Desire (Montana Dreams Book 3) (5 page)

“How about we get mommy-to-be inside the house before you get wet?”

“Honestly Bradley, I’d rather stand out here stark naked to cool off, but knowing you won’t approve, let’s move to the barn.” She stopped and shifted a mischievous gaze on him. “Unless you’re cold.”

Not hardly. “The barn it is.” Situated inside, she sat in an aluminum foldup chair, and he leaned against a round hay bale a few feet away.

“Gonna tell me what’s up?” When seconds passed without a response, her eyes narrowed. “Bradley Lovett, don’t even try to tell me that was a first kiss.”

Man, he had to get her off the warpath. Calm her before her blood pressure escalated. “I thought Matt went inside to watch you.” He swallowed another mouthful of bourbon.

She grinned and folded her arms on top of her belly. “He did.” Her face flushed and she glowed.

Bring up Matt, and she turns to putty.

“Want the details?”

“Don’t!” He showed her his palm.

“Then spill.”

Would Trina figure out what transpired between him and Cadence? Would she understand why he’d rushed out of the house chasing her best friend, putting them in a situation that resulted in them barely speaking?

“When, Bradley?” He blinked, and refocused on his sister. “When did you two hookup?” Her tone was steel and spiteful. “Don’t clam up! My blood pressure can’t take it.”

Her mouth pinched and her eyes narrowed. With her face full from the pregnancy, she resembled the chubby-cheek, furry creatures that ran rampant in their backyard in Maryland.

“Okay, Chipmunk,” he said with the intention of bringing levity to the conversation.

“What?” Her lips quivered.

Ah, fuck
! “I’m not responsible for what I say,” he continued. This topic was much better. “You gave me the alcohol. Blame the new chipmunk nickname on the bourbon.”

Immediately her hands went to her cheeks, to her stomach then to her head; she sat further back in her seat. Afraid she’d tip he rushed over, and stood behind her to brace a hand against the back of the chair. “Careful.”

Her shoulders shook and her head lowered. He wanted to kick himself in the ass. Their parents’ condescending tone had taught both of them not to use the same with others, but sometimes teasing went too far. “Sweetheart, I’m sorry.” He knelt in front of her.

Her eyes shined from moisture but not from crying. The sneak laughed. “You had me sweating.”

“Serves you right for not telling me about Cadence.”

“Point made, and I won’t call you Chipmunk.”

Her patient demeanor left. “The name’s cute. It can stay. You, on the other hand, have to go if you don’t cough up the goods.”

“What have you done with my sister?”

“I’m still here, just short on patience. Any moment I’ll have to pee, so hurry.” She did the hand motion to go with cough-up-the-goods demand. “Tell me.”

Resting on the hay bale, his drink finished, he crossed his arms. “A month before your and Cadence’s accident, I overheard Mom and Dad telling her she wasn’t good enough to be friends with you.” Trina gasped, a hand covering her mouth. “No more sound effects so I can get through this.”

“Go.”

“Alarms went off in my head. Cadence never came to the house without you being home. By the time I reached the foyer, she was gone. I caught up with her in Georgetown. We had a few drinks and she told me—” he cleared his throat. “Mom and Dad told her to leave. The pain our parents inflicted on her showed in every inch of her face. That expression is burned into my brain.”

“Oh, Bradley.” Trina did what he asked her not to; she gasped.

“Don’t.” He held up a hand and pinched his lips together. “I comforted her. One thing led to another.” They’d connected that night on a different level than they had during their childhood and teenage years. They’d opened up to one another, told secrets, and shared their bodies. The openness continued but they’d kept their experience private and didn’t have a repeat. Neither of them was ready to move forward in a relationship, yet neither of them gave each other up. Not until Cadence ordered him to get out of her life.

Trina remained quiet, a hand to her mouth, the other on her heart. Her eyes watered and turned bloodshot.

“What else could I do?”

“You pity fucked me!” Cadence screeched in an eerie octave.

Bradley’s heart sunk. At the barn entrance, her lips an upside down smile, and her hands perched on her hips. Damn it! Couldn’t he do anything right?

****

“Sweet, reserved Bradley thought I needed a sympathy screw?” Bile rose to Cadence’s stomach. “That’s just rich! You gave me a freebie…a handout.”

“Cadence that’s not what happened.”

