Defining Us: The Calvin & Eric Story (69 Bottles) (52 page)

“Come on, let’s climb under the covers.”
 

“I’m not tired.”
 

“I know, but it’s warmer under there.” I tell him. I try and smile, showing him that it’s all okay, but he doesn’t notice, he just stands up and pulls the covers back and crawls back into bed. I go into the closet and pull on my flannel pants, and turn off the lights. I crawl in bed with him, and he immediately snuggles up to me, whether out of habit or comfort, I can’t be sure but we just lay there for hours in silence until eventually he falls asleep and I do too, long after the moon has started to set and I can see the slight glow of dawn in the distance.

I didn’t sleep very long. Knowing that we need to get moving on our plans to head out of town, I get out of bed, leaving Calvin to sleep. I head downstairs and make myself a pot of coffee. I don’t usually drink the stuff, but I am too tired to really think about it. Calvin drinks it more than I do.
 

No sooner do I sit down at the table with my coffee and laptop is there a knock on the door. I raise an eyebrow and look at the clock. It’s not even eight. I go to the door and look through it. “Cami?” I say as I open the door. “Everything all right?”
 

“Yeah, it’s perfectly fine, I’m glad I caught you.”
 

“Caught me?”
 

She shrugs and I open the door for her to come in. “Yeah, I, where’s Mouse?”
 

“Still sleeping,” I tell her, completely perplexed.
 

“Listen, I tried to pull Casey for another assignment for the next couple of weeks and he was pretty adamant about not doing it. I couldn’t understand why and then he finally said that he needed to be here.” She points to the floor. “Is something going on that I should know about?” She says in her authoritative tone.
 

“Want some coffee? It’s fresh?” I ask her and she nods, reluctantly.
 

I usher her into the kitchen and pour her a cup, offering her some creamer and she takes it. “Let’s go outside, shall we?” I ask her. “I don’t want to wake him.”
 

She nods her agreement and follows me onto the patio where we’d just hosted a fabulous party last night. “Last night was a lot of fun. Thank you again for having us.”
 

I smile. “You’re most welcome. We look forward to doing it again soon.”
 

“Good,” she smiles and takes a sip of her coffee.
 

“Right before you guys showed up last night, Calvin got a phone call from his father’s house, though it wasn’t his father but, I’m guessing it’s his wife. Cal’s father passed away last night.”
 

Her hand comes to her mouth. “Oh god Eric, I am so sorry, why didn’t you call us, cancel?”
 

“I didn’t want that.” I turn around to find a disheveled Calvin standing in the doorway. “Besides, you guys were practically pulling in the driveway when I got the news and I really needed the distraction.”
 

I walk over to him. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.”
 

He smiles slightly. “You didn’t, the coffee did.” I hand him my cup and he takes it.
 

“We asked Casey to watch the house. I know he lives with a crappy roommate and I figured he could use the break. That’s probably why he told you no.”
 

“I’d really rather he go with you guys,” Cami says, her voice firm.
 

“Trust me, where we’re going, we don’t need him. No one back home has even the slightest clue who I am or what I’ve been up to. My father and I have been estranged for more than ten years. I don’t even want to go back, but I know if I don’t, I will regret it, eventually,” Calvin says with a sad smile. Good, my message was received.
 

“Well, where are you going?” she asks him.
 

“Maynard, Iowa. It’s a little eye blink, podunk town northeast of Waterloo. It’s a farm town where the news doesn’t reach and the residents don’t care when it does,” Calvin says and that is the most I’ve ever heard him say about where he’s from. It’s not a happy subject to discuss for him, but I think he’s made a point to focus on him and what it is that he needs to do right now.
 

“When are you leaving?” Cami asks.
 

“As soon as we figure out flights, which was what I was about to do when you came by,” I tell her.
 

“Don’t worry about that. I put my plane on standby at Burbank. They can take you.”
 

“That’s not necessary,” Calvin cuts in.
 

“No, it’s not, but I am going to do it anyway. Do you know what airport you’ll want to fly into?” she asks Calvin who looks defeated and unwilling to argue with her.
 

“Waterloo something or other. There’s a small municipal airport there.”
 

“Great, I’ll get it all arranged. When you know you want to come home,” she hands me her card, “Just call. I’ll make arrangements for them to come back and pick you up.”
 

