Death of a Coupon Clipper (13 page)

By the time Hayley left the office, it was still snowing, already pitch-dark outside,
and only four o’clock in the afternoon. She hated winters because the sun was only
out for half the day, retreating behind Cadillac Mountain and plunging the entire
town into blackness before most kids were even home from school. Hayley left the office
an hour earlier than usual because she had filed her column and had emptied her in-box,
plus Sal was in a giving mood mostly because she had bought him a Danish during her
lunch break.

Her mind was still preoccupied with who had left her the scribbled note claiming to
know the identity of Candace’s murderer. Who even knew she was investigating the stabbing
on her own? It wasn’t like she had made some grand announcement alerting the whole
town to her mission of finding the killer. Given her history, however, there may be
one or two people in town who would assume she might take it upon herself to clear
her best friend Mona’s good name.

Maybe one of Mona’s kids? It did look like a child wrote the note, but that was a
stretch. The young ones were more focused on
SpongeBob SquarePants,
and the older ones were too busy tweeting and playing hookey from school.

As Hayley walked toward Randy’s house, she slowed her pace as she noticed there were
no lights on in the house. For a moment she assumed there was some kind of local power
outage; but then glancing about at the neighboring houses, she saw all of them were
completely lit up. There was a gnawing feeling in her gut as she slowly approached.
Randy had called to say he was on his way home around three. He should have been here
by now. And if he went out to the store or to run an errand, he most certainly would
have left the lights on, knowing Hayley would be home soon.

Something was definitely wrong.

As she got closer, raising her mittens and blowing into them to warm up her face,
she spotted a mysterious blue glow emanating from the living-room windows.

If Hayley were less of a realist, she might have thought that the house was being
invaded by aliens. She had seen that Mel Gibson movie where the space visitors spelled
out messages with the farm crops and then started popping up in closets in poor Mel’s
house, scaring the bejesus out of him, but that was just a movie and this was simply
a weird light in an otherwise dark house.

Still, she couldn’t resist glancing around to see if any aliens might have drawn messages
in the caked white snow.

Hayley cautiously walked up the steps to the front porch and slowly made her way to
the picture window, which looked out from the living room. As she peered in, her heart
nearly stopped. The whole room was bathed in blue light and there were stains illuminated
in white everywhere. She had seen enough detective shows to know the CSI unit used
these kinds of ultraviolet lights to identify bloodstains at a crime scene. There
was blood on the floor! On the walls! Blood on every last piece of furniture!

Hayley screamed at the top of her lungs.

What was going on?

Where was Randy?

Dear God, who had perpetrated this bloody massacre?

Hayley backed away so fast from the horrific sight that she tripped and fell over
the porch railing, landing flat on her back in the snow and knocking the wind out
of her.

She sat up, trying to catch her breath, hoping she had no broken bones, when suddenly
the lights snapped on in the house and the blue light and white stains instantly disappeared.

By the time she crawled to her feet and was trying to climb back over the porch railing,
she saw Randy running down the stairs to see who was outside his house screaming.
His face didn’t register much surprise when he spotted Hayley.

Sliding open the glass door, he ran out to assist his sister in hauling her big butt
back over the railing and onto the porch.

“What the hell are you doing out here yelling at the top of your lungs?” Randy said,
leading her inside.

Hayley didn’t answer him. She pushed past him and looked around. “What happened to
all the bloodstains?”

“That wasn’t blood. I went to PetSmart in Bangor today and bought a Whisker City Stink
Free UV Urine Detector Light to see just how much damage that possessed devil cat
we’ve been stuck with has left all over my house.”

“Oh,” Hayley said, feeling silly.

Randy marched over to the wall and flicked off the lights. Once again the blue light
and white stains appeared. “As you can see, Blueberry is leaving his mark everywhere.
My Oriental rug from Istanbul might as well be a kitty litter box. That seems to be
his favorite dumping ground. And you haven’t even seen the upstairs yet.”

“I’m so sorry,” Hayley said meekly, not sure how she was going to fix this. “Where’s
Leroy?”

“Where else? Hiding underneath my bed, whimpering softly, wondering when this nightmare
is finally going to be over.”

“I’m on my way to the hospital now to check on Mrs. Tubbs. I’m sure it’s only going
to be a couple more days.”

“That’s too long, Hayley,” Randy said, flipping the light switch again, unable to
look at the repulsive stains any longer. “I think we should put the cat in a shelter
until Mrs. Tubbs is out of the hospital and is capable of caring for him.”