“That’s what you said!” How dare he assume he was “it” for her? That he was the only one who righted her world. True or not, it didn’t matter. For him to think it…to discard their connection… Her thoughts scrambled as her heart broke. “I can get any guy I want,” she blurted out in defense, erecting a shield over her heart to stop the bee stings covering her skin and diving into her soul.
Ah, geez!
Their lovemaking had been out of this world, something she craved to relive.

Hearing the night she experienced love had meant nothing to him but pity… The sensation compared to someone reaching into her chest and tearing out her heart. It hurt, almost as bad as the day she lost her baby. Words didn’t describe the thoughts racing through her mind. It was just as well. Bad blood lay between them now. For Trina’s sake and that of her friend’s unborn baby, she’d harness in her emotions toward him and continue on the path of getting herself together. She breathed in deeply. The only way to do that was to confess to Bradley.
Criminey!

With arms folded over his chest and legs shoulder-width apart, he stared at her with his heart-stopping greenish-blue eyes as if he didn’t know what to do with her.
Welcome to her world
.

His sister didn’t have the same problem. Nope, Trina went to the place that controlled her mouth from spouting off. She touched the tip of her tongue to her upper lip, an act she did when disappointed. Cadence witnessed that look a lot when Trina dealt with her parents, and now her best friend used the expression on her. If that didn’t knock the wind out of her. “Trina,” she said, pleading in her voice.

“Don’t.” Her sweet friend shook her head and stood. “I’m not the one you need to talk to.” With that, she stepped backwards out of the barn, as if by showing her back she’d get an imaginary knife in it.

Numb and dazed, Cadence reflected on the friendship she’d acquired as a young girl. Trina and she loved each other like sisters, but Bradley was Trina’s blood. He came first, always had. She admired the bond the siblings shared, though it made her a touch jealous. Her focused returned to the man she’d rudely snubbed.

Bradley’s tanned skin etched with a tinge of pain; his arched eyebrows slanted, pupils darkened, and his jaw tightened. He opened his mouth and she cringed, waiting to receive his rebuttal to her outburst.

“You’ve more than proved you can get any guy. From where I stand, you go through men like you went through a bag of candy as a kid. One at a time, chewing them up until the flavor disappears.” His face turned to disgust. He was on a roll. “Then spitting the used portion on the ground and tossing them aside like trash, ready to search for the next victim.”

She covered her mouth and tears sprung to her eyes. That wasn’t true. Why did he think so poorly of her? “Jerk,” stayed on the tip of her tongue, but she didn’t utter the insult. She’d belittled their night together. With him having every right at a comeback, she still didn’t expect his snip retort. His words hit their target—her heart, her conscious. They burned, stung, and tortured. Despite the false accusation, denying it wouldn’t make a difference. Her behavior showed the opposite.

Admittedly, before their night together, she did sleep with more guys than she’d care to count. After him, she didn’t have the itch to fill the void. Even after she kicked him out of her life, in the back of her mind, she knew he was always there. She prayed he didn’t disown her after she spilled the rest of the story. Although he probably already had after her snappy remark. Bradley didn’t pity fuck her. In her heart, she knew it, but listening to him talk to his sister and downplaying their attraction hurt.

Cadence flashed back to the hours leading up to the accident. Matt had seen an engagement ring on Trina’s finger. Though Cadence begged Trina not to wear the present from the man her parents forced on her. Her friend did so with the intentions of giving it back to the guy later that day. The idea seemed harmless until Matt surprised Trina, saw the ring, and not knowing that her parents had manipulated her into accepting the symbol, he had stormed away. Her friend was in such a state that Cadence didn’t have the heart to tell her she was pregnant and they’d gone to one of their favorite hangouts.

One bad decision after another, lead to another. On vacation, the resort doctor didn’t say the baby was harmed when she admitted to having a few drinks, so why not a couple more? Besides Trina would have thought something was up if she hadn’t. Telling her friend that night she was pregnant would have brought more anguish to Trina’s already upset world.

Cadence sucked in an exasperated breath. Her actions had
caused
more grief.
If only
, she could do it all again…

Guilt piggybacked with grief and sliced through her. Her head felt woozy, and her body went weak. She couldn’t do this. Couldn’t confess. Bracing a hand on the back of the chair Trina vacated, she plastered on a fake I-have-it-all-together expression. “Then you know to stay away.”

For several long beats, they stared at each other. His internal battles revealed in his etched expression, no different from what hers would reflect look like—sadness, hurt, regret. She longed to reach out to him, to touch his skin and relive the tingles that would no doubt cover her skin.

