Desire (8 page)

“Sexually?”

“Yes.”

“So the two of you are naked together, having sex with t
he same person at the same time?”

“Not frequently, but not exactly infrequently either. Typically I’m alone with them and it’s the closest thing I’d ever had to normal sex.”

5

Maya

I can’t believe I’m hearing this. “How long has this been going on?”

“Since I left Glory
and started doing this.”

“How often?”

“Whenever I get the chance.”

I cannot believe how jealous I am right now.
“Did you ever develop feelings for any of them?”

“I c
ould have if I’d let myself, but I didn’t.”

I’m not sure I want to know if he’s lying about that.
“Did they have feelings for you?”

“I cut i
t off if I suspected that they did and they were usually still hung up on someone else, so it wasn’t much of an issue. I trained them to understand what it was like to have a say in what was going on, helped them be honest about what they enjoyed and what they didn’t, and get over the fear of using safewords. Then once they were ready, Sloane would hook them up with a real Dom.”

“Wow.” I get up from the table and walk into the living room, unsure why I feel so betrayed. It’s not like he knew me. But it just sounds so intimate, like he’s been deceptive.

“Maya, I—”

“Just give me a se
cond.” Not wanting him to see me upset, I disappear into the bathroom and splash cool water on my face. I guess it’s a good thing, really. I hate thinking about how miserable his life is, it’s almost nice to know that he had some kind of happiness. But the thought of him touching someone else, comforting her, caring about her, kissing her… this whole time I thought it was all new to him and I’ve felt so special. How fucking naïve.

“Maya, please come out of there.” His feet break the light under the door. “Baby, obviously it’s not going to happen ever again.” I can’t answer him. “
Goddammit,” he snaps, his voice full of a frustration I just can’t handle right now. “I shouldn’t have said anything.”

If I don’t pull myself together, he’ll never tell me something
that he doesn’t want to say. He’ll tell himself it’s to protect me from my own emotions, he’ll have the perfect excuse. We’re even now, I suppose. It has to be hard for him to think about me and Luke and I wasn’t exactly sensitive when I dropped that fuck buddy bomb on him. Taking a deep breath, I open the door, making sure my expression is neutral. Our eyes lock for a moment but he turns away, cursing himself.

“It’s alright, Isaac,” I reassure him.

“Yeah, that completely explains why you ran away from me,” he says sarcastically.

“This has been a rather intense conversation, I needed a minute to process what you just said.”

“Well, what did you come up with?”

“I think it’s nice that you help those abandoned women regain some kind of a normal life. Really nice. Sweet. Very… you. But it sort of knocked the wind out of me to think about you being with someone else like that.”

“It’s not the same thing. It really isn’t, I swear. And I feel like that all the time whenever I think of you with him. Well,
them
now.”

“I shouldn’t have dropped
it on you like that.”

“I was being a dick.”

“You weren’t… okay, a little bit. I got defensive when you talked about Luke controlling me. You keep saying I’m smart, but socially and emotionally, I am really fucking stupid.”

“You’re not. Anyone can be—”

“No, Isaac. Trust me on this one. As in, been to a therapist or eight and diagnosed as such. And it’s a real sore spot for me, okay? So I probably will end up doing whatever you tell me to do, if I can, because I have no idea how to handle him. Not a clue. I have never stood up to him. He’s got such a temper, I hardly ever see it, but when I do… I was
terrified
when I told him that I wouldn’t fuck his friend, he made me feel so awful about it that I agreed to do it anyway, then he told me not to bother because I would just embarrass him like I did the last time. He was so pissed off that he barely spoke to me for a month and a half and that was the only reason I came here. Which was probably his plan.”

“When did he tell you about this?”

“About a month ago before.”

“Fuck,” Isaac whispers under his breath. “This has been on my schedule for almost
four months.”

“What?” My heart
slams against my ribs. “But that was even before the first guy.”

“It’s going to be okay.”

“Are you just saying that?”

“
No
. We’ll figure it out.”

“How?” I squeal, fighting back tears. “He thinks I’ve been doing what he wants this whole time. He’s going to be so mad at me.”

“I don’t think so, he’ll probably be disappointed instead.”

“Disappointed?
”

“Like he was with Megan and Holly. He didn’t want them anymore. That’s the idea.
Since you can’t break up with him, we have to manipulate him into breaking up with you.”

“How are we going to do that?”

“Play up everything about you that he doesn’t like, play down everything he does. It will take a while. You’ll be upset with him about the humiliation thing, but you won’t want to break up. You’ll just want some space from him. I mean, you are pretty shocked and pissed off about that, right?”

“Very
.”

“So it won’t be much of an act and he won’t be that surprised. He’ll give you some time, he’ll expect you to come crawling back after a while. And while he’s waiting, you’ll become… less appealing.”

“So fat and ugly. Great.”

“A little extra weight won’t hurt and since you certainly won’t be starving yourself
anymore, it won’t be hard. But that won’t do much in the long run.”

“Well, what will?”

“You have to tell me. I don’t understand why you’re together, I don’t see how you two are even the slightest bit compatible. So if you can explain it, I promise… well, I’ll try extremely hard to keep a level head, okay?” Leaning forward, he plants a kiss on my forehead and takes my hands in his. “Let’s sit back down.”

“In the living room. And I want a blanket.”

“Anything you want, Rookie,” he chuckles. “You know I can’t refuse you.” I scamper down the hallway to the bedroom and come back waddling in a cocoon. “You are so fucking cute it’s ridiculous.” We sit on opposite ends of the couch, facing each other. “And that reminds me. Luke
hates
brats. I assume he doesn’t tolerate your little outbursts that well.”

