Deadly Target [IAD Agency 3] (Siren Publishing Classic) (18 page)

Anger sparked to life, melting Mikayla’s icy calm with a blast of heat. “Don’t pull that shit on me. You think it’s selfish to protect myself? How exactly did you want me to tell you what I’ve done in my past?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe anytime we were talking?”

Mikayla scoffed. “Yeah, and that went so well when you found out.” Her breathing sped up and to her mortification she felt tears filling her eyes. Pride had her spine stiffening and refusing to let them fall. “Do you really think you’re the first guy to freak out about what I do? Do you think it’s easy for me to open up to people when I’ve been burned before?”

“I think it’s unfair that you are judging me based on what some other fuckhead did!” Gage shouted.

“Oh, shut up. You flipped out, too!” Mikayla shot back.

“That’s because you should have told me you were some fucking super soldier in the special forces. I didn’t even think women were allowed in the special forces units!”

“They’re not, I was a special exception. Yes, Gage. I was a sniper for the US military. Your cousin was right, I am a killer. But this is what I find so fucking funny. Your cousin was a soldier, but you don’t seem to have a problem with him and what he did while in the service. Is it because I’m a woman that makes it so difficult for you to accept? Does having tits make me less capable or worthy of serving my country? While you were playing soldier until the director called cut, I was doing it for real. I was overseas risking my life for hypocritical assholes like you so you could sleep at night.”

She always did have good aim and could see she scored a hit with that as Gage flinched. His face softened, but she didn’t let that faze her. She was tired of having to explain herself and what she did with her life. He could either accept all of her or get the hell out of her life.

“Mikayla…”

“No, you stupid, stubborn fuck. You don’t get to judge me. Do you know exactly how long I have waited to be with someone who could really understand me? Who could understand my desire to serve and protect and be proud of me? Is that really too fucking much to ask?”

He pointed a finger at her accusingly as his voice rose in panic. “Don’t you start that. Don’t you fucking cry on me!”

“I’m not! This is why I didn’t say anything. I’m tired of this. I’m still the same person, Gage. What I’ve done doesn’t change that, but you treated me like I was some mass murderer that you couldn’t stand to be around.” Mikayla wiped angrily at the tears that had fallen against her will and moved to turn away from him only to be hauled into his arms as he held her tight against him.

“I didn’t think that,” Gage swore. “I swear I didn’t think that. I just…shit, honestly? It was more a blow to my ego and shock than anything. Jesus, baby. I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. I’m an asshole. Slap me, hit me, just don’t give up on me. I want this to work between us. I need this to work. I can be proud of you. I am. I really am.”

She struggled against him for a minute then allowed herself to the lay her head on his shoulder and accept the comfort he was all but forcing on her. She would have smiled at the panicked way he kept pressing kisses on her forehead and stroking his hands over her back if she wasn’t so emotionally torn apart.

Gage’s mouth trailed down her face, licking at the tears that tracked down her cheeks, following them down to her mouth. He captured her protest and seared her with a scorching kiss. She fought against it for a moment then let herself give in to the taste of him. She opened her mouth and welcomed his tongue in to play along hers, stroking and mating in a dance filled with heat.

Desire was not a problem for them. No, their issues started when the flames of passion burned out. It would be easy to give in to the heat and overlook the rest of their problems, but that wouldn’t help anything in the long run. Both of them were relationship neophytes that had enough baggage that a fucking cargo plane couldn’t handle it, but together somehow they fit.

Deep down she knew he had been right. She might not have lied, but it was an omission that she knew she should have told him as soon as they had gotten intimate. Sure, Gage hadn’t had the best reaction when he found out about her past, but then again, neither did she. She should have never just walked away. She should have stayed to talk it out, even if they did fight. Mikayla pulled back and sighed as he rested his forehead against hers

“Give me a chance.” Gage breathed out. “I just needed a moment to catch up.”

She wanted to. God, did she want to, but at what cost? “Gage, I don’t know what you want from me. I can’t change who I am, even for you.”

“I don’t want you to change,” Gage swore. “I just want you to let me in. Show me the real you and let me know you. Can you give me that?”

She hesitated as she thought about it. She wanted Gage, more than any other man that had been in her life. She would have to let him in. Could she do it? Could she open herself up to him, let down the walls of ice that had surrounded her heart, protecting her? If she did, he could hurt her. No, that wasn’t all he could do. Gage had the ability to destroy her. But in order for them to have anything real she was going to have to let her guard down and take that chance.

“I can try. There are still some things that I can’t tell you. I’m sorry, that’s just the way it has to be for now,” she added before he could speak. “If you can understand that, be patient with me then I can promise to try and make this work. I…I care about you, Gage. A lot, but—”

He cupped her face in his hands, looking down at her as if she were something precious. “Then that’s all I need for now. I know this is still new, but there is something special between us. I know I’m going to make mistakes, piss you off, but we can do this. Together.”

He kissed her lightly then let out a low chuckle. “You know, you are supposed to be the one who knows how to do this. I don’t do relationships, or at least I haven’t in the past. You’re supposed to be making sure I don’t fuck this up.”

Mikayla choked out a laugh. “Christ, then we’re seriously fucked because I have no clue what I’m doing.”

Oh yeah, this was going to be like the blind leading the blind…straight off a fucking cliff.

“So, where do we go from here?”

After their explosive argument in the hallway, they had retreated into the living room in front of the fireplace where Mikayla found herself sitting on Gage’s lap on one of the couches. She had allowed him to pull her down with him, relaxing into his embrace as she settled her head in the crook of his neck. She loved that space between his broad shoulder and his neck. It was the perfect fit, as if it had been made for her and her alone. She breathed in deep, inhaling the spicy, masculine scent that was uniquely his.

