Defining Us: The Calvin & Eric Story (69 Bottles) (46 page)

He continues working his finger in and out of me and the pleasure is getting to be too much that I feel my cock twitching and my orgasm is building hot and fast. I pull off his cock and cry out, “I…slow down.” He slowly pulls back from me, but not before licking my cock free of the mess it’s making. My whole body trembles when his tongue grazes my barbell. Unable to hold myself on my side anymore, I fall onto my back, freeing myself of his hold and he does the same thing, but not before taking my cock gently in his hand.
 

His intention is clear, keeping me hard, keeping me primed, and it works wonders before he lets me go and climbs off of the bed. “Where are you going?” I ask, almost a little angry.
 

 
“We need condoms and gel,” he tells me with a wink as he walks out of my room, to his bag, and I shiver, grabbing hold of myself. Keeping myself primed, much like he was doing. I’ve noticed that the more worked up I am, the easier it is for me to stay that way. The more I give myself pleasure, or receive it, the easier it is for me to block out everything else.
 

Eric returns and stands at the foot of the bed, watching me stroke myself and I run my hand along my stomach, up to my chest as the pleasure of knowing he’s watching me spurs me on a little more. “Fuck, that’s hot,” he groans as he tosses a couple condoms on the bed and the bottle of gel. He’s also pulled out a towel, one of the white ones I know he carries for shows. “Can we try something?” His voice is soft, hesitant and I look up at him.
 

“What do you have in mind?”
 

“Me, taking you from behind?”
 

I still, trying to freeze the memories in their tracks.

“You mentioned new memories. I’d like to try and give you some new ones there too.” His voice is filled with so much love and concern, but there is a hint of fear too. “I don’t want to trigger you, but…but I think that if we can wipe away some of that, we can…you can move past it a little bit more.”
 

I give him my own sad, concerned smile and I nod slightly.
 

“If it’s too much, we will stop.”
 

“Shh, it’s alright, Eric. I’d like that very much, to have a new memory and more than anything, I want it with you.” I roll over, so that I’m on my stomach, pinning my cock between me and the sheets. His cock is right in my face and I reach out with my tongue, catching the tip, and his cock jumps. I smile, pushing myself forward, pulling his cock into my mouth as far down my throat as I can manage before pulling back off of it.
 

“Keep that up and you’ll be stroking your own cock,” he teases and I smile around his erection in my mouth and let him go with an audible pop. He kneels down, capturing my mouth with his and my heart rate increases, sending desire hot and heavy through my veins as I get up on my knees, opening myself up to take him the way he wants to take me. His breath hitches when he realizes what I’m doing.
 

I pull back from our kiss. “Take me, Eric,” I breathe and I watch as love turns to lust in his eyes and he stands up. His cock is close enough for me to grab, but I don’t reach for it. Instead, I let him do what he is going to do, let him take control of the situation, if only for a few minutes.
 

Fear starts to replace desire in my veins and I’m scared enough that I start to tremble when Eric climbs on the bed with me.
 

I feel him put a towel down under me, saving the bed from getting sprayed. When he’s done, I know he sees me shaking when his hand gently comes to rest on the small of my back. I jump inadvertently, but I am able to calm down quickly once his warmth registers. My heart is pounding in my chest when I hear the rip of the foil packet. I close my eyes, visualizing Eric, the first time he took me. How gentle he was, the wondrous, curious smile that spread across his lips as he pushed himself into me.
 

I feel both his hands glide up my back. He’s attempting to relax me and it works. My back arches down and I am better able to settle into waiting for him to proceed. He keeps one hand on my back, holding me there, but also reminding me that he hasn’t gone anywhere. It helps keep me here, with him, and not in my head with the sludge.

“This is gonna be cold,” he warns before he drops the lube right onto my entrance. I jump again but his hand on my back moves in a soothing pattern and I feel his fingers rubbing along my entrance, working the lube on his fingers and then I feel the gentle pressure as he pushes in. His hand on my back moves once again, it’s his way of helping me relax without telling me to do so.
 

I take a deep breath and put my head down on my forearms, holding my upper body off of the bed and I do my best to relax, to settle down, and it seems to work when he presses into me farther. The pain returns, but it doesn’t last, his fingers won’t let it as he strokes in and out gently, helping me to feel the pleasure coming from his actions and I can’t help but feel exactly that.
 

I let out a rush of air from my lungs as he pushes a second finger in, joining the first, stretching me, helping me to better accommodate his girth. There is that sharp burning sensation that is cooled again when he moves his fingers in and out of me.
 

His hand comes off of my back and I tense up again. “Easy, Cal.” His voice is soft and comforting as he adds some more lube to his hand. The cool helps settle the burn as he adds a third finger and then I hear the squirt of lube, but feel nothing more as he takes his cock in his other hand, preparing himself to take me.
 

When he’s satisfied, he pulls his fingers out slowly before replacing them with the head of his cock, pressing against my entrance and when he pushes past that barrier, I’m immediately transported back to that hospital room, back to the room where I was… my entire world falls black.