His rock hard body stiffened and all thoughts of closing the gap for physical contact vanished. Thoughts of doing or saying anything evaporated as if an industrial-size vacuum made a pass through the open barn, taking the energy and the air. She had to get out of there, get away from him and his air-sucking presence. She spun on her heels fast, too fast, and stumbled backwards.

Warm hands, strong arms, and a firm body engulfed her. Lord help her. She moaned and relished in the body contact, his heat easing her rattled nerves. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, next to her ear. “That was out of line.”

“It’s the truth,” she managed to say, though the intensity in her voice dwindled. “No need for an apology.”

He didn’t reply, didn’t move, just held her close. A soothing feeling sparked her insides, stimulating her libido and exciting her. She relaxed more fully against him, giving him her full weight. With an arm under her legs and one around her waist, he carried her to the front of a large, round hay bale where he lowered to the ground and rested her in his lap. He didn’t speak, didn’t try to kiss her, just held her close and tight. His compassion, his toasty body, and his security oozed a welcoming invitation, and she burrowed into him. Her libido would have to wait; she needed this, wanted his solidness. Inhaling his yummy, outdoorsy scent, she released a slow shaky breath.

“I gotcha,” he said. “I always have.” His words faded as her body gave into the fatigue of not one stressful day, but over seven hundred.

Chapter Three

Bradley woke to a horse neighing and rolled his neck to relieve the kink. Pricks to his skin, and the smell of hay and manure, clouded his mind a moment before it caught up to the excited, hardened part of his body. Sitting with his back against a hay bale, his legs out in front of him, he held Cadence’s butt in one hand while the other held her wrist against his chest. Her breaths escaped in deep, slow puffs. Beautiful. Absolutely, undeniably beautiful. Her silky, black hair fanned over his flannel shirt; her rosy, pink lips parted slightly and a wet spot graced a place over his heart.

He squinted against the bright morning sunrays beaming through the barn doors. They’d spent the night together, clothed and in each other’s arms. This was a good moment, a right one. One that should have happened every day since they’d connected back in Virginia. He kissed the top of her head and slid a strand of her hair off her ivory skin. Every fiber wanted her and needed her in his life.

He wasn’t much different from his sister. From the similarities in their lives and personalities, the two of them easily passed for twins. As a pre-teen, Trina had found the person she knew she’d marry. So had he, but he was much younger—a mere child hanging out with his sister and her best friend in the horse stables.

Yet their relationships had one difference. Where Trina and Matt both knew the other was “the one”, he was the lone wolf in the relationship equation. When he thought she’d felt the same, she dumped him. And now, she put him in his place.
I can have any guy
. His body and heart wanted her, but if they ever managed to bypass the torment plaguing her and found their way into each other’s bed, her behavior would have to change. He would be the last man she slept with.

Her gasp vibrated through his chest and he slipped his hand from her butt to her waist. “Good morning.”

She flinched, and he tightened his grip so she didn’t fall off his lap, as she sat squarely on his legs. “I slept with you? On your lap the entire night?”

“Yes ma’am, you did,” he said as what they’d done wrapped around his soul and slipped a smile on his face. This Cadence, sweet and tame, he really did love. “Was it as good for you as it was for me?”

“Out of pity again?”

He withheld a retort. Like yesterday, her low opinion of him stabbed his heart. Yet was she far off? Did a revenge affair rate the same low-life classification as pity-fucking? Probably, but now wasn’t the time to bring up his past. He braced himself and let the remark bounce off his chest.

The way he saw it, he had two choices: talk sense into her or show her. Make her understand the reasons why he wanted her that night, just like now. Open his heart fully to her again while taking the chance she’d cast him aside. Or demonstrate what he felt—no words or sex, just actions.

She licked her lips, her concentration on him so intense he wondered which way her thoughts went. Would she smack him or kiss him? With his heart trying to beat a hole in his chest, he didn’t wait another second to taste her and demonstrate what went through his mind. He cupped her face and brought his mouth to hers.

She leaned into the kiss, her hands grasping his shirt, holding the material tight as if her life depended on the support, while her lips devoured his. She slid her tongue across his lips and plunged into his mouth. Her flavor, pure and simple Cadence, burst into his mouth. He growled. His body jumped on board. His erection pushed against his jeans, caused discomfort against the zipper, and pleaded not to wait until he confirmed she would be with no one else.

