Desire (Montana Dreams Book 3) (6 page)

“I—”

He put a finger to her lips. “Let me finish.” When she nodded, he slid a hand over his face. “You’ve had two years to get used to all of this. I have to digest the excitement that I would have felt for becoming a father, and then deal with the grief of losing a child.”

“You didn’t lose your child.”

“The hell I didn’t!” He hissed out a breath. “Please don’t say anything. I’m not in the mood or of the mind to argue.” He braced a hand on a support beam beside her and leaned close. “Listen to me. I lost a baby just like you did. You carried him—” He inched back, his face darkening like a storm cloud. “Wait, you said the baby was a boy. There’s no way to know the gender that early.” His eyes closed and his jaw clenched. “The baby couldn’t have been mine. There’s no way to know you’re pregnant in less than a month. Why fuck with me like this?” His fist hitting the boarded wall she leaned against echoed his anger.

“Tell that to the doctor in Cancun then,” she sobbed. “Then explain to the doctor at the hospital who spouted out the news I lost my baby in front of my parents. Can you imagine hearing the news with them?”

“Clarify how you knew the sex.” When some of the tension lessened in his tight expression and shoulders, it gave her hope that he might understand.

“Instinct,” she said, lifting a shoulder. “In my heart, I believe our baby was a boy.”

Eyes that had filled with disgust now brightened, yet the specs of blue didn’t shine from his irises. The greenish-blue that resided in his eyes when content made him unique, irresistible. What Bradley meant to her tumbled through her mind. He was her best friend’s brother, her pal, but there was more, so much more. And now, with what she’d done, how was she to put stock in her feelings and believe she deserved him?

“Jesus Christ, give me strength.” He pulled her into his arms, his chest vibrated against hers. “Why did you shut me out?”

The ache in his voice and his touch shot truth serum to her veins. The urge to tell him not only her reasons but to confess what stayed in her heart remained. That’d be too much, and she suppressed the impulse. “Because I couldn’t face you. I never wanted to see the pain on your face.”

Bradley’s arms tightened, her arms voluntarily closed around his back, and she clutched his shirt. For a long time they stayed that way, both crying. After a good while, he gripped her shoulders and stepped back. His wet eyes tore at her insides. The longer he watched her, the more she realized she confided too late. They cried for the loss of their baby and the loss of not having each other in their lives, but the tears didn’t heal the scars she inflicted on him.

****

Bradley came from the old school way of looking at life:
things happened for a reason
. Though that thought didn’t work for him now. He either went the old school route or let it give him an ulcer. Nothing he did would change what the past threw in his face anyway. Tackling the present, Cadence and her manipulation, was a different story.

“The one thing, amongst others, I cherished was your honesty and your candor.” He shifted his focus between her green eyes that used to possess such depth that he’d lose himself in them. Now, he saw only their color. “Right or wrong, I feel betrayed. You alienated me.” Made him a villain. Sent him packing, and crashed his dreams of their future together.

This close to her, processing her actions was impossible. He didn’t hate her, or even despise her. He just didn’t know how to deal with his jumbled emotions. While his thoughts went on a chaotic backwoods trail race, his body went on alert that Cadence had been in his arms, soft and loving.

He put space between them and leaned against the hay bale. “We’ve known each other since I gave you my dessert in grade school. Hell, I ate your vegetables so the teacher didn’t fume. Yet, you shoved me away.” Their behavior as children should have nothing to do with their adult lives, but it did. He was always there for her, giving and doing whatever she needed.

“I know.” Her whispered tone pinched his insides. There would be nothing better than to pull her into his lap and hold her as he did last night. Right now, he needed to go brain-dead for a few hours. Maybe then he would be able to get his thoughts together and put everything into perspective.

“Bradley, I—”

“Leave it, Cadence. I can’t wrap my mind around what has happened, much less understand what else you might say.” Because he was a glutton for punishment, he cupped her cheek and brushed a kiss over her lips. “Forgive yourself.” With that, he snatched a jacket off a hook near the door, exited the back of the barn, and welcomed the chilly morning air against his face. Unfortunately, it did nothing to cool off his overheated skin.

