Deep Blue Secret (18 page)

My voice cracked in earnest. “For how long?”

His answer was quiet in my ear. “A while…”

I turned to face him, eyes fierce and legs trembling, as heat swelled through my core with conflicting emotions. “
How long
?” I repeated.

  He clutched my arm and all at once was pulling me towards the gate. “We shouldn’t talk about this here,” he said urgently.

He punched some numbers discreetly on the intercom and hurried me up the stone path. I barely had time to survey the yard but felt an odd thrill knowing it was his, not some unknown stranger like I’d imagined.

Or someone worse, someone like the scary man I’d once seen outside the gates of this very house. The memory of the man’s black, veiny eyes played back through my mind as we rushed to the door. The man said he was visiting a friend. That friend couldn’t possibly have been Rayne—could it?

We stumbled through a dim entryway past a coat rack and a pair of men’s shoes on the floor. Rayne dropped my arm and hastily flipped on lights around a large room at the center of the house. The house was fully furnished but the furniture didn’t fit with Rayne. It was old fashioned and looked more like something my grandma would’ve liked.

I glanced around the room, taking it in. More questions hung at the edge of my tongue but Rayne walked away before I could speak.

“I just need to check something in my room. Don’t move. I’ll be right back,” he said.

I watched after him. It seemed like he was heading for the front door, but opened another door just to the side of it. When we came in I assumed it was a coat closet. It seemed like a strange location for a bedroom, but it didn’t matter where it was. It was Rayne’s bedroom. I wanted to follow after him, just for a glimpse, like maybe there would be some clues hidden there that would unlock his mysteries to me.

Despite my interest, I refrained. If he wanted me in there, he would have invited me. Instead I examined the large, main room more thoroughly. There was a smaller room attached between this one and the entry, sort of like a den or sitting room; only it didn’t contain any seats. When I saw the room’s out-of-place contents, I was immediately intrigued.

The wooden floor and stone fireplace were completely surrounded by surf boards. They were everywhere, all different sizes and colors. Some hung sideways in decorative racks and others were propped upright against the wall from the floor. The entire room was covered in them. I forgot all my questions for a moment, entranced by the little piece of Rayne’s puzzle I’d found.

Rayne’s voice called from the hallway. “Sadie?”

“In here,” I replied.

I looked closely at one of the longest boards leaning in the far corner of the room. It looked old and used with small cracks in the finish. There were several boards around the room that seemed just as worn. I found this discovery very appealing. I didn’t know it was possible to find Rayne more attractive than I already did, but apparently it was.

Rayne’s footsteps grew louder behind me.

“You didn’t tell me that you surf,” I said, turning in admiration.

He walked up beside me and smirked. “You didn’t ask.”

I looked at him in disbelief and shoved his arm. “Very funny.”

There was that fun-loving side of him again, that he seemed to suppress so often. I liked that part of him; it helped me feel at ease.

Although, right now I didn’t want to feel at ease, I wanted to be mad. Mad at him for living in this house and not telling me, for disappearing, for making me need him without even trying, for being so wonderful and so infuriating at the same time, but I just couldn’t. It was like I was under a spell.

Instead I felt closer to him. Finally I knew
something
about him, and I knew where he lived now too. I felt oddly relieved. I watched him as he ran a hand along the cracks in the tall board. He looked at it like an old friend he hadn’t seen in a while.

“I catch some waves when I can,” he said.

“I guess you’ve been kind of busy lately, right?”

He smiled, “You could say that.”

Now that I had him alone in the house, the questions stacked in the back of my mind resurfaced. I couldn’t suppress the sullen look on my face.

“I saw a man outside your house the other day, before my accident. He drove a really nice car and had these crazy, black eyes…”

Something wild stirred in Rayne’s eyes. “You saw him?”

“Yeah, I, uh…I talked to him actually.”

“He
talked
to you?” Rayne’s fury mixed with concern. “He didn’t hurt you did he?”

I pictured the sunken, sinister eyes, sending a chill through my body.

“Not really,” I said hiding my fear. “Mostly he just acted creepy. I guess he did kind of grab me though, my arm, to look at my wrist.” I held up my wrist reflexively as I mentioned it.

All the muscles in Rayne’s body tensed at once. “That explains a lot,” he muttered under his breath.

He looked at me gravely. “If you ever see that man again, I want you to run. Get away from him as fast as you can. Do you understand?”

My mouth gaped open. “Yeah, I understand, but…why? Who is he?”