BLOOD rushes through my ears in fear and anger. “Calvin?” I shout at him from across the room.

I flipped his fucking switch, I fucking did this to him. Fuck. “Calvin?” I need to stop this, stop him, how? How do I take back control of this situation?
 

I couldn’t pull myself out of him fast enough the moment I realized he’d completely checked out on me. His demeanor turned cold, his body tensed up in ways that should be completely unnatural for any one. What happened afterward was well, words can’t even explain it. He turned possessed by something. I would have never believed a person could switch so fast before. Go from perfectly fine to manic faster than a speeding bullet.
 

I can’t pull my eyes away, I’m frozen as I watch him writhe in pain from some unknown memory. Tears streak down his face, his body is contorted in ways that shouldn’t be possible. His hand is gripping his cock so hard that I can see it turning purple. He’s screaming out, begging it to stop, begging ‘him’ to stop.
 

Calvin writhes on the bed, screaming in pain, much like he was that first night, the one with the dream, but this time he has his cock in his hand. He starts stroking it like his life depends on it.
 

His eyes are open, wide with fear, completely glazed over as if someone has shocked him. “Calvin?” I shout again.
 

Realizing that my shouting at him from here is doing no good, I rip the condom off, my cock is flaccid since he checked out and freaked out. I throw the condom in the trash and go for my jeans. I can’t wake him up naked. He needs to feel safe, secure.
 

He is grunting, crying, groaning on the bed and I want to fucking scream. I manage to pull my jeans on and then find my t-shirt. I figure the more dressed I am, the less intimidating I will be when I can finally manage to get him out of this episode.

He flips over onto his back, his hand is still stroking his cock so fucking hard that I can’t…I know that can’t feel good.
 

Finally dressed, I grab his wrist, stilling him. He switches from his hand pumping to his hips sliding up and down with his cock inside his fist. “Fuck!” I fight his strength. Fuck me, I hadn’t realized he could be this strong. I struggle trying to separate his cock from his fist, pulling his arm up and away, but he is determined. The harder I pull up and the further away I get, the higher his hips get. I have got to separate him from his cock.
 

“I just have to come, if I come, he’ll stop. It will…I just have to…” His voice is a strangled, garbled mess, I’m barely able to make it out. My heart rips in two and I’m spurred into action once again and I find the strength to finally free his cock from his grip. I watch in horror as he falls back onto the bed and the other hand finds his cock lightning fast and the process starts all over again.

“Jesus fucking Christ,” I growl as I take his other hand in mine and I pull it away from his dick, adrenaline courses through my veins like fire. With nothing else to do with his hands, I manage to pin them up near his head and I lay across his stomach. I’m trying hard not to squish him, but I have to put some type of a barrier between the two of us. I have to stop him from grabbing himself. He’s writhing, crying out, screaming for me to get off of him, but I know he hasn’t come back to me yet.
 

His hips are still doing their best to thrust upward, seeking release, and I press into him a little harder.
 

I never, not in a million years, thought that someone could go into full nightmare mode without being asleep and this is some seriously scary shit. Finally his hips settle a little. He cries out and he shudders under me as I feel the first few drops hit my t-shirt, on my back.
 

“Fuck!” I growl as I realize that he’s come, all over me and himself without any contact from anyone or anything, but his body instantly relaxes and his eyes close in defeat, fresh tears trickle down his temples and on to the bed.
 

My heart shatters into a million pieces and the adrenaline flowing through my body starts to wane a little, but I hang my head in defeat.
 

This is my fault. I did this to him. I set him off. He’ll never forgive me for this, hell, I don’t know if I can forgive me for this, not now at least.
 

I knew I should have let it go, after the minor episode in the living room, I knew he was primed up, I knew his darkness was lurking in the corners and I just had to ask him. I shake my head and release his arms as I feel no more fight left in him, though the tears still trickle down his temples, he still hasn’t returned to me.
 

I don’t know how to be here, to handle this, when he comes to. I haven’t got a single fucking idea what frame of mind he’s going to be in and all I feel like doing is falling to pieces. But I can’t. Not now.
 

I get up off of the bed and watch him closely. He’s calm, but his breathing is still pretty intense. That had to be like a workout for him. I take a deep cleansing breath and try and find my center, try to wrap my head around what’s just happened.
 

I start to pace the room. My mind is a raceway of thoughts rolling past at two-hundred miles an hour. Stay, go, wake him, put him in the shower, clean him up, let him be, wake him…it’s all a jumbled mess.
 

After a couple of minutes, he answers that question for me when I hear him softly snoring on the bed. Though still naked, he’s managed to find some comfort somewhere and falls asleep.
 

Biting back my own sadness, I pull the covers from the other side of the bed, but grab the towel and gently clean him up before covering him up. He rolls over and snuggles in on himself and my heart is in my throat.
 

I lean down and gently kiss his forehead before walking out of the room and gently closing the door.