DESIRE (6 page)

As I waited to see Sarah’s parents, these thoughts came to be – the Committee was all-powerful. They can make anyone disappear if they so wished. Was I about to confront and question them on their decision just to endanger my life and my mother’s? A burning desire to know made me brave, and I continued waiting. Finally, the third Wednesday, they arrived for dinner. They seemed surprised, if not cautious, when they saw me.

“Great, you guys are finally home early for a change,” Sarah said. “We have a little Life’s Plan dilemma to discuss.”

“Really?” her mother said.

“Kama got her Life’s Plan and it was empty… blank… nada… nil… nothing. What’s up with that?”

“Hmmm.” Her father scratched his beard, avoiding my gaze. His eyes shifted nervously to his wife who in turn became agitated.

“There… there must have been some kind of.…” She stopped and looked quizzically at her husband.

“Some kind of glitch or something,” he finished for her. “Those things happen.”

“Yeah, those things happen sometimes.”

They turned away, both shrugging their shoulders in silence as they sought to escape my questioning glare.

“Can someone please tell me what’s going on?” I finally blurted out. I couldn’t stand all this mystery any longer. Why were they being so weird and evasive?

“Like we said, these things happen.”

They hurried out and headed upstairs to their bedroom.

In a rage I turned to Sarah. “What was that?”

She shrugged and shook her head.

“Did you see how weird they got? Something is going on.”

“I know. I hate to admit it, Kama, but I think you're right. Something is wrong with the Committee.”

“How can they stand there, look me in the eye and tell me there was some kind of glitch. The Committee doesn’t have glitches, they don’t make mistakes and they never give out an empty Life’s Plan.”

Feeling more rattled than I had anticipated I sat down, trying to regain control of myself. Not knowing my future, not knowing what to do without a Life’s Plan was making more anxious than I have ever been. I didn’t know how to deal with the emotions that crowded out all logical thought.

I had not seen Liam since that night, avoiding him for fear of getting him in trouble should he be caught near me. But our separation had been torture for me. Not only did I lose my love, the man I thought I was going to marry, but I lost my best friend.

Now seeing that Sarah’s parents could not even shed a dim ray of light on the situation, I felt all the more dismal.

“These long and late hours are new,” Sarah confided. “They have never come home as late as they have these past weeks. And they are usually a little more open about their work. Of course they never share any confidential information with me, but they do manage to talk about their day in an abstract kind of way.”

“Do you think it’s because of me?”

“I don’t know. Maybe it’s a problem with the Committee as a whole. I mean they usually take everything into consideration when they plot out someone’s Life’s Plan. Everything you’ve done, everything you're good at, even a certain degree of what you desire is considered.”

“Then why didn’t they consider my relationship with Liam. It’s obvious enough. Everyone in town knows about us. Everyone on the Committee knows about us. Why would they so blatantly ignore that?”

“Maybe it’s something that changed suddenly in your records. Did something happen recently that could make them unsure what direction to guide you to? Or maybe they just want…”

Her voice faded away as the answer suddenly came to me. I couldn’t believe I had not thought of it before. The glitch… It wasn’t the Committee that had had the glitch, it was me. My encounter with Torrid, just days before my birthday… surely that had something to do with the Committee’s inability to direct me on my life’s path.

He had come out of nowhere, literally. He wasn’t from Arcadia. That much was obvious.

His words rang in my ear…
your true destiny is not the Life Plan that you’ll receive.

Chapter 6

T
hat night I went to bed thinking of him. He had shown up so mysteriously, out of the blue and what he had to say was just as outrageous as his sudden appearance. Now all I had to find out was how to reach him.

He seemed to find me easily enough, but I had no way of contacting him. If he was from out of town, what town? Torrid. I could ask around. Surely there were not too many Torrids around. But then who would believe why I was looking for such a man.

