Defective (The Institute Series Book 3) (15 page)

“What do you mean?” I ask.

“Who do you think first alerted me to your double ability? I didn’t know the nature of it, or what you could do, but Paxton had given me a heads-up about you the night I came to pick you guys up. When he contacted the compound for a lift, he specifically told them that I should come do it. Everyone thought it was weird as that wasn’t my job, but it made sense as soon as I shook your hand. He wanted me to know about you.”

“Why would he do that?” Drew asks, just as confused as I am.

“Probably the same reason he told me it would be interesting if we were able to recreate a double ability through genetics. All hypothetical of course, all before I knew about you.”

“No. I don’t believe you. You’re just trying to get me to turn against him. Paxton was so against the baby idea.”
He’s lying, he has to be.

“I was surprised, too, when he voted against it in the meeting,” Cyrus says. “I tried confronting him about it afterwards, but suddenly you were living at his place, planning the takeover. Everything happened so fast. You three forced us into a mission that only paid off because of pure luck. But at what cost? Paxton played us all, Allira.”

“No. He was the only one helping us! He wanted to save Tate.”

“Did he? Or did he just want control of the Institute? He’d been pitching the Institute idea to the council for years, pretty much ever since he joined the Resistance. He was elected to the council because of his innovative ideas, but once he became a leader, he became obsessive about putting them into action before we were ready. He took your escape from the Institute as an opening. No one at the Resistance would’ve followed him. He had to force us into it.”

I try to take in what he’s saying, but a big part of me doesn’t want to believe him. I can’t believe him. Paxton has been one of the only people who has been there for me.

I shake my head. “No.”

Cyrus leans in closer to me, forcing me to meet his gaze. “I don’t expect you to believe me after everything that’s gone down between us, but I do hope you pay more attention to his actions from now on and see for yourself what he’s truly like.” He stands, preparing to walk out. “If you want a lift, I can take you back to your car.”

We finish up with lunch, and take up Cyrus on his offer. I sit up front with him so I don’t have to be anywhere near Jayce. It also gives me a chance to think.

What Cyrus said can’t be true, right? He’s saying that Paxton’s the one who put everything into motion, that he’s the one who wanted me to feel unsafe with the Resistance. He planted ideas of double-ability offspring in Cyrus’s mind, knowing full well that Cyrus would jump at the chance to have another wife in his bed. All so we would agree to help take over the Institute? I don’t buy it. The main reason we went back was for Tate.

We arrive at our car, and I start to get out when Cyrus grabs my arm. “Just watch his actions. You’ll see. Paxton isn’t the saint everyone seems to think he is.” He lets go of my arm and I climb out of the car, not bothering to thank him, or even acknowledge his words.

Drew, Jenna, and Jayce strip off their vests. Drew gets our guns back off Cyrus and puts them back in their cases, putting everything back in the boot. They all get into the car, but I find myself pacing back and forth in front of it. Drew reopens his door and comes to sit on the hood of the car, watching me pace.

“He’s wrong,” I say. “He has to be. He’s wrong, he’s wrong, he’s wrong.”

Drew sighs. “Are you trying to convince me or yourself?”

I stop in my tracks. “You believe him? You think Paxton tricked us into doing what we did? You think he’s behind this?”

“Do
you
believe him?”

“No.”

“Then why are you having such a hard time with what he said? There’s a point where you have to ask yourself why you’ve resorted to listening to Cyrus. Of all people – Cyrus. It’s Cyrus!”

“Exactly. He’s wrong…” I hesitate.

“But?”

“But some of it makes sense,” I say with a sigh. I don’t want to admit it, but it does. Paxton’s been so controlling lately. I think he was really counting on me to accept his proposal, to put this front on permanently, to secure his career even more. And if he was so desperate for an advantage in the polls that he was willing to marry me, what else would he be willing to do? What else has he done?

Drew gets off the hood of the car and takes me into a hug. The tears start falling as I bury my head in his shoulder.

“We’ll work it out,” he says soothingly.

I pull away to look at him, a small smile appearing through my tears. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but what the hell happened to the world to make you the only person I can truly trust?” We both laugh as I wipe the tears from my face.

“We better watch out for other signs of the apocalypse,” he says, pulling me towards the car. He undoes my vest, removing it for me, along with my waist and leg holsters. “We’ll go back to the Institute and map it all out. We’ll figure out what to do. It’ll be okay,” he says reassuringly, opening the car door for me.

I get in the car, sitting next to Jayce again but refusing to look at him this time. I don’t know what to do about him yet, and I know I can’t ignore him forever, but right now I just don’t want to deal with it.

We begin the long drive back. Looking at the time on the dashboard, I figure we won’t reach the Institute until about dinner time. I settle back in my seat and hope for a silent trip.

I don’t get one.

“So what’s the plan?” Jenna asks, back in her fake persona of ‘nice girl’.

“Allira and I are going to sort it,” Drew says, losing the flirty edge to his voice that he had with Jenna a few hours ago.

“We can help,” Jenna offers.

“How can you help?” I snap. I don’t mean for it to come out angry, but it does.

Jenna shrugs. “Fresh minds that aren’t close to the issue. We might offer some new kind of perspective.”

“So tell us your theories then,” Drew suggests. “Because Allira and I don’t know who or what to believe anymore.”

“Well from what that Cyrus guy said, it seems Paxton has a lot to answer for.”

“You have to understand that Allira and Cyrus have a history, though. He might be doing it to mess with her,” Drew replies. “Allira and Paxton live together, they’re a team. Cyrus might be trying to break them apart to spite them, or to even ruin Paxton’s election chances.”

Drew clearly doesn’t trust Jenna and Jayce considering he’s now defending Paxton instead of continuing with our theory that Cyrus might be right about him.

