Deliverance (The Maverick Defense #1) (13 page)

Six months.

I’d grieved for six whole months. First Dawson, then Grams. Dreams of a brighter future—college, my only ticket out of Chancing—all ripped from under me with one single letter, the letter that informed me I hadn’t received a full scholarship. In six months, my life had done a complete one-eighty, and now, here I was—stuck in Chancing sleeping on couches with no hope of ever getting out.

“Mornin’ darl.” Sherri breezed into the room like everything was sunshine and roses.

“Morning.” I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and forced myself to sit up. “Sorry, I must’ve fallen asleep.”

I hadn’t planned to stay here again, but it wasn’t as if I had anywhere else to go. There was Mikey’s and Donnie’s, but I was around Mikey’s far too often, and Donnie, well, Don had changed lately, and I wasn’t sure how I felt about it yet.

“I already told you, the couch is yours as long as you need it.” Sherri looked like she wanted to say something else but obviously thought better of it, smiling and walking into the kitchen. “Coffee?”

“Coffee would be great.” I joined her in the kitchen and sat at one of the stools. “Thanks, Sherri. I appreciate it. I’ll be out of your hair soon. I promise.”

Sherri set down the mug in her hand and turned to me. “You’ve been through a rough few months. I know that and I meant what I said. The couch is yours, but maybe it’s time to come up with a plan. You have your whole life ahead of you, darlin’.”

I couldn’t help the bitter laugh that tumbled out. Sherri’s brow arched up, but I ignored her questioning look as my cell started vibrating from my pocket. Retrieving it, I glanced at the screen and frowned.

“Donnie again?”

“Yeah,” I replied. “He wants me to go to a party tonight.”

He’d been asking me for weeks to go out with him. Getting out would do me good, he’d said.

“I know he’s been a good friend, but be careful with that one, Joy.”

I didn’t have to ask what she meant. I knew. Better than anyone, I knew that Donnie DeLuca was transforming in front of my eyes. The quiet, goofy guy who followed Dawson and me around in high school was gone. He’d bulked up, was hanging around with a new crowd, and no longer seemed ashamed of his family’s connections. In fact, he seemed to be proud of his name all of a sudden, and it unnerved me.

“He’s been there for me.”

He had. After everything with Dawson and Grams, Donnie had stepped up and been there. I didn’t have many friends in Chancing, not after spending most of junior and senior year with Dawson and Donnie, and the few friends I did have had all left for college.

Sherri rounded the counter and laid her hand on top of mine. “Just be careful, girl.” With that, she said good-bye and told me again I was welcome to stay as long as I needed. But something she’d said earlier lingered with me. I did need a plan. After six months of moving from couch to couch, day to day, I needed to start living again. Somehow, some way, I needed to find my way back to myself.

“Joy, you came.” Donnie’s face lit up as I dug my hands into my jean pockets and bounced nervously on the balls of my feet.

“Yeah. Although now that I’m here, I’m not sure I can go in there.” I nodded over at the house. Cars lined the curb. Music spilled out of the open door, people drinking out of Solo cups and smoking joints huddled together laughing and joking.

Yeah, I definitely didn’t belong here.

Donnie came up to me and nudged me with a smile. “Come on, it’ll do you good. Relax. Try and remember what it’s like to be nineteen.”

“Yeah. Okay, but no drinks. I’m staying at Mikey’s tonight.”

Something flashed in Donnie’s eyes, but he shot me another smile and laughed. “Always so cautious. It’s just some of the guys getting high and letting loose.”

I wanted to ask since when getting high was Donnie’s scene. He’d always hated drugs. Avoided anything to do with them. But I didn’t. Instead, I followed him inside ducking my head.

“Yo, DeLuca.” A dark-haired guy came up to us. He flicked his head at me. “Who’s your friend?”

“This is Joy. She’s cool.”

Something passed between them. Something I didn’t understand. The guy gave me the once-over and my skin crawled. Inside, I was freaking out, so much so that I almost missed Donnie moving closer to me and wrapping an arm around my waist.

His touch felt unfamiliar. Strange. But it was better than the look his friend was giving me so I remained still.

“Come on, let’s get a drink. Catch you later, Jerome.”

Donnie led us into a small kitchen, crowded with bodies. Beer, smoke, and sweat filled my lungs causing my nose to scrunch.

“Soda? Beer?”

“No alcohol, Don,” I reminded him.