“Animal shelter? We can’t throw him into an animal shelter. I’m sure we can board
him at the vet’s or the groomer’s until Mrs. Tubbs can pick him up.”

“I’ve already called both! The vet said there was no space available, but I could
tell he was lying, and the groomer just laughed on the other end of the phone and
said she was not going to be suckered into taking that monster off my hands. So, clearly,
Blueberry has a reputation in town, which makes it difficult for us to get rid of
him except by dropping him off at the animal shelter. They can’t refuse us!”

“All right. Point taken,” Hayley said. “I’ll talk to Mrs. Tubbs. Where is Blueberry
now?”

“Just go to the room with no cat piss stains and I’m sure you’ll find him christening
it,” Randy said, grabbing his coat and heading for the door. “I’m going to the bar.
Can I drop you off at the hospital?”

Hayley nodded. She felt terrible for bringing Blueberry into her brother’s house.
He was such a neat freak, and it had to be killing him that this cat was causing such
a mess. If she hadn’t been forced out of her own home, things would have been easier.

Except for poor Leroy, who would still be a jittery bundle of nerves.

They barely spoke as Randy drove her to the hospital and let her out. He was fuming.
And she didn’t blame him. She promised to make another big batch of her garlic shrimp
pasta; but even though he cracked a slight smile, she knew that wouldn’t begin to
mend the fences Mrs. Tubbs’s cat had torn down.

 

 

Mrs. Tubbs was watching Fox News on her television when Hayley rapped lightly on the
door and sashayed in, with a big smile on her face.

Better to ease her into it.

“How are you feeling, Mrs. Tubbs?”

Mrs. Tubbs had the bedcovers pulled up to her neck, and her frail bony arms dotted
with age spots were stretched out at her sides. Her mouth was turned down into a sad
frown, and her eyes were blank as she stared at the news crawl at the bottom of the
screen.

Hayley tried to break the ice. “Fox News, huh? I’m not big on Bill O’Reilly. Too full
of himself. And what’s his name, Sean Hannity? Cute, but he needs to calm down and
get his facts straight. I used to like watching Greta Van Susteren. But then her crooked
mouth started bothering me, so I gave up altogether and now I just stick to Diane
Sawyer.”

Nothing.

It was like playing to an empty house.

Hayley reached over and lightly touched Mrs. Tubbs’s arm. “Mrs. Tubbs, Nurse Evelyn
told me on my way in here you’re doing much better, so why do you look so distraught?”

Finally Mrs. Tubbs moved her head slightly so she could look at Hayley. Tears ran
down her wrinkled cheeks and she sniffled softly. “They’re suing me, Hayley.”

“Who?”

“Mark and Mary Garber. I just got a call from my lawyer.”

“Well, even if they do, you have liability insurance, right?”

“Not according to Gretchen Maxwell, at the insurance company.”

Poor Gretchen was delivering a lot of bad news to her policyholders lately.

“My husband handled all the bills,” Mrs. Tubbs said, sighing. “When he died a few
years ago, I just got so overwhelmed with everything that I had to take over, and,
well, I suppose I let things pile up on the desk and I forgot to send in the check
to pay the premium. How could I be so stupid?”

“You’re not stupid, Mrs. Tubbs. A lot of smart people forget to mail in their checks.
Life just gets in the way sometimes.”

And then you wind up having no way to repair your car when your garage roof caves
in and crushes it,
Hayley reprimanded herself.

“What am I going to do, Hayley? Am I going to lose my house? Where will Blueberry
and I live if we lose the house?”

Blueberry.

She had almost forgotten why she was here.

There was no way she was going to be responsible for worsening Mrs. Tubbs’s condition
by announcing her beloved pet was about to be incarcerated at the local animal shelter.
No, she would somehow convince Randy to allow the cat to stay for at least another
day or two, until she could come up with an alternate plan.

In the meantime, she would drop by Mark and Mary Garber’s house and have a little
chat. There was nothing to lose in trying to appeal to their sympathetic nature. After
all, Mrs. Tubbs was a kind, sweet elderly woman who didn’t mean anyone any harm and
who would be physically and emotionally devastated by a long, drawn-out lawsuit.

Yes, Hayley was confident the Garbers would see things her way.

“That old bat deserves to lose everything after what she did to our Range Rover,”
Mary Garber slurred, swishing the ice cubes around in her gin and tonic to punctuate
her point.

