Death of a Coupon Clipper (16 page)
Read Death of a Coupon Clipper Online
Authors: Lee Hollis
“Spanky . . .”
“Oh, I didn’t say that. My mother said that.”
Note to self. Be less friendly with Carla McFarland.
“Anyway, as I was writing you the note, I heard someone coughing in the back and I
got nervous and afraid he’d come out and catch me, so I didn’t get the chance to finish
what I was writing. I just got as far as saying I know who killed Candace Culpepper,
and I was writing really fast so that’s why it was kind of messy. I actually have
very good penmanship.”
got nervous and afraid he’d come out and catch me, so I didn’t get the chance to finish
what I was writing. I just got as far as saying I know who killed Candace Culpepper,
and I was writing really fast so that’s why it was kind of messy. I actually have
very good penmanship.”
“I’m sure you do, Spanky.”
“Anyway, when I got home, I decided to just stay out of it. Until you called.”
“Thank you, Spanky. I’m glad you finally spoke up. You’ve been very helpful.”
“No problem. You want to talk to my mom again?”
“No, thank you, Spanky.”
Not in this lifetime.
Island Food & Spirits by Hayley Powell
The other day after a rather extreme-sports-style cross-country skiing trek in the
park, I was reminded of another skiing adventure I had last winter, which ended in
disaster. Most of the town heard about it over breakfast at Jordan’s Restaurant, so
any hopes I had of maintaining a shred of dignity were quickly dashed. It all started
when I went down to the cellar to look for a few sweaters I kept stored there, as
we were experiencing a particularly bone-chilling cold spell. February in Maine. Big
shock, right?
park, I was reminded of another skiing adventure I had last winter, which ended in
disaster. Most of the town heard about it over breakfast at Jordan’s Restaurant, so
any hopes I had of maintaining a shred of dignity were quickly dashed. It all started
when I went down to the cellar to look for a few sweaters I kept stored there, as
we were experiencing a particularly bone-chilling cold spell. February in Maine. Big
shock, right?
I was a bit depressed because my best friends, Liddy and Mona, were in Cabo San Lucas,
Mexico, drinking pomegranate margaritas, poolside, at their fancy all-inclusive resort.
They had invited me to join them, but I was too cash-strapped to go. Story of my life.
Plus I didn’t want to leave my kids, because I would miss them too much. That, and
I knew if I left them unattended, they would seize the opportunity to throw a blowout
party with all their friends at my house.
Mexico, drinking pomegranate margaritas, poolside, at their fancy all-inclusive resort.
They had invited me to join them, but I was too cash-strapped to go. Story of my life.
Plus I didn’t want to leave my kids, because I would miss them too much. That, and
I knew if I left them unattended, they would seize the opportunity to throw a blowout
party with all their friends at my house.
Anyway, while I was rummaging around for my sweaters, I happened to notice my cross-country
skis standing up against the cellar wall and I realized I hadn’t had them out all
year. I decided the way to cheer myself up for not being able to go to Mexico was
to clear my head with a little exercise. Yes, I was going to get up at five in the
morning and go skiing and watch the morning light crest over Cadillac Mountain. What
a refreshing and peaceful way to start my day before work.
skis standing up against the cellar wall and I realized I hadn’t had them out all
year. I decided the way to cheer myself up for not being able to go to Mexico was
to clear my head with a little exercise. Yes, I was going to get up at five in the
morning and go skiing and watch the morning light crest over Cadillac Mountain. What
a refreshing and peaceful way to start my day before work.
Well, true to form, I overslept. It was six in the morning and I was tempted to pull
the covers back over my head. No, I was going to do this. I dragged myself out of
bed and peeked out the window to check on the weather conditions. It was sunny and
the ground was covered with a fresh coating of snow. Perfect! I quickly threw on my
long underwear, pullover shirt, and pants. I topped that off with a sweater, ski pants,
and a down vest. Then I got my ski boots on, grabbed my gloves, hat, skis, and poles.
