Denial (52 page)

“Yes, I am. I thought you wanted to know more about my life,” he snaps.

I inhale sharply. “Isaac…”

“Sorry.” He kisses my brow, then my cheek. “Well, my point was, I masturbate a lot, I guess,” he laughs, breaking the tension. “And I wasn’t with someone right before I was with you.”

“So that’s how it works every time?”

“Usually. Sometimes it’s two weeks.”

“Okay.”

“I can see you doing math in your head.”

“No, you can’t.”

“More time off than on for the last year and a half.”

“Thanks. For the math. And for telling me.”

“Do you feel better?”

“It doesn’t change anything. It doesn’t matter.”

“Do you feel better?” he insists.

“Yes. Of course I do.”

“Good. Now make me feel better. How many times did he fuck you that month?”

That’s so inappropriate. And so hot. “Twice.” Really it was more like three times, but based on his expression, eyes narrowed slight
ly, jaw clenched and squared, he’s not handling the first two that well. “They were both earlier in the month.”

“Don’t lie to me,” he snaps. “There’s no fucking way he didn’t mark you before he sent you to me.”

Mark me
? My anger flares, but I can’t aim it toward him. “I thought you wanted to know how many times I got off.”

He snarls, ripping his arms away from my body as he takes a few steps away. I hate it when he leaves me like this, but he doesn’t want to touch me he gets angry. “Asshole,” he curses. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have asked.”

“It’s okay.” I step towards him even though I know it’s too soon. He won’t hurt me, but he looks less sure of it than I am as he lets me in.

“Did you take a shower at least?”

“What?”

“Fuck, I’m sorry. Don’t answer that.” He starts to pull away

“No!” Bad choice of words. He chokes. “Fuck! I did. Take a shower, I mean. Stay close to me. Please. I don’t like talking about him.”
Not without your arms around me because I am fucking terrified
.

“Really?”

“Of course.” I can’t believe he’s asking me that. “And anyway, it was three days before.” A compromise, actually, because Luke did want to fuck me that morning, or at least the night before. I hadn’t wanted to fuck him at all for the last month.

“Three days? Really?” That lifted his spirits. How fucked is that?

“Isaac…”

“So he wasn’t still in you that first time. When I was.”

“God, baby, no.” Gross.

“It wouldn’t have made a difference. I’d still want you.”

“Come here,” I whine, threading my arms around his waist and hugging him tightly until he hugs me back. “Were you wondering about that? At the time?”

“No. I was just thinking about you. I’m pretty good at shutting that shit out. It bothered me afterwards a little.”

I hide my disgust. I don’t want him to think it’s for him. “We really need to talk more.”

“Yeah,” he laughs. “And not in the woods. Though, it’s actually a little easier here.”

There’s a light at the end of this tunnel of trees. Are we at the parking lot already? “Wanna do the trail again? First date only talk.”

“Okay, but we’re just now getting to where I wanted to take you.”

40

“This isn’t the end of the loop?”

“Nope,” he laughs, scooping me up and running us the last few yards of the trail as I giggle into his ear. “This is why I brought you here. And no, I’ve never brought anyone else.”

“You said that you didn’t know where it goes.”

“I didn’t lie. I…
surprised you.”

“Wow,” I gasp as he sits me down and I get a chance to survey the meadow before me.

“I know. There was no one here the last time, but it was winter.”

“It’s just as well. We’d end up screwing in the middle of it if we were alone.”

“True.” He flops down in the grass with one arm outstretched just waiting to wrap around me. I grin at him and climb into my favorite place in the world. We stare at the clouds for a while, his hand linked with mine, toying with my fingers. Every time I glance over at him I’m shocked to see how relaxed and happy he looks. “That one sort of looks like a dragon to me.”

“They all look at like a scoop of ice cream or mashed potatoes to me,” I grumble. “My brain is too literal.”

“Your brain is incredible. Have you ever done a Rorschach test?”

“Nope, I’d probably fail.”

“I don’t think you can.”

“I’d find a way,” I assure him.

“You’ve probably never failed an exam in your life.”

“Not in math, science, history, anything that basically involves memorization. But I’m crap at composition even though I have a dictionary in my head. I just can’t put the words together.”

He’s quiet for a moment. “What do you mean you have a dictionary in your head?”

Crap
. I sit up for a second and soak in every detail as he looks at me quizzically. It’s refreshing to hear him gasp in surprise for a change when I flip my leg over his hips and straddle him, grinding down quickly on his erection as his eyes widen.

“What are you doing?”

“Telling you a secret.” That must have piqued his interest because he sits up on his elbows and cocks his head to the side. “At 10 o’clock about a 160 feet behind me there’s a family having a picnic. 3 boys. 2 blonds, the one in a red shirt is probably 4, the one in the black is probably 6 and he’s playing with a blue and silver remote controlled helicopter. It was flying 10 seconds ago, but it looked like it was about to crash so it probably has by now. The redhead is the baby of the family, maybe 2 years old. He got his hair from his mother, wearing jeans and white t-shirt as she tries to get him to eat apple slices. The father is balding, compulsively checking his Blackberry and completely disinterested in this family outing.”

“What the—”

“To your left, about 10 feet behind me there’s a clump of pink flowers. 16 of them.” I watch his eyebrows raise when he spots it, then furrow as he counts. “Corydalis Sempervirens. I had a flower book when I was twelve, that’s how I know.”

“
Twelve?”

