Deeply Destructive (Addicted To You, Book Four) (4 page)

She smiled and her cheeks flushed. “It’s embarrassing. I feel silly saying it like that.”

I pulled her hand closer to me and started rubbing her palm again. “Tell me. I want to know.”

“I guess I want to be a doctor. I want to practice medicine, probably become a neurosurgeon.”

“Like a brain surgeon?”

“Yeah. Is that super dorky?”

“Hell, no. It’s super impressive. I mean, that must mean you’re one of the smartest people in this whole damn city.”

“No, I don’t think so.”

“I bet you are. I figured as much.”

“It’s not like everything’s perfect for me,” she said. “In fact, just recently one of my teachers kicked me out of class and refused to let me turn in this paper I’d worked really hard on.”

“Maybe you just need to get out there and find another way, like you told me to do.” I raised an eyebrow at her and she gave me a little push.

“Don’t use my own words against me, Justin.”

I grabbed her wrist. “Careful, you know I’m a trained fighter.”

“You wouldn’t hurt a girl.”

“I never said I’d hurt you.” I put my hand on her leg, rubbing her skin. We sat like that for a while, with me rubbing her, moving further and further up her thigh. I slipped my finger under the bottom of her shorts, inching them up even further. I was so turned on, I thought I might go crazy. Lindsay was just watching me, her mouth slightly open, her face flushed.

I was about to lean in and put my tongue right into her mouth, feel her lips against me, dig my hands down her shorts and feel the soft skin of her hips, her ass, and then slowly reach beneath her panties…

Jesus. If I didn’t get out of here, I was going to do something I’d seriously regret.

“Shit, I should go,” I told her.

“What?” She sat up straight, looking confused and worried.

“I—I just realized that I need to go to this gym before it closes and talk to the trainer there. You were right, Lindsay. You were so right…I just…I have to go!” I got up and practically sprinted down the isle. Looking back at her, I yelled. “I’ll text you later, okay? Sorry!”

And then I just kept running.

LINDSAY

I was so turned on I literally had to take a deep breath and try to recuperate.

Justin’s hand had been on my thigh, on my bare skin, inching the bottom of my shorts up just a tiny bit so he could touch me – it had made me so hot I would have given myself to him in that moment, would have done anything he’d asked.

If he’d wanted to, I probably would have had sex with him right there in the empty movie theatre. My body felt like it was throbbing with desire.

Why the hell hadn’t he kissed me? We were holding hands, it was dark, we were alone…I could tell he wanted to. At least, I think he’d wanted to. Otherwise why would he have been touching me like that? I closed my eyes and wished he was with me again.

Every time he left me, it felt like part of me was being ripped away. He was consuming me, and I didn’t care.

The thought of what might happen if he ever did kiss me was terrifying. If I was this wrapped up in him now, what would happen when his lips touched mine? Or if we went even further?

I shivered.

I sat there for a few more moments, forcing myself to take deep breaths until I calmed down. I was so charged up I didn’t trust myself to even stand.

Finally, I got up and left the theatre. The things I’d talked about with Justin were still on my mind. Maybe Justin was right when he said that I could still find a way to convince Dr. Klaxton to give me another chance. If I was telling Justin he needed to go after his dreams and not settle for anything less, then I needed to take my own advice.

As soon as I got back to my dorm room, I sat down at my computer and opened the paper I’d written for Dr. Klaxton. I read through it. It was good. Better even than I’d first thought. I went through it, fleshing out some of my ideas, adding a couple of new arguments, moving the pieces of the paper around until everything fit together more seamlessly.

I had the room to myself – Rachel was out with a girl she knew from high school who was going to Boston University. She would have been proud of me for working, though. When I’d gotten home from Justin’s earlier, she hadn’t been too excited to see me. She’d lectured me about how I needed to let her know if I was staying overnight with Justin, so that she didn’t worry.

I’d agreed, but I could tell she’d wanted to say more, probably about how I needed to be careful not to get so caught up in a guy I’d just met, especially when I’d just started school. I knew she was thinking about how I’d been late to class and how I’d missed my shot at getting one of those research assistant positions.

Wait until I told her about what I was about to do.

