Daughters of Lyra: Heart of a Commander (4 page)

She fell backwards into
it.

****

Chapter
3

Van paced near the foot of
the bed in his living quarters, wearing a trench in the plush black
material that lined the floor. He pressed his knuckles to his lips,
his eyebrows drawn in a permanent frown. The doctors had left a
long time ago but Amerii showed no sign of stirring. She lay on top
of the covers of his bed, her colour only a little better than it
had been in the docking bay where she had passed out. He was
tempted to call the doctors back again, convinced that their
assessment had been wrong.

She couldn’t have fainted
because of a panic attack. There had to be something more to
it.

She had mentioned that she
was feeling unwell. Perhaps she was truly sick but didn’t know
it.

The doctors had removed
her jacket and boots in an effort to give her the air she needed.
She had been pulling on her clothes when he had followed her along
the corridor. Perhaps their assessment was right. The jacket had
been incredibly tight after all. Maybe it had been lack of air that
had made her unwell.

This was all hideously new
to him and it made him realise how fragile a Lyran was when
compared with his species. There were no known illnesses on Varka
and sickness was rare. His need for air was low so tight clothing
like her jacket would not affect him. If it did feel too tight, he
would have simply removed it.

Van closed his eyes when
he realised that he had made a grave mistake.

Pressing the button on the
collar of his jacket, he said, “Increase air density by point
eight.”

“
Yes,
Commander,” came the reply.

Van took a deep breath of
the cooler thicker air. He had noticed on Lyra Prime that the air
density was higher than that of Varkan planets. The same thinness
of air had been applied to Varkan vessels too, allowing them to
travel further without need to clean the filters on the
environmental control.

Effectively, it was his
fault that she had fainted. He hadn’t recognised that bringing her,
or any Lyran, onto a Varkan vessel without a period of adjustment
would be dangerous. Sophia had travelled to Varka Prime on Regis’s
vessel, where she had probably grown gradually accustomed to a
change in the air.

Amerii had only had a
short journey from her ship to his in which to adjust. To her body,
it would have been as though she had gone from walking on the
ground of Lyra Prime to walking the highest mountain on the planet
in the blink of an eye.

Anger at himself coiled
tight in the pit of his stomach. His claws extended. How could he
have been so foolish? His rush to have her onboard his vessel had
placed her at risk. He should have thought things through, taking
into account every factor about a Lyran, and then sent the shuttle
for her. What if she hadn’t only fainted? What if he had hurt
her?

She murmured in her sleep
and Van went to her side, closely watching her face for a sign that
she would wake this time. Her hair was shorter than he remembered,
spread out across his pillow in straight chestnut waves highlighted
with lines of gold. He hesitated a moment and then touched her
cheek. She had cooled down and her colour had returned enough that
she was no longer as pale as him.

Her lips parted in a sigh
and he swallowed hard before drawing his fingers down her cheek,
stroking it lightly. He trembled inside at the contact and the way
it pushed at his control, urging him to let go and to make her his.
She didn’t belong to him. She would never want to belong to someone
as lowly as a count. He had no place wanting her, a princess, when
he was below that level of rank himself. Her family wouldn’t
condone such a poor match and he knew that they would expect her to
marry well, as a princess deserved.

Her eyelids fluttered. Was
she dreaming? He studied her face, taking in the subtle curve of
her jaw and her soft cheeks, the fine arch of her dark eyebrows and
her long eyelashes. The sensual curve of her full lips was
tempting—angelic but devilish at the same time. Something as
beautiful as her could never want a monster like him. He wasn’t
Regis. He couldn’t love and he didn’t have a kingdom to offer to a
beautiful maiden. He had nothing.

Amerii shifted and sighed
again, her soft breath fanning his hand. He swallowed shakily and
ran a trembling thumb across her lower lip. His eyes half-closed
and he growled, on the brink of losing control. She was so warm and
soft, so delicate. His teeth began to extend. Taking a deep breath,
he clawed back control and shut down the emotions he had allowed to
slip through the steel bands he normally held them with.

He wondered if her lack of
oxygen had been the reason for her strange behaviour too. One
moment, they had been on easy terms with each other and the next,
she had become cold and distant. He frowned as he remembered her
reaction to his touch. She had turned on him. Why? He couldn’t
believe that it was purely her need for air.

When her eyes fluttered
again, he took his hand back and waited.

Her eyes opened to reveal
her rich aquamarine irises. The dark flecks in their depths had
fascinated him when he had first met her. None of his kind had such
patterns in their eyes. They were a flat colour, only darker around
the edges. Hers were full of changes and warmth. He could stare
into them, studying the subtle differences between each, for
eternity.

“
Are you
feeling better?” he said, voice low so he didn’t startle
her.

She blinked and drowsily
looked around her at his room.

“
I fainted?”
she said with a small frown as though she couldn’t quite
remember.

Van nodded. “Our air was
too thin for you. I apologise.”

“
Apologise?”
She swallowed with effort and looked up at him. “Why?”

“
I should have
thought to change it for you. It has been adjusted now. I have
informed your captain that you will rest here until you have fully
recovered.”

Her frown stayed. “Not
your fault.”

Her voice was quiet,
almost beyond his hearing. He bent towards her so she didn’t strain
herself by speaking to him. It would be another black mark against
him if she did. As the commander of this vessel, he was responsible
for her during her time here. He had failed to recognise the effect
the air would have on her. It was his fault.

