Denying Heaven (Room 103) (4 page)

“Fuck me!” Janey grinned as she jumped on one of the huge
beds in our suite.

The whole of the top floor in the lavish Royal Blue Hotel
in the Orkney Isles, Scotland had been reserved for Room 103 and River’s Ink,
including the floors own private spa, pool and bar.

We each shared a room with one other and of course, Janey
and I were sharing but that was good with me, I loved this girl with everything
I was. She was supportive, compassionate and an epic drummer.

“Come on Janey, unpack later, I need to hit the bar” I
urged but she scowled at me and continued with her bounce regime.

“Christ Spirit, we only just got here,” she murmured as
she opened a door that lead to an extravagant bathroom. “Wow, look.”

I rolled my eyes and peered into the bathroom, “Yeah
cool, a tub. Come on, Janey.”

She shook her head and sighed at my pleading. “Spirit,”
she started and I huffed, turning away from her pitying stare when I knew what
was coming. “Sweetie, don’t you think…”

“Fine leave it, I’ll find it myself.”

I pulled the door closed behind me a little too loudly
but made my way down the corridor to the entertainment side of the floor.

Practically sniffing my way to the booze I smiled at the
server as I attempted to climb onto the high stool once I reached the bar,
“Jack and ice, please.”

He nodded and smirked at me as I tried for the third time
to hoist my tiny body up. “Fucking hell, do you not believe in little people?”
I moaned and jolted as hands circled my waist and lifted me up, planting my
backside on a stool with a delicate deposit.

I turned and grinned as Romeo beamed at me, “You need
some heels” he stated as he regarded my bare feet swinging in the air.

“Nah, heels mean hell and I just wanna relax.”

He shrugged and ordered a beer for himself when the
bartender placed my glass of whisky in front of me. I downed it in one and
tilted my glass back to him in reference for a refill.

“Bloody hell, never seen a girl down that stuff as smooth
as that.” He laughed and nudged me but I just shrugged.

“Double, this time,” I ordered when ‘Ray’, according to
his name tag, came back with Romeo’s pint.

“Need to obliterate?” He asked and I shrugged again as I
reached over the highly polished bar and snagged a packet of nuts from the
hooks.

“Bend over like that again and it’ll be more than your
jeans in the crack of your tight ass” a voice said in my ear and I shivered as
my body exploded in receptive neurons, lighting my arousal intensely and
stimulating an urgent appetite for something other than peanuts.

“Excuse me?” I hissed through clenched teeth as I turned
to face Bulk.

He grinned lazily as his eyes dropped to my mouth and I
licked my lips unconsciously, my mouth suddenly becoming dry as I watched a
hunger darken his eyes, “Just telling it like it is, little sinner.”

I scoffed and shook my head in disbelief, “Oh, I didn’t
think you tolerated
silly little girls.
So what I do with my own arse is
entirely up to me.”

The corner of his lips twitched as his eyelids lowered
slightly and his chest heaved with a deep breath. “But we both know how your
arse likes over-ruling, Spirit… or should I say
River
?”

What the…

My body tightened in fear as a million different agonised
thoughts rendered me speechless and I swallowed to hold back the bile as my
soul froze and my mind screamed in warning.

My teeth sank into my lower lip as I slid off the stool
and propelled myself down the corridor back to my room.

“Spirit?”

I shook my head and carried on; trying to shut out Bulk’s
demanding tone behind me.

“Leave me alone” I managed to choke out but a large hand
circled the top of my arm and halted me.

“Please…” I near begged as he turned me round to face
him.

His face wasn’t angry but concern flashed over every inch
of him as his eyes studied my face intently. “What did I say?”

I nibbled on my lip furiously as I scrutinised him,
trying to read how much and what he knew about me. “What… how…”

I shook my head again and tried to pull away but his hold
was relentless. “Why… why did you call me River?” I asked, surprised that I had
managed to find my voice around the lump stuck in my throat.

He frowned at me, his head tilting slightly to the side
as his eyes darkened, “Because of your ink. I get it now, River Phoenix.”

I shook my head and snatched my arm away from him as my
chest screamed at the tightness overpowering it, “What? No! Just leave me alone
Bulk, stay out of my way” I snapped.

“Excuse me?” he scoffed as his face creased in confusion
and slight offence.