The kiss grew hungrier, firmer. She sipped his lips as if she’d never sampled anything so pleasing, worshipping him. The mighty inferno breaking around them, igniting their suppressed emotions didn’t add up. This kiss wasn’t from someone who’d kick another out of his or her life. This was a she-missed-the-hell-out-of-me kiss.

She sighed into his mouth, and he about came unhinged. Sinking a hand into her hair, he tilted her head, angling it to take the kiss deeper. The emotional overload of touching
his girl
took away their issues. He wanted her here, now, and forever. The shocking revelation made him skeptical of the strength in his feelings and the thoughts passing through his mind.
His girl
.

Then slowly, very slowly, reasoning returned to his muddled brain. Discovery of Cadence’s secret took precedence before allowing his body or heart to become hooked on her. But darn it, he went head first into her vortex and loved every minute of it too. But now, it was time. He kissed her lips slowly, with meaning. If it was their last one, he’d have something to remember. Pulling away so their lips lingered against each other until the last possible moment, he looked into her eyes and waited for the dilation to return. “We have to talk.”

She clutched his wrists and nodded her head as the tears welled. “I fear once I spill, you won’t want any more to do with me. That scares me.”

She had discarded him easily at the hospital, how could she have these thoughts now? “I’m listening.”

When she tried to get up, he firmed his grip on her hips. “Stay.”

“If you promise not to yell, or—” she whispered then swallowed, “hit.”

Anger seethed through his veins and covered him in heat, not the delicious kind. “My God, Cadence, what do you think of me? You accuse me of pity fucking you, and now you’re suggesting I might hit you? What have I ever done to make you think I’m such a lowlife?”

Tears fell and she moved her head slightly as she pulled her lips inward. “It’s not you,” she slipped her hand over the side of his face. “Sweet, sweet man, it’s not you. I’m broken and I keep lashing out. I’ve done something so terrible that you would have every right to hit me.”

His breath ripped from his throat. He’d never hit anyone except in self-defense. She knew this. “What on God’s green earth did you do?” He paused. “Son of a bitch,” he grumbled, hating he used the same phrase his father did when shocked.

“Remember the crash?” Her words drifted out on a puff of air.

Almost two years had passed since he’d laid eyes on the vehicle that’d picked up Trina and Cadence from the bar. The driver’s side had been demolished to the point of being unrecognizable. The passenger door panels crushed. Amazingly, Trina and Cadence survived. The driver hadn’t. “How could I not?”

“It was my fault, the driver d-d-ied.”

“Bullshit!” Cadence had sat next to Trina in the backseat. “The driver who hit you caused his death.”

“No-o.” Her head shook so fast, and her eyes held pain like he’d never seen.

He cupped her face. “Focus on me. Look in my eyes. See me?”

She stopped moving her head and stilled. “Yes,” she said weakly.

“Your driver lost control of the car after he was hit. Not your fault, not his either. You’re not responsible.”

“But Bradley, I a-am. If I had been honest with Trina that night we wouldn’t have drank. We wouldn’t have gotten into the car. That drunk driver wouldn’t have hit us, and our driver wouldn’t have died. I killed him.” She bolted to her feet. “I killed him!” Her hands turned to fists as she punched the air toward the ground. “Me. I was freaking selfish!”

His brain tried to keep up with what she said, but it still wasn’t working on all cylinders; nothing made sense. He got to his feet and grasped her arms. “No you weren’t. You helped your best friend through a tough time by having a few drinks. There’s nothing selfish about hanging out with your friend and talking through her problems. Thanks to you, she saw reason. Her and Matt are together today because of what you did
for
them, not to them.”

She jerked her arms out of his hands and gave him her backside. “You’re wrong!”

Damn, thickheaded woman. “What about me? You called and asked me to get the car. I said I would later. If I had come, then neither of you would have been a passenger.”

“It’s not the same.”

He lifted his chin. “How is it not?”

Time stood still as he watched her twist ever so slightly. Moisture covered her reddened face. The corners of her mouth turned downward even further, her pupils darkened to a deeper hue, and her skin paled. The sense the world would crash around him blazed through him like a wild horse stampede. He couldn’t feel, couldn’t move, just blinked as the next second felt like minutes.

“You didn’t kill our baby boy.”

****

The sun lowered in the sky, the bright stream cast over Bradley’s features and prevented Cadence from reading his face. With every passing second, his posture grew more rigid, tossing her insides into a fit of angry bees. Cadence hugged her waist tighter and waited, waited for his wrath. Waited for him to yell, “I hate you. Get out!” The same words Dad had used on Mom when she aborted her baby sister without telling him.

