DESIRE (8 page)

Both startled, they turned to me as though they’d forgotten I was there at all.

“I know you finally received it,” Jocelyn said. “Was it what you desired?”

There was an odd note of bitterness in her tone.

“Not exactly,” I muttered. “There was no mention of Liam in it at all.”

They looked at one another, their gazes silently exchanging something I between them. An understanding?

“What?” I shoved my sandwich aside and turned to them. “Do you guys know something about this? I’ve been trying to find answers for weeks. No one can tell me anything.”

Matthew quickly looked down at his lunch, biting his lip while his brow creased in anger.

“Matthew,” I insisted. “I’ve known you all my life. You can be straight with me.”

Keeping his head down, he lifted his eyes to me, his lips in a grim line. “Do you really think you're the first from the Amethyst District to get a Life’s Plan that didn’t include what you desired?”

“I don’t know,” I said honestly. I had never really paid much attention to who got what they desired and where they hailed from. Everyone always assume they will get their Life’s Plan, and it will be close to what they desire. That was how we were brought up to think.

“Well, you're not. Few from our neighborhood ever do. Just because you dated Liam doesn’t give you a free pass, though many of us thought it would.”

“Liam wants to ignore my Life’s Plan,” I said, a little defensively. “He wants us to be together.”

Jocelyn shook her head, slowly and silently warning me to keep my voice low. 

“The Arcadian Governor works hard to make everything appear perfect,” Matthew said. “But to anyone who dares dig a little deeper, we’re far from a perfect society, and the way the Life’s Plans are dealt out is just one proof of that.”

I felt the warmth of Jocelyn’s hand over mine. “Don’t let Liam have his way. You’ll both pay for it so heavily.”

“Last year Jocelyn’s older brother was banished from Arcadia,” Matthew added. “We never saw him again. Though, hey, who knows, maybe he’s happier where he is now than he ever could have been here.” Matthew shrugged with male bravado, trying to be cheerful.

“Jason loved Melanie,” Jocelyn argued. “He was crushed when he had to leave everything and everyone he loved behind. And we were crushed to see him leave so suddenly.” Jocelyn glanced down at her wrist with the tiny heart tattoo. “This is a reminder of Jason for me. To be strong, to stay strong. If he had not left, the Committee would have come to our house and dragged our entire family out for a hearing. Jason left to save everyone, including Melanie that fate.”

“I’m sorry to hear of this,” I said taking Melanie’s hand, imagining how horrible that experience was for her and her family.

Matthew looked sheepishly at Jocelyn. “Yeah, I guess you're right. Nothing’s worse than banishment. That is the last resort. I’m sorry to be so casual about it.”

He reached out to take her hand and for that moment we were all connected, as we’d once been as young children; all struggling to belong, all wanting to be wanted.

As I watched them, I realized the love they shared. I had always assumed they were just good friends, but the look of adoration Matthew had as his eyes roved over Jocelyn’s small heart-shaped face made me suddenly envy her. They still have a chance to have their Life’s Plan include being together.

My gaze strayed across the cafeteria and rested on Liam who now sat alone with Sarah. What was to become of us? Our naïve and adolescent plans had revolved so strictly around one another that planning for anything else was inconceivable.

Meeting Liam’s gaze, I knew he was thinking the same thing and I knew he longed to have me at his side just as much as I yearned to be there. How I’ve missed him! But we also both knew how strong the temptations could be when we were so close to one another. Being simply friends was impossible.

“I’m really glad you came to sit with us, Kama,” Jocelyn said.

She brought me out of my reverie, my desperate dream of being with Liam. “Why is that?”

“It’s just nice to see another side of you. We both thought that… well, you know, since you’ve been dating Liam you’d…”

“I’d what?”

“We’re from Amethyst and he’s from Diamond.”

“I know,” I said with growing frustration. What was she trying to say?

“Don’t get upset,” Matthew said. “We just assumed you’d become like the Committee workers’ children. I mean, Liam is set to become Governor and we all know what that means. It’s only normal you get a little big in the head.”

“I did no such thing.”