Because I overslept, and it was now going on six-thirty, I didn’t have time to drive
to the park, so I decided to stick close to town. I let Leroy back inside after he
finished his morning business. For once, he had no interest in accompanying me and
just trotted back up the stairs to my still-warm bed.
the covers back over my head. No, I was going to do this. I dragged myself out of
bed and peeked out the window to check on the weather conditions. It was sunny and
the ground was covered with a fresh coating of snow. Perfect! I quickly threw on my
long underwear, pullover shirt, and pants. I topped that off with a sweater, ski pants,
and a down vest. Then I got my ski boots on, grabbed my gloves, hat, skis, and poles.
Because I overslept, and it was now going on six-thirty, I didn’t have time to drive
to the park, so I decided to stick close to town. I let Leroy back inside after he
finished his morning business. For once, he had no interest in accompanying me and
just trotted back up the stairs to my still-warm bed.
I skiied on some back roads, which took me to the shore path trail, and I huffed and
puffed my way along the snow-covered route to the town pier. There wasn’t another
soul in sight, not like in the summertime when thousands of cruise ship passengers
and tourists clog the scenic path.
puffed my way along the snow-covered route to the town pier. There wasn’t another
soul in sight, not like in the summertime when thousands of cruise ship passengers
and tourists clog the scenic path.
I was merrily coasting along, when I rounded the corner in front of the majestic Bar
Harbor Inn, which stood high on its hill above the town pier. I pictured myself skiing
down the big slope that ran from the inn to the path. Why not? No one was around.
A little downhill skiing instead of the rather monotonous, slugging-along cross-country
version. It would be fun!
Harbor Inn, which stood high on its hill above the town pier. I pictured myself skiing
down the big slope that ran from the inn to the path. Why not? No one was around.
A little downhill skiing instead of the rather monotonous, slugging-along cross-country
version. It would be fun!
Sidestepping with my skis up the hill to the top, I took a deep breath and shoved
off down the hill. My plan was to fall down to my side so I wouldn’t overshoot the
path and hit the rocks and water below. I laughed and screamed at the top of my lungs
all the way down. Why not? It wasn’t like anybody else was around.
off down the hill. My plan was to fall down to my side so I wouldn’t overshoot the
path and hit the rocks and water below. I laughed and screamed at the top of my lungs
all the way down. Why not? It wasn’t like anybody else was around.
Wrong again. Bobby Spear, who was chugging out in his lobster boat, which he had rigged
for winter shrimping, saw me waving my poles in the air and screaming. Bobby assumed
I was headed straight for disaster. He radioed the police station, claiming some damn
fool was trying to commit suicide by skiing off the town pier and straight into the
ocean. The police called the fire department for rescue assistance. (Since they share
the same building, they probably yelled across the room.) The fire department, in
turn, brought along the ambulance with paramedics.
for winter shrimping, saw me waving my poles in the air and screaming. Bobby assumed
I was headed straight for disaster. He radioed the police station, claiming some damn
fool was trying to commit suicide by skiing off the town pier and straight into the
ocean. The police called the fire department for rescue assistance. (Since they share
the same building, they probably yelled across the room.) The fire department, in
turn, brought along the ambulance with paramedics.
In the meantime, after safely falling over in the snow, I decided to ski down the
hill just one more time before heading home. That’s when I heard loud sirens and truck
horns honking. I hoped Bruce, my colleague and the paper’s crime reporter, was home
listening to his police scanner because he would finally have something to write about
instead of bothering me.
hill just one more time before heading home. That’s when I heard loud sirens and truck
horns honking. I hoped Bruce, my colleague and the paper’s crime reporter, was home
listening to his police scanner because he would finally have something to write about
instead of bothering me.
I began to push off for my final descent, when suddenly, from out of nowhere, I felt
arms grabbing me around my waist. I was lifted straight up into the air and my boots
snapped right off my skis. As I tumbled, I found myself staring into Wilbur White’s
eyes. As you know, Wilbur is one of our big, burly, handsome firefighters. When we
came to an abrupt stop, Wilbur was lying on his back. His giant arms were wrapped
around me, our noses touching. He just stared at me in shock.
arms grabbing me around my waist. I was lifted straight up into the air and my boots
snapped right off my skis. As I tumbled, I found myself staring into Wilbur White’s
eyes. As you know, Wilbur is one of our big, burly, handsome firefighters. When we
came to an abrupt stop, Wilbur was lying on his back. His giant arms were wrapped
around me, our noses touching. He just stared at me in shock.