Since Trina moved out to Montana, she and Matt had added on more buildings and animals. The latest construction was a barn for horses along with the round pen. The scent of hay and horses hung in the air as he strolled into the barn.

“I have a surprise for you.” Trina came up behind him and didn’t inquire about Cadence. An act he was thankful for.

“I need some good news.”

“Last stall on the right.” Knowing instantly what she’d done, his heart filled with appreciation and love for his sister’s thoughtfulness. At the end of the line of stalls, a pink nose followed by a white patch and black head appeared. Cimmerian resembled Thor so much it was scary. “I’ve missed you, buddy.” Bradley stroked his nose as the horse shook his head as if in agreement. “How’d you get him, Tri? Dad would have never let him go if he knew you did it for me.”

She kissed the Marwari he received as a gift for his sixteenth birthday, leaned back against the adjacent stall, and rested her hands on her protruding belly. “Easy. I told them if they wanted to see their grandchild then they’d give me our horses.”

Lady, Trina’s thoroughbred, took that moment to stick her head out the stall and nudge her shoulder.

“You blackmailed him.”

“I did.” Grinning, she stroked Lady’s head and kissed her. “It wasn’t until Cadence got Thor that it even occurred to me to get our horses. They arrived last night while you were out.”

“I’m still surprised Dad agreed for you to have Cimmerian, considering he disinherited me.”

“I’ll be working on that one next. They want to visit once the baby is born.”

“Sis, I don’t want you to worry. I’ll figure out a way to coexist with them, though I don’t want their money.”

“Me either. It’s the principal.” The manner in which his parents, especially his mother, had tried to navigate Trina’s life was worse than the belittling they did to him. “Them controlling us,” she continued, “trying to make us succumb to their every wish. Bull hockey.”

“Bull hockey?” He laughed. “Trying not to swear for the baby’s sake?”

“Yes,” she ground out. “Sometimes it’s hard.”

“I appreciate what you’ve done, and are trying to do, with Mom and Dad—”

“Oh stop! You’d do the same for me. Remember, we have each other’s back, especially with those two.”

They did, always had, which brought up a sensitive subject. He didn’t want their sibling loyalty to become between her and Cadence. “Speaking of which—”

“No need.”

“What’s with not letting me finish a sentence?”

“Hormones, I guess.” Moving away from her horse, she waved her hands in front of her. “I’m not choosing sides between you and Cadence. I can’t. I couldn’t bear to lose my best friend.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Matt said as he entered the barn. “You planning on going for a ride?” He narrowed his eyes on his wife. “Against doctor’s orders.”

“He said nothing about riding.”

“Bedrest mean anything?”

“Oh, bother!” She kissed Bradley’s cheek. “It’ll all work out. Just use your horse whispering talent on Cadence. You’ll see. She’s putty in your hands and neither of you know it.” Trina stroked Cimmerian’s forehead. “You really should have called him Stud Muffin.”

Cimmerian nodded his head as if in agreement. “Or the other name you begged me to call him.”

“Blackie.” Matt moved forward and flicked his gaze between Matt and Trina. When her forehead wrinkled, he winked. “I was there, remember? I was always there.”

The same thought Bradley had toward Cadence.

“Yeah, I do.” Trina smiled and leaned her head against her husband, and Bradley’s heart clenched. He wanted that type of unconditional, no-doubt love.

****

Panting heavier than his horse, he slowed Cimmerian to a walk at the edge of the woods, and followed a trail between the base of the mountain and a stream while he sucked in deep breaths. The horse glided through the field and over slight gullies.

Three years younger than him, Cadence, the dark-haired, green-eyed beauty stayed in his mind, his opinions challenging the facts the entire ride. His chest grew tight, and his breathing tighter, until the hope for a brain-dead ride transformed into a probable-brain-dead-end. Realizing he needed to focus on his horse, Bradley gave Cimmerian a pat. The stallion hadn’t been out in months and, in unfamiliar surroundings, would no doubt spook and buck his ass into the wind.

