Death Row (42 page)

"It'll take a while to get your life jump-started. But we'll be here to help."

"I don't know where to begin. I haven't got a penny."

"I can help there, too," Ben said. "The State of Oklahoma has a trust fund for persons who have been wrongfully convicted. As often as the state has done it, they just about have to. We'll submit some papers, maybe file a friendly suit. We'll take care of it." He smiled. "You won't get wealthy beyond measure, but it'll be enough to get you back on your feet again."

"Will it be enough to let me shop at Miss Jackson's?"

Ben sighed. Ray was thinking of Carrie.

"I know it's crazy," Ray said quietly. "It's been so long. But I can't stop thinking about her. For the last seven years, she's been the object of my every dream, every fantasy. I mean-it's not as if I've had a chance to meet other women. I have to play this one through."

"I understand."

"I don't know what we'll talk about. When I see her again. I mean, I don't know from eye shadow."

Ben nodded. There was no chance that conversation was going to turn out well. But when it was over, perhaps he could begin to move on.

"It's such a relief. Not only to be out of prison, but to have all the loose ends tied up. To have everyone know once and for all that I really did not commit that heinous crime. Including Carrie. I know she had her doubts about me before, but now that she knows-now that she absolutely
knows
-that should make a difference. Shouldn't it?"

"I hope so."

"I know you don't think I have a chance, but so what if I don't? Better to try and flop than to think about it all the time and never do it. If I learned anything during my seven years behind bars, it's this-every day is precious. Every day. You can't waste a single minute."

"Got big plans?"

"Oh, not in the way you mean. I don't want to climb Mount Everest or run with the bulls at Pamplona. That stuff doesn't seem important to me anymore. What really matters-what I missed most-are the little things. Quiet things. Taking a long walk at twilight. Reading a good book. Having fun with someone you love."

The phone rang. Ben picked it up, then half a second later put it down again. "Ray, would you excuse me? I've got to run."

"Sure, why?"

Ben grabbed his coat and headed for the door. "My little girl is about to give birth."

Ben and Christina were huddled around a cardboard box in Ben's clothes closet. Joni stood behind them, beaming like a proud midwife.

Ben was mesmerized by Giselle and the spectacle inside the box. "Seven kittens. That's... amazing."

Christina grinned. "I can't believe you've never seen a cat have kittens before."

"Or wanted to. But somehow... this is different." Ben peered down at the seven smoky-gray kittens nuzzling at their mother's side. "Have I ever mentioned how grateful to you I am for giving me this cat?"

Christina arched an eyebrow. "As I recall, you were pretty grumpy about it at the time."

"I was stupid." You've made my life better, he wanted to add. You always have. You make everyone's life better.

"I was so scared," he said quietly. "When I knew that madman had you. I was terrified."

"Afraid you'd have to do your own legal research?"

"I was afraid of losing you."

Christina looked at him, a strange but not altogether unpleasant expression on her face.

Joni cleared her throat. "Well, I don't think I'm needed here anymore. I'll call you in the morning, Ben. In a few weeks, we can start trying to find homes for these little guys." She left the apartment.

"We're going to give them away?" Ben said.

"Like you were planning to keep all seven kittens?"

"Would that be bad?"

She laughed. "No, Ben. Not if that's what you want."

"Christina..."

"Yes?"

He swallowed. "Oh, nothing."

He wanted to kick himself. Why was he always so stupid and backward? What was it Ray had said?
If I learned anything, it's that every day is precious. Every day. You can't waste a single minute.

"Christina," he tried again.

"Ye-es?"

He stared down at the carpet. "This is probably a dumb idea, but you know, they're having a new exhibition of Thomas Moran paintings out at the Gilcrease starting this weekend-"

"I know."

"-and I wondered if you... might want to go."

"You mean-with you? This would be like, like a..." A slow grin spread across her face. "Are you asking me out?"

He took a deep breath.
Every day is precious.
"Christina, I don't think I've ever told you this, but I-I-"

"Yes?"

He wiped his forehead. "You're really important to me. Really really... important to me. I... you're... very...
important
."

Christina smiled, a smile of mercy. "Be quiet, Ben." She turned away, returning her gaze to the contents of the cardboard box. "You need to pay more attention to what's going on around you."

He knitted his brow. "And that is?"

She scooped up the tiniest of the smoky-gray kittens and held it in her hands. "Life."

Readers interested in learning more about the various food and restaurant topics discussed in this book are directed to
Fast Food Nation
by Eric Schlosser and
Kitchen Confidential
by Anthony Bourdain. Both were invaluable to me in researching this book. Similarly, readers wanting to know more about the world of tournament Scrabble (and who doesn't?) should check out
Word Freak
by Stefan Fatsis. Just for the record, my current Scrabble rating is 1353. My wife usually thrashes me, so some nights after the kids are in bed I've been known to play at play.games.com. Care to guess my login name?

Special thanks must go to my federal law expert, Arlene Joplin, and my criminal appeals and death row expert, Vicky Hildebrand, for reviewing the manuscript and advising me on many issues. Thanks to Dave Johnson for being my sure source of information on police procedure. I don't always listen to advice, though, so if you spot anything that looks like a mistake, blame me. Or better yet, assume that like all great artistes, I took dramatic license. Thanks also to Harry for occasionally letting me use my own computer and to Alice for volunteering to help me revise the opening chapters (Maybe when you're older, Princess). And I must thank my wife, Kirsten, editor in chief of Hawk Publishing, always my first reader and an invaluable partner.

By the way, thanks to Christina, Ben really does have a plaque with his name on it at the Polo Grill. Check it out.

Readers can E-mail me at: [email protected]. My official Web site address is www.williambernhardt.com.

William Bernhardt

William Bernhardt
is the author of many books, including
Primary Justice
,
Double Jeopardy
,
Silent Justice
,
Murder One
,
Criminal Intent
, and
Death Row
. He has twice won the Oklahoma Book Award for Best Fiction, and in 2000 he was presented the H. Louise Cobb Distinguished Author Award "in recognition of an outstanding body of work in which we understand ourselves and American society at large." A former trial attorney, Bernhardt has received several awards for his public service. He lives in Tulsa with his children, Harry, Alice, and Ralph.