“
I will make a
formal apology to Lyra—”

Amerii touched his hand,
silencing him and making him stare down at her delicate fingers
where they rested against his. Hunger rose inside him at the light
touch. The scent of her filled his lungs and his mind, intoxicating
him. He breathed deep and struggled for control over his rising
bloodlust. This wasn’t the time. He had already hurt her, put her
at risk, and he wouldn’t allow that to happen again.

“
No apology. I
knew the air was thin. I... it was my fault. Stupid feelings.
Sometimes they’re a burden.”

He didn’t understand but
she didn’t look as though she would appreciate him asking her to
explain.

She slowly sat up and cast
another glance around his room, her gaze eventually coming back to
him.

“
It must be
nice sometimes.”

He didn’t understand that
either. She looked down at her white vest and then her feet, and
then around the room again. Her gaze stopped on her jacket where it
rested on a low square cushion beside the bank of
windows.

“
It must nice
to be able to control what you feel,” she said as her eyes came
back to meet his. “I wish I could do that.”

Van frowned at her and
then stared pensively at the bed for a moment before bringing his
eyes back to hers.

“
I think it
must be nice to not have to control your feelings.” He looked out
of the window at the Lyran vessel, unable to say these things while
looking at her. “You do not have to control what you feel, but you
can if you put your mind to it. If I did not control how I feel,
then the bloodlust would take control of me. It is a constant
battle, but one I am learning to... I am trying to
change.”

His eyes roamed back to
her.

Amerii’s expression
softened and then her mouth opened to form an ‘o’ as her eyebrows
rose.

“
Like Regis?”
she said and he nodded. She frowned at the bed and was silent for a
few seconds. Those seconds felt like an eternity as his heart beat
against his chest, filling the dreadful stillness of the room. “You
want to feel it too?”

“
I have been
practicing,” he said and paced across the room, coming around to
stand in front of the window. “Regis has been teaching me but I am
afraid that I am no good at it. Sometimes my bloodlust is too
strong.”

“
Perhaps it
isn’t your bloodlust that is the problem,” Amerii whispered into
her knees as she drew them up to her, wrapping her arms around them
and hugging them to her chest. She looked at her feet, wriggling
her toes. “Perhaps it’s fear stopping you.”

“
Fear?” Van
said. It was an alien word to his tongue. He had never uttered it
in any context relating to himself before. Varkans didn’t fear.
They were fighters. Violence and bloodshed came as easy to them as
breathing. They were born soldiers.

“
Fear is just
another emotion. What if when you’re practicing, you fear letting
go in case the bloodlust takes you?”

He had never noticed any
such fear during his experiments with surrendering control of his
emotions. He had only noticed an overwhelming thirst for violence
and blood. He couldn’t discount it though. Sometimes he was less
willing to lose control. Sometimes the consequences crossed his
mind and they were horrifying.

Other times, his head was
full of her. The bloodlust easily controlled him those times. His
hunger was too strong to resist.

Just standing here right
now was becoming increasingly difficult.

He looked out of the
corner of his eye at her, watching her push her chestnut hair
behind her ear. The action exposed her neck and his gaze travelled
over her pale creamy skin. Perfect. Untouched. It could be his. She
could wear his marks as Sophia wore Regis’s.

The room brightened and
Van turned his back on her, aware that his eyes were changing and
not wanting her to see them. He took long deep breaths, holding
each one for a moment before exhaling so he could claw back
control. His hunger abated and he closed his eyes, thanking the
gods for their mercy. If he lost control near Amerii, his only
option would be to knock himself out, if he was even conscious
enough to do that. He wouldn’t allow himself to hurt
her.

He looked at his arm,
remembering her reaction to his touch. She had pushed him away. She
had been angry for some reason. It hadn’t been her lack of
air.

“
Van?” she said
and he heard her move off the bed. Before he could turn to face
her, she had padded softly across the room to him, her footsteps a
bare whisper. She stepped around him, hesitated a moment, and went
to the window. “My ship looks tiny from here.”

Small talk. Regis had
warned him that females made small talk when they feared asking
something. She had come to him with a question and had shied away
from asking it.

“
She is not a
large vessel,” Van said and moved to stand beside Amerii at the
window. She fidgeted, picking at the hem of her top. “Once the
doctors have confirmed you are well enough, I will have you
escorted back to your ship.”

She looked at him and then
back at the ship. There wasn’t any sign that she liked or disliked
that idea.

“
Van?” she said
again and he faced her, hoping it would help her voice her
question. Small talk was all very interesting but he had no
patience with it, not when he wanted to know what she needed to
ask.

“
Your
highness?”

Her frown said that she
didn’t appreciate his falling back onto treating her as
royalty.

“
Amerii,” he
said, staring into her eyes. Hers widened and her cheeks coloured.
The sight of such a sweet reaction to him stirred his blood and he
again found himself fighting his bloodlust. An image of her in his
arms flashed across his mind—her body bare and neck exposed to him
as soft mewls escaped her lips. He swallowed, clenched his fists
and shut his feelings down.

She avoided his gaze and
nibbled on her lip. Seeing that she was going to make small talk
again, he stepped towards her, closing the gap so much that she
looked at him.

“
There is
something bothering you,” he whispered and relinquished a slither
of control over his feelings so she would see his concern was
genuine. “You left the room in such a hurry. I was worried you were
not feeling well.”

“
Worried?”
Amerii said and her eyes searched his, their rich blue depths
questioning him. He nodded. “You truly have been
practicing.”

“
Are you unwell
still?”

“
I’m fine.” She
toyed with the hem of her white top again. “I just... I couldn’t...
I didn’t... I mean... I realised that perhaps I was acting out of
place.”