You know, I never noticed what nice brown eyes Wilbur has. I can’t believe he’s still
single. Anyway, as we stood up and brushed the snow off ourselves, Wilbur explained
about the frantic call he got from Bobby Spear. I was completely mortified, having
to explain that I was just skiing down the slope for fun and was not attempting to
take my own life. By now, word of my ill-fated escapade was all over the police scanner.
Locals were showing up at the scene, hoping for a little excitement. Most of them
had looks that said, “Oh, it’s Haley Powell. Now we understand.”
single. Anyway, as we stood up and brushed the snow off ourselves, Wilbur explained
about the frantic call he got from Bobby Spear. I was completely mortified, having
to explain that I was just skiing down the slope for fun and was not attempting to
take my own life. By now, word of my ill-fated escapade was all over the police scanner.
Locals were showing up at the scene, hoping for a little excitement. Most of them
had looks that said, “Oh, it’s Haley Powell. Now we understand.”
I was so embarrassed and didn’t want to make eye contact with anyone, so I looked
out at the ocean, noticing how the islands dotting the bay resembled giant marshmallows.
I’m not a morning drinker, but after this humiliating episode, I went straight home
and prepared a big mug of Irish coffee, which I like to call the Snowman because of
the three scoops of Marshmallow Fluff I put on top.
out at the ocean, noticing how the islands dotting the bay resembled giant marshmallows.
I’m not a morning drinker, but after this humiliating episode, I went straight home
and prepared a big mug of Irish coffee, which I like to call the Snowman because of
the three scoops of Marshmallow Fluff I put on top.
The Snowman
Ingredients
1 coffee mug
1 ounce Baileys Irish Cream
1 ounce Irish whiskey
3 dollops of Marshmallow Fluff, or whatever you prefer, but, honestly, who doesn’t
love Marshmallow Fluff?
1 ounce Baileys Irish Cream
1 ounce Irish whiskey
3 dollops of Marshmallow Fluff, or whatever you prefer, but, honestly, who doesn’t
love Marshmallow Fluff?
Into a coffee mug pour the Baileys and Irish whiskey and fill with hot coffee, leaving
enough room on top to add your desired amount of fluff. Then sit back and relax and
let the stress of the day be washed away.
enough room on top to add your desired amount of fluff. Then sit back and relax and
let the stress of the day be washed away.
After work I went to the grocery store with my two-dollars-off coupon for a rotisserie
chicken. I completely scored; because on top of using the coupon, they had just reduced
the prices for the evening. I decided at that moment if I couldn’t go to Mexico with
Liddy and Mona, I would bring Mexico home to me. So it was going to be chicken tostadas
for dinner! Simple, quick, and yummy! Olé!
chicken. I completely scored; because on top of using the coupon, they had just reduced
the prices for the evening. I decided at that moment if I couldn’t go to Mexico with
Liddy and Mona, I would bring Mexico home to me. So it was going to be chicken tostadas
for dinner! Simple, quick, and yummy! Olé!
Easy Chicken Tostadas
Ingredients
1 rotisserie chicken, skinned, boned, and shredded
4 large 10-inch flour tortillas (or 8 six-inch tortillas, depending on people)
2 tablespoons vegetable oil (more as needed)
2 cups shredded cheese or more, to taste
Shredded lettuce, diced tomatoes, salsa, sour cream and guacamole—optional
4 large 10-inch flour tortillas (or 8 six-inch tortillas, depending on people)
2 tablespoons vegetable oil (more as needed)
2 cups shredded cheese or more, to taste
Shredded lettuce, diced tomatoes, salsa, sour cream and guacamole—optional
To assemble or to let those who are eating assemble their own. Place your chicken
and other ingredients in bowls.
and other ingredients in bowls.