I stared at him as I tried to read him but his eyes held
nothing I could decipher, nothing I could grab onto and fathom, “What exactly
do you… uhh… never mind, just…”

I couldn’t even form a sentence in this strong unyielding
man’s proximity, his confidence and authority unnerved me, yet comforted me. He
made me feel as though I could open up to him as I was additionally aware I
needed to steer clear, stay the hell away from him. I knew he could break my
heart along with my soul, I could feel the despair his spirit wept with and if
I was truthful to myself, I wasn’t in a position to cure it, as much as I
wanted to; my own soul needed to heal first.

“Spirit,” he sucked in a soft breath as his eyes pierced
my own. “What’s going on with you?”

I could feel the slight drain of blood from my face as I
desperately tried to remain impassive and cool. “I’m not sure I understand.”

He shook his head slowly and chewed on his bottom lip as
his fingers gripped my chin and tilted my head back until I had no choice but
to look into his gaze, drown in the hell relayed in his irises and breathe in
his own warm breaths. “Why do you need to obliterate your life? I can feel your
despair honey, you reek of it. You unconsciously call out for help, your whole
soul is screaming for me to help.”

The swallow stuck in my throat as my blood froze. How the
hell did he do it? Read everything and everyone so damn intimately?

“What the hell are you on about?”

He sighed heavily but his brow puckered with a slight
pain as he brushed his thumb over my bottom lip, his eyes trained on his own
gentle action and I pulled back as my heart screamed for protection. He gripped
me harder, his dominancy rendering me still and immobile and I closed my eyes,
shielding myself from his heavy stare.

“Spirit…” His breath whispered over my mouth and I moaned
quietly as my brain fired danger alerts and my womb clenched in need.

“Don’t…” I whispered back but I knew I was unable to back
my words up. I wanted him so bad, I needed him with everything I held inside
but he also scared the shit out of me. I knew he could get close, discover all
my dirty little secrets and hurt me with them.

I whimpered as his soft lips brushed over mine and I
leaned into him, instinctively moving closer to him as my body refused my
brains demands and took what it needed.

He growled deeply as I opened my mouth and wrapped my tongue
around his, flicking it harshly before my teeth painfully grazed his lower lip
and sank in until I could taste his blood.

My back hit the wall as his hand grabbed a fistful of my
hair and his hips ground into me, his hard cock showing me just how much my
painful play had fired his arousal.

“God, I need you” his whispered voice shivered over my
lips as his hand stroked across my cheek and ventured into the thickness of my
hair.

His lips were soft but firm, his kiss dominant but conceding
and his tight grip in my hair was soothed by his other thumb softly stroking
along the ridge of my cheekbone.

My body sang in delight as my core convulsed with a need
I had never felt before, my lust was driving me insane and if I was honest, my
need for him was frightening. I had never needed someone so… passionately, not
since…

My brain erupted in alarm bells as my heart ached with
the memory of what I had lost, my soul weeping deeply as his face shot through mind.

I pulled back from Bulk and my womb growled in anger as
my throat closed in disappointment.

“I… I can’t do this… I’m…”

I pushed against him, moving his large body with my
craving to get away but his hand shot out and took mine, “Spirit? I don’t…” He
shook his head and frowned. His eyes searched mine before I watched him
physically and emotionally shut down, right in front of me. It was like he was
suddenly aware of where he was and what tramp had him losing his control.

His face contorted with disgust and I grimaced at the
hurt that dug deep. I knew what he thought of me, his actions from last time
still rendered an ache deep inside and I almost choked on the self-loathing
that fisted my soul.

“I know, I’m… sorry.” I managed to whisper before I
pushed away and forced my legs to carry me down the hallway and through my room
door.

“Spirit?” Janey asked on a choked breath as she watched
me slam the door and sink down it until I was a crumpled bitter heap of disarray
on the floor. “Sweetie, hey…”

She was before me in seconds, pulling me into her soft
embrace as she took my pain and absorbed it like she always did when the sorrow
became too much, became an unbearable hostility within me; an inner hatred that
demolished my soul. The abhorrence of what I had done reducing me into a
chaotic crash of emotions, feelings and actual physical pain.

I clung to her, needing the grasp of love as I drained it
from her and fed my essence with it, my desperation in obtaining it from her
saw my fingers digging deep into her flesh. She cringed but gave me everything
she had, “Take it, I’m here Spirit, take it all, sweetie.”