The barn door creaked open and Matt appeared, followed by Trina and another man she didn’t want to see. Not now, while she and Bradley were in the middle of telling scars.

“Hey Bradley,” Matt said, oblivious to the smothering tension. “This is Jace. He’ll help break Cadence.”

“Thor,” Trina clarified, closing the door.

Her friend’s husband chuckled, but Cadence focused on Bradley, watching his gaze go from Jace to her. Lord, what must have gone through his mind. His hardening features sucked the light from his face and made her physically ache.

Autumn and Travis bee-bopped inside the barn, almost dancing. Terrific, just one happy family while her insides died. “We’re engaged!” Travis’ new fiancé’s light gray eyes beamed.

Hopper squealed and jumped sideways, acting just as excited as his owner.

Fan-fucking-tastic!

Trina hugged Autumn while Matt fist bumped his brother. “Congratulations,” Cadence managed to say in somewhat of a cheerful voice, trying not to draw awareness to the tension running between her and Bradley. But attention was what she got. Four sets of eyes stared at her while Bradley eyed the barn door as if he planned to escape.

“What’s wrong?” Autumn surprised her by being the first one to reach out.

Ever since Bradley arrived, she and Trina hadn’t been on good ground. Who was she kidding? Before he came, her and her best childhood friend didn’t chat much, not as they used to. Trina moved toward her brother, the silent support the siblings gave for one another. She knew, since she used to stand right beside them when they had faced off with their parents. She was on her own. No one to confide in—not about this—and as nice as Autumn was, Cadence wouldn’t pull anyone else into this difficult situation.

“I’ll wait outside,” Jace said, pointing to the doors.

“Yeah, you do that,” Bradley barked and received a glare from Matt. The cowboy nodded his head with a hat tip, not offended by his remark, and left.

All eyes turned back to her. The inspection gave her a cold, familiar, empty sensation. The mirror reflected the same disgusted look each time she checked her makeup or clothes. But this time, the scrutiny stole her air, brought her self-esteem down to a whole new level. “I’ll leave…its best,” she said more to herself then to the group.

“No!” Autumn rushed forward and touched her arm, stopping her before she fled. “Don’t go.”

“Good advice from a runner,” Travis said, winking at his fiancé.

“We’ll leave.” Autumn hugged her, shocking her again. “You two talk.”

“I agree. They need privacy.” Trina grabbed Autumn’s hand and tugged her to the door. “Let’s talk engagement party over coffee.”

Travis scooped up Hopper and Matt followed.

“I stole her thunder,” Cadence whispered. “I’m just one fuckup after another waiting to happen.”

“Why didn’t you tell me you were pregnant?” Bradley clipped. “For you to feel like you killed our child by the choices you made then you knew…for what…a day? Days? A week? Yet,” his voice grew rough, “you didn’t think I had a right to know?”

“I found out two days before I returned home from vacation. I didn’t know what to do.” Her excuses seemed lame, and the anger radiating off the body that gave her so much comfort minutes ago, scorched her. On wobbly legs, she shifted to one of the stalls and leaned against its wall. “I planned to talk to Trina.”

“My sister gets priority over the father?” She hadn’t thought the pain in his tone could get worse. It did.

Heart pounding out of control, she sucked in a breath and held a hand to her chest as the ache pierced her heart, adding to the self-inflicted scars. “No.” She rested her head back, squeezed her eyes, and released a breath.
I’ll get through this. I can do this. It’s off my chest now. He knows, and soon the whole happy family will. A few more minutes, and I’ll escape. Go to the nearest bar, drown my sorrows, and find some man to have some meaningless sex, and forget I exist.

“Look at me!” He growled, his presence surrounding her. The pain in his eyes would last her a lifetime. She would just keep her eyes shut and wait him out. Soon, he’d get tired of her foolishness, her deceit, and take off. “Open your eyes, Cadence.”

“You’ve grown balls. Big ones,” she said, going back to their previous conversation in hopes to rid the tension and bide her time from his anger until she left…for good.

“They’re not up for discussion. Now, open them!”

She did, and looked straight into his greenish-blues with strands of his sun-tipped hair dangerously close to falling into them. Her fingers itched to move the wavy locks out of his way. His eyes, while firm, held compassion and remorse. “It’s gonna take me some time to digest what you’ve told me.”