“But it’s all fake,” Jayce says. “Allira and Paxton aren’t really together.”

“Cyrus doesn’t know that,” Drew says.

“And it’s not
all
fake,” I interject. “Paxton and I might not be together, but we do have a relationship. It might be unconventional, and you might not like it,” I say, forcing myself to make eye contact with Jayce. “But Drew’s right, we’re a team. Cyrus’s accusations mean I have to question everything. Paxton is one of the only people I’ve ever trusted. Now that I have to question him, there’s no way I can trust anyone.
Anyone.
”

“I know you feel like you can’t trust Jenna and me, and I know I can’t do anything but keep reassuring you that you can, but you can trust us. I swear it on everything that I am.”

I involuntarily let out a ‘pfft’ noise. “No. I can’t.”

Thanks to Drew, I can feel just how much my words hurt Jayce, and I hate how much I care.

We get back to the Institute after a painfully long trip. I’ve spent approximately nine hours in a car today. I’m wrecked and ready to crash.

“I can organise some apartments for you guys for overnight. Lucky for you, Allira, your old apartment is vacant,” Drew says. We make our way from the garage into the main building, all nodding in silent agreement. “Are you guys hungry or anything? I can have food delivered to the rooms if you want?”

“Yeah, thanks,” Jenna says.

“I’ll just go grab the keys from the office. Allira, do you want to take them up? There’s enough rooms on our level for all of us.”

“Okay.”

I lead Jenna and Jayce up to level nine, only having to endure a few minutes of awkward silence until Drew comes up with the keys.

“Food will be delivered soon, guys. Jenna, you’re in room ninety-two and Jayce, you’re in ninety-five.”

They take their keys and start heading down the hallway. I go to room ninety-three, taking in a deep breath before I open the door. It’s been a long time since I’ve been in here.

Drew’s hand lands on my shoulder, strong but reassuring. “I’m sorry, I didn’t think. I can get you a different room if you like?”

I shake my head. “Nah I’m all good. I’m just… reminiscing.” I open the door a little further. Glancing around the room, I hesitate to step over the threshold.

“Seems like a lifetime ago, doesn’t it?” he says.

“It really does.”

“So do you want to get started on this tonight, or do you just want to go to bed?”

I raise one eyebrow at him.

“I meant go to bed in your room. I go to bed in my room, you in here,” Drew stammers.

“Mr. Director, sir, are you blushing?” I can’t help but laugh.

“Shut up,” he whines.

“I knew what you meant, and yeah, I think I’m just going to go to bed.”

“Okay. Sleep well. We’ll sort this whole Paxton thing out tomorrow.” He kisses me on the cheek before heading to his room.

I glance around the room one more time, preparing myself to enter. I take a tentative step forward, then another. I turn to shut the door when Jayce appears out of nowhere. “Can we talk?” he asks.

“Okay. Talk.”

“I don’t know what exactly happened today, but I feel like I need to explain.”

“Nothing happened today,” I say, trying to shrug it off.

“Something happened with our communication earpieces. You couldn’t hear us, but we could hear you. I heard everything. I know it’s incredibly hard for you to trust people, and you have a completely good reason for that, but I need you to believe that I’ve never lied to you about who I am, and I never will.”

Wow. Jayce is a better liar than I thought he’d be. “Okay,” I respond.

“Okay? That’s it?”

“I don’t know what you want me to say to those obvious lies.”

“I’m not lying.”

“Okay.”

“Will you stop saying ‘okay’ and just talk to me?” he pleads.

“I think I’ve done enough talking. I’ve shared things with you that I’ve never told anyone. I’ve shared more with you than I’ve shared with my best friend. Do you think Ebbodine knows why I really work at the clinic? Why I am the way I am? Why I’m not in contact with my mother? And you’re standing there still claiming to be the same ‘boring’ person you told me about?
Really?
”

“I
am
boring.”

“I want to believe you,” I whisper. “But I just can’t.” Averting my eyes, I look down at his feet. I’m sure if I hadn’t heard the back end of his and Jenna’s conversation, I would believe every word. I want to ask him what they meant, what are they keeping from us? But I’m scared he won’t tell me. I’ve even more scared that he will. Maybe not knowing is better.

“I don’t want you to walk away from what we have because of a misunderstanding.”

I open my mouth to say something but he stops me.

“I know we technically don’t have anything, but I…” he takes in a deep breath, “I’ve never felt this way before. I’ve never wanted anyone as much as I want you.” He steps forward, his hands finding my hips. My whole body warms. “Please let me show you how much I need you to believe me.”

My lip trembles from the memory of our first kiss, the intensity and heat behind it. My eyes find his, and my brain tells me to pull away.
This is all an act, he doesn’t mean it. He’s lying.
But when he brings his lips down to mine, all that logic goes out the window. I ignore the voice in my head that’s yelling at me to stop, and only pay attention to the voice telling me to never let him go.

My arms wrap around him as he pulls me closer. I feel like I’m losing control. I’ve never felt anything like this. My skin is tingling, my heart hammering. I’m overcome by an agonizing need to be with him.

When I was with Chad it was nice, but…
Oh god, don’t think about him right now.

It’s surprising how quickly I’m able to push him from my mind. That has never happened so easily before.

Jayce lifts me up, my legs wrapping around his waist confidently as he carries me into the room, closing the door effortlessly with his foot.

His mouth moves from mine, down to my neck as he lays me on the bed. Clothes are being pawed at, getting thrown across the room. His hands roam all over me, driving me crazy, so much so that I know if I don’t do something soon, I’m not going to be able to stop myself. And I need to stop this. I should stop this. I’m going to stop this…

I’m so not going to stop this.