Before I could stop myself or rethink my plan, or come up with a million reasons why it wasn’t a good idea, I printed out a copy of my new paper, placed it neatly into a folder, then took off across campus toward the science building.

I knew there wouldn’t be anyone there at this time on a weekend. But I didn’t care. I was going to slip my paper under Dr. Klaxton’s office door, so it would be waiting for him first thing on Monday morning. What was the worst that could happen?

He would think I was psycho and hate me? He already hated me. It couldn’t get any worse.

The campus was deserted, with most people either out in the city or partying at the frat houses or holed up in the library studying. It was cool again tonight, and I walked briskly in an effort to warm up.

The science building wasn’t locked, but there was no one inside. In fact, the halls were completely empty. It was a little bit spooky, and I decided to drop my paper off and get out of there, ASAP.

I climbed the stairs to Dr. Klaxton’s office, taking them two at a time. By the time I got to the top, I was out of breath, and I made a vow to start working out at the campus gym.

Maybe Justin could give me some pointers.

Justin.
Just the thought of him made butterflies swarm around my stomach, so I did my best to push him out of my thoughts.

When I got to the office, I looked down at my paper, suddenly unsure what to do.

Should I just slide it under the door? I’d put Dr. Klaxton’s name in the heading, but what if he didn’t get it? Should I have put it in an envelope with his name on it? Probably, but that would entail going back to my room, and now that I was here, I wanted to just do this and get it over with before I chickened out.

I decided to write a note.

I had a brand new package of post-its in my bag, and I pulled them out. It was one of those multi-colored pads, the kind with different colored sheets – yellow, orange, and green. I stared down at it, wondering which color would give me the best chance.

Orange seemed a little too flashy, but maybe that was what it was going to take to get Dr.

Klaxton’s attention. On the other hand, I didn’t want to seem like I was trying too hard.

So maybe the standard yellow was the way to go.

You’re overthinking this, Lindsay,
I told myself. I settled on yellow, hoping the conservativeness of the color would help offset the crazy action I was taking by leaving this paper when Dr. Klaxton had pretty much told me to screw off.

I put the pad of post-its up against the door and got ready to write. What was I supposed to say, though? Maybe something pithy like, “You didn’t think you could get rid of me that easily, did you?” No, too psycho. Or I could go for the serious vibe, say something about how I never give up. Oooh, or I could use a quote. Maybe something by a philosopher, something that conveyed the idea that the person who goes the extra mile always ends up—

The office door flew open from the other side, and I pitched forward, almost losing my balance. “Ahhh!” I screamed. The post-its went flying out of my hands and onto the floor, and so did my paper.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” a voice said. “You okay?”

I realized I’d tripped right into someone’s arms.

“I’m fine,” I said, extracting myself from the person and taking a step back. I smoothed my clothes.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.” It was a boy. Well, a man. No, a boy. I actually couldn’t tell if it was a boy or a man. He was definitely older than me. But not a lot older. Maybe twenty-three or twenty-four?

“It’s okay,” I said. “I just, um…I wasn’t expecting anyone to be here.”

“Yeah, well, usually I’m not. But with labs starting this week, I had a lot of work to do.” He smiled. “I’m Carter.”

“Lindsay.”

He bent down and picked up my paper for me, glancing at it as he handed it back.

“You’re one of Dr. Klaxton’s students?”

“Yes.”

“I’m his TA. Well, for his labs anyway. You’ll probably be in my section.”

Great. Now not only did Dr. Klaxon hate me, but I’d made a fool of myself in front of his teaching assistant. A teaching assistant who was going to be teaching my lab section.

“Oh, cool,” I said nonchalantly. “Well, I was just turning in this paper for him.” I glanced down at it. The paper didn’t look so hot. It was a little bit crumpled, and a few patches of dirt had collected on the top, near my title. I tried to brush them off, but it didn’t work. They just smudged.

“Oh, I didn’t know Dr. Klaxton had assigned a paper.” Carter smiled at me. He had a nice smile. It was very comforting. I wondered how he could stand to be around Dr. Klaxton all the time. And then I realized that I was desperate to sign myself up for the same fate -- if by some miracle I did end up with one of these research assistant jobs, I was going to have to be around Dr. Klaxton all the time, too.

“It was for the research assistant position,” I said.

