Desired (Restless Nights) (2 page)

I watched Cam and Luc talk from my bedroom window. I wished I was proficient in lip reading, but I had no idea what they were saying. I watched Cam drag his hand through his sandy colored hair and knew the move to be born of stress. I had always been a source of concern for my brother, part of me felt relief as I watched him climb in his vehicle and head down the driveway.

I watched the dimming twin red lights as my brother disappeared down the long driveway. He deserved to get away for a little while. I still wasn’t sure why the incident tonight was such a huge deal. I was pretty sure I needed to prepare myself for another bomb to be dropped. Cameron had been twitchy for the past few months leading me to believe there was something he wasn’t telling me. That thought had my eyes drifting to the tall handsome man standing below. His hair was only slightly longer then the Military would allow. He seemed bigger, his body defined, filling and stretching the long sleeve shirt he wore. I had refused to look at his eyes, knowing they would be that stunning shade of green that always mesmerized me. He must have felt eyes on him, because he turned and lifted his head towards the window. I stepped back hoping he hadn’t noticed me.

Sighing, I made my way to my private bath. Looking in the mirror I saw the beginning of a nasty bruise. The purple was not a welcome color on my skin. Shucking my clothes I started the shower. Once in the hot spray of water I thought about the events of the evening.

It was another club opening, nothing out of the ordinary. I’d made my way through the snapping camera flashes on the red carpet. I was pretty well covered by the hired security, my personal bodyguard, and was working the crowd greeting people. A few hours later we were leaving. The event had gone off great. Nearly to the car and the light bulbs were flashing again, when out of nowhere a commotion caught us all off guard. Turning
, I saw a man push past the photographer and barrel through Erick, to slam my face against the hard metal of the back of the limo ready to take us home. The weirdest part was his words.
“Ignorance is bliss,”
he’d whispered to me before taking off like the coward he was. I wasn’t sure what I was ignorant to, but it was enough for this guy to attack me.

Turning off the water, I stepped out to dry off. Wrapping myself tight in my towel I stepped from the bathroom to find Luc starring out my window. I shrieked… yes shrieked like a scared little girl. I covered my mouth and narrowed my eyes as I watched his shoulder lift as if holding back a chuckle.

How was this funny to him? Was he over what had happened all those years ago? Ultimately that would be a good thing, it would mean that he had moved on with his life, he deserved that after what I had done, but I couldn’t deny that the thought of him loving someone else enough to not be affected by seeing me again stung.

“What are you doing in here?” I asked, trying to put some strength—that I didn’t feel—in my voice as I moved to my dresser.

Luc didn’t turn to look at me when he spoke. “Put some clothes on, we need to talk.”

I huffed, but didn’t say a word. Clothes were necessary when dealing with Luc. I went back to the bathroom, dressed in some yoga pants and a tank top.
I brushed my hair to the side and looked in the mirror, if I angled myself just right he wouldn’t see the bruise. I don’t know why it mattered, but I didn’t want him to see me flawed.

Luc had made himself comfortable on the edge of my bed, leaving me nowhere to go but the fluffy white chair that sat in the corner. Lucca on my bed brought on too many memories that would be hard to ignore if I sat with him. His elbows rested on his knees and he simply stared at me.

“Does it hurt?” he asked softly.

Apparently I had the angle wrong. “No.” I shook my head.

“Are you just being tough because it’s me asking?” The question bordered on accusation.

I closed my eyes. “It’s been a long night, Luc. What’s so urgent that we need to talk right now?”

His eyes narrowed and I hated the hardness that settled in his face.

I sighed. “I know it’s been a long time, and I am sorry Cam dragged you into this.”

He let out a bark of laughter that sounded harsh and unfriendly. “It has been a long time, but then again I am haunted by your picture being plastered all over the damn world. I guess something good came of you leaving me.”

I stalled and stared. I understood why he said it and I expected him to feel that way, but truths were lost over time and he didn’t know why I left. I did it for him.

“I deserve that, I hurt you—,“

He cut me off as he stood quick as lightening from my bed. “Hurt me? Oh, Mackenzie, you have no idea what you did to me.”

“Lucca, don’t.”

He smiled but it was sad. It was unfair of me to refuse this conversation and to call him Lucca was just as bad. I was the only one he ever allowed to call him by the pet name and it held secrets, passion, and need between the two of us. He never refused me when I called him Lucca.

“You’re right, now’s not the time. Get some sleep. John’s taking the night shift. One of us will be awake at all times. I’ll see you in the morning. We’ll talk then”

He walked back to my window and drew the shades. “Leave these closed. There is little to keep high magnified camera lenses from getting shots of you in here.”