So much for the Garbers seeing things Hayley’s way.

She had found the young couple where they always were after work. They were sitting
on their front porch, even now in the dead of winter, enjoying what they called “deck
chat,” where they would invite friends over, mix their favorite cocktails, and everyone
would gossip about who and what pissed them off that particular day. It was a reliable
way to blow off some much needed steam.

The Garbers were relatively new to Bar Harbor. They had moved to the island full-time
after visiting from Rhode Island one summer. They had fallen in love with the natural
beauty of Acadia National Park, made fast friends with a few of the locals, and decided
they were much happier living in a small town rather than in the bustling city of
Providence.

Hayley shivered as she took a sip of her Jack Daniel’s and Coke, which Mark had mixed
for her. The fumes of the alcohol shot out through her nose because the drink was
so strong. She didn’t dare ask if he had forgotten to add the Coke.

Hayley couldn’t believe the Garbers were happily sitting outside in this freezing
February weather, but they didn’t seem to notice the subzero temperatures at all.
In fact, they relished the harsh winter as a challenge, announcing they were not going
to postpone deck chat just because it was a little cold outside. Of course that meant
all their friends refused to show up to participate during the winter, so it was just
the two of them partaking on this blustery February evening.

And add on Hayley, of course, who was fearing frostbite at this moment.

Thankfully, it had at least stopped snowing.

“I can understand how upset you must be over the accident,” Hayley said, treading
lightly. “It’s very traumatic for all parties involved.”

“Especially for the unsuspecting couple who innocently stopped at the Big Apple for
some Diet 7UP and a pack of Camel Wides and then got blindsided by Angela Lansbury
driving on the wrong side of the road,” Mary said, lighting up after reminding herself
she liked Camel Wides.

“Let me refreshen your drink, Hayley,” Mark said, snatching the glass out of Hayley’s
green mittens and dashing inside. Mark was in his early thirties, with a receding
blond hairline, wire-rimmed thin glasses, a handsome face, and a lanky build.

His pretty wife, Mary, had dark, wavy hair and ageless lily-white skin, which was
at the moment being threatened by her obsessive need to be puffing on a cigarette
every five minutes. “I’m so happy you dropped by for deck chat, Hayley. Mark and I
were just saying how much we miss all our friends. They can’t take a little chill
in the air—what a bunch of wimps!”

“Well, to be honest, Mary, I’m one of those wimps,” Hayley said, shivering.

Mary laughed. She actually thought Hayley was joking.

Hayley plowed on, hoping to make a little headway. “Anyway, I stopped by the hospital
to visit Mrs. Tubbs earlier and she was very upset over your plans to sue her.”

“She should be. We’re taking that old biddy down,” Mary said, almost gleefully.

“Isn’t that a little harsh, Mary?” Hayley said softly, not wanting to raise Mary’s
ire.

Mary was a much better friend than an enemy.

“I don’t think so. In fact, I see this as a public-safety issue. By keeping ‘Grandma
Leadfoot’ off the road permanently, we’re making the streets much safer for all drivers.
This is our way of performing a public service. It’s not like we’re doing any of this
for the money.”

Mark swung open the screen door and emerged with Hayley’s cocktail. It was running
down the sides of the glass because it was so full. After he handed it to her, Hayley
sipped enough to get the drink below the rim of the glass. She also nearly choked
on the whiskey. Mark still hadn’t thought to add any Coca-Cola.

In Mark’s other hand was a brochure. He knelt down and showed Hayley.

It was a car brochure.

Mark unfolded it in front of her, his face beaming.

“Take a look, Hayley. Mercedes-Benz E550. Alarm system, rear-window defroster, black
leather interior, GPS, satellite radio, and rearview camera for easy backing up. Isn’t
she a beauty? We’ll have enough for the down payment, once we get the settlement.
Right, Mary?”

Mary glared at her husband, but she kept her cool. “It’s something we’re considering
down the road. Once we’re through with our public duty to protect the residents of
Bar Harbor.”

“‘Considering’? We filled out the loan application today. The lawyer says the insurance
company will probably want to settle within weeks.”

Mary downed her gin and tonic and nearly threw her glass at her husband. “Mark, shut
your trap and go make me another drink.”

Mark retreated inside, slumped over like a misbehaving dog swatted on the rear end
with a rolled-up newspaper.