“I know,” Jocelyn said. “And that’s what we’re so happy to discover. You haven’t really changed at all. You're still that good old girl from Amethyst.”

I wasn’t sure if I should be flattered or insulted. “Well,” I said. “If I ever do start acting like an insufferable jackass Diamond District queen, you’ve permission to knock me down a peg or two. Being in a position of power doesn’t mean to lord it over anyone or everyone. It means doing the right thing for everyone, and not just for yourself.”

Jocelyn and Matthew looked at each other. Then Jocelyn let out a laughed that twinkle in the air, transforming her serious face into a sweet friendly one. “I’ll do that,” Jocelyn said, “but I doubt you will ever become an insufferable Diamond queen.” She turned serious once again and leaned in close before she rose with Matthew in unison, their empty lunch bags folded up under their elbow. “I truly regret you’re not with Liam, though, Kama. You’ll be a good influence on him, you’ll shape him into the kind of Governor we need in Arcadia.”

“I hope that’s how the Committee sees it,” I said. Looking at Liam, sitting by himself at the table we used to share, my heart went out to him. Being his best friend since we were little, I knew how lonely he truly was. He lost his mother at birth, and was raised mainly by nannies in the Governor’s mansion, often without seeing his father for days. Because his father was close to my mother, Liam and I became close friends, too. Growing up together, I was the closest person he had in his life.

“Don’t take it so hard, Kama.” Jocelyn put her hand to my shoulder. “Perhaps you weren’t meant to be with Liam or even live here in Arcadia. I’d like to believe that my brother left for a better place outside of Arcadia. That there’s still hope out there.”

They walked away, leaving me to struggle through the rest of my lunch alone.

Ignoring Liam’s gaze that burned through the side of my skull, I ate my sandwich then quickly got up to make it to my next class. Before long, Liam was at my side.

“Kama, wait up,” he said, his breath burning my ear.

I kept my stride and looked straight ahead of me, aware of all the students and teachers close by.

“Kama,” he muttered beneath his breath as he stayed beside me. “I’ve missed you. I miss having lunch with you. I even got you a tray with salad and apple pie and…”

Turning abruptly to face him, I stopped, nearly causing a run in of students who were suddenly caught behind us. “Don’t you get it, Liam? We can’t be together. Not now. Not here. Not anywhere. Not anytime.”

“You're wrong.”

“Being with me, Liam, the way you are right now, you're on the verge of breaking the law. Don’t you realize that? Don’t you realize what that means?”

“My father makes the laws, Kama.”

“It’s been weeks since I’ve received my Life’s Plan, weeks since we’ve been condemned to be apart, weeks of everyone watching us mope around because we can’t be together… and what has your father done?”

His face went blank as his jaw hung loose. I watched him struggle to find an answer. It was painful to watch him come to see the truth about his father’s abilities.

“Don’t you get it, Liam? He can’t do anything. If he could he would have done it by now.”

Reeling from the pain of watching him I turned and continued on my way, hoping he’d turn away, yet wishing desperately he’d come after me.

He stayed at my side and while I wanted to breathe a sigh of relief, I knew it was far too dangerous to remain so close.

“I’ll respect your fears in public. You're right. It may be too dangerous, but we can still see each other in private. No one can stop that. No one needs to know.”

Just as I prepared to argue with him, Ms. Feinstein passed us by, her eyes riveted to us. Her gaze did a quick sweep, assuring we weren’t holding hands, and practically measuring the distance between Liam and me.

Liam slowed down, but not before whispering his final message. “I’ll be with you,” he said with conviction. “I will find a way.”

Chapter 9

T
he first thing on my mind the next morning was finding Torrid again. Jocelyn and Matthew had made me see a different side of Arcadia and I wanted to hear Torrid’s opinion as well.

I rushed silently out of the house and headed to the flowering meadow without hesitation or even stopping to read a street sign. It felt like I was going home and I’d always known where it was.

He was there, tall, strong and so dark, not just his coloring, but his mood. His arms were once again crossed before his chest and he could have been a statue, he was so immobile. The closer I got, the more I saw my life reflected in his eyes. My future and my potential stared back at me.

