Daughters of Lyra: Heart of a Commander (5 page)

She spoke her last
sentence in such a cold distant tone that it drew a frown from him.
Again, she had changed on him in the blink of an eye.

“
Amerii, what
is wrong?” he said and fought the temptation to reach out to her.
His heart said to touch her. One touch and she would understand
him, she would know what it was that he felt and would hopefully
respond as she did in his dreams. He couldn’t do it
though.

One touch and he might
lose control.

It was hard enough just
being close to her right now. He didn’t know how much more he could
take.

“
I...” She
closed her eyes and turned her face away from him, lowering her
head. “I’m an idiot.”

Van stood silent, knowing
that she wasn’t finished. She was building up the courage to say
something, to ask something that he could sense was important to
her. Her heart was beating rapidly and her emotions were so intense
that he could almost feel them.

“
The women,”
she whispered and her cheeks darkened with the shame that he could
sense in her. “They’re beautiful, Van.”

Women? The alteration in
her attitude towards him had been because of women? He wished Regis
were here. All of his crew had little experience of the opposite
sex and none had ever had contact with a member of the opposite sex
who was also of another species. He didn’t understand.

Amerii turned away from
him fully, her arms wrapped tight around herself.

Women.

Beautiful.

The answer hit him hard,
sending his eyes wide.

She thought that he would
want such inferior females as those under his command?

Van stepped up behind her,
took hold of her shoulders with trembling hands, and turned her
swiftly to face him. She stumbled but regained her footing. He
frowned down into her eyes, trying to discern whether he was right.
They swam with tears.

Foolish Lyran.

He raised his hands to her
face, cupping her cheeks, and wiped away her tears with his thumbs.
His hands shook, the feel of her soft warm skin triggering a war
within him, a battle to control his bloodlust.

“
Amerii,” he
husked, his voice tight with his fight against his hunger. He
stepped into her, so their bodies were pressed against each other,
desperate to slake a little of his desire with the sense of
contact. He ran his hands down from her jaw to her neck, caressing
the delicate curve of it. The room brightened and an intense wave
of bloodlust crashed through him. “You do not know how much I want
you.”

****

Chapter
4

Amerii stared into Van’s
eyes. Their bright crimson depths and the strain in his voice told
her exactly how much he wanted her. Her heart beat hard against her
chest, her body quivering under the intensity of his touch and the
heat of his gaze. She swallowed and pressed her hands into his
chest, against rock hard muscles that trembled with restraint. He
was fighting it.

He dipped his head towards
her and her eyes closed as their cheeks brushed, sending a shiver
of anticipation through her. His lips caressed her jaw and then
trailed downwards towards her throat, his breath hot against her
skin.

She swallowed again,
waiting, aching to experience what Sophia had called exquisite when
she had spoken of being bitten.

Van’s mouth closed over
her neck and Amerii shuddered when his tongue brushed her
skin.

A second later his lips,
hands and body had broken contact with her. She opened her eyes to
see that he had moved away from her and was standing by the window,
his breathing heavy and his eyes still vivid red.

“
Leave,” he
said in a gruff voice.

Amerii didn’t understand.
One moment all of her fantasies had been coming true and she had
felt as though Van really did want her, and the next he was distant
and cold.

“
Leave!” He
turned his back on her.

His shoulders shook
violently.

Why had he suddenly
changed? Was his hunger too strong for him to control? Perhaps she
had been wrong. Perhaps he might hurt her if the bloodlust took
hold of him and he couldn’t control it. She had thought it would be
others in danger, not her. Nerves fluttered in her stomach but she
slowly walked towards him, intent on soothing him if she could. She
had brought out this hunger in him. Maybe she could ease it and
help him.

“
No,” she
whispered and he looked over his shoulder at her, his expression
solemn. “I don’t want to leave.”

“
You don’t know
what you do to me,” he said, his voice so low that she barely heard
the words. She edged closer, her movements slow so she didn’t
startle him into reacting. He laughed; a self-mocking one that made
her wonder what he was thinking. “I cannot do this... I don’t... I
am not worthy and you are royalty... you... Amerii, you don’t know
how dangerous I am.”

Amerii swallowed her fear
and stepped up to him. With a steady hand, she reached up and
touched his back. His eyes closed and he inhaled slowly.

“
I think I
know,” she whispered in a soft tone, full of the warmth she felt
inside. “I believe that you won’t hurt me. You don’t.”

Van frowned, his eyes
still closed, black lashes brushing his cheeks. Her hand trailed
upwards, brushing the ponytail of his long black hair aside. When
her fingers reached his neck, he tensed. She stroked the pale skin
above his collar and then his ear. He turned, leaning into her
touch.

“
You won’t hurt
me.” She didn’t know whether she was saying that to him or to
herself. “I know you won’t.”

“
Amerii,” he
muttered and opened his eyes. They slid to meet hers, filled with
incredulity. “You do not fear me? You do not think I am a
monster?”

She shook her head and
stepped around him, trailing her fingertips along the line of his
strong jaw. He was beautiful even when he looked so frightened. The
sight of his fear made her want to comfort him, to show him her own
feelings in the hope that he would find some reassurance in them.
She wanted him to know that she truly didn’t fear him and she
didn’t think he was a monster because of his bloodlust. His eyes
narrowed, dark red and penetrating hers, searching deeply as though
he needed to see the truth in them. She cupped his cheek and held
it.

“
I have never
feared you, not once since I met you that night, and I have never
thought you a monster,” she whispered up at him, holding his
gaze.

His gaze shifted to her
throat and then back to her eyes.

“
Would it help
if I said I wanted to feel it... that you have no idea how much I
want you too?” she said.

His eyes narrowed and
brightened.

