Darkest Day (StrikeForce #3) (25 page)

“Jolene,” he said quietly.

“Yeah?”

“I’m glad you’re here. You’re making all this shit a lot better.”

I patted his hand, and he turned his hand around to twine his fingers with mine again.

“Well. You were there for me when I needed it,” I said quietly, remembering how he was at Mama’s funeral and the days afterward.

“That’s where I want to be,” he said.

Partners. We were partners and friends, I reminded myself. Don’t overreact. I didn’t say anything, and I glanced up at his face to see him watching me. He took a deep breath and squeezed my hand, brushed his thumb over the sensitive skin on the underside of my wrist.

“Do you want to read to me some more?” he asked finally.

“You want to hear more?”

“Yeah. I want to know more about this blind duke guy.”

I laughed and started pulling my hand from his, and he held it tighter, refusing to let go. I met his eyes for a second.

“Hey,” he said in a quiet voice.

“Hm?”

“I’m always gonna be there for you. Do you get that?”

I nodded. “Same.”

His gaze was intense, very close to the look he’d had laying there shooting Render, and my heart pounded. I knew he could hear it. He finally released my hand and I sat in the recliner again and took a deep breath, trying to calm my stupid pounding heart. His powers never bothered me before. Now it just made me feel vulnerable and naked, knowing how he could hear the way my stupid, betraying heart reacted to him.

I ran a shaking hand through my hair, then opened the book to where I’d left off the night before. I kept reading, and he kept listening. I only stopped when Sarah came in to check on him. He had a liquid breakfast shake thing and more water for breakfast, and Sarah brought me a cup of orange juice and another granola bar, which Ryan insisted I eat. I did, and then I started reading again. A couple hours later, I knew we were coming up to a big scene, and I blushed. Stopped reading.

“Um.”

“What?” he asked.

“Do you really want me to read all of this?”

“Yeah. I’m liking it so far. Why?”

“
All
of the scenes?” I asked, raising my eyebrows. There had been a few steamy scenes already, but not the full thing.

“Uh, yeah?”

“There’s a love scene coming up. With language,” I said, feeling ridiculous.

I smile crossed his face. “
Language
, Jolene? I’ve never heard you worry about that.”

I blushed a little.

“No one else’ll hear it if you whisper. I still will, though.” he said, still smiling.

I opened the book again and started reading. My face burned as I read about the duke finally touching the heroine the way he’d been wanting to. They wouldn’t actually do the deed yet, but it was close enough. I made it through and then kept reading.

And, all too soon, we were at another scene which included even more stupidly sexy language. I read it in a whisper, my crazy body reacting not just to the heat of the scene, but to the fact that I was reading it to Ryan, who was lying there watching me as I read these infuriatingly sexy things to him. Everything was reacting. My heart started pounding faster, and I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. I made it to the end of the scene and took a gulp of water.

Sarah came in. “Everything okay? Your heart rate spiked a little,” she said to Ryan.

“Fine,” he said, eyes still on me, a mischievous glint in them. “I had no idea romance novels were so exciting.”

Sarah laughed. “One of their charms.” She winked at me and walked back out.

My face must have been glowing, I was blushing so hard.

“I was wondering if they were ever gonna finally do the deed,” he said. “The poor duke must have had the biggest case of blue balls imaginable.”

I choked a little, then took another gulp of water. “Blue balls?”

“Sore balls due to not getting off when you’re turned on,” he said.

“I am sorry I asked.”

He laughed, and after a couple seconds, so did I. “Poor guy,” he continued. “And to be with the woman he wants constantly and always feel like the time’s not right. Rough.”

I finally raised my eyes to him again, but he was staring at the ceiling.

“I need a cold shower,” he said after a while, and I laughed. I couldn’t help it. It was all so ridiculous. We were in a hospital room, and he had tubes coming out of places I didn’t want to think about, and we were reading the type of thing I let very few people know I read.

“I think I do, too.”

He made a small sound in his throat and kept staring at the ceiling.