Heat a large frying pan to medium-high heat and brown tortilla on both sides until
golden brown. Be careful not to burn. You can always turn down the heat a bit. Place
tortilla on a plate and add the ingredients you desire. Oh-so-simple and mouthwatering.
golden brown. Be careful not to burn. You can always turn down the heat a bit. Place
tortilla on a plate and add the ingredients you desire. Oh-so-simple and mouthwatering.
Chapter 27
Hayley knew she couldn’t just march into the Shop ’n Save and start hurling accusations
at Ron Hopkins. That would be bad form and pretty stupid. No, she had to be more subtle
in her approach. And she knew just how to do it.
at Ron Hopkins. That would be bad form and pretty stupid. No, she had to be more subtle
in her approach. And she knew just how to do it.
She had heard through the grapevine that Ron Hopkins’s wife, Lenora, had recently
taken a second job moonlighting as a cashier at Bark Harbor, the local pet store.
taken a second job moonlighting as a cashier at Bark Harbor, the local pet store.
She checked her watch.
It was ten minutes to nine.
She was pretty sure the pet shop closed promptly at nine. If she hurried, she just
might catch Lenora before she locked up and went home for the night. The store was
close to Randy’s bar, but she didn’t have a car to get there. So she threw on her
boots and ran like the wind.
might catch Lenora before she locked up and went home for the night. The store was
close to Randy’s bar, but she didn’t have a car to get there. So she threw on her
boots and ran like the wind.
Her hip was still shooting pain. Her whole body was exhausted from all the cross-country
skiing she had done earlier that day. As she trudged through the snow at lightning
speed—okay, she trudged through the snow at a reasonable pace—but not fast enough
to make it in time, because by the time she was standing outside the shop, the door
was locked.
skiing she had done earlier that day. As she trudged through the snow at lightning
speed—okay, she trudged through the snow at a reasonable pace—but not fast enough
to make it in time, because by the time she was standing outside the shop, the door
was locked.
But the lights were still on.
She pressed her nose up against the window and saw Lenora counting one-dollar bills
and slipping them into a bank envelope as she cashed out for the day.
and slipping them into a bank envelope as she cashed out for the day.
Lenora was a petite woman, much smaller than Hayley. She had thin arms and legs, and
her fine brown hair was pulled into a ponytail. She wore wire-rimmed glasses and a
blue smock, which wasn’t very flattering. Working in a pet store, she wasn’t out to
impress anybody. She used to look a lot prettier years ago, before she married Ron
and settled into supposed domestic bliss.
her fine brown hair was pulled into a ponytail. She wore wire-rimmed glasses and a
blue smock, which wasn’t very flattering. Working in a pet store, she wasn’t out to
impress anybody. She used to look a lot prettier years ago, before she married Ron
and settled into supposed domestic bliss.
Hayley rapped on the door and it startled Lenora, who thought someone was about to
bust down the door and rob her.
bust down the door and rob her.
A ridiculous thought.
There was very little crime in Bar Harbor.
Other than the fact someone had recently stabbed a local woman in the back with a
pair of scissors.
pair of scissors.
Maybe Bar Harbor wasn’t as safe as people assumed.
Hayley gave Lenora the biggest smile she could muster. Lenora zipped up the money
bag and set it down on the counter as she came around and walked over to the door.
bag and set it down on the counter as she came around and walked over to the door.
“I’m sorry, Hayley, we’re closed.”
“But it’s an emergency! Please, Lenora, let me in.”
“Can’t it wait until tomorrow?”
“No, Lenora, it can’t! Please! I need your help!”
Lenora didn’t own the store, so she wasn’t comfortable ignoring protocol. No customers
were allowed inside after closing, especially while she was cashing out. But Hayley
didn’t seem threatening—or, at least, Lenora hoped not. Hayley was pleading with her
eyes, making them as big and pathetic as humanly possible. Lenora finally shook her
head, slightly annoyed, and unlocked the door.
were allowed inside after closing, especially while she was cashing out. But Hayley
didn’t seem threatening—or, at least, Lenora hoped not. Hayley was pleading with her
eyes, making them as big and pathetic as humanly possible. Lenora finally shook her
head, slightly annoyed, and unlocked the door.