I nodded and he walked out. I slipped under my covers and flipped off the lamp on my bedside table. Plunging the room into darkness, I chewed my lip and held onto the tears that threatened to turn me into the weak heartbroken woman I tried so hard to hide. My mind drifted to the night I left Lucca, to the last time I kissed him, the last time he’d held me.

We had spent the day
driving back from the lake. He had a family dinner to get to and dropped me off at home. Cameron was at work and I had just finished cleaning up from the perfect four day weekend Lucca and I had spent together, when someone knocked at the door. Flinging it open I was surprised to see the older version of Lucca standing on my front porch. Derek Blackwell, gave me a quick once over before stepping inside without an invitation.

“Mr. Blackwell, Lucca’s not here
,” I told him.

“Yes, I know. He’s home where he belongs
,” he said coldly.

The man had never liked me, he never hid the fact that he felt I wasn’t good enough for his son.

I watched him closely as his eyes flicked around my tiny home. It wasn’t anything special, but it was a roof over mine and Cameron’s head. He worked hard to keep us safe and fed. Mom couldn’t keep a job, and was rarely around.

“Was there something you needed
, Mr. Blackwell?”

“I need you to leave my son.”

I stood dumbfounded, I knew the man didn’t like me but I honestly never thought he’d ask me to leave Lucca.

“Let me make this clear to you, I want you to understand what will happen if you don’t break it off now… Luc will lose his trust fund, he will be cut-off from our family and I will pull his college fund.”

I stood there shocked and amazed at the gall. “He’s your son. You’d ruin his life because of me?” I knew that Lucca would have given it all up for me, there was no doubt in my mind, but could I be responsible for ruining his future?

“If he stays with you, I will have no choice. You and I both know you don’t fit into our family and with you at Luc’s side he won’t fit in either.”

I refused to cry in front of Luc’s bastard father, but holding back the tears meant I couldn’t focus on talking.

“Go
od girl.” Mr. Blackwell smirked. Tossing a hundred dollar bill on the floor he looked back to me. “For your time.” Arrogance dripped from his tone.

I packed my bags, waited for Cameron to get home
, and we left that night. The hundred dollar bill still lying on the worn carpet of our little home.

The picture of a slight blonde female being escorted into the emergency doors of St. Maries Hospital, drew my attention to the small television in the kitchen. Grabbing the remote, I turned the volume up.

Where
is Americas Sweetheart, Mackenzie Night? Well that’s the question this morning. America’s favorite cover girl was released late last night from St. Maries Hospital in San Francisco where she was checked out by doctors after an incident at a club opening. Sources tell us that after leaving The Phoenix Lounge last night a man pushed past security to grab Mackenzie, slamming her against a vehicle before running off. Her brother Cameron Night who is also her manager had this to say when we contacted him last night…

… Mackenzie is doing fine, the doctors cleared her with nothing more than a few bumps and bruises. Mackenzie is one of the strongest women I know, though she is obviously upset and shaken by the situation, she is doing fine and will be taking advantage of a few well deserved days off.

I heard the click of boots coming down the hall. Shutting off the TV, I rounded the corner from the kitchen, and watched Kenzi as she made her way towards me.

“Is there any coffee left?” she asked, keeping her eyes plastered to the wall behind me.

I nodded, trying not to stare, but god damn she looked good in the skin tight jeans, white tank and brown Lacer boots. She’d done her best to hide the bruise on her face; it was a faint discoloration now.

“I need to go into town.” She said as she passed by me and made her way to the sputtering coffeemaker.

“What do you need?” I asked following her and topping off my own mug.

“Everything. Did you look in the fridge?”

I grunted. “Yes.”

“Well, it may have been a long time, but I remember your appetite quite well. We need to get some food. Plus, just so we’re completely clear, I have no intentions of staying locked up in the house. Cameron e-mailed me my schedule and it looks like he cleared it for the next two weeks which I assume means I am staying here for the duration. I won’t argue because I know there is more to this situation then what happened last night, but I intend to enjoy my vacation.”

The only appetite I was thinking of was the one that didn’t involve sitting at the table unless she was laid out as the meal.

“All right,” I said, grabbing my keys from the hook by the backdoor. “I am driving.”

“I figured.”

****

The ride was silent as Kenzi avoided eye contact with me. She was staring out the window at the waves crashing below the cliffs. She didn’t look at me the whole way to the store, didn’t say a word as we shopped, and now as we made our way back to her home she still gazed out the window.