“She has another one about a guy who’s also a renowned fighter. And he’s kind of a rogue type of loner, and this sweet woman he was once in love with is supposed to marry his brother, and he decides to organize the wedding for her.”

He looked at me. “Why the fuck would he do that?”

“He figured she’d be happy. And that he could have his freedom. His brother was some kind of diplomat and was always away, so the fighter guy couldn’t do the stuff he wanted because he had to take care of family stuff in his brother’s absence. So he figured once the brother was back, he could have his life back. And he thought his brother was better for her than he was,” I said with a shrug.

He thought that over for a while. “I don’t know if that makes him a good man or a complete moron.”

I shook my head. “Well, it didn’t work out. He was still in love with her. And she fell in love with him. And it got to the point where they couldn’t ignore it anymore.”

“So she ends up with the rogue?”

I nodded. “It’s a romance novel. They always have happily ever afters. That’s why they’re such a good fantasy.”

He was watching me. “You know, some people in real life have happily ever afters.”

“Yeah? Name one.”

“My grandparents. Been in love with one another since they were fifteen. Married for sixty-two years, never spent a night apart. Still as giddy in love as a couple of teenagers.”

“They’re kind of the minority,” I said. “Way more are like Mama, who ended up getting smacked around by the man she was in love with. Or me, who can’t make a good choice to save her life. Or any of the dozens of women I knew growing up who ended up either alone or going through a series of assholes one after the other.”

“So if you don’t believe happily ever after is possible, why do you read romances?” he asked.

I shrugged. “I guess part of me would like to believe. But I just don’t see it.”

“Maybe you’re not looking hard enough,” he said. “Sometimes it’s right in front of you, waiting for you to see it.”

“And sometimes, you think you see something that’s not really there. As I know from experience,” I said.

He blew out a breath and went back to staring at the ceiling. “Want to read some more?”

“You want to hear more?”

He nodded, and I went back to reading. I made it through one more love scene, and we finished the book just before one of the nurses brought some beef broth in for his lunch.

“You should eat,” he said.

“I’m not hungry.”

“Jolene.”

“Ryan.”

He grinned. “You’ve had a granola bar and orange juice today. You need more than that. How are you gonna kick ass if you starve yourself while you’re sitting here with me?”

“Okay. I’ll be back in a bit, though.”

“Okay. Hey,” he said as I was heading for the door.

“Yeah?”

“Do you have the one about the fighter?”

I laughed. “I have that one on my phone. What, you want to read that next?”

He nodded.

“The boxer ends up with an even bigger case of blue balls than the duke had to deal with,” I told him with a smirk.

“I’m sensing a trend here,” he said.

“Well, to be fair, the heroines were usually suffering just as much. Whatever the girl version is of blue balls,” I told him. “Sexual tension is a killer.”

“Yeah, tell me about it,” he murmured. “Go eat.”

I nodded, then made my way to the cafeteria. Jenson and David were there, sitting close at one of the corner tables, in their own little world. They looked up when I walked in.

“Hey!” Jenson said.

“Hey.” I looked over the food available, trying to decide which would be the least stinky. Not that Ryan would care or even say anything, but because it mattered to me that I didn’t overpower his senses. I grabbed a bowl of chicken noodle soup and some bread and took it over to David and Jenson’s table.

“How’s he doing?” David asked once I was settled.

“He’s okay. They’re keeping him for a few more days to watch for infection, and then he’s got a couple months of recovery after that.”

I glanced up to see Jenson watching me, a tiny smile on her lips.

“And how are you?” she asked me. David glanced at her, then at me.

“I’m okay.”

She kept watching me, and I blew out a breath.

“I feel like I can breathe again,” I said quietly. “Mostly.”

“He made you come down here to eat, didn’t he?” she asked.

“He didn’t
make
me. I decided to. After he strongly suggested it,” I muttered. I dug into the soup.

“You were all he talked about when I was sitting there with him yesterday,” Jenson said. David was still looking at both of us.

“Yeah?”

