Degrees of Passion (12 page)

‘
Buongiorno
!’ Trevor answered.

‘Trevor?’ Sasha nearly jumped out of her chair to hear his voice. She swallowed nervously at having been thinking of Kevin as she called her boyfriend.

‘Sasha?’ He sounded surprised. ‘Hey, shouldn’t you be in bed?’

‘I wanted to call,’ she said. ‘I haven’t heard from you since you left. How’s Switzerland?’

‘Oh, I haven’t been yet. Some friends of the family invited me to spend a few weeks at their home in Italy before I start work.’ His voice got quiet and then grew, like he walked away from a crowd. ‘Didn’t I mention it? I could have sworn I told you before I left.’

‘No.’ Sasha shook her head in denial, even though he couldn’t see it. ‘You didn’t.’

‘Oh, I meant to. It was all decided very suddenly. How is your internship?’

‘Fine, it’s fine.’ Sasha stood, hugging her waist as she paced the small area of her living room, careful not to wake her roommates. ‘Which friends?’

‘People my father works with. You haven’t been introduced.’ He quickly changed the subject again. ‘How do you like the other people on the project?’

‘They’re fine. Which people your father works with?’ Sasha knew she sounded like the jealous girlfriend, but she couldn’t help it. Didn’t he owe her an explanation? It wasn’t as if they’d only been dating a few weeks. This wasn’t the first time he went off on one of his family’s trips without her. It wasn’t even the first time he’d left for months at a time, but something felt different about this time. Maybe it was the fact he was so close to graduation and prepared for a job with his father. He could be settling down and getting serious about his future. That was sure to cause anyone to be distracted.

‘A group of us came – Timothy Jasper, Ronnie and Reggie Vanderhill, Dean Carmichael, Edward Rockman.’ Trevor made a small noise of dismissal. ‘Really, no one else you might have heard of, mostly European families. Oh, listen, darling, I have to run. They’re waiting on me for breakfast. We’re going to this quaint little café Reggie found. I promise to call you in the next couple of weeks, once I’m settled in the new job. We can try out that webcam.’

‘Wait, I really need to talk to you—’ The sound of him hanging up stopped her words. She felt sick to her stomach. Edward Rockman? As in Cynthia’s father? Sasha found herself biting the back of her hand. Was Cynthia there? Is that why he hung up? So she wouldn’t hear who was in the background?

Sasha didn’t like being suspicious or insecure, but Trevor’s distant behavior and poor treatment of her as of late didn’t give her much reason not to be. Was she being overly sensitive? Or was there really something to worry about? In this moment, she had a choice. She could let herself wallow in the pain and uncertainty, or she could take a stand now and let Trevor know what he had to lose.

Sasha didn’t allow herself time to think about it. She picked up the phone and redialed. A fat, hot tear rolled over her cheek, dripping down her neck. She didn’t bother to wipe it away. What was the point?

Trevor didn’t answer and she couldn’t help but think him a coward for not talking to her directly. After all the time they’d been together, after he’d begged her to take him back, this is how he acted? Anguish rolled through her, filling her heart and knotting her stomach. She wasn’t sure if she’d throw up or scream. But this had to be done. As his voicemail came on, cheerfully urging messages with a doubtful promise of returning the call if he got around to it, she took a deep, agonised breath.

‘Trevor,’ she said the second it started recording. ‘I don’t like the way you’ve been treating me and I don’t like the fact that you’ve been hiding out in Italy with Cynthia Rockman’s family. You think I wouldn’t know that . . .’ She didn’t finish the thought. Now was the time for calm and rational. ‘It’s not just the whole business about not telling me about Europe. It’s these last months. I feel you pulling away. And your mother, you could have stood up to her more when she started in about that débutante business, especially after the last time. When we got back together you promised me it would be different, better. Do you remember? This isn’t feeling better. You said you wanted to be your own man, but then you’re there. And I like my tattoo. I’m tired of you telling me to get rid of it. I thought you loved me for me, but . . .’ Sasha made a weak noise. She should have written out what she wanted to say to him because the words were coming in a jumbled mess. But, had she written it, she would have lost her nerve. No, this way was best. ‘You’ve been distant and . . . You know, I think you should spend your time there deciding what you really want. I’ll be doing the same. You do what you have to do and we’ll talk when you get back, or maybe sooner, but most likely when you get back. Sorry to leave this on voicemail, but you should have . . . I think this break will do us both some good.’ She started to hang up, only to stop. ‘Um, Trevor, take care of yourself. I’ll talk to you later.’