He brought them to a halt, slipped off his mount to the dirt and leaf-covered ground, and let a rein hang to the ground. Showing Cimmerian a palm, the signal to stay, he then moved toward the mountain’s edge. Taking a couple deep Big Sky Country breaths, his body relaxed, and his air supply returned.

Crisp mountain air drifted, blowing his hair and bringing an earthy scent with the sounds of water falling. Not at a high elevation, the beauty of the area still awed him. The blue sky peeked through white, puffy clouds. Trees budded and the evergreens’ coloring darkened. The snow cover that closed Divine and Destiny Tours in January and the early part of February had melted, all signs that spring was actually trying to make a presence. In southern Montana, the weather went either way: knee-deep snow or clear, nippy days.

A war waged inside him. Part of him knew Cadence wasn’t to blame while the other wouldn’t let go of her actions, casting him aside as if what happened was his fault. His internal battle of opinion versus fact continued.

No one predicted the future, not her, not him, not the moon. He slumped to the ground, bent a jean-covered knee to rest an arm, and twirled a twig between his fingers. No one could have foreseen the accident. For her to beat herself up over it was ridiculous. Her kicking him aside was even more so. He pushed that thought away and went with what would have happened if he’d picked Trina and Cadence up that nightmarish night? The same SOB would have hit him. His reaction time might have been better than the driver’s, but who’s to say?

Or a worse thought, what if Cadence hadn’t drank and chose to drive? The twig snapped in his fist. She would have… He squeezed his eyes against the tears. Hell, her fate might have been the same as the driver. “Not good.”

“What isn’t?” Matt approached on horseback and slid off his black and white spotted Paint. He dropped a rein, gave his horse the stay command, and walked in front of Travis’ chestnut-colored Morgan. Rufus barked their arrival.

He’d been so deep in thought, he missed two horses and a dog approaching. He raised his jacket collar as much to ward off the slight breeze as his disgruntled thoughts. “Damn.”

“My sentiments.” Travis plopped on the ground beside him. “Great view. Autumn needs to see it.”

“You haven’t brought her to the waterfall yet?” Matt flanked Bradley’s other side. “What’s up with that?”

“Can’t say.” Travis petted his dog, sitting beside him as if he were one of the guys. In a way, he was. Rufus’ head reached the same height as his owner.

“You two are notorious for finding unusual places to hook up,” Matt said. “I figured you’d be here by now. Or is this too ordinary, too lame?”

Heat invaded Bradley’s groin as he wondered if Cadence would be as adventuresome. He sure as hell hoped so.

“Just haven’t gotten to it yet,” Travis said, interrupting his thoughts and stopping him from dwelling on his wants when he didn’t even know if he and Cadence had a chance. From experience, she liked sex fast, hard, and passionate. During their one night together, his overheated body, so desperate to have her, jumped on board never considering rights or wrongs or holding anything back. He’d kissed, caressed, and murmured words he never expected to say to anyone while his body showed her how much he adored her.

“What say you?”

Matt’s sarcastic tone infiltrated his brain. “What’s that?”

“What’s the most original thing you’ve done to impress the girl?” Travis held out his hands in front of him, his fingers spreading stiffly apart. “And I don’t mean in bed. I stomached the ground to catch Autumn’s ferret.”

Bradley scratched a finger along his neck. “Come again. You did what? And for her what?”

Travis reared back and hooted. “Yeah, I’d leap for that too, but I’m talking about her pet ferret. The stinkpot—”

Bradley silently laughed at the nickname Travis gave Hopper.

“He was stuck on a tree limb hanging over a cliff and fell.”

“Son of a bitch!” He couldn’t image how he’d save the ferret. “Did you stomach a rock to save him?”

“No, my back took a beaten on that save. The guide rope hooked to my belt saved me from falling.”