“The problem is, Mary, Imogen Tubbs isn’t covered by insurance. She forgot to pay
her premium,” Hayley said.

“What? What kind of idiot forgets to pay her premium?” Mary wailed, thoughts of her
dream car fading.

“Well, sometimes life gets in the way . . . ,” Hayley said, a tad defensively.

“You pay your insurance so when the unthinkable happens, you’re prepared! That’s the
whole point! What imbecile doesn’t know that?”

“Mrs. Tubbs has never been the same since her husband died. She’s a sad, confused
old woman who is just in a little over her head when it comes to taking care of details,”
Hayley said.

That was Mrs. Tubbs’s excuse.

Now what was Hayley’s?

“Okay, so we’re looking at bupkus from the insurance company. That changes everything,”
Mary said, grinding the butt of her cigarette against the wide arm of the brown wooden
deck chair where she was sitting.

“Good. I’m glad that’s settled,” Hayley said, relieved.

“You think that house of hers is paid off? Because that place is at least worth a
couple hundred grand.”

“Mary, you’re not thinking of taking Mrs. Tubbs’s house, are you? That’s crazy!”

“Of course not, Hayley! I would never live in an ugly little house like that! It’s
only got one bathroom!”

“Well, I’m happy to hear that.”

“I’m going to sell it and buy Candace Culpepper’s house next door. Now that she’s
pushing up daisies, I’m sure the family will want to unload it. That’s a house we
can work with. Three bedrooms, full dining room, two-and-a-half baths. But I’ll have
to turn one of the bedrooms into an office, because I don’t want Mark’s crazy mother
thinking she can come up from Atlanta and visit us anytime she wants!”

The screen door creaked open and Mark quietly returned to the porch, armed with a
new cocktail for his adoring wife. He gingerly handed it to her, gauging her face
to see if her mood had improved.

He seemed to exhale when he saw her smiling.

“Mark, forget the Mercedes. We’re getting out of this money trap and moving into a
new house!”

Mark broke into a wide smile, relieved to be out of the doghouse.

“But, Mary, won’t it feel weird living in a house where a woman was murdered on the
front lawn?” Hayley asked, her mind racing, desperate to stop this madness.

“Please! It’ll be a great ice breaker at all the fabulous cocktail parties we can
throw there. The spot where she was stabbed to death will be the first stop when we
give tours of the house!”

“That’s a little cold, isn’t it?” Hayley asked, revolted.

Mary leaned in, lighting up another cigarette. “Not if you know the history we had
with that bitch—excuse my French. Right, Mark?”

Mark nodded, stepping away, not anxious to get into it. But Mary was buzzed enough
from her six gin and tonics, and there was no stopping her now.

And, honestly, Hayley was dying to hear the gossip.

This is what deck chat was all about.

“When we first got to town, Candace put the moves on Mark when we dressed up in period
costumes and went to the Way Back Ball. She showed up in her nineteenth-century
Pride and Prejudice
getup, complete with hoopskirt. She basically lifted it up and trapped poor Mark
inside it when he bent over to tie his shoe. I don’t know what she was expecting him
to do under there! Well, I do have some idea—but every time I try to picture it, I
get sick to my stomach.”

“Are you sure she was making a pass? It might have just been a bad joke,” Hayley said,
looking to Mark to back her up.

But Mark just looked away.

“She had been eyeing my husband ever since we set foot on this island, and I was ready
to snap. I will tell you this, Hayley. I applaud whoever it was who finally did her
in, because I was
this
close to doing the job myself. If we weren’t at the police station filling out the
paperwork from the accident for Officers Donnie and Earl, we probably wouldn’t have
an alibi and my ass would be in jail right now,” Mary said.

“What time did you arrive at the station?”

“Around eight-thirty that night,” Mark said, calculating in his mind.

“Officer Earl didn’t know what the hell he was doing,” Mary scoffed. “So we didn’t
get out of there until right before ten.”

If they were telling the truth, and Hayley could easily confirm it with Officer Earl,
then despite their thorny relationship with Candace, they were definitely innocent
of her murder.

Hayley emptied her lethal cocktail into the snow off the deck when Mark and Mary weren’t
looking. Then she thanked them for allowing her to intrude on their deck chat and
walked back to Randy’s house. She passed by the hospital and was grateful that visiting
hours were over. Because she just didn’t have the heart to break it to Mrs. Tubbs
that the Garbers had big plans that included Imogen becoming homeless.