Deep Surrendering: Episode Eight (5 page)

I wrapped up my work around five in the morning and decided to take a quick nap before I had to start my day. Hopefully on Saturday I could figure out how to reset my internal clock.

I checked my phone again, but nothing. I pulled out Sapphire’s card and looked at it again. What would happen if I called?

It was so early, I didn’t think anyone would answer, so I punched in the numbers and held the phone up to my ear. It rang three times and then a voice picked up.

“How may I help you?” No business name, nothing. The voice was female and curt. I’d imagined someone whose voice oozed with sexuality.

I couldn’t say anything.

“Hello?” the voice said again, and I ended the call. I couldn’t do it. At least not before I told Fin. Clearly, I needed more sleep.

Friday was a disaster. Thanks to my nap, everything was off. I kept dropping my keys, my phone, my wallet. I misplaced one of my notebooks, brought the wrong one to one of my classes, and spilled coffee all over my pants. The only good thing was that my pants were dark brown, so the coffee didn’t show, but I reeked of it for the rest of the day.

Everything was off.

I got a text from Chlo asking if I wanted to go out that night, and I agreed. I was going to be exhausted and irritated, but watching people sing awful karaoke might make me feel a little bit better.

I still hadn’t heard from Fin. The more hours that went by with no contact, the more my imagination got the best of me. Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore and sent him a message just before Chloe picked me up to go to the bar.

Everything okay? Worried about you. Text or call or send a smoke signal.

I tried to go for a light tone when I felt anything but.

“Hey,” Chloe said as I slid into the cab beside her. “You okay?”

I tried to smile, but my face was too tired. “Meh. I took a really long nap yesterday and now I’m completely off. I hate it when that happens. I’ve just been out of it all day and I don’t know what to do about it.”

She made a sympathetic face. “I hate that. Just stay up until your normal time tonight and then force yourself to sleep. That’s the only way to do it.”

“Anyway,” I said, “how are you? Work any better?” She gave me a smug smile.

“Totally banged one of the clients. God, it was amazing. She was really into yoga so . . . yeah. It was good.” She wiggled her eyebrows and the cabbie pretended not to be listening, but he totally was.

“Oh, well, I’m really happy for you. But isn’t it forbidden to have sex with your clients?”

She waved her hand, dismissing my question. “Since she wasn’t technically my client, I don’t provide any services, we didn’t do anything at work, and no one knows, it’s no big deal. Besides, I’m not the first person who’s done it, and I won’t be the last.” I could believe that.

“Maybe I should start doing yoga,” she mused, staring out the window. I’d believe that when I saw it. Chloe so wasn’t the yoga type. She sure as hell wouldn't have the patience for that.

“Well, if you want to give it a go, I’ll come with you.” If Chloe was doing yoga, I definitely wanted to be around to witness it.

“It’s a date. There are classes every weekend, so we could do one as early as tomorrow.” Maybe that would be a good thing, to clear my head and balance my chi, or whatever they called it.

“Sounds good. But not too early. I have a feeling we’re both going to be hung over.” Good idea to plan for that contingency if we decided we wanted to have more than a few drinks.

“Stop checking your phone, Mari,” Chloe said, catching me for the third time. I couldn’t help it. I was still waiting for a message of some sort from Fin.

“I can’t help it. I’m worried. My brain keeps going worst-case scenario and the longer we go without talking, the more I freak out.”

Chloe rubbed my arm and gave me a kiss on my forehead. “Well, I’ll make sure to get you good and drunk tonight, and then we can sweat it all out tomorrow. How’s that sound?”

Pretty good, actually.

“You’re on.”

Rory didn’t end up coming out with us, since she was too busy, as Sloane said, “banging her ginger.”

“I swear, it’s a miracle she can walk. I wonder how they get any work done since they’re fucking each other constantly. And if they’re not physically fucking, they’re eye fucking. Jesus, it’s insane. I’ve been spending the night in my studio just so I can have some peace and quiet. I mean, she does go to his place a lot, so it’s not too bad. And she’s so damn happy, I can barely stand it.” Sloane took her hair down and then twisted it back up into a bun again.

“Have I told you about the brother?” she said. Her eyes lit up.

Oh no. There was a brother. I didn’t need to know anything else about him other than she had that look on her face like she had when she found out that Tim Gunn was coming to Boston that one time.

“I knew it!” Chloe said, pointing her finger. “I knew there was something up with you. Spill.”

So Sloane gave us the down low on Ryder, Lucas’ brother. Apparently he was tall, dark, and ginger.

“Now, normally I don’t go for guys like that, but holy hell, you guys. He’s sex in motion. And he’s got that look in his eyes. You know the one.” She wiggled her eyebrows so we would know exactly what she meant.