“I thought that was already due.”

“Yeah, well.” I sighed. “I was late to class that day, and so I wasn’t able to turn it in.”

Carter smiled and rolled his eyes. “And let me guess, he wouldn’t take it?

Probably humiliated you in front of everyone?”

“Yes!” I said. “How’d you know?”

“Because he did the same thing to me my freshman year.”

“You were late too?”

“No.” He shook his head. “I hadn’t done the reading, and when Dr. Klaxton called on me, I didn’t have the answer. I’d been sick with pneumonia, was basically wheezing my way through class. Anyone could tell I was sick, but did Dr. Klaxton care?

Nope. He told me if I hadn’t done the reading, then I wasn’t welcome in his class. And he kicked me out in front of everyone.”

“Wow. How’d you get back on his good side?”

He scratched his chin and thought about it. Then he shrugged. “By not giving up.

Accepting that I needed to play by his rules, even if I thought they were unfair.”

I looked down at my paper, and then said, “Do you think Dr. Klaxton would think it was psycho that I brought him this paper?”

He hesitated. I could tell he did think it was kind of psycho, but that he didn’t want to disappoint me. He reached over and gently took the paper from me. “I’ll tell you what,” he said. “How about if I give this to Dr. Klaxton? I’ll tell him that I came in and found it, and that it showed promise and that he should read it.”

“You’d do that for me? But you haven’t even read it yet.”

He shrugged again. “So what? I’m sure it’s good. You wouldn’t be here if you didn’t believe in it.”

“It
is
good.”

For some reason, Justin’s voice echoed through my brain at that moment. I could hear him saying that no guy was nice to you just to be nice, that they always had an ulterior motive. But that was crazy. Not every guy was walking around like a sex-crazed maniac. And besides, something about Carter was soothing. He’d been in my position before, and he’d survived. Maybe it was because he was out of undergrad, but he made it seem like the things I was going through weren’t a big deal, that they could be fixed. It was reassuring, and I liked it.

“You just, uh, might want to print out a fresh copy first,” he said tactfully.

“Oh! Yes, definitely. Um, I’ll just go down to the computer lab. I have a copy on my email.”

“You can do it here,” he said. “There’s a staff computer in the other room.”

“Are you sure? I don’t want to get you in trouble.”

“You won’t get me in trouble,” he said. “I’ll be back in Dr. K’s office. Just bring it to me when you’re done, okay?”

“Okay.” I headed through the door he pointed out to me, and sat down at the computer. I signed into my email and printed out a fresh copy of my paper. The printer in the corner whirred to life. I picked up the crisp papers and made sure they were all there and in the right order. And then I spent like five minutes checking and double-checking that I was signed out of my email account. The last thing I needed was Dr.

Klaxton or his staff having access to my personal emails.

I brought the paper back to Carter. “Here you go,” I said. He was in Dr.

Klaxton’s office, typing something on the computer.

“Cool,” he said, not looking up. “I’ll give it to Dr. K and put in a good word for you.”

I liked how he kept calling him Dr. K. It made it seem like Dr. Klaxton was someone you could joke around with, the kind of person who had funny nicknames.

“Thanks. I really appreciate it.”

I started to walk to the door, feeling better. I’d taken a risk and it had paid off.

“Lindsay?”

I turned around. “Yeah?”

Now he was looking at me. “I’ll see you in lab this week?”

“Yup. See you in lab.”

He smiled at me again and his eyes sparkled. “I’m looking forward to it.”

JUSTIN

Standing outside the door to “The Slaughterhouse,” I felt the first real stirrings of anxiety in my stomach. Sure, it had sounded good when I’d first thought about it, but now that I was actually here, it was starting to feel like a very dumb idea.

The Slaughterhouse was the name of a gym that had a really strong team of guys who all trained together. It was perhaps one of the best training camps in the entire Northeast, and it was located only a few miles from my apartment.

When their gym first opened, Quarry Davenport had actually gotten my cell number and tried to talk me into leaving Coach Jansen and coming to fight for them instead. Quarry was a big name in MMA. He’d been in the first sanctioned fights that had taken place in the eighties and everyone loved his go-for-broke style. Since then, he’d started training other fighters and he’d amassed a nice little crew.