Rayne’s jaw tightened. “He’s a criminal and a dangerous man. He’s someone I don’t want anywhere near you.”

“A criminal?” I asked in alarm. “What kind of criminal?”

“The kind that thinks of people as playthings for his target practice; the kind that doesn’t hesitate to slit a man’s throat to get what he wants.”

My voice faltered as I tried to push out the words. “What was someone like that doing at your house?”

Rayne looked frustrated. “I didn’t
know
he was here. I found out about it later. I was with an old buddy of mine at the time; someone I thought I could trust.”

He shook his head. “I shouldn’t have let myself get distracted.”

Concern leaked from my voice. “Do you think…he’ll come back?”

“You don’t need to worry,” Rayne said. “He’s just playing petty games, trying to blackmail some of the people I work for and forcing me to be the middleman. I’ve already told him; they’re not going to give him what he wants.”

“So that’s where you were then?” I said. “That was the message you were supposed to deliver? But I thought you said it wasn’t dangerous, and you said it had something to do with me…”

He opened his mouth to speak then stopped, his glare shifting away. “Look, I can’t really discuss this with you. All you need to know is that I have everything under control.”

I stared at him, shocked by his coarse tone. “Uh, okay,” I said awkwardly.

I rubbed my arm and looked at the floor. He seemed so angry; I didn’t like it.

I took one more gaping look at the strain on his face and changed the subject. “So, wasn’t there something you wanted to tell me earlier? You said we needed to wait to talk in the house…”

The lines in his face softened. “Oh, right. Here, come sit down and we’ll talk.”

He led me to a couch in the middle of the center room. It opened to a big kitchen on the right, a hallway to what I guessed were more bedrooms on the left, and a dining table straight back, sitting along a wall of tall windows and French doors. It felt quaint and airy; nothing like the dark exterior of the front yard.

My nerves edged from the lingering tension in the room. I looked at him with a hesitant smile and went back to staring at my hands in my lap. I wished his arm would wrap around my shoulder. I wanted to curl up next to him, releasing all uncertainty, but I couldn’t. I knew he didn’t want me to.

He relaxed and his calm, confident voice returned. “I know I haven’t been upfront with you about a lot of things; thanks for being patient.”

“Sure,” I said quietly.

I sat and waited. Was he finally going to explain his purpose for being here? He’d shown a few things to me, but not really; I still felt so confused. I tried to go over what little I knew in my head.

Rayne was a Keeper. Keepers were supposed to use Healing Water to help people who were sick or hurt, but Rayne was different because he was assigned to only me. I still didn’t know
why
.

He lived here in the house across the street from me, probably so he could keep an eye on me as much as possible. I didn’t know how long he’d been here. I couldn’t recall any signs of someone moving in or out, but with Rayne, I was sure he would’ve been discreet.

Then of course there was my diary, but all that really told me was that Rayne knew much more about me than I knew about him—and that he had access to some pretty amazing technology.

That was the extent of what I knew. It didn’t feel like much.

Rayne shifted closer to me on the couch. “Have you ever noticed that your mom seems youthful or energetic for her age?”

“My mom? Are you kidding, she’s like a human ray of sunshine.” I looked at him confused. “Why do you ask? Do you know her?”

“Not personally,” he said. “But I know quite a bit about her. She’s sort of part of my assignment too…”

“My mom?” I said in surprise.

“She has no idea,” he assured. “And I’d like to keep it that way.”

I definitely agreed with him there.

“Sadie, I’m not sure the best way to explain this to you, but being exposed to the Healing Water can have certain
effects
on the body, depending on the dosage of exposure.”

“Besides healing?” I asked, my full attention locked on his beautiful face.

“If you’re exposed to the water a lot, it can actually slow down the aging process.”

New questions developed in my mind but he continued to speak.

“Your mom, for example, has been receiving small doses over a long period of time. Not only does this keep her from getting sick but it restores her body just enough to keep her youthful and full of energy.

I tried to decipher what this meant. Who was giving her the water, why were they giving it to her, and how did she not know about it? Were there other Keepers assigned to her before Rayne?

 “My mom’s been getting doses of the water for a long time?”

“Yes. Has your mom ever mentioned that she was really sick the year before you were born?”

I felt myself fidget. “No, she never mentioned anything like that.”

I was a little annoyed. I had no idea what he was talking about. Did my mom tell me
anything
? How was it that someone I’d barely met knew more about her than I did?

“She doesn’t like to talk about things that aren’t happy,” I added.