I choked on the sob that was stabbing my chest as the
pain in my gut broke through in strangled dry heaves, “Ssshhh, sweetie,
ssshhh.”

“I can’t… I can’t… breathe…”

Janey palmed my cheeks and turned my blue face to hers,
her anguish and fear tightening my lungs even more as I gasped at nothing. My
vision was blurring as my lungs screeched in shock, my brain was going into
panic as my throat constricted further.

“SPIRIT!!!” Was the last thing I heard as my mind finally
shut down to the pain and gave me the peace and calm that my soul craved.

“What the fuck?” Romeo barked at me as I kicked the door
shut behind me and raided the mini bar. “What’s got your back up?”

I shook my head in warning. The last thing I needed was
his condescending wise ass lecture.

“Bulk?”

“Back – the – fuck – off” I cautioned as I downed the
whisky and refilled the glass, “just back off.”

He held his hands out in front of him as he nodded
simultaneously and retreated a few steps, “Okay.”

I could feel his eyes on me as I approached the floor to
ceiling window and focused my gaze and attention on the night life below.
People, happy people, people without the pain of loss were strolling and
laughing, their daily lives cheery and carefree and I envied them, envied their
untroubled and easy lives. They didn’t appreciate how damn fucking fortunate
they were. I hated the bloody lot of them as they seemed to look up at me, laughing
and pointing at me as Shona’s voice played on repeat in my head.

“Chase, make me yours Chase, I need to be yours.
Always yours.”

My god, I missed her. I ached like never before but the
guilt at what I didn’t understand clenched deep in my gut and strangled my
want.

My want for a little sinner.

Fuck!

No, no, no.

I shook my head rapidly, dismissing the thoughts that
ruled my head and screamed as I launched my glass across the room and relished
in the sound and satisfaction of the shatter. It matched my soul.

“Whoa, mate, chill out.” Romeo grabbed my arm and before
I realised what I was doing, I had turned on him and smashed my fist into his
jaw.

I stared at him, my eyes as wide as my mouth as he hit
the ground with a heavy thud. “Fuck! Shit, Romeo… I…”

He clambered off the floor and rubbed his chin as he
glared at me, “I don’t know what the fuck is going on big guy, but get it
together, sort your shit out… now!”

I squeezed my eyes closed as I desperately fought the
tightness in my chest, “Shit, I…”

His hands wrapped around the tops of my arms as he stared
straight into me, “Breathe through it Bulk, use it to fight the fucking shit
with.”

He thumped my chest gently as his eyes fired angrily,
“What the hell has happened?”

I rubbed my hands over my face and turned back to the
window, desperately trying to calm myself and my burn, “I… fuck…” I blew out a
breath as I rested my forehead on the cool glass, its chill soothing the heat
in my blood and stimulating my brain.

“She makes me feel… things; want, need, a… a God damn
beat in my chest again” I admitted, finally to myself as well as my friend.

“Spirit?”

I tilted my head and turned to him in surprise but he
grinned and scoffed slightly, “Mate, it’s written all over the pair of you. Even
Stevie fuckin’ Wonder would be able to see it.”

I turned away; I didn’t want to see the acknowledgement
in his face. I wouldn’t acknowledge it; I refused to even accept it. “No… I
can’t.”

“Why?”

“You know why, Romeo, because…”

“Because of Shona?” he asked quietly and her name from
his lips in the same conversation containing Spirit’s name hurt deeply, the guilt
overtook my heartbeat and forced it higher until it was a heavy banging thud in
my chest.

I looked at him but didn’t answer, he didn’t need me to.

“Bulk, how long has she been...”

“Don’t!” I spat as I lifted a hand to halt his painful
words, “Don’t.”

He rolled his lips then sucked in a heavy breath but kept
his troubled gaze on me before it got too unbearable to look at and I turned
back to the outside commotions through the shield of the window and I frowned
as an ambulance pulled up with its lights blaring. Maybe Boss had cried himself
to death?

The world continued as my ache immobilised me, it’s daily
pattern of light and dark, night and day, sunrise and sunset brought the agony
of each painful breath without my life force, my other half, the light in my
own darkness.

“Even after seven years… I just… I just miss her, ya’
know… my heart aches for her Romeo, my soul shivers without her warmth and I…”

“You what?” he asked softly from beside me as he came to
rest on the window with me, his bleak eyes holding me hostage until I said the
words he wanted to hear.