“He doesn’t see them. Actually, I didn’t know I could be this whiny until I met you.”

Isaac squirms, a hint of lust creeping into his eyes before he shakes his head wildly and casts it away. We haven’t had sex for nearly three days and he isn’t soft when we cuddle now “I don’t know how we’ll use that, but if you get a chance to work it into a conversation, take it. Any other ideas?”

“Well, there is the Southern accent,” I mumble, doing my best not to seduce him. His eyelids flicker sh
ut and he rolls his lips in on themselves, but he keeps it together. “But I don’t know if that will work, either because the fact that I come from a poorer background than he does is a turn on for him. A source of superiority.”

“Luke c
omes from a poor family?”

“Working class, they weren’t in poverty or anything. His father used to be a forklift operator, his mom
is a cashier.”

“I didn’t know that.”

“He’s a wonder kid, like me. That’s the main thing we have in common. We’ll never truly be accepted in the circles we run in now. I had it a little better because I was officially adopted by a rich man, but Luke will always be from the other side of the tracks. Those nice, pretty girls from wealthy families that his friends date never threatened me because they’ll never give him a chance. They can do better. I can’t. I suppose that’s part of my appeal.”

“And another thing we can’t do much to change and can’t really use. But this is where I get confused. You were adopted by a rich
guy, but Luke, that fucking asshole, still considers you ‘poor white trash’ and you went back to Georgia for a while. What am I missing, Maya?”

“It
’s a little complicated. My father killed himself when he got arrested for embezzlement. He lost everything and obviously, so did we. There was a trust set up for me and Garrett, but that disappeared too after some kind of investigation. My dad’s parents, and you’ll notice that I don’t call them my grandparents because they do not see it that way, they wanted Garrett. Badly. So my mother had a bargaining chip to get some money out of them. She moved us back down to Georgia and put us in just about the crappiest school that she could find until they came to an agreement.”

“Are you saying that she sold your brother to h
is grandparents?”

“Yeah, sort of.” I cringe. “But not for much. She tried to make us a package deal, but they wouldn’t bite. They really hate her and they’re not that crazy about me. My mom basically trapped my dad into marrying her by getting pregnant on purpose
and not telling him until after my brother was born, then refusing to move to Massachusetts unless he married her. And adopted her other kids, but my sister’s dad wouldn’t give up custody. Mine couldn’t sign the papers fast enough.”

“This is some heavy shit, Maya. You seem pretty Zen about the whole ordeal.”

I shrug at him. “It worked out pretty well for me in the long run. My sister and my other brother got stuck with her, and it isn’t pretty down there, to say the least. My mom is a psycho bi— she’s not pleasant to live with now that she doesn’t have money and her husband is a real piece of work.”

“Just how many siblings do you have?”

“Three from my mom, all from different fathers. I also have another sister and brother from my biological dad, but they don’t really count because I’ve never met them.”

“I have another little brother, too. Taylor.”

“I figured.”

“Actually, it’s a similar situation. He lives with my mom’s parents, who also do n
ot consider me a real grandkid.”

“How did you
r adopted mother die?”

“She overdosed on painkillers and alcohol. Accidentally, she would have never abandoned us, or let him win.
I will give you the whole messy story one day soon, I promise.”

“It’s okay.”

“Alright,” he says shaking his head. “So poor turns him on, but Southern doesn’t. So perhaps, subtly of course, accentuate those T’s when you talk and throw in a y’all if you can sell it.”

“That’s not going to do it Isaac. I can only think of one thing that can.”

“Which is?”

“Quitting school.”

“That is absolutely out of the question. No fucking way.”

“Well, I’m switching back to my
original career path, not that I’m exactly sure what that is. I could drop the extra classes I was taking to go into law.”

“As much as I hate to say it, the super busy school schedule will be very helpful.
A good excuse not to see him.”

“I could get a job instead. It would make sense.”

“My girlfriend is not working some shitty job to make ends meet.”

“But—”

“It’s not up for debate. Plus it will play up the poor thing, give him hope that you’ll get tired of it and want to make up.”

“I could go back to work at the game store. I work
ed there fifteen or twenty hours a week until he convinced me to quit.”

“Do you
want
to drop your other classes?”

“Not really. I like statistics. I’m not exactly sure what I want to do, I’d like to have more options.”

“So no job. Why’d he want you to stop working?”

“Actually that might be useful. He
hates
my nerdy streak. Absolutely despises it, it’s a huge turn off.”

“Good. That is really good. It looks like there are
a lot of geeky t-shirts in your future. Which reminds me, don’t wear any clothes that he bought you.”

“It’s about all I have.”

“Then I’ll be replacing them. Unfortunately with a lot less expensive items than I’d like. But I would have done that anyway because I don’t want anything of his to touch you ever again.”

This possessive thing is pretty hot. “
Of course not. And a geeky t-shirt shopping spree sounds pretty fun.” Now that put a smile on his face.

“If you want anything else, just say the word and it’s yours. Especially if it’s nerdy, you know what that does to me,” he rasps. I bite me lip seductively, I just can’t help it. “Too bad you don’t wear glasses.”

“Actually…”

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding,” he breathes, squirming in his chair.

“I don’t really need them. Very minor prescription.”

“Well, it’s about to become a necessity.”

“You’ll have to buy me a pair,” I whisper.

“Goddammit, knock it off with the sex kitten voice.”

I ignore him. “So what kind of glasses do you like, Isaac? Square with black plastic frames?”