Sasha hung up the phone and dropped it on the floor, sucking hard breaths of air into her lungs. Her heart beat fast and heavy against the walls of her chest. ‘Oh, fuck. What did I do? Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Fuck. What did I do?’

I see a boot, her mother’s words came back to her. It’s kicking the number two.

Sasha frowned. Italy was shaped like a boot on every map she’d ever seen. She glanced at the clock. Two-twenty two in the morning. She shook her head in denial, not wanting to dwell on this point. What happened was her conscious choice, not preordained.

Her phone rang and she jumped. The unique sound indicated she’d received a text message. Trembling, she flipped open her phone. It was from Trevor. IF YOU THINK THAT’S BEST.

Sasha stared at the emotionless words, as if more would magically appear behind them. She looked for a sign of regret, of anger, of hope, of relief. The cold text gave her no hint beyond an ambivalence that hurt worse than rejection.

‘If you think that’s best,’ she read again. ‘If you think that’s best? What the hell is that? Way to fight for me, Trevor.’ Sasha gripped her phone tight, lifting her arm to toss it across the room. She made the motion, but stopped short of actually releasing it.

Sasha took a cleansing breath and then another, willing the thick lump out of her throat. After the initial shock of what she’d done subsided, she felt a weight being lifted off her shoulders. No matter how hard it was to let him go, she had to be strong. It was like her father often said, ‘An easy path does not make a right one.’ Tomorrow she might regret her actions, but tonight she’d focus on the strength it took her to do them.

Exhausted and knowing she’d never be able to sleep, Sasha grabbed Jo’s bag off the floor and dug into the side pocket. Pulling out a bottle of sleep aids her roommate kept there, she studied it for a moment before taking out two of them. Right now, she’d sleep. Tomorrow she would face what she’d done.

Sasha rolled her shoulder as she looked up at the laboratory ceiling. She’d been staring at the broken piece of Aztec pottery for hours, brushing dirt from the grooves one monotonous stroke after another. The recurring rhythm of her job played in her head – brush-brush-look, brush-brush-look. At times, it was hard to tell which part was pottery and which part was dirt.

‘I can’t believe it’s already Thursday. We’re almost done with our first month.’ Kevin sat down next to her. ‘It’s going faster than I thought it would.’

‘Don’t even tell me how many more weeks of this we have left,’ Sasha answered, trying to keep her concentration on what she was doing. ‘I don’t want to know.’

‘How’s the work going?’ His words lacked enthusiasm. He leaned over to check her work. ‘Not a very interesting piece, is it?’

Sasha glanced over to the twins. They worked on a small figurine and an elaborate
pulque
vessel from a richer household. She got the undecorated domestic jar. Again. Not wanting to sound disgruntled over her assignment, she said to Kevin, ‘I don’t know. I guess it depends on what you think is interesting.’

‘Hmm.’ Kevin’s brow furrowed as he reached to take the small brush from her hand. She flexed her finger, purposefully grazing against him. He didn’t seem to notice the small advance. Sasha wasn’t even sure why she’d done it. Taking a break from Trevor gave her a freedom she didn’t have before. She recalled all too well what happened last time she and Trevor were on a break. Knowing she should be feeling guilty, she slid off her chair, out of Kevin’s way as he began brushing along a crack. ‘Did you see this?’

‘Just a crack. I thought it might be a marking, but . . .’ She pointed along the broken edge. ‘See here. You can follow it around to the—’

Kevin turned and his breath hit her cheek. Sasha pulled away, all too aware of where his lips were in proximity to hers. The last days had been tense and emotional. Nervous, she reached for a clipboard and began filling in the blanks on the artefact’s log sheet.

‘I think we can move on as soon as it’s cataloged,’ he said.

‘Any chance you can acquire a figurine or maybe even an incense burner for us to look at?’ Sasha glanced at him, stopping short of saying you’re the teacher’s pet. I’m sure you can score us something cool.

‘I thought you said you found this interesting.’ For the first time that day, a small smile curled the side of his mouth.

‘I just said, it depends on what you think is interesting. I didn’t say I found it interesting.’

‘So you don’t?’

‘I didn’t say that.’ Sasha met his steady gaze, coyly arching a brow. To her surprise, she realized she was flirting with him. She couldn’t help herself.

‘Do you?’ He straightened, glancing around the room, as if checking to make sure they weren’t being watched.