Hayley tried to step inside, but Lenora blocked the door with her body.
Hayley took a step back and smiled. “I’m taking care of Mrs. Tubbs’s cat, Blueberry,
while she’s recovering in the hospital.”
while she’s recovering in the hospital.”
“I heard. I’m surprised you’re still alive to talk about it. You didn’t hear about
that maniacal beast’s reputation before you agreed to take him in?”
that maniacal beast’s reputation before you agreed to take him in?”
“Apparently, I’m the only one in town who hasn’t. Anyway, he’s been peeing all over
my brother’s house, where I’m staying temporarily, and he just did a number on his
couch. I’m trying to get it cleaned before Randy comes home from the bar later, so
I need an industrial-strength stain-and-odor remover, pronto!”
my brother’s house, where I’m staying temporarily, and he just did a number on his
couch. I’m trying to get it cleaned before Randy comes home from the bar later, so
I need an industrial-strength stain-and-odor remover, pronto!”
Lenora nodded. “I have just the product. Anti-Icky-Poo. Works miracles. Come on in,
Hayley. Just don’t tell Doris I let you in after hours.”
Hayley. Just don’t tell Doris I let you in after hours.”
“I promise,” Hayley said, crossing her heart.
Lenora stepped aside and allowed Hayley to enter. Lenora crossed to the back and started
searching the shelves.
searching the shelves.
“I thought we had some right here,” Lenora said, eyes scanning up and down the shelves.
“I didn’t know you loved animals,” Hayley said, leaning on the front counter as Lenora
searched for the bottle.
searched for the bottle.
“I don’t. I hate mangy dogs and I’m allergic to cats, but I desperately needed a second
job, and this was the only one that worked with my teaching schedule. We all know
how poorly middle-school teachers are paid, and I have triplets who are almost college
age. So I have to bank as much as I can, so I’m not caught flat-footed when those
tuition bills start pouring in.”
job, and this was the only one that worked with my teaching schedule. We all know
how poorly middle-school teachers are paid, and I have triplets who are almost college
age. So I have to bank as much as I can, so I’m not caught flat-footed when those
tuition bills start pouring in.”
“Well, I know Ron’s looking forward to doing some traveling, once the kids are finally
off to college.”
off to college.”
“Oh, is that what Ronnie told you? He wants to see the world? Isn’t that special?
What big exciting plans.”
What big exciting plans.”
“Well, I’m sure you’re looking forward to taking some time—”
“Oh, you don’t understand, Hayley. Ron doesn’t want me going with him. No, he knows
I hate traveling, I’m afraid to fly, and I don’t even have a passport. No, whenever
I get the travel bug, I turn on Nat Geo and watch
Locked Up Abroad,
and that pretty much scratches my itch to get out and see this dangerous, crazy world.
There’s no way I’m risking someone slipping forty kilos of heroin into my suitcase!
Then I wind up eating cockroaches for protein, while I’m spending the rest of my life
in some prison in the Philippines. No, let him go without me.”
I hate traveling, I’m afraid to fly, and I don’t even have a passport. No, whenever
I get the travel bug, I turn on Nat Geo and watch
Locked Up Abroad,
and that pretty much scratches my itch to get out and see this dangerous, crazy world.
There’s no way I’m risking someone slipping forty kilos of heroin into my suitcase!
Then I wind up eating cockroaches for protein, while I’m spending the rest of my life
in some prison in the Philippines. No, let him go without me.”
“Won’t you miss him?”
“Miss him?” Lenora laughed derisively. “No, Hayley, I won’t miss him.”
“Are you two having problems?”
“You might say that,” Lenora said, returning from the shelves empty-handed. She pointed
to a stack of papers on the counter next to the register. “Just going over his lawyer’s
latest offer. Of course he’s lowballing me, that cheap son of a—”
to a stack of papers on the counter next to the register. “Just going over his lawyer’s
latest offer. Of course he’s lowballing me, that cheap son of a—”
“You and Ron are divorcing?”