“Yep.”

I kept eating.

“Jo,” Jenson said, and I looked up at her. “I don’t think you need to be scared of him.”

I looked back down at my bowl. “I’m not scared of him.”

“Uh huh.”

“I’m scared of being
wrong
about him.”

There. It was out.

“He’s nice to me. Really nice to me. He watches my back, even when I don’t realize I need someone watching my back. He’s good to me. He’s a good guy,” I said, and Jenson nodded while David continued looking somewhat confused.

“It’s easy for someone as messed up as I am to read things into that that aren’t there. I’ve been through it before. He’s my friend. Other than you, he’s my best friend. I do not want to screw that up. That’s what I’m scared of.”

“You know the guy’s nuts about you. I mean… that’s not even a question,” David said.

“He’s nice to me,” I repeated. “It doesn’t mean he’s nuts about me. It means he’s a decent man with manners. Let’s not read too much into him being nice.”

I looked up to see Jenson and David exchange a glance.

“She’s not really that blind, is she?” David asked Jenson.

Jenson shrugged. “Let it go.”

“Is Render awake yet?” I asked.

“Not yet,” David said. “You really did a job on him. He seems to be getting stronger, though.”

I finished my bread. “I need to get back up there.”

“Jo,” Jenson said.

“What?”

She studied me. “You know, Killjoy is a psychopath. He had all of us fooled. That’s what psychopaths do. They excel at it.”

“I know.”

“You weren’t the only one wrong about him. That’s all I’m saying,” she pressed.

“Okay. I’ll see you guys later.” Then nodded, and I put my dirty dishes on the counter and then made my way back to the hospital wing. When I got to his room, Ryan was dozing again, and Sarah came in to check on him.

“He asked for some pain meds while you were out, so those seem to be hitting him now,” she said quietly.

“And everything’s still looking good?”

Sarah nodded. “Dr. Ali was in to check him over while you were out. He’s making really good progress.”

“Good.”

I settled myself back into the recliner after plugging my phone into its charger so I could read to him when he was ready, and then I curled up and dozed for a while as well. I woke to my phone ringing. I quickly grabbed it, glancing at the bed. Ryan was still asleep. I stepped out into the hallway and glanced at the phone. Unknown.

A red-hot feeling of rage tore through me. I activated the tracking app and answered.

“You fucking son of a bitch,” I hissed into the phone. The only answer was Killjoy’s cold laugh.

“I hope you learned something from this. You think you can just move on? You think you can try to destroy my life and everything will just be okay? I’m everywhere, you stupid whore. There’s not a move you make that you won’t pay for. I’ll destroy everything you care about and make you watch it happen. You’ll be alone and desperate, and eventually it will hit you, that I’m the only one you need, the only one who can make it all stop hurting. And you’ll help me regain everything you made me lose.”

“You are insane.”

“Nearly killed Render, huh? Almost too bad he didn’t die. I’d love to see how that played out in the media. Ah well. Too bad he failed. I hear your
partner
is still alive.”

“I am going to destroy you. I swear to god I won’t rest until you’re dead,” I promised.

There was a pause, and then a laugh. “Not if I don’t destroy you first.” The call ended, and I stood there for a while, staring at my phone and starting to pull myself together.

When I went back into his room, Ryan was awake and watching me closely.

“Killjoy,” he said, and I nodded.

He started to say something, and I shook my head. “I don’t want to talk about it. Okay?”

He nodded. “Okay.”

“Want to read some more?”

He nodded, and I settled myself back into the chair, and forced myself to focus on what was happening in the room, nothing more. I focused on the story, on the sound of Ryan’s monitors beeping, and being there for him.

Because it was starting to hit me that maybe someday I wouldn’t be. Because Killjoy wouldn’t stop, and it was just hitting me that it wouldn’t end until one of us was dead. I would try to make sure it wasn’t me, but knowing what it would likely take had my stomach churning.

Focus. Ryan. Story.
I could do this, for now, at least.

Chapter Fifteen