Sasha licked her lips, keeping her eyes on Kevin’s handsome face. She heard the twins working on their project, arguing about the best area to retrieve shards for analysis and an archival sample. Since they were only doing the initial cleaning and logging, the argument was futile.

She opened her mouth to speak, but Kevin stopped her. ‘I think you’re ringing.’

‘Excuse me?’ Sasha stiffened, confused.

‘Your phone.’ Kevin motioned under the table to where her messenger bag rested. ‘Better answer it before Prichard gets back.’

‘Oh!’ Sasha hurried to grab her phone. The sound of the ring indicated a text message rather than a call. She felt her stomach tighten in irritation at the sound. The last text message she’d gotten had been Trevor’s not so gallant IF YOU THINK THAT’S BEST a couple weeks earlier. He hadn’t tried to contact her since. It had been a month since she’d seen him and she wasn’t as lonely for him as she might have expected. Sasha dug through the bag for her phone, flipping it open as she pulled it out. Her gaze darted to instantly read the name. In barely contained relief, she said, ‘It’s my sister. My mom’s been driving her crazy with trying to get her to help decorate.’

‘She can’t predict what colours to use?’ Kevin gave a small laugh.

‘You’d think.’ Sasha hurried and text messaged her sister back, telling her to deal with it. ‘Personally, I think it’s an excuse to see her only grandchild.’

‘I remember you saying you had a big family. Five sisters, right? And two brothers-in-law.’ He busied himself brushing the broken pottery.

‘You remember that?’ she asked, surprised.

‘I recall everything you said. You have five sisters, Megan, the oldest and a cop, married to a photographer. Kat, the mother and photographer, married to the noted Dr Richmond. Zoe, the chef working as a bartender. You and your rich boyfriend. Ella in the Navy.’ He blew lightly at the piece and Sasha watched his lips, captivated.

‘I can’t believe you remembered all that. Though Zoe’s married now, too, and I don’t have . . .’ Sasha hesitated, stopping short of saying she’d broken up. Studying him, she slowly nodded in understanding. ‘You have one of those photographic memories, don’t you? That’s how you always have the answers to Dr Prichard’s questions.’

‘When I was a child they called it eidetic memory, but it’s the same thing. The actual diagnosis is under debate and no one seems to be sure if it lasts into adulthood.’ He shrugged. ‘It could be I just study and listen. Repetition and practice is said to help develop a better memory. Either way, is it really so surprising that I listen when you talk?’

Sasha picked up the clipboard, only to fidget and put it back down on the table.

‘You were about to say something,’ he prompted. ‘You didn’t have what?’

‘I was?’ Sasha swallowed nervously. ‘Oh, right. Zoe doesn’t work at a bar anymore and she’s married.’

‘And?’

Knowing what he asked, she said, ‘I don’t have a boyfriend. We’re taking a break. No, that’s not right. We broke up a couple weeks ago.’

‘Sorry to hear that.’ The tone of his voice didn’t sound too sorry about it. ‘How are you?’

Sasha shrugged. Instead of answering, she said, ‘I’m glad you mentioned studying. I was wondering . . .’

Kevin set the brush on the table and gave her his full attention. ‘Yes?’

‘If you’re not busy . . .’

‘You want a study partner?’ he prompted.

‘Yes. Please.’ Sasha nodded. ‘I should have taken you up on your offer when we first started this project. I don’t know why I didn’t. The women in my family tend to be stubborn.’

Dark lashes swept over his eyes. A small tremor worked over Sasha’s body. This man drove her to distraction, confusing her mind and making her body want to act on primal instincts. Her fingers twitched and she had to ball them into a fist to keep from grabbing him by the front of his button-down shirt and dragging him behind her to the nearest supply closet. Funny how with Trevor she never had the urge to act upon sex in public places, but with Kevin she had a hard time remembering why such a thing was a bad idea.

The ache in her pussy sent jolts of awareness throughout her limbs, centering low in her belly and along her nipples. Kevin’s eyes swept down to her chest and she knew he had to see the two erect points pushing against her shirt. The thin silk and lace of her bra provided little support in hiding such a thing. Only then did she realize she’d worn sexier undergarments instead of going with comfort. She’d be lying if she said she hadn’t fantasized about something happening between them again. She imagined she and Trevor would reconcile eventually, that they would have that life she pictured, but, until that time, wasn’t it her obligation to get all her wild oats sown? Wasn’t it only fair to get Kevin completely out of her system? It was possible Trevor was doing the same with Cynthia. The thought made her frown; even as she knew she had no right to be jealous about such a thing. She’d been the one to end it with him.