[Desert Roses 03] - Beneath A Harvest Sky (18 page)

“Rainy is an adult. She’ll have to make some of these choices for herself. She’s a good woman who loves God and knows to put Him first. If she does that and seeks His will in the matter, she should be just fine.”

“And if she doesn’t?” Sonny hated to even voice the question, but it had to be asked.

“If she doesn’t, she’ll bear the consequences of her actions, just as we all do. Satan is good at deceiving people. He comes as an angel of light and offers what looks to be a good and proper path. If he came as an unattractive monster with death and destruction written clearly on his face, no one would fall prey to his schemes. It could very well be that God does intend for Duncan Hartford to be your sister’s husband. Perhaps Duncan and Rainy would accomplish wonderful things for the Lord. Do you suppose Satan will sit by and allow that?”

His father got up and looked down at Sonny with great compassion. “Pray for her, son. Pray the good

Lord will give her strength in adversity. She has to be able to determine what’s of the Lord and what isn’t.

Rainy alone can make the choice, but we can support her in prayer . . . and offer advice when she allows it.”

He squeezed Sonny’s shoulder. “Like I said, pray for her. She’ll come through just fine.”

“I hope so, Dad. I just don’t want to see her hurt.”

“Son, you can’t keep that from happening. We all suffer in this world. Jesus said it would be so. That’s why our faith must stand firm—otherwise we fall.”

Sonny thought on his father’s words long after he’d gone to bed. The next morning he was still considering them when a knock came on the front door. Opening it, Sonny found himself face-to-face with Bethel Driscoll.

“Hello, Sonny,” she said, smiling in her coy manner. “I wonder if you might do me the tiniest favor.”

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

A
fter a week in Taos, the ensemble headed back to Santa Fe via the earlier forgone Puye ruins. The Puye Cliff Dwellings, carved into rock formed from compressed volcanic ash and cinders, stood as a reminder of the long heritage of New Mexican people. The Indians had built into the rock for protection, eventually stretching out to build adobe houses on the slopes and on top of the numerous mesas. The marvel of Indian pueblos fascinated Jennetta, who immediately declared upon arriving that she would write a poem devoted to the site.

Rainy directed the party to their outdoor lunch of chicken sandwiches, fruit, cheese, and coffee before taking her own lunch to a more secluded spot. Here, the scattered sage shared company with the buffalo grass and prickly-pear cactus. The varying shades of green gave a look of life to the desert land. From place to place a mouse or ground squirrel skittered across the parched ground in search of food and water.

At times this area seems so desolate and desperate,
Rainy thought. The ruins gave proof to a life that had once existed. Who were the people who had carved these homes of rock? Where had they gone? Had some enemy come to snatch them away? The archaeologist in Rainy demanded answers. She longed to forget the tour and just set out on her own to study the ruins and the legacy left behind.

There was so much she desired and so little that she seemed to truly be able to grasp.
How has my life
become so completely contrary to what I had planned?

Sitting there gazing across a landscape dry and pleading for moisture, Rainy thought of her own pleadings before God. Duncan’s words haunted her. So much so that she began to pray with those comments in mind.

She truly sought her heart and realized there was a great deal of truth in what Duncan had said. She knew the urgency was not of God. At first, she believed the pressure had indeed been something divinely given in order to motivate her in the direction God desired her to go. But after Duncan spoke of God’s timing and there being no need to rush into a relationship, Rainy truly began to reconsider.

I don’t love Phillip Vance,
she told herself as she nibbled on her sandwich.
And as fond as I am of Duncan, I
cannot truly say that I love him either
. Although she knew that given Duncan’s love of the Southwest and of archaeology, they would have much more in common than she and Phillip would share. Plus there was the most critical situation of all: Phillip did not share her faith. Duncan did.

But my feelings are so volatile where Duncan is
concerned,
she thought.
He makes me feel . . .
She let her emotions surface for once.
He makes me feel cared about.

He makes me feel safe
. She sucked on her lower lip and considered what such feelings might mean.

“I hope you don’t mind if I join you,” Phillip said, coming to sit beside Rainy.

Rainy smiled and stuffed her feelings down deep.

“Not at all. Are you enjoying the ruins?”

“Ver y much. I had no idea such places even existed prior to coming on this trip. I think I shall miss it very much.”

“When do you leave for Los Angeles?” she asked.

“Tomorrow. I’m scheduled on the afternoon train.

I won’t be able to get back for a while—probably not any sooner than a month, maybe two. But, Rainy, I want to come back and see you. Will you let me do that? Will you wait for me?”

Rainy felt a strange stirring as she gazed into Phillip’s blue eyes. “I . . . well . . . I don’t know if that’s at all wise.”

Phillip seemed genuinely startled by her response.

He put down his lunch and looked at her for a moment as if trying to ascertain how honest she was being with him.

“Have I done something wrong?” he asked.

Rainy shook her head. “No, but I find my life turned upside down. I’m not at all sure what God would have me do.”

“Don’t hide behind God, Rainy.”

She tensed at his words. It sounded very much like something Chester Driscoll had once said. “I’m not hiding behind God,” she replied stiffly.

Phillip reached out and took hold of her hand. “I’m not insulting your faith. I’m simply trying to say that I’ve met people who pretended to be steeped in concern for what God wanted in their life, but rather than truly being of a spiritual mind, they were using the concept to avoid making decisions and commitments. I wouldn’t want you to do that merely because the potential choices are frightening.”

Rainy calmed a bit. Phillip couldn’t possibly understand how she felt about her faith, but at least he wasn’t trying to be harsh with her. “I don’t believe I’m hiding behind God so much as hiding in Him. There’s a big difference.”