I shut my eyes and his face came to me, clear as if he was standing there before me. His black hair framed his face in a way that was becoming, and yet dangerous. No man in Arcadia wore his hair so long. But it was his eyes that so captured me; brilliant and endless pools of blue that beckoned me to come closer, to touch him.

Drifting off to sleep, I fell closer and closer to his embrace.

By the time I awoke the next morning, I knew exactly where I had to go. He had been with me throughout the night, coming to divulge secrets, returning with guidance and staying with me until dawn as I questioned how real all of it had been.

The sane, stable and realistic side of me wanted to brush off all that I had felt and heard throughout the night. I had always been so pragmatic that it was inconceivable to believe that a man could enter my dreams and direct me to him.

Yet, I dressed, hastily pulling on the same pants I’d worn the day before simply because they were close at hand on the back of my chair. I tore the first shirt I put my hand on in the closet and shove my arms in, tying only a button or two before jumping into a pair of flips flops that I usually never wore outside the house. My fingers tied my hair back into a tight ponytail and I was ready to go.

The sun was barely up and Mother slept peacefully. Was that why I was in such a rush to get out of the house? I shouldn’t have to sneak around like this, I thought. Yet it seemed the only way of getting to Torrid.

Taking the time to ensure the door didn’t creak, I turned the knob slowly and pushed the door open just enough to allow me to make my silent escape. Once in the cool morning air, my pragmatic side came back to question what I was doing.

It was ludicrous.

Despite that conclusion, my feet still took to the street with a mind of their own. They turned down Eagle Street, carried me three blocks until we took Warbler Avenue before turning onto Sandpiper Blvd.

The streets were deserted save for a few newspaper delivery men who had an early start to this Saturday. I wanted to ensure I reached my destination before anyone questioned me.

I turned onto Sugarcane Lane, a street I had never ventured on before. This led outside of Arcadia and I had no idea what lay beyond the city limits. For a moment I hesitated. Was I really going to do this? To step outside the bounds because my Life’s Plan was a blank?

My feet answered before I could and I moved forward with surprising speed. Within minutes the few homes that adorned the narrow lane gave way to dry fields of hay that appeared abandoned and finally to meadows of wild grass that fluttered in the breeze. Wild flowers bloomed and the further I walked the more the meadow burst with unimaginable colors. Violets deep and rich, yellows brighter than the sun and blues that rivaled a cloudless day.

Then I saw him and my feet halted their advance. Wild grass and flowers ebbed and flowed to his knees, while the breeze fanned his hair into his face against his broad cheekbones and full lips, in a way that left my feet eager to run to him.

This time I managed to get them under control and I walked, cool and calm, towards him. The closer I got the more appealing he was. Any question I may have had for him, the very reason I had come out to find him, escaped me in that moment. All my thoughts were centered on getting closer to him.

I knew you would find me.
His arms were crossed before him and his gaze was just as intense as it had been when I’d last seen him. A hint of a smile played on his lips, teasing and playful despite the hard glint of his eyes.

“You hide in far away places, Mr. Torrid.” I’d finally crossed the meadow and stood before him, hot and sweaty in the early morning sun.  With my hands on my hips, I looked defiantly at him, intent on letting him know he didn’t intimidate me. Or perhaps it was my attraction to him I so desperately wanted to hide.

“I don’t find living within your city limits appealing. I don’t so much hide out here as I choose to be where the air is free and the spaces are wide.”

“Arcadia is the most perfect place in the world to live. The air is just as free as you’ll find it anywhere and there are plenty of beautiful spaces.”

“I’m sure you didn’t come all the way out here to argue our varied preferences in living space.”

“You're right. I have so much to ask you, it’s hard to know where to begin.” I looked around, feeling breathless. His eyes hadn’t left mine since my approach, and the teasing grin he perpetually had left me feeling uneasy, almost self-conscious. What amused him so?

You're more beautiful than you know. And brave. A warrior like your father.

I wanted to smile as the words penetrated my consciousness, but I refused to give him the satisfaction.