“I think we should talk.”

“Shit,” she groaned. “I knew you were going to say that.”

He pinched her side playfully. “Hey, now. Aren’t you chicks supposed to be the ones who want to talk about feelings and shit? When did I turn into the girl in this relationship?”

He yelped when she jerked on his hair, hard. “Watch it, pretty boy.”

“Did you just…you so did not just call me that,” Gage sputtered.

“Oh yes, yes I did.” Mikayla chuckled at his indignation then sobered as she leaned back so she could look down into those vibrant green eyes of his. “We really do have things to talk about. Serious things.”

Gage blew out a breath. “We should do this without you sitting on my dick if you want me to focus. I have a difficult enough time concentrating whenever you’re near me. I don’t need the added distraction.”

After he reluctantly released her Mikayla shifted so she was sitting with her back against the armrest, with her legs stretched out over his lap. “Better?”

“No, but it will do. Let’s do this so you can get back here where I want you.”

“Where, on your dick?” Mikayla quipped.

To her surprise a slight blush spread over his cheeks as he muttered to himself and absently began rubbing her feet. It was so far from how she usually saw him that her jaw dropped open in shock. “I meant in my arms were I could hold you,” Gage snapped, louder so she could hear him.

She had opened her mouth to crack a joke, but reined it as he spoke. Mikayla eyed him thoughtfully. “I’m sorry.”

“Forget it.” Gage scrubbed his hands over his face then turned so he was staring directly at her. “Look, Mikayla. I’m out of my depth here. I don’t know what to do or say at this point and I’m so fucking scared I’m gonna say the wrong thing and you’ll make me leave or have one of your bodyguards beat the shit out of me. Wait.” He paused as he looked around. “Where is everyone? They aren’t going to jump out at me or something when I least expect it, are they?”

She had to chuckle. “Slade had to fly out of town and caught a ride into Denver with the twins when they left earlier. You’re safe. For now.”

Gage cursed under his breath.

“Where’s Wulf?”

“I left him at home. He’s spending the day with Dylan.”

“Oh.” She knew she was stalling. She took a deep breath, preparing to let him further into her life, and hoped to god that he could handle it. “Truth time. My life…hasn’t been easy. I’m sorry if you felt that I lied to you, but you have to understand my life and those of my colleagues depends on secrecy.”

Mikayla rubbed her other foot lightly against his thigh as she continued down the path of painful memories. “I guess I should explain a little about my past so you can understand where I’m coming from. I grew up in Greece with my parents. My father was an ambassador for the United States when he met my mother. She came from a wealthy family and for years we were happy there. Until a terrorist blew up the embassy, killing everyone inside.”

“Oh, god,” Gage whispered, his body jerking under her legs.

She stared into the fireplace as she remembered that horrible day. “It was a Tuesday. I had been at school that day. My mother didn’t have to work, but after they were married she had signed on as an official liaison between the Greek and US governments, working side by side with my father. I was so proud of them. They were a real team. It was early afternoon when two marines came to the doorway. I knew. I knew before they even said anything that something terrible had happened. They escorted me out of the building and told me what had happened, but I wouldn’t believe them until I saw it with my own eyes.”

Mikayla paused for a moment. “I saw what they did,” she whispered. “The embassy was gone. There was nothing left but a crater in the ground. So many lives lost and for what? A local terrorist cell had objected to the US backing Greece’s stance on increased security and customs checks at the borders. So they killed everyone. I wanted to scream when I saw what was left. I wanted to lash out and make those who were responsible pay for what they’d done. But I couldn’t. For the next two weeks it was all a blur. I couldn’t bring myself to speak because if I did I knew I would scream and just never stop, so I held it in.”

Gage held his breath, waiting for her to continue, not wanting to speak and interrupt her as she waded through memories of a child’s terror. He rubbed comforting hands over her legs, needing the connection to her. He felt a sharp pain in his chest as she finally looked back at him. Her violet eyes were brimming with tears and shone like amethysts in the dim firelight. They were filled with such sadness that his heart broke for her and the pain of her loss.

“I wanted to be with them. I couldn’t understand how I had survived when everyone else was gone.”

“Oh, baby,” Gage whispered pulling her into him, unable to bear the space between them any longer. He lifted her and settled her back on his lap where he could hold her, wrapped safely within his embrace. “It wasn’t your fault. I’m sorry. So sorry you had to lose them that way.”

Mikayla patted his chest as if trying to comfort him. God knew he needed it. He couldn’t imagine losing his family in such a violent way at such a young age. Sure, both his mother and father had died, but he had been older and he had his brother, sister and cousin with him. Mikayla had been alone.

“Did you stay in Greece with your mom’s family?”

“No.” Mikayla sighed as she laid her head on his shoulder. “They didn’t know what to do with me. They’re good people, but dealing with a traumatized child was far beyond their scope of capabilities. My uncle Ethan came to get me and I went back to the States to live with him. He was an Army general and I went to live with him on base.”

She told him how she had started training with her uncle and how she had discovered her aptitude for shooting. She told him about joining the Army and how she had met Brett, Slade and the twins when they had been put into a special unit together. She pulled away so she could look him in the eye.

“So you see, Slade, Rock, Adrian and Brett aren’t my bodyguards. We’ve been through hell together and saved each other’s lives more times than I can count. They’re my family as much as Dylan, Katie, and Sebastian are yours.”

“I can see that,” Gage said softly as he rubbed his hands gently up and down her arms in a soothing motion. “I’m glad you had them. I can’t even imagine what you have been through together, but I understand how important you are to each other.”

“I know this is a lot to throw at you at once. Some people may focus on the people we… I kill, but I choose to think about the lives I save instead. One terrorist can kill hundreds or thousands of people.”