“It’s not public yet, but yes. We were going to wait until the triplets were out of
the house, but we’re only hurting them by staying together. We tried putting on a
brave front the last few years, but it’s hopeless. We just hold everything in, and
then one of us inevitably explodes and the knock-down, drag-out fights start all over
again. There’s no point in trying to keep up a facade anymore. Might as well just
get it done with, so we can both finally find some peace.”
the house, but we’re only hurting them by staying together. We tried putting on a
brave front the last few years, but it’s hopeless. We just hold everything in, and
then one of us inevitably explodes and the knock-down, drag-out fights start all over
again. There’s no point in trying to keep up a facade anymore. Might as well just
get it done with, so we can both finally find some peace.”
“Lenora, I’m so sorry. . . .”
“Don’t be, Hayley. The last few years have been hell. Ron’s not the man I married.
He’s angry and sometimes his temper, well, it can be rather intense.”
He’s angry and sometimes his temper, well, it can be rather intense.”
“He hasn’t hit you, has he?”
“No, but there were times when he’d go off about something, when the kids were gone,
and he’d just yell at me and scream these awful threats. I would get so scared that
I’d run upstairs and lock myself in the closet until he calmed down. It’s been that
brutal.”
and he’d just yell at me and scream these awful threats. I would get so scared that
I’d run upstairs and lock myself in the closet until he calmed down. It’s been that
brutal.”
Hayley was shocked.
Was Ron really as unstable as Lenora claimed?
Spanky did see him verbally threaten Candace.
Maybe it wasn’t so far-fetched to believe Ron Hopkins was unhinged enough to be capable
of murder.
of murder.
“I heard a rumor, Lenora, that Ron had an argument with Candace Culpepper on the day
she was killed.”
she was killed.”
“Honestly, Hayley, I know nothing about that. But I will tell you, if some evidence
surfaced suggesting Ron had something to do with it, I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised.”
surfaced suggesting Ron had something to do with it, I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised.”
Hayley stood there, staring at Lenora, flabbergasted. She was basically saying that
her husband from whom she was about to be divorced could be a murderer.
her husband from whom she was about to be divorced could be a murderer.
Lenora put her hands on her hips. “I’m certain we have some of that stain remover.
Let me check out back. Hang on a second.”
Let me check out back. Hang on a second.”
Lenora marched past a curtain into the stockroom. Hayley couldn’t resist picking up
the divorce papers and leafing through them while Lenora was preoccupied.
the divorce papers and leafing through them while Lenora was preoccupied.
Interestingly, Ron’s lawyer had counteroffered a generous alimony payment, plus child
support, until the kids were of legal age. But Lenora had written expletives all over
it. She was clearly expecting more—a lot more. As Hayley got to the last page, she
saw that in the upper-right corner, Lenora had written,
Half the business or we see you in court!
support, until the kids were of legal age. But Lenora had written expletives all over
it. She was clearly expecting more—a lot more. As Hayley got to the last page, she
saw that in the upper-right corner, Lenora had written,
Half the business or we see you in court!
So Lenora had her own motives for badmouthing Ron and suggesting he was unpredictable
and possibly dangerous. Maybe she was even coaxing Hayley into drawing the same conclusions
about Ron so she could haul her into court and have her testify against him in a divorce
trial at some later date. Lenora was nothing if not smart. She was tiny but formidable;
and like Mary Garber, she was another woman in town a person did not want to cross.
and possibly dangerous. Maybe she was even coaxing Hayley into drawing the same conclusions
about Ron so she could haul her into court and have her testify against him in a divorce
trial at some later date. Lenora was nothing if not smart. She was tiny but formidable;
and like Mary Garber, she was another woman in town a person did not want to cross.
But even if it was Lenora’s master plan to cement Ron’s reputation as a bad husband
with a vicious streak, in order to achieve her own personal goals, Hayley couldn’t
ignore the fact that Spanky McFarland was pretty much claiming the same thing, having
witnessed Ron’s red-hot temper firsthand.
with a vicious streak, in order to achieve her own personal goals, Hayley couldn’t
ignore the fact that Spanky McFarland was pretty much claiming the same thing, having
witnessed Ron’s red-hot temper firsthand.
And that made Ron Hopkins the number one suspect in Candace’s murder.
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