“You know,” I said. “It’s not nice to stare.”

Torrid’s eyes didn’t blink. He continued grinning at me.
Perhaps I do not wish to be nice, when it comes to you.

I began blushing under his gaze. How can a man be so blazon? I lifted my chin, stared into his eyes directly, refusing to be intimidated and said. “I recently received my Life’s Plan. For the first time in Arcadian history a blank Life’s Plan was sent out, and guess who had the honor of receiving it. Me. I’m to graduate with honors, that’s it, that’s all.”

“You tell me this as if I had a part in the decision made by a Committee I’m told is immensely revered in your beloved city.”

“Somehow I think my recent encounters with you do have something to do with the Committee’s decision. My life’s course was easily predictable before you came along. I was to marry Liam and live in the…”

“You're far greater a woman than you think you are, Kama. Being the wife to the future Governor is beneath you.”

“How can you say such a thing? Being the Governor of Arcadia is the highest honor a man can have bestowed on him.”

“The highest honor for him, perhaps, but what honor comes to you? As wife to a governor, you have little say, you have little power and you have little, if no decision-making abilities. You are simply the wife of a powerful and important man in the eyes of his constituents. No more.”

My hand went to my heart, so scandalized was I by his remarks. All my life the Governor was a man to respect and admire. And his wife was the envy of the city. Every young girl in Arcadia dreamed of one day living in the great governor’s mansion. My dream had been within reach. Liam loved me and my place in the mansion was practically guaranteed. As a woman in Arcadia, marrying Liam would be the highest social achievement, unless I was to ever become Governor or become one of the high Committee worker.

“Turn around,” Torrid said, his voice gentle yet commanding.

My lips parted to question him, but I thought better of it and did as told.

His hands, large and powerful, brushed lightly over my eyes, bringing my lids to a fluttering close. His fingers worked their way over my temple and back through my hair where he released my ponytail and allowed my hair to waver in the wind.

I licked my lips, not because they were dry, but because of the intense desire I felt for him. His touch was electric, and he was standing so close to me, no matter how hard I tried to ignore it.

“The fact that you received a blank Life’s Plan is not the tragedy, Kama. It is a tragedy averted. Your life is to be as you want it to be. You now have the permission to live your life to your fullest potential. Don’t you see what this means?”

I was reluctant to shake my head. My whole life I’d been told to leave my destiny in the hands of the Committee. They knew what was best for me. They would carve out a path that most suited me.

How could I trust that I was now to make my own destiny?

“You don’t, do you?” he finally said.

I shook my head and his hands came back to cover my eyes. For a moment a strong sense of indomitable strength took over me. I could courageously face any foe and win any battle.

Accompanied with the new sense of power was an odd sense of belonging. Despite everything I’d lived through in Arcadia, even with Liam and Sarah in my life, I never truly felt I belonged, not as I did in that moment with Torrid.

“Do you see what you're capable of?”

A village of color, fragrance and pure joy unfolded before me. As perfect as I’d always thought Arcadia was, this little village far outshined what Arcadia could ever be. Fields overflowed with ripened crops and meadows brushed through the violet sky with a myriad of stunning colors. Every home overflowed with love and compassion.

Though every home was lovely, with hues that warmed the heart and intricate adornments that brought whimsy and fun, it was the emotions that rang from every home that made them so special.

Children played in the streets, games that had them floating through the air and disappearing only to reappear on the other side of the street. Their smiles were genuine and the love that emanated from them could be felt where I stood.

I wanted to reach out to them, to touch them and share in their joy.

My childhood was happy, I suddenly reminded myself. Why did I find myself envying these children who played so freely and without boundaries?

One of them looked at me, a little girl with a shock of black hair and violet eyes. She held her hand out to me, her palm up to the sky and an instant later a yellow and green bird appeared on her fingertips. A shy but knowing smile curved her lips as she reached her hand out to offer me her gift.

What is this? I thought.

This is the world I come from.