“I… I can’t feel again, it feels like… like I’m betraying
her, giving a part of what was hers to…”

“To Spirit?” he finished for me and I nodded slowly.

“Bulk, there’s nothing I can say that will help you come
to terms with all this; that, you have to do yourself but just think what Shona
would want. Would she want seven and more years of an ache that hurts you deep?
No, I didn’t know her well, but hell that woman had the purest of hearts and I
think… no, I know she wouldn’t want this for you; she’d want you to live mate,
fully. You’ve bedded other women, what’s so different about Spirit?”

I shrugged at him, frowning at the commotion outside our
door as I turned back to the window, “I… maybe, it’s just hard, not knowing
what to do but Spirit, she’s… Christ, she’s a mess Romeo, I can feel it in her and
it’s choking.”

“What’s the deal with Kenny and her?” Romeo asked as he
walked towards our door to see what the ruckus outside was about.

“Yeah, that’s a bit of weird shit too, I mean he…”

I paused as I watched Romeo’s eyes widen as he peered
round the edge of our door and into the hallway, “What is it?”

He shrugged then looked back at me, his brow furrowed as
his eyes darkened. “It looks like Spirit and Janey’s room, I can’t see
properly.”

“What!”

Romeo moved out of the doorway before I took him with me
in my rush to find out what the fuck was happening.

Kenny was stood in Spirit’s doorway refusing entry to
every fuck. Who the hell was he to Spirit? What the hell gave him the right to
rule her?

“Move!” I said with a glare as he refused to move his arm
from blocking my access.

He stared at me with a slight smirk, no reference to
worry or concern at Spirit’s condition on his face. “I asked you to move.”

He scrunched his nose and shook his head, “No, let the
paramedics deal with her, they don’t need your shit.”

“The fuck, Kenny? What’s happened anyway?”

His face darkened as his eyes strolled over my frame with
a slight distaste written in his expression, “The usual… She’s fucked.”

I closed my eyes and swallowed back the disappointment in
Spirit. What the hell was she playing at?
Why
did she need that shit?
“Fuck, again?”

Kenny tipped his head and gazed at me, his eyes narrow
and questioning but full of ire and contempt and I sank my teeth into my bottom
lip to stop the mouth full of shit I wanted to give him.

“Again?”

I ignored him as I tried to get a glimpse at what was
going off in the room. Janey and two paramedics were crouched on the floor and
I moved my head slightly to catch a glimpse of Spirit.

She was sat up, her eyes half open but at least she was
conscious and looked okay, if a little pale. Her eyes caught mine and she
swallowed before looking away with shame as her tongue licked across her lips.

“Kenny?” Romeo shouted from behind us and I inwardly
thanked the man for his obvious diversion as Kenny turned around to see what he
was needed for.

I dipped under his arm and shot over to Spirit.

Her eyes widened on me and she tried to turn away again
but the paramedics clamped an oxygen mask over her face, denying her wish to
look at anything but me.

“What are you playing at Spirit?” I asked her softly. She
didn’t need my anger right now; that would come later.

Her eyes pooled and damn if it didn’t fuck the beat of my
heart a little. She hurt… and I hurt.

God damn!

The medics checked her over, one of them looking at her
with obvious disdain as he shone a light in her eyes. She squinted but used the
inspection as an excuse to remove her eyes from mine.

God, she was beautiful, even pale and gaunt with a
plastic bloody mask stuck to her face.

What the hell?

I sighed and stood up, removing my gaze from hers and
scanning their room as a diversion for my thoughts.

“What have you taken?” the paramedic with the attitude
problem barked at her.

Her eyes shot to mine and I dragged in my frustration
with her, she needed to be honest and I didn’t want her holding back if she
thought I would react to her response.

I gave her a slight nod and she blinked a couple of times
before she looked back at the medic, “Coke.” Her eyes lowered to the floor when
he scoffed and shook his head.

“Just do your job, mate. You’re not here to fuckin’
judge.” I fixed my eyes on him until he backed down and nodded slightly, “And
I’ll tell you this once; this ends up in the media and I’ll make sure you never
fuckin’ work again, got that?”

He glared at me but nodded again before turning back to
Spirit. “You seem okay, just a reaction to the cocaine. I’m sure you don’t need
me to tell you about the dangers of…”

“It wasn’t the coke that set her off, it was…” Janey
started but Spirit interrupted with a quick glance at me.