His expression grew somber. “She was diagnosed with cancer.”

I felt my face drop. “Oh…I had no idea.” I felt an instant flood of sympathy for my mother. “That must have been horrible.”

Cancer? I couldn’t believe she didn’t tell me something as big as that.

My stare across the room was broken when I felt him put his hand on mine. “She’s completely recovered. You don’t need to worry.”

“Right,” I said shaking my head. “I just can’t believe she never mentioned it.”

 “There’s a little more to the story though,” he said. “We believe your mother was given an extremely large dose of Healing Water, a lot more than we’re supposed to use, right before she became pregnant with you.”

“Is that a good thing or a bad thing?” I asked.

“It depends on how you look at it,” he said. “But there’s a good chance the water affected your development before you were born.”

I shook my head. “What does that mean?”

“Well, your circumstances are rare. It’s not entirely clear at this point. That’s why I was assigned to you. We wanted to make sure you didn’t have any side effects or…
complications
.”

Could this be the reason I’d been so crazy lately? Was there something wrong with me? He made it sound like they thought I was some kind of genetic mutation. And who were
they
anyway. I started to feel on edge. There was so much I didn’t understand. I hated feeling so vulnerable and confused all the time.

My voice strained. “Have there been other Keepers assigned to us then? Has someone been watching me and my mom since I was a baby? Have there been a lot of you?”

He stared intensely in my eyes. “No…It’s just been me.”

That couldn’t make sense, could it? My head shifted to the side, mouth and forehead crinkling. “It’s just been
you
?” I said in disbelief. “But you can’t be more than a couple years older than me.”

He looked at me patiently, almost like a parent would look at a child learning to walk. “I’ve been exposed to the water since I was born,” he explained. “It might be hard to grasp for someone like you, who’s never been taught any differently, but age and appearance aren’t always as you would expect. I’ve lived a lot longer than I may appear.”

I blinked as I gathered my thoughts. Why was it that everything he ever said seemed to make my head spin?

My teeth clenched. “Someone like
me
? Poor little, naïve Sadie won’t be able to handle the truth,
right
? You’re so wise and smart and perfect that you know everything and I know nothing?”

“Sadie…” he cooed warmly. “Of course that’s not what I meant. I didn’t say that.”

His calm demeanor made me
more
upset. My lips pursed. “So what exactly
are
you trying to say?You’re really old or something? Why don’t you just spit it out already!”

I felt the rudeness of my tone and immediately wanted to take it back. My eyes widened with self-awareness and I buried my face in my hands with an exasperated groan. I wasn’t usually like this. Why was I lashing out at him?

The truth…I really
was
naïve. I was stupid and idiotic and ridiculous. Why would he ever want to be with me? I was just a stupid little girl.

He moved nearer and stroked a strand of my hair through his fingers. “I’m sorry I’ve put you through all this. You have a right to be upset. This would be hard for anyone to deal with. You’ve been handling it really well.”

I glanced up at him with a half-smile and lowered my eyes again.

His gentle touch lifted my chin and he met my gaze. “I don’t think you’re naïve. You’re actually very mature for your age.”

“You really think so? I can be kind of stupid sometimes. You’re probably just saying that to make me feel better.”

His crystal eyes never left mine. “Sadie, how is it possible you can’t see how amazing you are? You’re smart…and charming…and kind…” His tender voice sung in my ears. “You’re the most beautiful person I know.”

All the tension melted away. It was impossible to stay upset with Rayne—especially when he was pouring out exaggerated compliments.

I laughed once. “You make it sound like I’m perfect or something. Nobody’s perfect.”

His voice was no more than a whisper. “To me you are…”

Something leapt inside me. My brows lifted with hope as a surge of warmth flowed through my body. I couldn’t look away from his eyes, tethered to my heart in unexplainable ways.

Suddenly he was gone from my side. “I’m sorry,” he said, apologetic, but also like he was scolding himself. “I’m sorry I keep doing this to you.”

“What? What are you doing to me?” I could think of a lot of things he was doing to me, I just wasn’t sure which one he was referring to at the moment.

“I keep playing with your emotions when I know better, when I know these feelings aren’t real. I should be able to control myself. It’s not fair to you.”

His words jabbed at my insides.
He’s playing with me? His feelings aren’t real?

I felt the corners of my lips drop. “What are you saying?”

He kept his distance, pacing in circles in front of me. “Remember how I said the water can have other effects on people besides healing?”

“Like the slow aging?” I said.