“Is there really?” He lowered his face but looked up at her in a manner Rainy had seen him do in the movies. It was done for effect—there was no doubt about it. She wondered if he did it consciously or if the action had been performed so many times before that by now it was a natural part of how Phillip Vance responded.

“Of course there is. The Bible is full of verses that talk about God being our shelter and refuge and about hiding in Him. He’s the source of my strength and my hope. To consider any other way would never work for me.” Rainy straightened and put down her sandwich. “I suppose we’ve all known people who didn’t truly revere or honor God yet they used Him.

But the Bible says God will not be mocked. I would imagine those people who have acted thusly will find a very difficult path ahead of them.”

“You really believe that, don’t you?” It was Phillip’s turn to straighten and put aside his act.

“I do believe that, Phillip. God has too often shown himself in my life for me to believe otherwise.”

“And He’s never let you down? Never seemed indifferent to your pleas?”

Rainy looked away rather quickly. Phillip’s words stung. Of course she had felt God rather indifferent in what had happened to her at the university. After all, He still hadn’t seen fit to clear her name.

“I can tell by your reaction that you have felt God’s absence at times. What happened?”

Rainy felt her breath quicken. “I’d rather not talk about it. It’s rather painful.”

Phillip squeezed her hand. “But perhaps we can ease that pain together.”

Rainy shook her head. “Not until I find a way to right the wrong done me.” She met his handsome face and offered him a weak smile. “Perhaps when that happens, then I’ll share it.”

“But why wait? I care deeply about you; surely you must know that,” Phillip said, almost pleading.

Rainy remained unmoved. She had no desire to tell anyone what had happened. She didn’t want pity or sympathy, and she certainly didn’t want to be falsely judged. No, silence was the better choice.

“Look, Phillip, we have very different lives, you and me. I can’t expect you to understand that, but it’s true.”

“There is no difference that can’t be overcome,” he said softly “if the parties involved desire to overcome.”

“So you would give up movies and move to New Mexico in order to get to know me better?” Rainy asked, knowing the answer before he even spoke.

“A similar question might be asked of you, my dear.

Would you give up New Mexico and come to California in order to better know me?”

Rainy knew in her heart that the answer was no.

She couldn’t see herself gallivanting off to the coast, dressing in stylish fashions and lingering until all hours at one party or another.

“Your silence tells me that you are uncertain,” Phillip spoke before she could say a word. “So don’t give me an answer just yet. Think about it. Think about it for a month, and when I return we can discuss this again. Then maybe you can give me an answer.”

Rainy pulled away from Phillip’s touch and began gathering up her lunch. “I’m not sure what the question really is.”

“The question is, will you stay at my place in California and get to know me better? The house is positively huge and there are always other guests. You could come out with Jennetta, if nothing else. Please say you’ll at least think about it. Please?”

Rainy felt that same sense of urgency wash over her. There was no peace in dealing with Phillip Vance.

“I can’t make any promises.” She got to her feet and looked back down at where he sat. “I’m sure I’ll be around, but I can’t say that I’ll be any closer to an understanding of this situation then than I am now.”

She walked away feeling peace come back in little showers of hope.
God truly has this under control. Phillip
Vance doesn’t hold the answers to my future—God does. And
furthermore, Phillip cannot understand this. It’s not something
he has experienced or looked at with any real depth of
consideration. Perhaps I should have told him that I would
consider spending more time with him if he would spend more
time with God
.

But was it fair to bargain with one person’s desires and force a relationship with God as a means to a more beneficial end?

She wished her mother or father or even Sonny might have been present in order to discuss the matter more thoroughly. She desperately needed guidance.

“You seem quite down in the mouth,” Duncan said as he caught up with her. “Are you feeling all right?”

Rainy looked up at him ready with an angry retort, but instead she held her tongue. His expression showed genuine concern and it softened her heart.

“I’m fine. Just tired.”

“The days are getting warm,” he offered. “The heat is enough to wear anyone out.” He kicked at several rocks, and Rainy watched them dance away and settle into their new location. The desert was easily disturbed, but just as easily it readjusted itself to the disturbance. Would that human beings could do as well.

Rainy and Duncan walked back to the car in an awkward silence. Rainy wanted him to go away, but at the same time she wanted to pour her heart out to someone. “Do you ever feel confused about choices you have to make?” she finally asked. “You told me the other night that God has a plan for me—for everyone,” she said, suddenly feeling rather nervous. “You also said I shouldn’t feel the need to rush or manipulate the situation. But we do have to act sooner or later. We make a choice, even in deciding not to choose.”

“That’s true enough,” Duncan said somberly. “I never suggested choices didn’t have to be made. I simply said I didn’t believe there should be such a sense of urgency in something so entrusted to Him.” He glanced to the skies and momentarily Rainy did the same. The color was a soft turquoise with threadlike wisps of white clouds. How serene it all seemed. Rainy would have loved nothing better than to lose herself in the vast open expanse and never deal with another single problem.

“But . . .” she hesitated. She felt certain Duncan expected her to continue the conversation, but what could she say? How could she explain what she was going through? How could she explain her despair about the past at the university, her shock over the news of the missing Hopi flutes, and her desire to find a mate? How could she hope Duncan could understand that she knew Phillip Vance was a liability she couldn’t afford, yet at the same time he was so very attractive and . . .
Forbidden fruit
. The thought came to her in a flash. Was that what this was about? Was God somehow testing her? Testing her desire to stay true to Him?