Neither one of us argue with her. We both know all too well that Cami gets what she wants and saying no is like signing your own death warrant.
 

“I really wish you’d consider taking someone with you, Casey or Beck, Mills even.”
 

“No, I need to deal with this by myself. The worst thing I will have to deal with is sideways glances and exes,” Calvin says with a slight chuckle, but I can tell there is very little humor in his voice.
 

“Alright, but keep the guys on standby, please, if you need them, or if things get out of hand. You know how word can spread fast,”
 

“Okay,” I agree as she walks up to Calvin.

 
“I’m really sorry, Calvin. I’ve been there, so if you need anyone to talk to, I’m here.”
 

He gives her a small smile. “Thanks, Cami, I really appreciate all that you’re doing.”
 

“Anytime guys.”
 

With that, she secrets herself out of the house and I walk over to Cal. “How you doing?”
 

He takes a deep breath. “I’m better today, ready to get moving, I guess. I don’t know. It’s just all so surreal.”
 

“How so?” I ask.
 

“Well, I guess I always thought that when I found out he was dead, I would throw a party. Though we kind of did. I guess I never thought that his death would mean anything to me and yet I feel so lost. I never wanted to step foot on the soil of that town ever again, but yet here I am, ready to pack to leave and go right back there again. And in a strange way, I find it hard to believe that I don’t feel the hatred I once felt for that man.”
 

“It’s hard to hate those who are dead, regardless of the circumstances surrounding your history. Trust me, we’ve all tried to do it in some fashion or another. But as long as this is what you want, I will be right here with you.”
 

“What if I asked you to stay behind?”
 

I cock my head at him. “Why on earth would you do that?”
 

He shrugs. “I think I can deal with it better, go and make arrangements, bury him and come home.”
 

“You know it won’t be that simple, right?”
 

He sighs. “It never is. I guess I can sit here and think that it will be just that simple all I want, but the fact of the matter is, it won’t be.”
 

“Do you honestly want me to stay here?”
 

“I want you to understand that if you come, you’re not going to a place like Los Angeles, or Philly, or even Denver for that matter. People don’t think the way that we do.”
 

“You’re worried about the perception, of you and I being together?” I ask stoically.
 

“Yeah, I guess I am.”
 

“Are you worried about it for your sake or for mine?”
 

“Yours.”
 

“Wrong answer,” I tell him. “Calvin, you have to understand that I’ve already come out. I grew up knowing I was gay, knowing who I was and what I was. I also grew up in an environment that didn’t always favor those that were different.”
 

“But Eric, you grew up in a household that accepted the fact that you’re gay. I grew up in a household that had no problem shipping me off to an institution to be reprogrammed to conform to their ways. I grew up in a world where being gay isn’t normal, where being gay is a sin against God. Believe me, this isn’t going to be easy for either one of us.”
 

“I can deal with sideways glances and whispering behind my back. I’m not made of glass, Calvin, I will not break,” I tell him and I mean every word of it. “I am not going to cause trouble for you. I am going so that you have someone to lean on when you will need them most. You’ve been away from that place for over a decade, no one knows you and all you’re going to get are pity glances and condolences and I am pretty sure you want none of that, am I right?”
 

He nods his head.
 

“So, am I going with you?” I ask him, hope in my voice. I can’t bear the thought of him going at this head on, alone and without someone to be there to pick up the pieces if things fall apart. I get his stoic, tougher than rocks exterior he is trying to portray, but I know that deep down, under the rock, there is a shit storm starting and I want to be there when it does. Show him that it doesn’t matter who you love, love is love.
 

“Yes,” he breathes. “I can’t ask you to stay here. I need you by my side.”
 

I smile. “Good, now let’s get to work.”

MUNDANE tasks are enough to channel my thoughts away from what I’m about to face. At least until we boarded the plane.
 

Casey showed up about an hour after Cami left. Cami called him to let him know she’d made arrangements for us to leave when we were ready and Eric and I decided that the sooner, the better.
 

Eric called Mary-Beth, or whatever her name is, to let her know that we were coming and that we would be there later this evening. Apparently she was thrilled at the idea, at the fact that the long lost son of Raymond Walter Caldwell was finally returning home. I am more convinced now that she hasn’t a clue what she was asking of me when she called the first time.