“He’s a bit of a mess right now, but I kind of like messes. They’re never boring.”

Hmmm. I didn’t know about that. I wouldn’t call Fin a mess, but I could attest to the fact that being with a guy who had a few complications wasn’t easy. It was a lot of work and a lot of stress. But completely worth it, or at least I hoped it would be when I got out on the other side.

I wasn’t going to rain on Sloane’s parade, so I kept my mouth shut and listened as she gushed about him.

“Rory is totally down on the whole idea, of course. I swear, she thinks she’s my mom or something.” Rory was a bit of a control freak and that extended to her friends.

“And speaking of her,” Sloane said, “I’m pretty sure you both are going to be invited to her company ball. She’s already commissioned me to make you dresses.” This was news to me. I’d heard rumblings about it, and Fin had said something, but I hadn’t heard from Rory yet.

“Oh, really?” I said.

“Yeah, the invitations are going out, and I think Rory is going to call you next week about it. Her mom was all about her inviting Fin, but that’s not going to happen now, so she wants all of us to go as a buffer.” I’d always wondered about those balls. They sounded much more fun than the ones my parents usually attended. Plus, if my friends were there, it would be fun no matter what.

“Well, I’m in, as long as my dress is fabulous,” Chloe said. “Maybe I’ll meet a rich, eligible lesbian. You never know.” You never did.

“I guess I’m in too. Are you sure you can make that many dresses?”

Sloane gave me a withering glare. “Please. Project Runway has nothing on me. Those people are amateurs. I could whip up four ball gowns with my hands tied behind my back.” I didn’t bother to point out that she’d have to sew with her feet. Knowing Sloane, she could probably do it.

“So, I should have something ready for you in the next few weeks, complete with lingerie. Oh, Mari, do you need anything else to model for your man? Because I could totally whip you something up. Hell, I’ve given Rory an entire set of stuff.” I wasn’t going to turn down free lingerie, so I said that would be nice. I didn’t know when I’d next talk to Fin, but I could wear pretty things without showing them to him. It was kind of fun, like a sweet little secret you kept under your clothes that no one knew about but you.

We paused our conversation as a Taylor Swift wannabe got up and butchered one of her early songs that was still somewhat country. We all cringed at each other, and Sloane went to get more drinks.

It felt good to be with my friends, but I did have that little nagging in the back of my mind about Fin. I tried as hard as I could not to look at my phone, but I couldn’t help it.

“Stop it,” Chloe said, pinching my arm, but as soon as she did it, a message came through.

I am so sorry. I will make this up to you. Promise. I’ll call tomorrow. If I don’t, you have permission to tie me up and beat me the next time you see me.

Wow, that was a very nice mental image. I couldn’t picture Fin letting himself be tied up, but it was quite arousing. If he was tied up I could do whatever I wanted. I’d never thought of myself as taking charge of our sexual encounters, but the idea appealed to me. I didn’t know what I was doing, but that had never stopped us before. Fin was so patient.

I like the sound of that. Call me when you can. Love.

“Was that him?” Sloane asked. Chloe had filled her in a little on what had gone on between me and Fin, or at least as much as she knew.

“Yeah. He’s . . . he’s going through a lot right now with work, and I can’t help but be worried the longer we don’t talk. I think it will be good in the end, but the waiting is killing me.” I rested my chin on my hand and stared at my almost empty drink.

“That sucks,” Sloane said, giving me a sympathetic face. “Men are so complicated. They bitch all the time about women being that way, but they are definitely more complicated. Talk about messing with your head.” She downed her drink and shook her head.

Fin didn’t mess with my mind, but being with him did, if that made any sense.

Yup, I was definitely getting drunk. Warmth spread through my limbs and they got heavier and heavier. I couldn’t remember the last time I really relaxed.

“God, I needed this,” Chloe said, and I nodded. “Amen, sister friend,” Sloane agreed.

We spent the rest of the night watching the singers and criticizing them, and cheering on the good ones. I knew it was time to call it a night when I nearly tipped off my barstool.

“Okay, I think it’s time to get your ass in a cab,” Chloe slurred. Sloane was equally as inebriated.

“Yoga is going to suck tomorrow,” I mumbled as we made our way to the door and got into one of the waiting vehicles.

“Yoga?” Sloane said, and then started laughing. “Who’s doing yoga?”

“Me and Chlo. We’re going to get zen and shit,” I said, and then that was funny, so I started laughing.

“And shit,” Chloe said, and joined us. We laughed all the way to Sloane’s, and then all the way to Chloe’s, and I laughed during the short drive to my place. It took me quite a while to actually get up to my apartment and get the keys in the door. I made it to my bed and collapsed, still giggling.