“Right,” he continued. “Well, the Healing Water also causes what we call bonding. When the water is administered from one person to another it creates a bond between the two people; like an emotional tie. Sometimes the bond can go even deeper than emotions. It creates sort of a sixth sense.”

I looked at him curiously. “Like ESP or something?”

“Sort of, but I’ve heard it compared more often to a mother’s intuition. Only, in this case it’s a Keeper who develops the intuition for someone they’ve treated. It’s not something that happens very often.”

“Do you have that intuition with
me
?” I asked.

“I never noticed anything for the longest time,” he said. “But the night of your accident I knew something was wrong. I wasn’t nearby that night, but I had the strangest feeling something bad was going to happen to you. Then I felt the same thing today when I was getting your car fixed and by the time I reached you, you were ready to pass out.”

“Whoa, that’s really weird,” I said.

My forehead wrinkled. “You weren’t close by the night of my accident? I assumed you were following us. How else could you have known where to find me, even if you did have a bad feeling?”

He sat on the edge of the coffee table and scratched his head. “Oh, I…” He seemed surprised by my question. “Well…I sort of put a tracking device in your wallet.” He glanced at me through his guilt.

I already knew he’d been spying on me. I didn’t know why he’d think something like this would surprise me.

“Oh,” I said. “I can’t believe I didn’t think of that.”

He smiled. “You’re way too easy on me.”

“It must be because of that emotional bond we share,” I hinted.

He stiffened and started to pace the room again. “Only the most disciplined and strong willed are chosen to be Keepers. We must be able to treat people with the water and not allow ourselves to become personally involved. The water can actually create strong feelings between people. Think about it, Sadie. Think about any feelings you might be having about
me
.”

My mouth dropped. “So you’re saying…any emotional bond we feel for each other,” I tried to swallow the lump in my throat. “Is just…”

He finished my sentence. “It’s just the water.” He looked almost as disappointed as I felt. Was it possible my feelings for him weren’t mine at all? They were some illusion created beyond my control?

“How do you guys do it then?” I asked. “How can a Keeper go from person to person and feel these strong connections to them and move on, over and over again? That sounds like torture.”

He sat on the arm of a chair a few feet away. “It’s not actually that bad for most. The typical amount of water used is so small that the effect is mild. But the Healing Water is a powerful substance; it’s not something to be trifled with or used carelessly. When large amounts are given to the same person all at once, like I did with you…” His voice caught tightly in his throat.

It was so clear now that I felt myself finishing his unspoken words. “…then it’s like they become a part of you, like you can’t live without them…” My voice trailed across the room. “Like you can’t breathe unless they’re breathing right next to you…”

He groaned and knelt by my side, as if begging my forgiveness. “This is my fault. I did this to you—to both of us. I was acting out of impulse and fear. It’s just…”

Lines bore deep into his face as he shuttered. “When I saw your lifeless body on that stretcher, on the verge of death—I forgot all reason. I couldn’t take it.”

I looked deep into his troubled eyes. He felt he had seriously wronged me, that he’d acted out of weakness. But there wasn’t an ounce of blame in my heart for his actions, there was only—empathy. I could feel his pain; I understood it. I imagined myself in the hospital staring down at
him
on a stretcher, just inches from death, and I knew I would have done the same.

He looked at me soberly. “Do you think you could ever forgive me?”

I wasn’t even sure it was physically possible to
be
mad at him, but it was difficult to imagine having any negative feelings towards him—whether those feelings were truly mine or not. To not forgive him would be like taking a knife to my own heart.

I gazed at him and ran my hand through his hair. “Of course I forgive you. If the tables were turned, I would’ve done the same thing. I don’t blame you.”

His shimmering eyes smiled, but still looked burdened. “Thank you,” he said quietly.

He got up from his crouch and sat next to me on the sofa. I rested my head on his shoulder and we sat in pensive silence for several moments.

Was it really possible these feelings that radiated through every inch of my body were not my own? So many different desires collided within me. I wanted to make him feel better, to take care of him and comfort him. At the same time, I wanted him to take care of
me
, to protect me from my fears and insecurities and the unknown. I felt nervous, excited, and scared all at once—not to mention thoroughly confused. But more than anything else, I wanted to feel my lips pressing against his.

I’d never felt that with
anyone
before. But I couldn’t act upon that desire; not when it was all a forced illusion.

The feelings were so real and strong, it was hard to accept they were just the product of a Healing Water overdose. The thought of that alone was enough to boggle my mind into twisted knots. It was too much to think about, too overwhelming. I couldn’t handle it. I pushed the heavy thoughts to the back of my mind.