“You’re going to get car sick.” I told her as I took another curve along the winding road. “Avoiding looking at me isn’t worth getting sick, Kenzi”

“I am not avoiding looking at you… I just—” her words cut off and I pounced.

“Just what Mackenzie?”

She gave me the briefest of glances. “It hurts,” she whispered.

I scoffed. “So you are avoiding because it hurts to look at me?”

“Yes,” she admitted.

I slid the window down to punch in the security code to her gate. “Well, I don’t know what to tell you about that. We need to talk about things.”

“I don’t want to talk about the past,” she cut me off and bolted from the rig as soon as the SUV was in park. 

I carried in the groceries, put them away, and went in search of her. I knocked on her door and was met with a sharp, “Go away, Luc.”

I ignored her and let myself in her room.

“I don’t want to talk to you, and I can’t bear to look at you.”

The words were a slap to the face and a twist of the knife she’d embedded in my heart so long ago. Anger began to rise in me, a fact I was not proud of.

“Why?” I demanded as I moved towards her. She stiffened in front of me and my eyes narrowed. If that was fear stiffening her gorgeous body I was likely to lose it. I would never hurt her and she damn well knew it. Any man willing to hit a woman was willing from day one to take that step. It was a core flaw, one she knew I didn’t have.

“Are you afraid of me?” I asked, trying to tamp down my anger.

“Not physically,” she murmured.

“Then what is it?” I asked.

“I never thought I’d see you again.” She shook her head.

“And it hurts to look at me, just like you said, but tell me, Mackenzie, why? Why is it so hard for you?”

She shook her head and refused to look at me, which pissed me off more.

“Kenz, look at me,” I demanded.

“No! And don’t call me that.” Her voice cracked as she tried to push past me.

My hands caught her arms and held her where she stood. It wasn’t an appropriate time for this conversation, but I wanted answers. She disappeared without a word, her cell was shut off and it was six months before I heard from Cameron. Who, because he loves his sister so much, refused to tell me where they were. It was another year after that when I walked past some magazines and saw her beautiful eyes staring back at me. The pattern continued. Her face seemed to be everywhere. That’s when I left for the Marine Corps. I started Blackwell when I returned only to find out that I was actually living in the same God damned city as the woman who had ruined me. And worse, the woman I still loved on more levels then I was willing to confess to. I wanted some damn answers so I could move on or fight to win her back. The latter was more appealing to me. She was breathtakingly beautiful and regardless as to what had
happened. I knew her. I knew the amazing, sweet, kind, intelligent woman that she was.

“Tell me,
Kenz
.  Does it give you that fluttery feeling deep down? Does it remind you of how I used to whisper it as I made love to you? Does it strike a chord as you remember how much I loved you?”

“Don’t Luc.”

“Look at me,” I demanded, but really I was begging for her to look at me. To let me see her stunning eyes to give me some semblance of what had happened. Five years later and I wanted answers to our non-breakup breakup.

“No,” she whispered.

I leaned closer to her, my voice barely above a whisper. “Can’t stand the sight of your handy work?” 

She shook her head again and I stepped back.

“I am sorry I hurt you,” she finally said in a pained bellow.

I laughed. “You didn’t hurt me, Kenz, you destroyed me. You broke my fucking heart.”

She lifted her face to mine, her lip quivered and her eyes were shimmering with tears. “I know,” she said as the tears gathered on her lashes. “I loved you so much, it broke me too, but I did what I had to.”

“What you had to? You loved me so much you had to break my heart?”

“I wasn’t good enough.” My brow furrowed as she took a deep breath, in that instant something seemed to flash in her eyes. She was resigned to whatever she was about to say. “Your father made that clear the day I left.”

“What does my father have to do with this?” I asked
, my eyes narrowing as something dark twisted in my heart.

My father never approved of Kenzi.
Had he gone far enough as to run her off? Had he done something to make her leave me?

“He showed up that day after you dropped me off. Told me that I had to stay away, or he would cut off your trust fund, cut you off from your family and most
importantly he’d stop paying for your college. I was the girl with no dad, a slutty mom, a tiny existence from the wrong side of town, I wasn’t good enough and I wasn’t going to drag you down.”

I stood momentarily speechless, finding my voice I asked, “You think I would have chose money over you?”

She shook her head. “Of course not. But if he stopped paying for college, it would have destroyed your future. I couldn’t do that to you. So I am sorry that I broke your heart, but don’t think it wasn’t hard for me. You were everything to me. I lost one of the few things that made me happy. So yes looking at you hurts me, mostly because I never stopped loving you.”

“
Fuck, Kenz.
”