“One beer won’t do any harm.”

“I said no.”

“Okay, okay.” He held his hands up and grinned. “I’ll drink yours.”

Some of the tension that had wrapped around me when I first arrived at the party melted away. Donnie might have been changing, but at times like this, when he was goofing around, he reminded me of the old Donnie. The guy who never failed to make me smile. There’d been a time when he was my best friend. But since Dawson, things were different.

Everything
was different.

An hour later, I still felt out of place, but watching Donnie work the room—talking and laughing with his friends—warmed my heart. He’d struggled in high school; he wasn’t the outgoing, confident guy in front of me now. How had he done it? How had he found himself?

Dawson didn’t just leave me; he left Donnie too. But whereas I’d fallen apart in Dawson’s absence, Donnie had somehow thrived. Part of me envied him. As we moved from room to room, one thing was apparent: People all wanted a piece of Donnie DeLuca. But I couldn’t put my finger on what had changed.

“You look bored as fuck, Joy.” Donnie approached me a huge grin still plastered on his face.

“I’m okay.”

“No, you’re not. Don’t think I can’t see behind your lies.” He held out his hand and I took it, letting him pull me up. “Come on.”

Donnie led me out a door and into the backyard. There was a patio with some worn garden chairs and a lawn that needed mowing.

“I miss him too, you know.”

“I know you do,” I said staring out into the darkness trying to swallow back the tears building. “I just want to forget. Just for a little while.”

A warm hand covered my own, and Donnie pressed something into my hand.

“Wha- what is this?” I asked eyeing the clear baggie of pills.

“Something to help you forget.”

“You’re offering me pills? After everything, after they ruined everything?” My voice came out shrill.

“Joy, it helps take away the pain. Makes you feel alive. Don’t you want to feel alive? Just for a little while?”

I stared at my friend with wide eyes. Donnie hated drugs,
hated
them, but it shouldn’t really come as a shock considering his new friends and the rumors around town that he was finally stepping up and taking his place in the family business.

“Shit, sorry, this was a bad idea.” He dragged a hand through his hair. “I just thought, thought you might want to get high and forget for a while.” Donnie started to tug the bag out of my hand, but I clamped my fist tight.

“Wait …”

“Yeah?”

“What will it feel like?” I whispered, hardly believing I was actually asking.

Donnie smirked, and suddenly, I regretted my words, but I couldn’t deny a part of me was curious. I’d hurt for so long I wanted to feel. Something. Anything.

“Baby, it’ll be the best damn feeling in the world.” Donnie slid the bag out of my grip and took out two small white pills, opened his mouth, and dropped them onto his tongue before taking out two more and holding them out in front of me.

Seven months ago, I would have slapped his hand away and asked him what in the hell he thought he was playing at. I wasn’t
that
girl.

Was I?

I didn’t know anything anymore. But Donnie was right; I just wanted to forget. To lose myself in something other than my plight. Slowly, my mouth opened, and I wet my lips with my tongue. Donnie’s eyes lit up, and he inched the pills closer. I closed my eyes and waited.

“Drink this,” he said pushing a cup into my hand. I guided it to my mouth and took a long pull, swallowing down the pills quickly before I had time to talk myself out of it.

When I finally opened my eyes, Donnie was watching me.

“Now what?” I asked.

“Now, we wait.”

Without thinking, I ripped open the bag and dropped three pills onto my tongue before snatching the bottle off the counter and washing them down with the rest of the vodka. The surge of alcohol against my raw insides caused me to grip the edge of the marble and the bottle shattered into a million pieces as it landed next to my feet.

Surrounded by hundreds of tiny glass shards and the smell of desperation, I crumpled onto the floor and closed my eyes.

What I had done?

Blurred images rolled through my mind. Donnie’s wild eyes. Mikey’s frown of disapproval. The regret in Dawson’s stare as he watched Donnie demand that I return to his side. The images came faster … more confused. Dawson kissing me, Donnie holding me, arms tugging at me, trying to pull me closer.

And then I felt it. The slow burn of euphoria. A subtle tingle built deep inside me, warming my stomach as I dropped my head back against the cabinet. The gentle vibrations grew into a wave of pleasure rolling through me until I felt as light as a feather and my body relaxed into the linoleum like a sponge.

Warm.

Happy.

Peaceful.

A wide smile spread across my face as I closed my eyes and lost myself to the high.

Nothing could compare to this.

Nothing.