I raised my head, attempting to lift the mood. “If I were a Keeper, every patient in the hospital would be drowning in Healing Water right now.”

He laughed once, “And probably half the city too.”

“Hey!” I said playfully. “I think I have a little more self-control than that.”

He winked. “Maybe a little.”

“Good thing my mom doesn’t know about the water,” I joked. “She’d be even worse than me. There wouldn’t be a sick person left on the entire planet by now.”

We laughed.

The image of my mom with the Healing Water made me stop and stiffen. “Wait,” I said. “Were you the one who gave my mom the water when she was sick? Do you have strong feelings for my
mother
like you do with me?” I tried to keep my tone light but in my mind all I could think was,
please say no, please say no…

“No,” he chuckled. “No, that wasn’t me. But I’ve been giving her small, diluted doses for several years now. I care about your mom a lot, almost as I would a sister.”

“Really?” I said relieved. It was still just me and him then. Gratification tickled my thoughts. That would’ve been way too weird.

“I’ve been on this assignment since you were seven years old,” he said. “Watching over both of you has been the purpose of my life for the last ten years. I’ve tried to keep my emotions distanced but after so much time and devotion, how could I not have feelings?”

“It makes sense,” I said. “That must have been hard for you.”

He looked away. “It still is.”

“Sounds kind of boring if you ask me,” I said in a failed attempt at humor.

“Why do you say that?”

“I doubt me and my mom are all that interesting.”

He grinned. “You’d be surprised.”

 “So what other stuff do you like to do?” I asked. “You know, besides observing our thrilling lives of school and work every day.”

“I guess, I try to stay outdoors,” he said, “biking, hiking, that kind of thing, but mostly surfing. The ocean’s just so…immense. Riding a wave’s like, I don’t know, like being a part of something bigger than myself, like I can feel the beauty and power surrounding me, swirling around my feet, pushing me forward.”

He broke from his reflection. “Sorry, that probably sounded really lame.”

“No, not at all,” I said. It was nice to hear him talk about himself for once.

He laughed at himself. “I’m not usually this sappy.”

“I like it when you’re sappy.” My tone turned to teasing. “You try to act all tough and cool with your secrets and missions, but I know the truth. Deep down you’re just a big softy.”

He grinned and nudged me with his elbow. “Only when I’m with
you
.”

His nudge made me jump but I quickly pulled myself back, wrapping my hand around his arm. Setting all romantic feelings aside, I knew more than anything I’d found a wonderful friend. He placed a hand on mine and I knew he felt the same.

 “I still can’t believe you’ve been here since I was seven,” I mused. “Have you lived in this house the whole time?”

 “Yep, I have. There was this nice older woman living here alone and I just went up to the door and offered to buy her house, furniture and all. She probably thought I was crazy, but I offered such a large amount she couldn’t turn me down.”

“Are you serious?”

“Very,” he said, amused.

I played with a string hanging off my shirt. “Did you ever…” I shook my head. “Never mind.”

“What? Tell me.”

I hesitated, but his smile convinced me. “Did you ever want to talk to me, before that night on the beach?”

He grinned and leaned over his lap, pausing. I held my breath, waiting for his reply.

He continued to lean down but turned his face up towards me. “All the time.”

I exhaled with relief.

“I did actually talk to you once,” he added.

“No way, I think I would’ve remembered that.”

He sat up. “No really. It was right after I bought this house. You were only seven.”

“You talked to me when I was a kid?”

He chuckled. “Yeah, you were so cute. You told me you didn’t like my name because
rain
is wet and cold.”

I was a little embarrassed. “I did? I can’t remember.”

“You even gave me a nickname,” he said, laughing again. “Diamond-eyes.”

Suddenly the memory clicked in my head. “That was
you
? My mom convinced me I made you up. She thought you were my imaginary friend. I asked her about you for months.”

“Yep. That was me.”

“I can’t believe you’ve been right across the street almost my entire life, and I had no idea.” I peeked at him from the corner of my eye. “You must really be
old
.”

He folded his arms over his chest and grinned. “Maybe—maybe not.”

“Seriously, you have to tell me; the suspense is killing me.”

It really didn’t matter how old he was. He could say he was fifty for all I cared. It was too late for it to matter at this point. I was already in love with him—or at least bonded to him against my will. Either way, there was probably nothing he could do or say that would change how I felt about him.