Evidently, it would
help.

“
I’ve thought
about you ever since that night, Van. I’ve dreamed of
you.”

“
Dreamed?” he
husked, his voice echoing eerily, and moved closer to her, his eyes
zeroing in on her neck again. “Tell me... tell me this isn’t
wrong... tell me I am not overstepping the mark... tell me what you
dreamed.”

He certainly was embracing
worry at least. Fear and worry. Both negative emotions. Amerii
wanted him to feel others, ones that were positive. Happiness,
desire, love.

Love.

Regis had been teaching
Van to lose control so he too could achieve that
feeling.

So far, Regis was the only
Varkan capable of love. If she could, then she would help Van know
it too.

“
Tell me,” he
pleaded as his hands caught hold of her upper arms and he neared
her.

“
This isn’t
wrong,” she said and closed her eyes when he kissed her jaw.
Tingles swept through her, hardening her nipples against her white
vest. “This isn’t wrong and you aren’t overstepping the mark. It
doesn’t matter that I’m royalty. I’m free to fall in love with
whomever I choose.”

“
Love?” he
whispered against her throat, his voice tight again. “Tell me what
love is. I fear I still do not understand it.”

Amerii smiled and sighed
as his lips caressed her neck, soft and slow, tender and warm. He
was so gentle with her. He worried so much about her. He didn’t
want to hurt her and had tried to protect her from himself. Perhaps
he already knew love but couldn’t recognise it.

“
Do you feel as
though you’re flying and falling at the same time?”

Silence.

“
Yes.”

Her heart beat harder.
“Then this is love. Love is flying and falling at the same
time.”

Her eyes shot wide when he
licked her neck and then his teeth scraped it a moment later. He
wrapped his lips around the graze, encircled her waist with his
arms, and pulled her close to him. She tilted her head to one side,
her hands pressing into his chest. Each brush of his tongue over
the small cut made her shiver. His body trembled against
hers.

“
Van?” she
whispered and was surprised at the hunger in her voice. “Do you
want to bite me?”

His breath shuddered
against her neck. “More than anything.”

She frowned. “Then why
don’t you?”

She could tell that he was
holding back. He wanted more than the tiny drop of blood he must
have taken from the scratch. She wanted more than that
too.

He kissed along her
shoulder, caressing it with his fingertips and pulling the strap of
her white vest down.

“
It is not that
simple,” he whispered and kissed her collarbone. “I cannot bite you
there.”

“
Somewhere
else?” She was aware of how desperate that made her sound but she
didn’t care. She wanted to feel him bite her. She wanted to feel
his need for her and know that this wasn’t a dream. Dreams. He had
asked her to tell him about them. “I’ve dreamt of you biting
me.”

Van groaned and his arm
around her waist tightened, pressing her so hard against him that
she could barely breathe.

“
You always
bite me... it always feels... I can’t explain it.”

“
Try,” he
whispered and licked the cut on her throat again. “Try for
me.”

“
Divine,”
Amerii said and he moaned and bucked his hips against her. Her eyes
widened at the feel of his hard length against her stomach. The
thought that she was affecting him so much with nothing more than
simple words gave her the confidence to say a little more.
“Divine... exquisite... like nothing I’ve ever experienced
before.”

“
Where,” he
muttered, his voice trembling. He kissed up to her jaw and she
tilted her head to one side. “Tell me where I bite you.”

She had never had to say
things like this before. It was embarrassing and only made worse by
the fact that she was talking about her fantasies with the object
of them.

She cleared her throat and
stroked his chest, slowly moving towards the buttons of his jacket.
She needed to feel him skin on skin with her. She wanted to see the
svelte body that she knew his uniform concealed.

He kissed her
shoulder.

“
Here?” he
whispered and she nodded. He took hold of her wrist, stopping her
attempts to get him naked, and kissed the inside of it.
“Here?”

She nodded
again.

His hands grazed her
stomach. “Here?”

She bit her lip and
nodded.

He stepped up to her and
pressed a solitary kiss to her throat. “Here?”

She moaned her
reply.

“
More than
once?”

“
Almost every
time,” she whispered and trembled when he closed his lips around
her throat and sucked. She ached for him to bite her, her body
tightening and yearning for his touch.

“
Do you know
what a bite here means?” His voice was a sultry whisper in her ear,
sending warm shivers dancing down her spine.

Amerii shook her head, her
hands going back to work on the buttons of his jacket. When she had
it open, she dipped her hands inside, pushing the two sides of his
jacket apart. He was naked beneath it. She groaned at the feel of
hard muscles and tight sinew. Filled with a need to see what she
was touching, she pushed him gently backwards, and furrowed her
brow when she saw his body.

In all her times on Lyra
Six, she had never seen such a perfect example of masculinity.
Every muscle was taut and pronounced, but not overly developed. His
body was lithe and powerful, calling to her on a base level where
she had no control. She wanted to taste every inch of his flesh, to
spend long hours exploring his body. She wanted to feel that body
against hers, filling her, knowing that it would be every bit as
wonderful as she had imagined.

Van pulled her back to
him.

“
If I bite you
here.” He spoke the words between kisses against her throat. Each
kiss made her temperature rise a little more until she was burning
with need. “It means that you are mine.”

“
Yours?” Amerii
said and, in her desire-hazed mind, she liked the sound of it. She
kept her mouth closed tight though, not wanting to voice her
thoughts. He had said that he wouldn’t bite her there but she knew
that it didn’t mean that he didn’t want to. It meant that he didn’t
feel worthy of staking a claim on her. His mention of her royal
status hadn’t gone unnoticed. She didn’t care that she was royalty.
As far as she was concerned, she chose who she wanted to be
with.