naked.”

Silence greeted
that announcement.  She’d just begun to wonder if even that lure was going
to work when she heard him push his desk chair back and stride across the
room.  He looked down at her blankly when he’d jerked the door open. 
Slowly, a frown formed between his eyes. “What did you say?”

Erin smiled up at
him.  “I said, come to bed.”

He blinked
several times, rapidly.  She could see the wheels turning in his
head.  They hadn’t shared a bed since they’d rescued Joshua.

“I … uh … I
should finish that software program I’ve been workin’ on.”

Erin
sighed.  Moving closer, she slipped her arms around his waist.  “I
know I deserve it, but you don’t have to make this so hard for me,” she murmured
against his chest.

Almost
tentatively, he looped his arms around her.  “Make what hard?”

She smiled
against his chest, tempted to say something outrageously dirty.  She
tamped the urge.  “If you’ll come to bed with me, I’ll show you something
else I learned from that little book I once read.”

He drew back to
look down at her.  A slow grin curled his lips.  “I’m no’ sure my
heart could take it.”

Erin smiled at
the teasing tone of his voice, but there was something in his eyes that made
her ache.  She swallowed against the knot that formed in her throat. 
“I love you, Jesse.  I’m so sorry for everything.  Don’t … push me
away.  I’m trying.”

He swallowed
audibly.  Lifting a hand, he brushed the backs of his fingers along her
cheek and then pulled her tightly against him.  “The first time I saw you
I thought you were the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.  I could see
the fear in your eyes when you looked at me and I knew you thought I was an
animal, jus’ like the others did, but I never saw disgust in your eyes … or
hate.  You were the only thing I had to look forward to.  You were
what kept me sane.

“I think I knew
all along that that cold bitch had lied about you.  The thing was, it was
easier to hate you for that than to accept that they’d had to drug you to make
you come to me.”

Tears burned
Erin’s eyes and despair filled her.  It was useless to try to deny or to
explain.  She’d tried already and it had only made things worse. 
There was no way the truth could make them better, or that a lie would be believed. 
He knew exactly how she’d felt then and unless he could accept it and put it
behind them, it was always going to lie between them, ugly and hurtful. 
“I can’t change what happened, or undo it, and all the wishing in the world
won’t give me another chance.  Isn’t it enough that I love you now?”

“In spite of what
I am?”

Erin pulled away
from him.  “
Because
of what and who you are!”

He looked
unconvinced.  “You just think you love me because I saved Joshua.”

Erin stamped her
foot.  “I knew it was that
stupid
remark!  Because I said
thank you for rescuing me and the baby?  For taking three bullets and
going through pure hell to bring us out safely, you think I don’t love
you?  You think it’s just … gratitude?  For a smart man you can be really
stupid
, Jesse!

“I
am
grateful.  How could I not be after all you’ve done?  What kind of
person wouldn’t be grateful?

“But I sure as
hell wasn’t drugged when we made love on the ship.  And I wasn’t drugged
when you tied me up and drove me crazy in that little cabin.  That was
good, old fashioned lust, damn it!  And I wouldn’t feel that way if I
didn’t love you!

“Fine!  Have
it your way.  I hate you you stubborn, pig headed thing!  Go! 
Play with your damned software.  I’m going to bed.”

Giving him a
shove, Erin turned and stalked down the hallway.  She very nearly slammed
the bedroom door before it dawned on her that doing so would almost certainly
wake the baby.

Not that it
mattered, really, Erin thought, flopping down angrily on the edge of the
bed.  She was going to be awake half the night anyway because she was
boiling mad.

The door
opened.  When Erin turned to glare at him, she saw that he’d propped his
shoulders against the door frame.  His arms were crossed over his chest, a
faint smile playing about his lips.  “Do you really?”

“What?” Erin
demanded crossly.

“Hate me because
I’m pig headed.”

“Yes!” she
snapped sulkily.  “No!  Sometimes, damn it!”

“And the rest of
the time?”

“I am NOT going
to say it again,” Erin snapped, snatching a pillow off the bed and throwing it
at him.

He caught it,
flipped it in his hands a couple of times and pushed away from the doorframe,
moving slowly toward her.  “You offered to show me what else you’d learned
from that book,” he said tentatively.

“I’m not going to
do that either.”

Before she’d
realized his intentions, he pounced, grabbing her and then carrying her down in
the center of the bed.  She looked up at him in surprise.

“I love
you.  I love the way your eyes shoot fire at me whenever you’re mad as
hell.  I love the freckles all over your cute little nose, but most of all
I love your mouth.”

Erin couldn’t
help but smile back at him.  “My mouth, huh?”

He leaned toward
her, nipping at her lips.  “Absolutely.  Do you think you could show
me that little trick you learned now?”

Erin burst out
laughing.  “I believe I’ll let you show me your tricks first,” she said
haughtily.

The End