“No” she said quickly as her tongue glided over her top
teeth and her nose twitched.

He turned to Janey and proceeded to inform her of how to
watch for signs of another reaction before both the medics packed up their shit
and walked away.

“Everybody out, I need a word with Spirit.” Kenny barked
at no-one in particular as the ambulance crew left the room.

“Uh-uh.” I opposed with a snide smile. There was no way I
was leaving her with this arrogant arse; he’d flip her shit on her.

“Bulk, just get the fuck out.” He stood up and invaded my
personal space but I stood my ground and sneered at him.

“Nope” I shot back with a small chuckle. The look on his
face curled the corner of my lips and I wondered if anybody had ever stood up
to this self-righteous fuck.

Eric, River’s Ink’s bassist, walked over to Kenny and
grabbed his arm, his long tattooed fingers gripping with a warning, “Come on
Ken, leave her be, she doesn’t need this right now.”

Kenny looked over at Spirit still sat on the floor with
her back resting on the wall but she lowered her eyes and chewed on her bottom
lip with vigour. I could feel the fear rolling off her, the worry and anguish
at her
friends’
dominance and I tipped my head at her in question. Her
eyes flashed in warning before she flicked them at Eric with a tiny smile of
thanks as he led Kenny from the room.

Janey gave me a slight smile as she disappeared with the
others and I crouched down in front of Spirit.

She palmed the floor and tried to heave herself up but I
shook my head at her and cupped her cheek softly, her smooth skin tingled under
my touch and a slight shiver ran through me. I frowned at the sensation but
kept my eyes on her, holding her hostage under my order.

“Why?”

She gulped but didn’t disengage from me. Her eyes seemed
to be pleading with me for something. A reprieve? Forgiveness, maybe?

Her bottom lip was being chewed to death and I slid my
thumb over it to release it from her teeth. She sucked in a huge breath and
closed her eyes as a solitary tear rolled down her cheek.

“Shush, honey.”

Her eyes opened widely as a choked strangled sound
vibrated through her. “Hold me” she whispered and I closed my eyes as my heart
stuttered with her heartbroken plea.

I closed my eyes and inhaled her soothing scent as she
clambered onto my lap, not giving me a chance to deny her request. Her unique fragrance
reminded me of a waterfall, the fresh and natural trace of something floral
behind the crisp and refreshing aroma of her soft skin.

Her arms wrapped around my body as she curled her tiny
frame into me, her soft curves moulding against my hard ones.

Oh Jesus Christ, there was no way I was going to survive
this without being able to touch her, kiss her, taste the sweetness of her and
feel the delicate flick of her tongue on mine.

She mumbled something under her breath and I nudged her
head gently with my chin, “What?”

“You smell like… so good” she breathed as her lips
settled on my neck and the soft wisps of her breath on my stubbled skin caused
my cock to stir in approval.

Fuck, not now.

“Yeah?” I asked her quietly.

Her head nodded lightly and her nose buried into the
space under my ear. Christ, my breath stunted and my heartbeat sped up, forcing
my blood more rapidly into my dick and I groaned low as she started rocking in
my lap, her delicious softness sliding almost unbearably against my hard on.

“Spirit, honey… don’t… shit, carry on…”

She moaned as her mouth opened and she nipped my earlobe,
“Oh, you feel so good” she murmured as she ground harder on me. “I need you,
Bulk, please…”

“Fuck… Spirit. You have no idea how much I want this
right now but you… Oh God, baby, right there…”

Her hand slid between us and her fingers curled along the
contours of my cock, her small hand rubbing with an almost desperation.

“God, you’re so big.”

I smiled to myself as she moaned again and her other hand
gripped the material on the back of my shirt as she continued to slide herself
over her own hand and my dick. “Harder Spirit, make yourself come honey, all
over me.”

“Oh…” she blew out a breath on my neck as she licked a
trail across my jaw and up to my lips, “Kiss me.”

I tilted my head at her order and lifted a brow as I
clamped hold of her hips to put a halt on her pleasure. “Who’s in charge here,
Spirit?”

Her eyes flicked over my face, pausing at my mouth before
they rose back up to my eyes. “You are” she conceded as she butted against my
hands, trying to release my hold on her so she could continue her relentless
need to come.