“Yep. There’s a couple on the bench near the opening of the meadow. Pretty standard old people, lots of smile lines so they’re probably quite happy. His large nose dominates his face and what little hair he has is stark white. Hers is almost as red as those polyester pants. There’s three more couples, two closet case gay guys at noon, 230 feet away or so
. Black shirt and jeans, crew cut, and red shirt and khakis, with a Macklemore thing going on.” Isaac’s jaw falls open. “At 2 o’clock we’ve got a blonde preppy guy in a light blue polo. He looks like he’s working hard to get that curly black haired woman with bright blue eyes in a pink tank top to sleep with him tonight, but it isn’t working.”

“No, I don’t think it is,” he chuckles.

“Then at 4 we have a couple in their thirties, both with brown hair. She’s pregnant, maybe 6 months? They look really happy. And behind them are four very stereotypical looking stoners, two in tie dye, one shirtless, one in a Pink Floyd tee, playing disc golf. Poorly.”

“How are you doing this?”

“I don’t know. I have no idea how it works. It just does. It always has.”

“So you have a photographic memory.”

“It’s not just visual. Sounds and smells too. Physical sensation is kind of fuzzy, but emotions are crystal clear.” I look up. “You can’t check this, but the right hemisphere of your left eye has 24 blue sparks that bleed into the green. And that leaf pattern on the rug in the apartment repeats itself six times, six and three quarters if you count the partials on the perimeter.”

“Are you a genius?”

“On an IQ test, yes. In real life, not so much,” I peep.

“Why do you look so self-conscious? That is amazing.”

“It doesn’t freak you out?”

“No,” he exclaims, reaching up to brush my hair aside. “Maya, no. Though I guess I’ll have to be more careful choosing my words because you’ll remember it very well if I hurt your feelings, won’t you?”

“Yes,” I whisper. “Yeah, bad shit gets stuck in my head, too.”

“Hey.” He sits up and cradles me in his arms, kissing my closed eyes. “It’s okay.”

“Sex messes it up a little, I guess, at least with you. When I think about that first time, I can feel it like I’m there, but I don’t remember biting you.”

“I do. Maya, this doesn’t change anything between us. I’m probably the only person you’ll meet who isn’t jealous.” I wish that didn’t make sense, but it does. The epiphany he’s experiencing is written all over his gorgeous face. “This is why you get so panicked when you talk about him, isn’t it?”

“Yeah,” I peep, tucking my chin down.

“Baby.” He wraps his arms tighter around me, cupping the back of my head. “Maya, it’s okay.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier.”

“I keep enough shit from you.”

“I still wouldn’t have said anything if you didn’t. I wanted you to like me, not my stupid computer brain. That’s all anyone ever sees.”

“Not me.” He leans forward and kisses me deeply, his thumbs skimming my jawline.

“Okay, let’s talk about something else now.” I exhale loudly and shake my head before climbing off of him.

“Like taking you to Vegas. I bet we could make a lot of money before they figure out you can count cards,” he laughs.

“Isaac!” I shove his shoulder playfully.

“Don’t act like you’ve never thought about it.” He rolls on top of me and we pretend that there is no one else here for a while. Making out like this isn’t standard for a first date, but I don’t have the heart to tell him.

“I really had fun,” he says, starting the car for the long drive home.

“Me too.”

“Sorry we had to eat crap fast food in the car.”

“It was a lot less stressful that way. Besides, you make me great food all the time.” It’s a long drive home, and I’m done with small talk. I don’t want to push him, either. And since there isn’t any other form of entertainment or distractions, that only leaves one thing I want to do with him. This is going to take forever. “I’m really horny,” I mention casually.

He groans, shaking his head as his eyes stay fixed on the road. “As if it wasn’t difficult enough to resist the urge to pull over and fuck you.”

If this was one of those old cars with a bench seat, I could scoot closer to him like I want to so badly right now. I’m too short to lean on his shoulder comfortably and he laughs while I try. I can’t wait to get home but I don’t want this ride to end either.

“Okay, seriously, this running your fingers through my hair thing
feels great, but it’s insanely distracting,” he chastises me.

“Sorry.” But I can’t make myself stop.

“How about you explain to me what’s on that stack of papers you think you have hidden under the mattress in your room.”

“I
knew
you touched them on Day 6.”

“I put them back exactly as they were.”

“I still knew.” I stick my tongue out at him.

“Monitoring your every move was part of my job.”

“Oh, please. You just had a crush on me.”

“Guilty as charged.” That tilted smile drives my arousal higher. “Seriously. Try to explain it. To me it look
s like some type of alien correspondence.”

“Well, how good were you at algebra in high school?”

“I actually did okay.” He doesn’t understand half of what I’m saying, but listens intently anyway, insisting that the excitement in my voice is worth the confusion. It does make the two and a half hours go by pretty quickly. “We’re almost there. You’re not going to like what happens next. I can’t wait to fuck your brains out and snuggle the hell out of you, but right now I’m going to pull over and stop. We’re switching drivers.”

“What?”

“You’re pulling into the parking garage by yourself, getting in the elevator, and going straight to the apartment.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Yes, you are. And I’ll be up there twenty minutes later.”

“Isaac!” I protest.

“I should wait an hour.”

“No!”

“I’ll be lucky to make it twenty minutes. I’ll be going insane. Actually, the only reason I have a chance is because you’re taking this cell phone and calling the only number programmed on it, which is this cell phone. You’ll call it and let it ring when you get upstairs.”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

“No. But if I’m not positive you made it upstairs safely, I won’t make it for five minutes before I’m running up there, and that is a fucking horrible idea. I won’t actually believe it until you’re in my arms.”

“I don’t want to do this. We left together.”