“How did you know I would come?” I asked. While I’d known he’d be there, I was nonetheless surprised to see he was.

“There are many things I know.”

“About me?”

“About you,” he said with a serene smile. He unfolded his massive arms and brought one behind his back. A second later he brought it back, a violet orchid in his hand.

I gasped and stared at the flower. “How…?”

It floated into the air and came to me.

Startled and a little afraid, I backed away, stumbled over a stump and nearly fell to the ground.

“That’s… that’s…”

“Magic,” he whispered with a grin.

“That can’t be.”

The flower came to hover before me.

Take it.

I wanted to giggle like a girl and yet a part of me feared what this magic could do. The delighted child in me won out as I reached to take the splendid flower.

In the instant it touched my skin; it went from deep violet to brilliant orange then startling white. I was mesmerized, not only by what was happening before me, but by the sensations it created. I felt light, almost giddy, as though I could float through the air.

“What is this?” I asked as the flower then began to sparkle with a myriad of bright colors.

“Just a hint of what you can do.”

I didn’t bother to argue with him, but knew I was far from having the ability to create such magic.

Don’t underestimate yourself.

I glared at him, feeling violated for his intrusion, yet filled with wonder at what he could do and what he could show me.

“Look at that flower you hold,” he said. “Concentrate on what you would like to see that flower do.”

My eyes turned to the flower as I imagined it floating up to spiral in the air. I imagined four such flowers twirling on the wind, their colors mystical and alive with vibrancy.

The lone flower rose, shaky and uncertain, before falling limp into my hand once again.

Torrid smiled. “That’s a beginning.”

“How is it that I can do that?” I shook my head. If I have not seen what I did to the flower with my own eyes, I would not have believed it.

“You’ve more power than you can imagine; the power to do great things. It is part of the legacy your father left you.”

“My father can do this?”

“And so much more. He is one of the most powerful Magical Ones I know, capable of control, precision, accuracy and creating magic of such fine detail. Many of us will stumble on occasion, wanting to have a flower float into the air only to have it fall to the ground instead.” His teasing smile warmed me and I wondered at the magic he so easily created.

I stumbled back. I knew my father was powerful, but a Magical One - whatever did that mean? I stared at Torrid’s open face, his clear blue eyes hiding nothing. He could be lying to me or he can be telling me the truth. His full lips did not waver and he did not blink at me, but kept a steady gaze. Whoever this darkly handsome yet mysterious young man was, he had something I wanted desperately to know for years – the knowledge about who was my father.

“When will I meet him, my father? When will I find out who he is?”

“Not yet. Not for a while. Knowledge is a great thing, but too much at the wrong time can be dangerous.”

I tilted my head quizzically. “Is my father a dangerous man?”

“No,” he said with a chuckle as his hand rose to grasp a lock of my hair.

I was pleased by his touch, awed by his gentleness.

“The danger comes from those seeking him,” he went on as he backed away, seeming self-conscious for an act he now regretted.

“And who is that?” I ignored the chill that crept through me. I wanted him to remain close, to get closer.

“The people of Arcadia. He’s long been sought after and they would surely do anything to get to him.”

“But we’re normal, mortal people in Arcadia. We don’t practice hocus pocus and mind reading. We work and study and put great time and effort into creating the world that we have. This type of trickery isn’t done where I’m from.”

“Don’t mock your heritage, Kama.”

“I’m not mocking it. I don’t even know my true heritage. You haven’t told me,” I said wryly, shooting him a pointed glare. “I’m simply letting you know of the difference between toiling to achieve greatness and simply snapping your fingers to create an impossible flower. Mother spent hours in her garden, working to have blooms so beautiful, her flowers are the envy of our District. Yet she succeeds only in growing flowers that are pretty in their simplicity, but far from magical. You don’t need magic in order to achieve beauty here in Arcadia.”

Torrid arched an eyebrow. “The average citizen of Arcadia may lack the magical powers of your ancestors, but that does not keep many of the more powerful men and women of your city from benefiting from magical powers.”